Knowing I will no longer be hiding my faith, or trying to buy my way out of the stigma of it is a glorious feeling. A weight has been lifted off me, and I never want it back again. I am finally on the right path.
Chapter 14
Beckham
I could say things are back to “normal”, but it’s not true. Sure, we’ve gone back to our regular roles, but nothing is the same. Sully doesn’t glare when Val preens for him, or stop Hannah from touching him like he did before. It’s not that he’s necessarily welcoming it, or encouraging it, but he’s letting it happen. It’s only been a day, but it’s one day too long for my liking.
“Ready for lunch?” Brad asks, stopping by my desk.
I want to tell him to go away, but there’s no reason we can’t ride in the elevator together. Sully is already downstairs, praying, but he said he’ll meet me in the hall, so we can hang out.
“Yes.”
Val joins us, which gives me a chance to zone out while they chat. I’ve never been one for small talk, and now is no different. Well, it’s a little different. My patience is wearing thinner by the minute.
“You coming?” Brad asks, when I don’t follow them into the cafeteria.
“No.”
I turn, and walk to the door leading from the patio to the hall. Matt had it put in so no one praying during Ramadan would have to go in or out of the cafeteria. I wait for Sully, and then I wait some more, smiling at people passing me with curious looks.
When I’ve passed the half-hour mark, I open the door. I don’t want to interrupt prayers, but they’ve never gone on this long. Peeking out, I see an empty patio. Where is everyone?
“They left about 40 minutes ago.”
I turn to Theo, the head of security, whose wife, Kali, is part of the Society. “Oh.”
“Sully didn’t tell you?”
“No.”
“I don’t think I should apologize, because I didn’t do anything wrong, but I feel like I should,” he says, rubbing his hand across his beard.
“You shouldn’t. I’ll just go back to work.”
“Yeah. Okay. Me too.”
I don’t want to go back upstairs yet, but I said I would, and I’m pretty sure Theo’s going to be watching because he’s worried. I call the elevator, but when it opens, my heart lurches. A large part of the prayer group is inside, and most of the women are around Sully. It’s almost full, but there’s space for me.
“Maybe you should just wait for the next one,” one of the men says, placing his hand across the entrance.
I look to Sully, but he’s smiling at one the women. I merely nod, and step back. I don’t call for another one, though, because I’m trying hard not to cry. I knew he didn’t love me, but I can’t be sorry for bringing him back. He belongs here, but maybe I don’t.
I take the stairs, completely out of breath after climbing fifteen floors, but no longer crying. My tears stopped a few floors ago.
“I’m back, Alma,” I tell her, with the brightest smile I can muster.
She looks at me like I’m nuts. I probably am, but I just smile brighter, embracing it.
“I can see that. See you later.”
She scurries away, like I might do something to her. I’ll try to mend things with her later, but that’s not my biggest issue. Oh no, he’s back there somewhere, politely answering Hannah’s questions. Later, he’s going to have to answer mine.
I’m too busy over the next two hours to dwell on what happened, but when Matt returns to the office from his meetings, he stops at my desk. “Please call Alma to the front, so I can speak to you.”
I do as he asks, before walking with him to his office. Eyes are on us, some jealous and some smug. Sully simply looks surprised to see me, like he didn’t know I was alive. I know I’m not in trouble, so I ignore them all.
“I know what happened today, Beckham, and I am sorry for it.”
Of course, Theo told him. “Just as it’s not Theo’s fault, it isn’t yours, either.”
“Theo didn’t help send you to bring Sully back here,” he reminds me, running his hands through his hair. “I cannot believe the way he treated you. You know those women in the elevator mean nothing to him, right?”
“No, I don’t. If they looked like me, or were eating in the cafeteria, I wouldn’t have anything to worry about.” It’s something I haven’t admitted to myself until now, but I know it’s the truth. My truth.
“He’s immersing himself fully in his culture for the first time.”
