Desire in Frost

by Alicia Rades

  I laughed a little because of the way she said it, but she was probably right. I had become quite good at finding things, but I had to have something to touch, like the dog’s collar, to tell where he was.

  “I’ll work on it, but I probably won’t find anything,” I told her.

  “Well, I’ve been trying my best, too,” Emma said, “but I’ve never had experience with finding things. The best thing I can come up with is that I have a good feeling about a penny. Like, a lucky penny or something.” She shrugged. “Except I don’t think that it’s about Derek’s dog. I think it has to do with you.”

  11

  That night, I dreamt about Hope. I was again in her body, being carried out her window by a man I still couldn’t get full features of. I knew I had to become aware of my surroundings. I had to somehow find what I was missing, but when the Crystal part of me broke through, all I could do was scream in my own mind at the assailant.

  “Where is she?” I cried, only I was watching a scene that happened weeks ago, and the man couldn’t hear me.

  I woke once again with a start. I was getting too used to this. I pulled my covers up from the foot of the bed and wrapped them around my body for comfort. I stayed in bed, closed my eyes, and controlled my breathing to calm myself.

  “Oh, Hope,” I whispered. “I wish I could help you. Where are you?” A tear fell down my cheek. “Why am I seeing you if I can’t help you?” I wanted to shout it, but I didn’t want anyone else to hear, so I kept my voice low.

  A sob broke within me. I didn’t fight it. All I wanted was to use my gift to help people, and I couldn’t control it well enough to do so. My head ached. I pressed my face into my pillow and screamed.

  “I just wish I could help you,” I said again, squeezing my eyes shut to get all the tears out.

  “Crystal,” a voice called out.

  My eyes shot open in surprise the same moment I bolted up in bed. My gaze fell upon the ghostly girl standing next to my air mattress. It was the same girl who had visited me yesterday. I wiped my eyes as my racing heart slowed. I couldn’t refuse helping the girl, and I knew it, even if that did take me further from Hope.

  I composed myself in a quick moment. “Can I help you?” I asked quietly but in a friendly tone.

  She looked back at me with urgency. Her eyes weren’t quite the same color as Hope’s, but something in them reminded me of her.

  “I just want to see my sister happy,” she said.

  I was getting fed up with the way ghosts spoke to me. They never seemed to give me a clear cut answer to the information I needed. But I stayed calm. “How can I help her? What’s wrong with her?”

  “I don’t think she’s safe. My mom has kind of . . . gone crazy. She’s not herself.”

  Oh no, I thought. I didn’t like the sound of someone being in danger. It broke my heart. “Who are you?” After I asked it, I knew it wasn’t the best question to ask since the girl probably didn’t have much time here.

  “I’m Penny.”

  “You’re—“ My breath caught.

  I have a good feeling about a penny, Emma had said.

  Not a penny. Just Penny.

  “Penny?” I whispered.

  If Emma was giving me clues about this girl before even I knew her name, there was something really important about her. I mean, I knew she was important because she’d shown herself to me, but something about the whole situation made her seem significant in a different way that I initially thought.

  “You have to find hope,” she said.

  I almost broke out crying again. “Hope? I haven’t had much of that lately.”

  “No,” Penny said. “Not ‘hope’ as in faith. I mean Hope. My sister.”

  Suddenly, my vision blurred. Instead of sitting on Wayne and Gail’s porch, I found myself in front of a small blue home. As soon as I saw it, the vision was gone. I was back on the porch again, but Penny was nowhere in sight.

  ***

  My head spun. Penny had shown me where Hope was, and then she disappeared. I still couldn’t believe that all this time I was getting closer to Hope. She was only about four hours north of here, and even though I didn’t have an address, something inside of me knew exactly where to go.

  When I could finally move again, I made my way to the kitchen. I found my mom and Teddy sitting at the table and Gail standing over the stove.

  “Mom,” I said quickly.

  She and Teddy both looked up at me in alarm. “What’s wrong, sweetheart?” she asked. “Are you okay?”

  “No, not really,” I admitted, taking a seat across from her. I kept my voice low, hoping Gail wasn’t paying too much attention. “I know where Hope is. It’s only about four hours away. We have to go find her.”

  Mom and Teddy both stared at me, but I couldn’t quite read their expressions. I thought my mom’s was one of sympathy and Teddy’s was one of disbelief, but I wasn’t entirely sure. Silence loomed over us for several long seconds as they stared back at me. It was like they hadn’t even heard what I’d said.

  “What are we waiting for? I finally have something!”

  I wanted them to leap up in excitement and follow me to the place Penny had shown me. Instead, all they did was exchange a glance.

  “Kiddo,” Teddy said, setting down his newspaper and folding his hands on top of it. He looked at me with all seriousness. “Are you sure about this?”

  I nodded eagerly. “I’m positive.”

  Teddy twisted his face into an expression that could only be described as skepticism. “You can’t just go chasing after a kidnapper.”

  I gaped at him. “But I have to.”

  Teddy shook his head lightly. “You don’t. We can have someone else check it out. Someone who is trained and armed.”

  I furrowed my brow. “I—I don’t know how to tell them where to go.”

  “What do you mean?” Teddy asked with a hint of annoyance in his voice. “You just said you knew where she was.”

  “I do. I can’t explain it, though. It’s like I’m drawn to the place, but I won’t know how to get there until I’m there.”

  “Well, you said it’s four hours away, so you know the general area. We can have someone in the county look into possible leads.”

  “And that could take days!” I exclaimed.

  Teddy pursed his lips and went silent for several moments. When he finally lifted his gaze to meet mine, he spoke. “I don’t think now is the time.”

  “What?” I practically shouted.

