Desire in Frost

by Alicia Rades

  I sat there for another few minutes without feeling anything new except for a chill spreading out from my spine toward my fingertips. All my sweat had evaporated and left me cold. I longed to crawl under the covers next to my mother’s warm body. I knew people would start waking up soon, so I ended my session by opening my eyes and pulling myself from the floor.

  I glanced in the mirror as I stood and almost screamed. My heart jumped when I saw not only my face, which was fixed with terror, but a man with green eyes standing behind me. His expression wasn’t one of malice, but he wasn’t supposed to be there, and that made my pulse quicken at a threatening rate. I whirled around, ready to defend myself, but the man in the mirror was gone.

  I gripped the edge of the sink countertop to steady myself as I slowed my breathing and frantically scanned the room. I nearly dropped to the floor when I realized I had just seen my third ghost.

  5

  After everyone woke, we piled in the car again and hit the road. It was just starting to get light out. I eyed Teddy from the backseat and wondered again what exactly he said to the desk attendant at our motel. Was the man in the photograph a suspect in one of his cases? Why would he have to ask someone so far away about a suspect in a case? Does Teddy even have suspects? Peyton Springs is pretty small, so I can’t imagine he does much more than write parking tickets and respond to domestic disturbance calls.

  I thought about taking a nap because I was bored, but I didn’t want to face Hope’s abduction again, especially when I was prone to thrashing around in my sleep while experiencing it. I didn’t want Robin, who was sitting next to me in the back seat, to see that. It was embarrassing enough when my mother came into my room during the night to quiet me down.

  The longer we drove, the more bored I became. My eyes fell on Robin, and I wondered if we could maybe do something together to ease my boredom, like actually have a decent conversation. But his earbuds were in, and he was texting again. I didn’t want to bother him. I just opened my book and continued reading.

  I was glad when we stopped at a gas station to stretch our legs. Mom and Teddy suggested each of us grab a snack to hold us over until we reached his parents’. I browsed the aisles and chose a package of trail mix and then met Mom and Teddy at the register.

  “Did you use the bathroom?” my mom asked.

  “Mom!” I glanced around.

  “Well, I don’t want to stop in an hour because you have to use the bathroom.”

  I sighed and handed her my bag of trail mix before heading to the bathroom.

  A few minutes later, I stepped back into the main part of the gas station. I scanned the room, but my mom, Teddy, and Robin had already checked out. I caught a glimpse of them through the window. Robin was climbing into the car, and my mom was arranging herself in the front seat. Teddy was reaching in his pocket in search of the keys.

  I began toward the exit doors to meet them at our vehicle. Then I saw something out of the corner of my eye that frightened me. My breath left my chest for a moment, and I had to do a double take down the aisle. There were two men standing there. One was a large man close to me browsing the chips. The other stood at the end of the aisle and stared back at me with green eyes.

  I couldn’t move for what felt like several long seconds. I only heard the pounding of my own heartbeat in my ears. My head spun, and I rested a hand against the store shelf to hold myself up. A shiver ran down my spine the same time my palms began sweating, throwing off the equilibrium in my body and making me feel faint.

  The large man turned and crossed the aisle, blocking my view from the guy with green eyes, the one I was sure I’d seen earlier this morning in the mirror. Green eyes just like the abductor, I thought.

  When my breath finally returned, I didn’t wait another second. I wasn’t quite sure what I was doing when I pushed past the large man in pursuit of the man in the mirror, but it didn’t matter because he was gone.

  The large man grunted and gave me a look that said, What’s wrong with you?

  “Sorry,” I said, looking around the store again. And then I saw him. He had his back to me, but I watched him duck his head into a silver car.

  I bolted. I wasn’t thinking about what I was doing. All I knew was that if I was seeing this man, there were some questions—although I didn’t know what they were yet—that needed answering. I prayed that those answers would lead me to Hope, wherever she was.

