I stand up, because I need to make sure she’s still here. “Where are you going?” Muska asks, placing her hand on my arm.
“I need to find Beckham.”
“Why must you run after her? She could join you here.”
“Where? Where is there a seat for her?”
Omar is the one to answer. “We should’ve made a spot for her. I am sorry, Sully.”
“As am I.”
Making my way through the large backyard, I see her nowhere. I poke my head into the pool house, despite the bad memories it contains, but she isn’t there either. When I finally find her sitting on the basketball court downstairs, I sigh in relief. Until I look at her before me.
Beckham looks defeated, the plate next to her still full of meat, rice, and pita bread. She doesn’t even react when I sit next to her, picking up her food. I’m allowed to feed her, and I watch her chew and swallow like my life depends on it.
“Talk to me, Beautiful.”
“I didn’t belong in your old life, and there’s no place for me in the new one, either.”
“Wherever I am, there is a place for you.” It’s the truth. One I haven’t been good at showing her, but the truth nonetheless.
“I know you want to believe that, but it’s not working out that way.”
“I get caught up in talking to them, in being around people I don’t have to hide from.”
“I know, and it’s why I’m trying so hard to support you. I’m trying not to feel slighted, or hurt, but I can’t always be strong.”
“You need to tell me when I’m wronging you. I will not see it as clingy, or interfering, I promise you that. I have been selfish for a very long time, and as hard as I try, I can’t just change overnight. I become engrossed in a conversation, or a meal, and block out the world around me.”
“If I have to tell you all the time, it’ll mean nothing.”
I’m not explaining this very well. “You won’t have to tell me all the time, because I learn from my mistakes.” She looks away, so I press her. “What?”
“It feels like you’ve replaced one group for another. Yes, this one is religious where the old one is debauched, but your behavior with them is similar.”
“I have done that, because I need my faith. I go all in on everything I do. I won’t apologize for that.”
“I didn’t ask you to.”
Okay, I’m digging myself deeper. I take her face in my hands, and look her in the eyes. “Just give me a little time. I’ll settle in to what I’m doing, and stop trying to impress everyone.”
“You don’t need to impress anyone, but yes, I’ll give you time. I didn’t fly to Paris, just to give you up so easily.”
I pick up her plate, and standing, holding my hand out to her. “Let’s celebrate. I want to show you off to everyone out there, because I am so damn lucky I have you.”
“I’m lucky too. I know that, even if I seem ungrateful.”
“I don’t think you could ever be ungrateful, Beckham. You’re human, and you deserve to be treated properly.”
I make it my mission to do that for the rest of the day. I know I’m going to mess up, but I’m also going to be more mindful of how I treat this woman who has gone above and beyond for me. I dance with her, kiss her, and when she wants dessert, I take her over to that table with one seat, and pull her onto my lap as I feed her baklava, and cake.
I’m sure we’re getting some looks, but as I told her, I tend to focus on only one person, or thing at a time, and right now, it’s her. Beckham Williams has my heart, and I’ll be damned if she doesn’t know it.
Chapter 16
Beckham
Things aren’t better. It’s been two weeks since the party at Nev’s house, and everything’s gotten worse. So much worse.
Tonight is the sixth time Sully has forgotten we had a date. That’s on top of ignoring me every day at lunch. As asked, I told him the first time he stood me up, and as I expected, he apologized, and told me it wouldn’t happen again. That’s why I haven’t said anything since, simply letting him into my bed when he comes home, but I can’t do that tonight. Not after I saw on Facebook that he went to the movie we were supposed to see last week—with his friends, and not me.
I leave some of the food I made in his fridge, and lock my door. I crave the feel of him wrapped around me, the feel of him inside of me, and the love he shows me in his kisses, but I don’t deserve this.
I’m not asleep when my doorbell rings, followed by my phone, but I don’t answer either. I delete the voicemails, and stare at the front door from my place on the couch. I have to be strong this time.
When I see Nev’s name lighting up my phone, I take her call. “Hey, Nev.”
“My brother asked me to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’ll live.”
“What did he do now?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“I love him, but you know I’m aware of his faults. I’m also here anytime you need to talk.”
“Thanks.”
I can’t sit still, knowing he’s next door. Since it’s not a work day tomorrow, I can take a long walk, and sleep in late. Sliding on my shoes, I creep like a burglar out of my apartment, and into the elevator. Sully opens his door, but he’s too late, because the doors are already closing, and they don’t stop as he runs toward me, calling my name.
I pick a direction when I’m downstairs, not caring where I go, as long as I’m not found yet. I stay in the shadows until I reach Downtown Summerlin, where I blend in to the crowd, and decide to see that movie on my own.
After getting nachos, a hot dog, and popcorn, I find my reserved seat. The Middle Eastern man next to me looks familiar, but it’s probably just me projecting. Once I’m settled, he speaks to me, and I know it’s not a coincidence.
“You are too different.”
“Excuse me.”
“My son needs someone who understands him. Someone like these women.”
