Screwtop
Page 6
She sat up abruptly, digging her nails into her palms.
If she believed all that, she should yell and beat her fists on the glass until the guards came, beg them to take her to the Lizard, and do what he had asked. If she did that, everything Gryf was going through and everything she had endured would be betrayed. If she decided now to let another person make her decisions for her, or if she lost herself so completely that she could not make them herself, then she had only trivial reasons for what she had done.
Her reasons were not trivial; she could not force herself to believe they were, not for Gryfs sake or Jason's or her own. Gryf had found the strength to gamble coming to Screwtop on the chance of his own freedom; Jason had found the strength to stay alive where by all rights he should have died. Kylis knew she would have to find the same kind of strength to keep her sanity and her control.
She wiped the back of her hand across her eyes, put her right hand on the point of her left shoulder, leaned against the wall, and very slowly relaxed, concentrating on the reality of each individual muscle, the touch of plastic beneath her, the drop of sweat sliding down between her breasts.
When a cool draft of air brushed her legs, she opened her eyes. The Lizard stood in the doorway, looking down at her, a black shape surrounded by concentric rings of color. She had never seen him with such a gentle expression, but she did not return his expectant smile.
"Have you decided?"
Kylis blinked and all the bright colors dispersed, leaving a stark black-clothed figure. His expression hardened as Kylis gradually returned to Redsun's hell and made the connections she needed to answer him. Her fingers were half curled. She turned her hands over and flattened them on the floor.
"You haven't changed... you haven't changed me."
The Lizard glared at her, his expression changing to disbelief. Kylis said nothing more. She did not move. The Lizard made a sound of disgust and slammed the door. The cool air stopped.
He did not return, but Kylis did not try to convince herself she had beaten him.
She stared through the window and willed the tetras to come and free her friend. They must keep track of what was done to him. She could not believe they did not realize what such isolation would do to one of their own kind.
She had been staring at the same scene for so long that it took her a moment to realize it had changed. Four guards came in and began to open the sensory deprivation chamber. Kylis leaped up and pressed her hands to the glass. The deprivation chamber swung open. Kylis remembered her own first glimpse of light as the guards had pulled the padding from her eyes and disconnected tubes and needles. Gryf would be trying to focus his black-flecked blue eyes, blinking; his roan eyelashes would brush his cheeks.
The guards lifted him out, and he did not move. His long limbs dangled limp and lifeless. They carried him away.
Kylis sank to the floor and hugged her knees, hiding her face. When the guards came, they had to pull her to her feet and shake and slap her to force her to stand. They led her through their compound and pushed her through the exit, locking the gate behind her. They did not speak.
Kylis stood in the harsh illumination of spotlights for a few blank moments, then walked slowly toward the comforting shadows of night. She had needed darkness for a long time. Everything seemed more than real, with the absurd clarity of shock.
She saw Jason before he heard her; he was a pale patch on the edge of the light, sitting with his knees drawn up and his head down. Kylis was afraid to go to him.
"Kylis?"
She stopped. Jason's voice was rough, almost controlled but breaking. She turned around and saw him peering at her over his folded arms. His eyes were very bright. He pushed himself to his feet.
"I was afraid," he said. "I was afraid they'd take you both, and I didn't want to stay here alone."
"Go away."
"What? Kylis, why?"
"Gryfs dead." Desperation made her cruel. She wanted to go to him, and mourn with him, but she was afraid she would cause his destruction too. "And Gryfs the only thing that kept us together."
Stunned, Jason said nothing.
"Stay away from me," Kylis said, and walked past him.
"If Gryf is dead, we've got to-- "
"No!"
"Are you sure he's dead? What happened?"
"I'm sure." She did not face him.
He put his hands on her shoulders. "We've got to get out of here before they kill us too. We've got to get north and tell people what's going on."
"Crazy!" She pulled free.
"Don't do this to me, Kylis."
His plea sliced through her grief and guilt, and even through her fear for him. She could not stand to hurt him. There was no fault in Jason, and no blame to assign to him. His only flaw was a loyalty she hardly deserved. Kylis looked around her, at the bare earth and the distant machines and the soft black ferns, all so alien. She turned back.
"I'm sorry," she said.
They held each other, but it was not enough comfort. Jason's tears fell cool on her shoulder, but she could not cry.
"There's something more than Gryf and the tetras," Jason said. "Please let me help. Tell me why all this is happening."
She shook her head. "It's dangerous for you to stay with me."
Suddenly he clenched his fingers around her arm. She pulled back, startled, and when she looked up, he scared her. She had never seen cruelty in Jason, but that was how he looked, cruel and filled with hatred.
"Jason-- "
"I won't kill him," he said. "I won't... let me go-- " He looked down and realized he was gripping Kylis' arm. "Oh, gods." He let her go and turned and walked into the forest.
Rubbing the bruise he had left, Kylis slowly looked behind her. What Jason had seen was the Lizard watching them from the gateway of the guards' enclosure. He did not move. Kylis ran.