  The man’s car pulled out of the parking lot the same time I pushed my way out the door. I only stopped for a split second, and then I raced to my side of our car. My family met me with confused expressions.

  “Him!” I shouted, pointing at the car that was getting away. “Teddy, follow him.”

  Everyone stared back at me blankly. Teddy and my mom exchanged a quick glance as if to say, Do you know what she’s talking about?

  “I saw him. Teddy, it’s him.” My eyes widened in urgency.

  Suddenly, Teddy’s expression shifted, and I knew he understood. He turned the key quickly and whipped out of the parking lot.

  “Where’d he go?” Teddy practically shouted.

  I didn’t know. My heart pounded, and my breath quickened as I scanned the area for the gray car. We couldn’t lose him! Then I spotted it. Desperation overcame me, clouding any other feelings, including rationality. “There!” I pointed.

  Teddy stepped on the gas, whipping me back into my seat. He took the corner to the onramp a little too fast, and I slid into Robin. I caught my breath and looked up at him for a moment. His brow was furrowed, but he was surprisingly calm. I regained my composure—well, as much as I could muster—and slid across the seat and fumbled with my seat belt. Teddy weaved around a few cars until we were right on the guy’s tail.

  “Uh . . . Crap!” Teddy said under his breath.

  I knew exactly how he felt. Now that we caught up with the guy, what were we going to do? I didn’t have any time to think this through. All I knew was that this man was important and that I needed to get to him somehow.

  Teddy whipped his body around to check his blind spot, and then he moved into the left lane. He stepped on the gas again until we were side by side with the gray car. Teddy honked his horn. He and my mom made frantic gestures from the front seat to get the guy to pull over.

  I craned my head to look at him, but when I saw the man’s confused expression and his brown eyes looking back at us, my heart sank to the deepest depths of my body.

  Teddy honked the horn again.

  I could hardly breathe. How could I have been so wrong about something like this? What was I thinking? Hadn’t I said the guy I saw was a ghost? How could I think he could just get into a car and drive away?

  “Teddy,” I finally managed to choke out, only he was still honking the horn. “Teddy,” I said a little louder.

  He had his badge out and was holding it up to the window on my Mom’s side of the car.

  “Teddy!” I shouted as loud as I could. I wasn’t one to shout, so I knew it surprised him.

  The car went completely silent for a split second.

  “It’s not him.”

  6

  “What?”

  My eyes brimmed with tears, and my throat closed up in embarrassment. “It’s not him,” I repeated, but my voice was so quiet that it felt like the words were sinking back into my chest.

  Teddy dropped the hand that was holding his badge. He glanced at me in the mirror, and I could see his face tightening. Was he confused, or was he mad at me? I couldn’t tell.

  “What do you mean?”

  I didn’t like the sound of his voice. It was quick, deep, and critical.

  Robin’s and my mother’s eyes bore into me. Teddy’s were shifting between the road, the man in the car next to us, and me. I wanted to curl up in a ball that would swallow me and my disappointment whole. Maybe then I would be as small as I felt at that moment.

  “I mean I made a mistake.” My voice was just loud enough for them to hear, but I was too ashamed t
o raise it any louder. My throat closed up around my own words.

  The car slowed as Teddy realized what I was saying. I caught a glimpse of his eyes in the rearview mirror. He looked mad. I mean, really mad. I’d never seen Teddy mad before, so I wasn’t sure how to handle the situation. Teddy put on his blinker and merged into the right lane before taking the next exit. Nobody said a thing until Teddy stopped the car at another gas station.

  My nose tingled as I fought back the tears I knew were coming. How could I have been so stupid? I tried to put the pieces together in my head. The abductor had green eyes. The man in the mirror had green eyes. The man in the gas station was the same man I saw in the mirror. I thought I saw him getting into a silver car, except I only saw the guy from the back. I was sure the man in the mirror was a ghost, what with him disappearing and the shiver I got both times I saw him. That means he couldn’t have been the person I saw getting into the gray car. But he could be Hope’s abductor . . . And that would mean—

  “Crystal, what is going on?” Teddy demanded in a loud voice that pulled me from my thoughts.