He’s Sully’s father? Shit. I should get up, and walk away, but when he pulls out his phone, I look at it, like the masochist I am.
The pictures are of Sully with Muska, and sometimes Lian, one of the other women from work. He’s laughing with them while eating, sharing popcorn with them at the movies, and hugging them outside his Mosque. All would be harmless, if we were in a good place right now. As we’re not, they make me jealous and petty.
“He comes home to me every night.”
“To sleep with you. My son only wants sex from you, Miss Williams. I do not blame him for that.”
I visibly recoil, because ew. I am not into older men, especially the father of someone I’m sleeping with. “Why are you here?”
“To tell you what I said already; you are too different.”
I suddenly don’t want to see this movie, or be in this place. I need to go home, and do what needs to be done. What I should’ve done before. I can’t go on like this any longer.
After catching an Uber home, I find Sully sitting on the floor outside my door. He jumps to his feet, and comes towards me, reaching for me.
“No. Don’t touch me.”
“I know I forgot our date tonight, and I’m sorry. I got caught up.”
“Six.”
“Six what?”
“You’ve stood me up six times in the past two weeks.”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“Yes, and to top it all off, according to Facebook, you went to our movie date with other women tonight.”
“I was with a group.”
“And that makes it better?”
“No. Not at all. You were supposed to tell me when I fucked up.”
I punch him hard, shocking the hell out of both of us. “I told you the first time, and you promised me it wouldn’t happen again. I’ve let you stand me up, and then come home to fuck me! If you can’t remember we were going to see a specific movie, what am I supposed to do?”
“Beckham, I’m sorry,” he says, wiping
blood from his lip.
I know how to hit, because growing up, I had to. I don’t feel any remorse for splitting his lip, because he deserves that, and so much more.
“Do you know what emotional cheating is?”
“I have not cheated on you.”
“The pictures I saw didn’t look that way.”
“Pictures? Who is showing you pictures of me?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“The fuck it doesn’t!”
“We’re just too different, Sully. I’ve given you the time you asked for, and you’ve used me as your personal sex toy.”
“That’s not true.”
I start to count on my fingers. “You don’t eat with me at lunch, or even acknowledge me unless you need something work-related. You stand me up to see other people, and then come home to fuck me. You’re still denying you did anything wrong.”
“No, I know I’m wrong here, but you’re the one who’s giving up.”
“How much am I supposed to take?”
“As much as it takes for us to get past this.”
“Like you did, when you left me and ran to Paris?”
“That’s not fair.”
“No, it isn’t. Goodbye, Sully.”
I push past him, and he lets me. He doesn’t turn to me when I open my door, and leave him in the hallway, and he doesn’t try to call me back to him. He knows the truth as well as I do—he never loved me. I was right to trust my head instead of my heart, and now we both know it.
Sully
This time, I don’t call my sister, and ask her to help me escape. No, this time, I gather my pain, and hold it close to me. I did this, and I have to fix it on my own.
When I came home to Beckham’s door locked, I went a little crazy, thinking she was out with someone else, and knowing if she was, I’d driven her there. I knew I shouldn’t have gone to that movie, because I remembered standing her up as I bought my ticket. I still forgot the other times, because I was purposely blocking them out. If it was just a couple of times, I could justify my behavior.
Opening my refrigerator, and seeing the plate of food she left with the note on it reminding me I’d forgotten her again—I can’t even explain how I felt. How much I hated myself for what I’ve done. I asked her to give me yet another chance, and she did. She gave me a fucking chance, and I screwed it up. I took from her, and gave her nothing. Nothing but orgasms, which while amazing, don’t make up for everything else.
I have to put a plan in motion, one that shows her how much she means to me. It’s not going to be easy, but I’m not going to lose her for good. I can’t. Nev combines her faith, the Society, and Dylan, without sacrificing any of them, giving me hope I can do better.
Monday morning seems to take forever to arrive, but when it does, I’m ready. I could start my wooing at home, but it wouldn’t be what Beckham needs. She needs me to claim her, and value her, in public. I’ve claimed her in front of our friends—and my friends—but I’ve also disrespected her in front of them as well.
I get to work early, and leave the certificate I printed, along with the paperweight I picked up yesterday, on her desk. The note merely says “Ya Amar. You are my moon, but I named a star after you.”
I wait down the hall, away from my desk, so I can watch her when she sees it. Even if she tells me later that she hates it, I’ll know the truth, because I’m seeing her now. She picks up the note, the crystal star, and the certificate. Her smile is bright, and I give myself a mental fist pump. I don’t hide when she looks my way, even when she shakes her head at me. We both know I saw that smile.
At lunch, I pray, then grab my food, and take it to her table. “May I sit with you?”
“This isn’t going to change anything.”
“I’d still like to sit with you.”
“Suit yourself.”
Omar comes over, as I’m taking my first bite. “We have two open seats at our table. You’re welcome to join us.”
“Not today, but thank you, my friend.”
“Okay. It’s nice to see you, Beckham.”
“You too, Omar.”