I shake my head. “His culture is what he’s grown up with, and how he’s lived. He’s embracing what he feels he lost out on by living the way he has, and I’m not sure where that leaves me. I want to support him, but I’m scared, Matt. Scared he’s going to leave me behind again.”
He looks away, because he can’t guarantee that won’t happen. I don’t expect him to, but I’ve come to understand Matt in a way the public doesn’t. His need to protect those he’s allowed into his circle isn’t simply a responsibility for him; it’s his most important mission in life.
“I can’t promise that.”
“And it kills you. I know. If I could just have your assurance of a good reference letter when the time comes, I’d appreciate it.”
“What? Your job here has nothing to do with Sully!”
“It has everything to do with Sully,” I remind him. “I know you won’t fire me, or kick me out of my apartment, but I couldn’t be this close to him if he chooses to set me aside again.”
“If it comes to that, I will find you another place in this company. We have offices all over the world, and you can have your choice.”
“Thank you.”
He hugs me before I go, and reminds me to call him if I need anything, even just to talk. I walk out with a smile on my face, freaking everyone out a little more. It’s time for a break, so I walk across the floor to the enclosed patio, and sit down, looking over the city.
“Is everything okay?” Sully asks, taking the chair next to me.
“No.”
“Matt didn’t complain about you, did he?”
“He offered me a job anywhere in the world I want to go.”
“Go? You’re leaving?”
Sully
Beckham can’t leave. She flew around the world to bring me back, so why would she be talking about leaving. This can’t be right.
“I hope not.”
“What does that even mean?”
“How was your lunch hour?”
Oh. I sit back, and blow out a long breath. “I totally got caught up. I’m so sorry. If I’d seen you, I’d have invited you along.”
“You were too busy seeing the women around you in the elevator.”
“What?”
“One of your friends told me I couldn’t join your group in the elevator.”
My eyes go wide, because I remember Ahmet telling someone that, but I didn’t know it was her. Muska was telling me about her family’s journey here, and I was giving her my full attention. That is all. She is vapid, and condescending, nothing like the woman I love, but I want to know about everyone, and I ignored what was happening in front of me.
“I will make sure that never happens again.”
She shrugs, and it hurts me, knowing I hurt her. “It’s not a big deal.”
“It was big enough for Matt to call you into his office.”
“Theo told him.”
She’s letting me know she wasn’t tattling about me, but she doesn’t need to. “I wasn’t accusing you of anything.”
“Okay. I need to get back to work.”
“I’ll see you at home.”
“Yeah, see you later.”
This is all harder than I thought it would be. I expected to have Beckham at my side as I explored the part of me I’ve kept hidden. I expected it, but I’m not living it. I’m going to have to do better.
As I walk back inside, I receive a text, inviting me to join a group for dinner. I RSVP for two, letting everyo
ne know I have a girlfriend. The guys respond with jokes about stealing her from me, while the women ask what mosque she attends. I ignore them all, feeling a little unsettled. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea, but I’m going to make it work.
I keep thinking it as we enter Baladie Café after sundown. It’s “halal”, meaning all meat is prepared according to Muslim law. This is something I’ve never worried about, or sought out in restaurants, but I appreciate it now.
Beckham walks comfortably next to me, with her hand in mine. I know she’s not ashamed to be with me, but it still makes me happy to have her embracing what I’ve chosen to do.
“I’d like the Chicken Kabob, and the Get-Away Smoothie,” she tells the man at the counter. I order the Lamb and Beef Gyros, Hummus with pita, and The Tropic Like It’s Hot drink, then lead us to our table.
All conversation stops when I hold out Beckham’s chair, and place a kiss on her temple as I take my own seat. “Everyone, this is my girlfriend, Beckham.”
“I wasn’t aware,” Ahmet says, looking her in the eye.
“It shouldn’t have mattered,” she tells him, holding the eye contact.
I won’t interfere, because she’s right, and she can hold her own. Ahmet nods. “You’re right.”