  A tear fell from my eye, and I quickly dashed it away. “I—I don’t know.” My voice cracked. “I saw him. I was sure of it.” I paused. All eyes were on me. Another tear rolled down my cheek. “I just—I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.

  Teddy’s mouth curled down in disappointment. He took a breath to calm himself. “Do you have any idea how embarrassing that was for me to flash my badge at someone who wasn’t a suspect?”

  Embarrassing for him? I was mortified for getting it all wrong. It was my fault. I couldn’t tell if I was crying because I was mad at myself or because I feared Teddy’s reaction. Either way, showing weakness like this in front of everyone in the car pulled at my self-esteem and made me only want to cry more.

  “Next time, you better be 100 percent positive,” Teddy warned.

  A sob caught in my chest. I stared up at the ceiling in hopes that my tears subside, but I knew the tears were already written all over my face.

  My mom touched Teddy’s shoulder lightly to calm him down. He turned from me and exited the car. I watched him pace back and forth in the parking lot and then start walking toward the building.

  I turned to face my mom and Robin. Robin’s expression twisted into a cross of confusion and disappointment.

  “What?” I snapped without intending to sound so bitter.

  He looked at me for a few more seconds and then said, “I don’t know what that was all about, but it sure sounds like you have issues.” Then he unbuckled his seat belt and followed his uncle into the gas station.

  I let the tears fall down my face. I didn’t want to cry in front of Teddy and Robin, but right now, I wasn’t shy about holding my tears back in front of my mom. She was the only one who would understand me. As much as I didn’t want to show weakness, I knew she wouldn’t chastise me for crying.

  I couldn’t quite explain what I was feeling. I was embarrassed for making Teddy chase after the wrong guy. I was furious that my abilities had failed me. I was frightened by the way Teddy reacted. And I was unsure if Teddy would ever trust me and my gift again. I knew Teddy didn't understand my mother's and my abilities—not to mention whatever mild intuition he had—but at least he trusted us. He trusted me enough to run after someone without a single explanation, and I had it wrong. What did that say about my powers and my judgment?

  Most of all, little pins stung at my heart because I wasn’t entirely sure how much I trusted my gift. That was what hurt the most.

  My mother squeezed my hand to comfort me. “It’s okay, sweetheart,” she assured me.

  I knew she understood on some level, but I had to wonder if her abilities had ever caused her to make such an utter fool out of herself. She’d told me that people had hurt her because of it and called her a witch, and that’s why she never explained to me about psychics. If it skipped a generation with me, then I wouldn’t have to face the ridicule, she’d said.

  But did she ever feel this way about herself? Did she really know how a mistake like this bit at my self-esteem and ached my heart? I honestly didn’t know the answer to that question.

  “I just don’t get it, Mom,” I said. “I mean, I thought I saw the guy.”

  We both didn’t speak for what seemed like forever. She just stared at me with a sympathetic expression in her eyes.

  I took this time to again review the situation in my head. If the guy in the mirror was, in fact, Hope’s abductor, that would mean that he was dead. That would mean that he couldn’t have physically driven a car and that I mistook another man for him. But the fact that I saw the man with the green eyes in the first place means that he was trying to contact me about something. I knew that the farther south we traveled, the more I could feel Hope’s emotions, yet I didn’t know what that meant. I didn’t know what any of it meant yet.

  And then something small clicked in my mind. Finally, I broke the silence. “Mom, I’m starting to get the feeling that this trip isn’t about Thanksgiving anymore.” I met her gaze. “I think everything from here on out is going to be all about Hope.”

  7

  Teddy and Robin returned. I could see Teddy stealing glances at me in the rearview mirror every so often as we drove. All I could see were his eyes, but I could still tell he was frowning. Each time I looked at Robin, he met my gaze with a scowl. At first, I almost thought he was mad at me, too, but it was so hard to tell with Robin.