The thick band of multicolored stars, shining through breaks in the clouds, lighted the way only where the ferns did not close in overhead. Kylis stumbled through the darkness, not even slowing for pools of rainwater. Her legs ached from fighting the suction of wet clay. Suddenly her shoulder rammed a rough stalk and her momentum spun her, flinging her against another. She stopped, gasping for breath, the air burning her throat.
Kylis straightened and looked around, getting her bearings. The stars glittered like sparks in the surface of standing water. She walked more carefully among the ferns. Her footsteps spread ripples out around her and the water sloshed gently from her boots. Only when she reached the shelter of dead ferns did she realize how silly and unnecessary it had been for her to be careful not to fall.
Inside the cool nest she lay down and composed herself. When she finally caught her breath, she began breathing slowly and regularly, counting her heartbeats. Gradually she extended the number of beats for each inhalation, for each exhalation, then she slowed her heart as well. She thought about Gryf, dying deliberately rather than giving his life to those he hated. And she thought about Jason, who would never kill even in vengeance. She was certain of that. If she were gone, he at least would be safe.
She felt the gasp reflex growing stronger and set her perception of it aside. Her breathing had ceased now, and her heartbeat would stop soon. Her thoughts slowed, her memory drifted to more pleasant times. She found herself with Gryf again, kissing him, standing in the clean hot lake, touched by spray from the overflow pipe. She smiled. A bright yellow star glittered through a gap between the ferns. Kylis let her eyes close, shutting out the last light.
Insistent hands shook her. She was dimly aware of them and of a voice calling her name. She concentrated more strongly on dying. A fist pounded her chest and she gasped involuntarily. Someone leaned down and breathed into her mouth, holding her chin up and her head back, forcing air into her lungs. Her heart pounded. Pushing the person away, Kylis sat up angrily and almost fainted.
Miria caught her and made her lie down again. "Thank gods, I found you. I could hear you but then you disappeared."
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Kylis did not answer, but only blinked her eyes against the light Miria carried. She tried to be angry at her, but it seemed too futile.
"Kylis!" Miria's voice rose in panic. "Are you there? Can you hear me?"
"Of course I'm here," she said. She felt dizzy. She wondered why Miria had asked such a silly question. "What do you mean, am I here?"
Miria relaxed and brightened her lantern. "I was afraid I'd come too late." She had a bad scar, pink and new, on her forehead.
"Get away from me. Why couldn't you let us alone?" Kylis knew she would not be able to try to kill herself again for quite a while; she had used up too much strength.
"Gryfs all right," Miria said.
Kylis stared at her. "But I saw-- How do you know? You're lying!"
"He's all right, Kylis. I know. Please trust me."
"Trust you! You told the Lizard about Gryf and Jason and me! He never knew before how much he could hurt us! And now he'll go after Jason, too, so I'll-- " She stopped.
"The Lizard knew you were together, but I never told him your plans. You honored me with a request to join your family. Do you think your judgment of me was so wrong?"
Kylis sighed. "It wasn't very good about the kid who turned me in." She had to rest and breathe a moment. "I saw you go inside the fence without any guards. And after that, the Lizard-- "
"What was he trying to make you do?"
"Have a child and give it to him."
Miria sat back on her heels. "To Lizard? Gods." She shook her head in disbelief, in sympathy for Kylis, for anyone, particularly a child who would come under the Lizard's control. The yellow lantern glow glinted from the dark and lighter brown strands of Miria's hair. Kylis suddenly saw the two distinct colors for the first time. The lighter brown was not sun-streaked-- it grew that way naturally.
"You're a tetra, aren't you?"
Miria looked up, and Kylis knew she would not lie. "Yes. Anyway," she said sadly, "I used to be."
"They let you go?"
"No!" She ran her hand across her hair and spoke more calmly. "No. I was never like Gryf. I never understood what he wanted, at least until a few days ago. Until you and I talked... " She drew in a long breath. "Three years ago I was in an accident. I was foolish. I took chances I had no right to take, and I nearly drowned. I died for several minutes. No oxygen could get to my brain." She looked away, fiddling with the control on the lantern. "I can remember who I used to be, but I'm not her anymore. I cannot do the work I was meant for. I feel so stupid... I was afraid you'd done that to yourself. I was afraid you'd damaged your brain."
"I'm all right, Miria." Kylis pushed herself up on her elbow, suspicion and anger forgotten for a moment. "They sent you here because you had an accident? I think that's awful."
"They could have-- they should have, for what I did. But I'm here to watch Gryf."
"To protect him? And you let them put him in the box?"
"You know enough about Gryf to know..." Miria's voice faltered. "I was not here only to be sure he lived. I wanted to force him to go back to his team. I wanted him to make up for my failure."
"Why should he be responsible?"
"Because we're the same."
"Miria, I don't understand."