She smiles at him, and I hate him for a moment. Only a moment, because I know he’s not interested in her, and I know she’s not over me, no matter what she says. You can’t just get over someone overnight—or over two weeks.
“I already told you this wasn’t going to change anything, so you should go sit with your friends.”
I shake my head. “I would like to sit with you on Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday. Please. I will not pressure you, and you don’t even need to talk to me if you don’t want to, but I want to be here with you.”
“Why?”
“I said many words to you, Beckham. Words I meant, despite my actions leading you to believe otherwise. It’s time I let my actions speak for me.”
She looks down at her food. “I can’t believe you bought me a star.”
“‘Ala Rasi.” Anything for you.
“What does that mean? Never mind, I’ll look it up.”
I hide my smile behind my hand, but she still throws a fry at me. It’s a definite start, I tell myself as I eat the fry, and steal another off her plate. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
I’m still smiling when we walk out of the cafeteria, but my smile drops when I see Ahmet, and another friend, Yasin, waiting for me. They have been the most vocal about me not continuing my relationship with Beckham, and I’ve told them it’s none of their business more than once. Apparently, they still haven’t gotten the message.
“I’ll see you upstairs,” she says to me.
“I’m coming with you.”
“We need to talk,” Ahmet tells me.
“We can talk later. Right now, I’m going back to work with Beckham.”
He wants to challenge me, but the elevator arrives, and I board it with Beckham, blowing out a long breath.
“You could’ve stayed with them.”
“Mondays are all yours, Beautiful.”
“I can’t see you outside of work. I just can’t.”
Not yet, but she will. I’m not giving up until she does. “Regardless, they’re yours. Along with Wednesdays, Thursdays, most of Saturdays, and Sundays.”
“Just most Saturdays?” she asks, as we step out.
“No. Most of Saturdays. I’m going to put volunteer hours in on Saturday afternoons.”
“Oh, your Zakat. That’s great.”
“Someone’s been studying.”
“I’ve had a lot of time to read the Quran Jana gave me over the past two weeks.”
The phones are going crazy, so I can’t say more to her, but I already told her this is going to be about more doing, and less telling. And, I know what I’m going to do. I’ve had many Christian friends over the years, but I never wanted to know what they believed, because I wasn’t fully embracing my own faith. Now, I need to read the Bible, as she has read the Quran.
Chapter 17
Beckham
He’s trying so hard to wear me down, but I’m not budging. Some days, I feel bad about it, but I need to worry more about protecting myself than possibly hurting his feelings. Or should I? Do two weeks of romance, and respect, make up for two weeks of ignorance? How about the things he did before that were already forgiven? Do they even count, or is it time to let that all go, and try again?
All I know is that I’m not ready to give in so easily. I did it once already, and ended up in an even worse place. If it happens again, I don’t know that I’d survive it.
Tonight, I agreed to meet Aqeelah and Nev for dinner. I’m expecting them to plead Sully’s case, but I like them, and I didn’t want to say no. As I’m not sure how formal to be, I keep on my work dress. It’s grey, with a small collar at the neck, short sleeves, rucching from waist to hip, and a hemline that’s not too far from my knees. I pull my hair back, and spray on some perfume, before heading downstairs to drive over to Nev’s house.
“Hey,” Dylan says,
opening the door in a t-shirt and basketball shorts. It should be a sin to have a body like his, but I force myself to meet his eyes, and not his sculpted chest.
“Hi.”
“They’re in the kitchen. I’m going to make myself scarce, but make sure you say goodbye.”
“I will.”
I head towards the massive kitchen, my mouth watering as I get closer. Nev sees me first, and comes over to give me a hug, before Aqeelah does the same.
“Thank you for coming,” she tells me, looking at me like my mother might, as she searches my face for something she won’t find.
“I want to be friends with both of you, even though Sully and I are no longer together.”
“You know we’re going to talk about this, right?” Nev asks, cocking a hip against the island.
“I came for the food.”
“We’ll feed you, Becks, but we’re also going to talk.”
“I know.”
We sit down for the meal, and I pile my plate with vermicelli, thinly sliced lamb, and pita bread. God, I love this food so much. They let me have a few bites before they start talking.
“I’m sorry we couldn’t go to my house, but there are some complications with my husband.”
He’s creepy, and if I never have to see him again, I’ll be happy. I don’t tell her that, of course, but I’m totally thinking it.
“Complications? Really, Mama? The man blackmailed Dylan into trying to kidnap me, and you call that a complication?”
“What?”
“Sully has told you nothing?” Aqeelah asks me.
“No. I’ve asked, but not pushed, when he said he didn’t want to talk about it.”
“Why are men so stupid?” Nev asks, before looking at me. “I’m going to give you the Cliff Notes version, okay?”
“Sure.”
“Matt thought he killed my father when he walked into the middle of a battle. As a result, he broke up with Reina, and moved my family to the U.S. He gave us everything we could want, and more. Despite our wealth, we were treated badly because of our religion, until those around us realized we could do things for them. My mother and I chose to keep to ourselves, but Sully was always an outgoing kid, and he started buying everything he could think of for everyone.”
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