  Emma and I texted for a while, but I didn’t tell her about what had happened. I felt reserved about the whole situation mostly because I was mad at myself about being misguided by my abilities. For the most part, texting Emma helped take my mind off it even though we didn’t talk about anything important—and I liked it that way. It was an easy way to escape my worries. After a while, she had to go, and I was once again left alone with my thoughts.

  Relief overcame me when we finally arrived at Teddy’s parents’ that evening. I could get out of the confined car and away from the scrutinizing glances—and perhaps clear my mind.

  Teddy’s parents’ house was a quaint one-story home with the sand literally at their back door. A woman with salt and pepper hair and a big smile emerged from the house. She rushed toward us with her arms wide open as we all piled out of the car. Teddy embraced the woman and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

  “Teddy,” she smiled. “I’m so happy to see you!” She turned to me since I was closest to her. “You must be Crystal,” she said. I expected her to shake my hand or something, but instead, she pulled me into a hug. “You can call me Gail. Oh, and Robin!” She circled around to the other side of the car to greet her grandson, leaving me a mere split second to react.

  A half smile formed across my face. Gail’s upbeat emotions and cheerful grin felt like a refreshing shift to my otherwise depressing day.

  “Crystal,” Teddy said, pulling me to full attention. His voice was soft again, but I could still hear a hint of something in it that told me he wasn’t over what had happened earlier. I turned back toward him and found an older man standing next to him. “This is my dad, Wayne.”

  I forced a smile. “Hi.”

  And then he hugged me, too. Wayne and Gail greeted my mother for the first time, and then they led us into their home for the grand tour, which wasn’t much because it was only a two bedroom house. Mom and Teddy were going to stay in the guest room while Robin would sleep on the couch, Gail explained.

  “Where do I stay?” I asked.

  Gail led me to an enclosed porch at the rear of the house. “I hope this will do,” she said kindly.

  I looked around. The porch was small, but it was decorated tastefully with shell picture frames and a matching clock. The air was warm, and I could hear the waves crashing against the shore just out the window. There was an air mattress set up for me, which practically took up the whole porch, but I was happy to have my privacy.

  “I love it,” I told her in all honestly.

 
After we unpacked the car, Gail called us to the kitchen for dinner. I sat next to Robin and breathed in the sweet aroma of freshly baked dinner rolls.

  Once we were all settled in our spots and we’d said grace, Teddy cleared his throat. “Mom, Dad,” he addressed. All eyes turned to him in anticipation. I watched his face twist into a nervous expression just like the night he asked my mom to marry him. “I have some big news.” He paused. He wrapped an arm around my mother and looked deep into her eyes.

  Her gaze met his, and they locked onto each other. I loved seeing them together like that. It made me feel warm inside knowing that this was a part of my family. Teddy’s soft expression made it seem like he was less worried about what had happened earlier, and that helped calm me down, if only slightly.

  The room went quiet for several long moments while Mom and Teddy exchanged a silent conversation—the kind I still wasn’t completely able to decipher myself.

  My mother finally broke their stare and shouted in excitement, “We’re getting married!” Then she extended her left hand and showed her ring to Gail and Wayne. I noticed Robin sneak a glance at it, too.

  Gail leapt from her chair and said something in such a high pitch that I couldn’t quite understand her. She hugged both of them. Excitement emanated from the room as each face around the table filled in with a smile. I smiled at the announcement, too, even though I was there when Teddy proposed.

  I twisted the owl pendant he had given me at the time around my fingers and thought back to that night. I liked how things could be so simple at times. Wayne and Gail asked a lot of questions of my mom, and she told them about her shop, Divination, only she left out the part about some of the things being useful to real psychics. We then talked about the wedding as we ate, and I let the happiness of the moment sink into my heart, hoping to keep this moment in my mind as I faced the inevitable trials of my psychic powers.