"He had the same place I did, on a different team. For important projects we make two groups and keep them separate, so they will confirm each other's research or develop alternate lines. Gryf is my trans-brother. That is what we call tetras with the same parents in opposite couples." She rubbed her tawny forearm. "He was never meant to be a trans, of course, but it made no difference for the work. I crippled my team-- I felt I had to keep Gryf from crippling his. I felt responsible."
"What's going to happen now?"
"Now..." Miria grasped Kylis' hands. "I'm not a tetra anymore, Kylis. I have no vote. But I have a say, and I will do my best to persuade them to set him free."
"Miria, if you can-- "
"I may do no better than keep them from sending him back here."
"Why did you change your mind?"
"Because of what you told me. I thought about it all the time Gryf was in deprivation. What I was doing to him to force him to share my loyalties-- I almost killed him! I allowed the Lizard to torture him. You knew better than I what that could mean."
"But he's all right-- you said he's all right."
"He is," Miria said quickly. "He will be. He overcame the drugs and put himself in a deep trance. I haven't lied. But I had nothing to do with freeing him before he died. I understand now what happened. After two days I realized Gryf must be let go, but the Lizard would not come out and he would not reply to my messages. He hoped to break you to his will and Gryf to mine. When he could not-- finally he was afraid to keep Gryf in there any longer." Her voice was strained. "I've caused you so much pain. I hope
some day you will all be together, and happy, and will be able to forgive me."
"Miria, I wish-- "
The roar of a plane drowned out her words. Kylis glanced up, startled. In all the time she had been at Screwtop, she had never heard or seen a plane. The North Continent was too far away, and here there was no place to land.
"I've got to go. I shouldn't have left Gryf, but I had to talk to you." Miria helped Kylis to her feet and out of the shelter. Kylis accepted the help gratefully. She felt wobbly.
They waded through shimmering shadows as Miria's light swung on her hip.
"Kylis," Miria said slowly. "I don't know what will happen. I hope I can free Gryf. I will try to help you. And Jason. But the Lizard serves the government well. They may decide he was right and I wrong. Whatever happens will take time, and I may not be able to do anything at all. I don't want to deceive you."
"I understand." Jason was in no less danger now, nor was she. But at least Gryf was safe. For a few moments Kylis could set aside her fear in the joy that he was alive.
They entered the compound's long clearing and reached the path that led toward the prisoners' shelter. Kylis saw the vertical-takeoff plane hanging in midair. It slowly lowered itself, straight down, until it was out of sight behind the bank. Its engines slowed, idling.
"I can't take you to your shelter," Miria said. "I'm sorry-- "
"Can I come the rest of the way-- just to be sure-- ?"
"Gryf will already be on the plane, Kylis. You wouldn't be allowed to see him."
"All right," she said reluctantly. "I can get back myself from here."
"Are you sure? Will you be all right?"
Kylis nodded. "For now."
"Yes..." Miria shifted her weight back and forth, reluctant to leave her alone but anxious to meet the plane.
"Go on," Kylis said.
"Yes. I must..." She hesitated a moment more, then leaned quickly forward and embraced Kylis. "This is such a terrible place," she whispered. "Somehow I'll change it." She turned abruptly and hurried away.
Miria walked silhouetted against the lights and lantern. Kylis watched her go. At least she could hope now. She realized she must find Jason and tell him everything, but most particularly that Gryf was alive and out of the prison. Perhaps to be free. Then he could contact Jason's family--
"Oh, gods," Kylis groaned. "Miria! Miria, wait!" She ran toward the enclosure, stumbling from exhaustion.
She reached the bank above the fence just as Miria put her palm against the lock. The gate swung open.
"Miria!" Kylis cried. She was afraid Miria would not hear her over the engines of the plane, now inside the enclosure. But she cried out once more, sliding down the hill, and Miria turned.
She met Kylis between the bank and the fence, taking her elbow to support her as she struggled for breath.
"Jason's family," Kylis said. "Redsun thinks he's just a transient but he's not. If his people knew he was here, they'd ransom him." She remembered most of Jason's name, his family name, and told it to Miria. "Can you tell them? Just send a message?"
Miria's eyes widened. "Is that who he is?"
Kylis nodde
d.
"It will have to be done carefully, to keep his identity a secret, but I can do that, Kylis, yes." Then she sobered. "You'll be alone-- "
"I'm all right alone. I've always been alone before. I can protect myself, but I can't protect Jason from the Lizard. Will you do it? Will you promise?"
"I promise."
Kylis clasped Miria's hands for an instant and let her go. Miria went inside the enclosure and boarded the plane. The engines screamed, and the aircraft rose, sliding forward like a hovercraft through the
gateway. Clear of the fence, it rose higher until it had cleared the height of the marsh plants. It accelerated straight north.
Kylis watched it until he was out of sight. She wished she had seen Gryf, but now she believed Miria; she could believe he was alive.
In the eerie gentle light of dawn, as Kylis started away, the harsh spotlights dimmed one by one.
Published by Alexandria Digital Literature. (http://www.alexlit.com/)
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