“We’re all a little hungry after not eating for most of the day, so excuse us if we inhale our food when it’s ready,” Omar tells her.
“As long as you don’t hold it against me, either.”
“You are fasting?” Muska asks, looking her over like she’s beneath her. I will intervene if this goes much farther.
“Yes.”
“Do you also pretend to pray with him?”
“I would not pretend if I was praying with Sully. Or, anyone else.”
“Perhaps we should take our food to go,” I say, wanting to remove Beckham from this situation I’ve placed her in.
“No,” Jana tells me. “Please stay.”
I look to Beckham, and she nods. My woman isn’t one to back down from a challenge, or give up. I know she’s here for me, and it’s everything.
For the rest of the dinner, everyone is friendly to Beckham, making sure she feels accepted. Well, almost everyone. Muska still asks her questions about having a boy’s name, why she’s really with me, and other inane things. Jana scolds her, but she’s not deterred. Beckham’s smile gets tighter, but she doesn’t lash out, because she’s better than that.
“That was fun,” she tells me as I open the car door for her.
“No, it was unacceptable. You didn’t deserve that, and I am so sorry.”
“You did nothing wrong tonight. Let’s just go home, and cuddle.”
“Only cuddle?”
“Tonight, yeah.”
I lean down to kiss her, because I need to. I wanted more than cuddling tonight, but I always want more. And I will always accept less. Today was pretty bad, and I’m lucky to be in her bed at all.
Chapter 15
Beckham
Today, the Eid celebrations began. Sully went to his Mosque this morning to break the fast, and we followed that with breakfast burritos from Roberto’s before work. The cafeteria was decorated festively, and the food stations were heavily Middle Eastern, although there were still some burger and sandwich stations for those who didn’t want to participate.
We sat at large tables in the middle of the room, with Nev, Matt, Reina, the entire Society, and Aqeelah. Sully’s friends were nearby, although some didn’t look happy when he passed by their table. Halfway through the meal, Dylan and Ellie’s parents arrived. They flew in to celebrate with Nev. I wish my parents were here with Sully, but when I called them, they thought it best to stay home.
Tonight, we are going to a big celebration at Nev and Dylan’s house. Stella found me a Middle Eastern inspired gown, because I didn’t want to offend anyone by wearing something traditional. If it was just Nev and Sully’s family, we’d be in the sarees or the beautiful shirt dresses over pants normally worn, but Sully invited his friends and their families. They barely tolerated me over the last two days, so I didn’t want to push my luck by wearing something offensive.
My gown has lace straps, and a lace overlay over a satin top, leaving only lace from ribs to hips. The skirt is full, with sheer ice blue fabric, draping asymmetrically over lace, over satin. It’s beautiful, and as I leave my hair in big curls, I feel beautiful as well.
“Anti jamila,” Sully says when he sees me. “You are beautiful.”
“Shukraan.”
His eyes widen, and his smile is big. “Someone has been studying.”
“I just asked Nev how to say a few words.”
“You humble me. Every day, I am humbled by you.”
“It’s not intentional,” I tell him.
“Which is why it happens. Thank you.” He kisses me, then pulls back to look me over again. “We must go to the party, but I’d prefer to just celebrate at home.”
I reach for a gift bag, and hand it to him. “You can have your gifts now.”
“As can you,” he says, picking up a bag from the hallway.
“You first.”
He looks like a little kid at Christmas—and I guess this is the same for him—as he throws the tissue from the bag, and takes out the velvet jewelry box. Opening it, he smiles as he sees the traditional silver, linked bracelet inside. Nev told me about them, and I found one I thought he’d like.
“I love it.”
“There’s more.”
He pulls out the special edition of the Quran I found online, and the rookie cards Dylan and Sierra’s boyfriend, baseball player Joel Cruz, gave me. “I don’t even know what to say.”
“Thank you will do.”
“Thank you. Open yours now.”
I do, pulling out the biggest jewelry box first. Opening it, I find a gorgeous statement necklace. It’s an elaborate choker, made up of silver and diamonds. Lots of silver and diamonds. I wish I could wear it right now, but it wouldn’t look okay with my dress.
“I’m going to buy something to wear this with. It’s beautiful.”
“I don’t care what you pair it with, but I’m planning on taking you out with that on.”
“I can’t wait.”
Next, I pull out some beautiful, dangling silver earrings, which I can definitely wear with this dress. I swap out the simple ones I have in, and earn a lingering kiss for it. Finally, I pull out a first edition of my favorite book.
“Thank you for everything. I love it all.”
“I’m glad,” he says, pulling me back into his arms.
“We have to go.”
“Later.”
“Yes, later.”
The party is in full swing when we arrive, and I love seeing everyone dressed up. Sully and I pass out the small gifts we brought for everyone we don’t know well. They are bracelets with the word “Allah” on them in Arabic. Most of his friends have brought me little gifts as well. Earrings, bracelets, and from Jana, an English version of the Quran.
“Thank you so much.”
“Will you read it?” Ahmet asks, seeming to challenge me.
“Yes, of course.”
“Beckham bought me a beautiful special edition as one of my gifts,” Sully tells them, pulling me in for a kiss.
“Sully, stop monopolizing Beckham!” Nev yells, making me laugh.
I look over to where she’s sitting with their mother, Ellie, Reina, and Dylan and Ellie’s mother. “I think I’m being summoned.”
“It appears so. I’ll come get you soon.”
“Okay.”
He kisses me again, wrapping his arms completely around me this time. It doesn’t last long, because we’re not interested in being called out again. Or, at least, I’m not.
“Eid Mubarak,” I say, greeting the women as I join them. They greet me back, and I take the open seat they’ve saved for me.
“You look beautiful,” Aqeelah tells me.
“Thank you. I love your saree. And you look gorgeous, Nev.” H
er shirt dress is a pale orange with gold embroidery. Gold bottoms complete her look, along with gold flats.
“I need to wear these more often,” she says. “I always feel like I should be in a gown.”
“I would totally wear something like that if I had to dress up.”
“Why did you not?” Aqeelah asks me.
I can tell she really wants to know, so I tell her the truth. “I was afraid of insulting Sully’s friends. Sometimes I think I offend them merely by breathing.”
“Then, they are not truly his friends.”
“He doesn’t see it that way,” I tell her, looking over to where he’s laughing and joking with them.
“Stay strong, my dear. He’s blinded by this quest of his, but he will see the truth.”
I hope so. I am genuinely happy as I open my gift from Nev, a silver necklace with my name in Arabic. I put it on right away. Aqeelah’s gift to me is a beautiful saree, made of shimmering dark blue fabric, with silver accents. It’s beautiful, and modern, and I wish I could change right now.
“It’s so gorgeous. I don’t even know what to say.”
“It’s enough that you like it.”
“I love it, and I can’t wait to wear it. Thank you.”
My other gifts that night pale in comparison, because I know it’s more than just a physical gift; Aqeelah is accepting me as Sully’s girlfriend. I want to know her, and I want to know why her husband isn’t here, but I’ll have to wait for my questions and answers. Tonight is about celebrating.
I soon find myself alone, when everyone else moves off to get food, or find their husbands and boyfriends. Looking around for Sully, I find him already eating with his friends. There is no seat for me at his table, and I realize his mother’s approval is only important if we’re together. That seems to shift hour by hour, and day by day. I don’t know how to change that, or deal with it, but unless I walk away from him, I’ll have to accept this as my life. Right now, that means grabbing some food, and finding a place away from everyone to eat it.
Sully
I’m hallway through my first plate of food when I look over to see the group of women is gone. Looking around, I see everyone except Beckham. It takes me another minute to realize there’s no room for her at this table, and that we could’ve taken over a table with more room.
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