  Gail turned to me from the stove, but I could tell by her expression that she didn’t want to be a part of this argument. She tended to her food again to give us a minor amount of privacy.

  “Teddy, I’m telling you I’ve found Hope, the girl you’ve been searching for for weeks, and all you can say is, ‘It’s not the time?’” My chest tightened when it hit me that I was right about Teddy. He wasn’t going to trust me again.

  “The thing is, Crystal, you were wrong last time, and I don’t want to be sent on a wild goose chase. And we still don’t have anything on Jeff. I think we should just enjoy our time here. We’re on vacation. Enjoy yourself. Stop worrying.”

  There it was again. Everyone, it seemed, was telling me to stop worrying, but I didn’t have the heart to do that without guilt pulling me down. Everything he’d just said made it feel like he’d reached into my chest and ripped my heart out. I could hardly breathe. My nose tingled at the threat of tears.

  “What are you saying?” My voice cracked in response to my crushed heart. “That you don’t believe me?”

  He sighed. I’d never thought Teddy would treat me like this. He’d told me things about the case because he thought I could help him. Was he giving up on me? If he didn’t believe me, how was I supposed to believe in myself?

  “Crystal,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’m just saying that I can’t go barging into someone’s house without probably cause. Right now, I have no evidence.”

  Something—I’m
not sure if it was my psychic powers or if it was something in his eyes—told me that wasn’t the real reason he didn’t want to listen to me. The truth was that Teddy didn’t trust me anymore.

  I stood in rage. “You’re the one who came down here looking for her! I saw you asking questions about Jeff at our motel. So why won’t you follow me to Hope now?”

  Teddy’s voice rose slightly to mirror my own. “Crystal, I haven’t given up on Hope. What you saw—I’m still trying to find her even though pretty much everyone else believes she’s dead. The reason we stopped there was because we have credit card records showing that’s where Jeff stayed after he left the funeral. That kind of evidence I can manage, but you’re asking me to spend all day following a lead that makes no sense in the realm of science!”

  This time, his words cut even deeper, which I didn’t think was possible. Tension formed in my head, and it felt like a boa constrictor was wrapping its body around my skull and trying to crush it. I clutched at my stomach because in that moment, it felt completely empty. I thought Teddy believed in me. How could he say that about my gift?

  My breath returned to my body. “She had an older sister! Did you know that?” I was shouting now. It was the only thing I could do after the way he was making me feel, like the biggest part of me didn’t matter to him at all, like I was stupid and untrustworthy, like he didn’t want to listen to anything I had to say.

  “What? Hope? See, Crystal, that’s why I can’t go chasing after her. You were wrong about the man earlier, and you’re wrong about Hope now. She was an only child.”

  I was momentarily struck dumb by this information. I knew I couldn’t be wrong about this again, yet something in the back of my mind left me worried that I was. I managed to find my voice again. “She’s dead, Teddy. Penny is dead, and she told me where to find Hope.” I didn’t even care at this point that Gail was hearing all about my abilities. All I knew was that I had to find Hope.

  “I assure you that Hope was Melinda and Scott’s only child.”

  I took a step back. I couldn’t believe he was treating me like this. He didn’t believe a word I’d said.

  It brought worries to the forefront of my mind and made me wonder myself. Their only child? That can’t be right. Was Penny having me run after a different girl named Hope? I blinked a few times as I processed this information.

  My tone finally returned to its normal volume, but I spoke through gritted teeth. “Either way, there’s a girl named Hope four hours from here who needs rescuing.”

  Teddy stared at me with an apologetic expression on his face, and then he spoke quietly. “Crystal, I’m sorry.”

  I knew that was the end of our conversation, although I wasn’t entirely convinced that he was sorry. I stormed back through the enclosed porch and down the steps toward the beach. I took a seat in the sand and curled my knees to my chest while I sobbed into my arms. I tucked my head in close to my body, trying my best to make myself as small as I could to reflect the way I was feeling.

  How could Teddy not believe me? He was the one who had asked for my help. I had assumed he believed in me. He’d said he had some heightened intuition of his own, so why was he pushing everything we both believed in away? Or was that the problem? Had my mistake made him so afraid of his own intuition that he no longer wanted to accept it as truth?

  Several long minutes later, a hand touched my shoulder. I jerked up in surprise, ready to retaliate. I let my body relax when I saw that it was only my mother. She sat by me on the sand and pulled me into an embrace. I sobbed in her arms. I tried not to since it seemed like I’d been doing so much of that lately, but I couldn’t help it. Someone was out there who needed my help, and I was only going to fail again.

  “I’m sorry, sweetie,” my mom said after a few moments.

  “Why didn’t you back me up?” I asked, pulling away from her and looking into her eyes. I wiped at my tears in an attempt to calm down.

  My mother’s mouth opened like she was going to say something, but then she shut it. “I’m always here for you,” she finally said. “I don’t know exactly what you’ve seen, but I want to encourage you to go wherever your gift takes you. I don’t usually get feelings about family members and people close to me, but I know that wherever you go, your abilities will keep you safe.”

  My tears nearly subsided in response. She was actually taking my side.

  She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “Look, I talked to Teddy and suggested that you get some time away from the house today to think things over. I thought maybe you and Robin could go shopping or to the movies or something. He said he’d gladly take you. So, um, here are the keys to the car, and here’s my credit card if you find something you think you need.”

  She dropped the card and keys into my hand. I met her gaze to thank her and tell her at the same time that I didn’t need this. A shopping trip wasn’t going to make me feel better. And then I realized something in her eyes. She was inviting me to follow my gift.

  I sprang toward her and gave her a tight hug. “Thank you, Mom! Thank you so much.”

  “Be careful, okay?”

  I nodded. “I will.”

  Minutes later, Robin and I were in the car. I handed him the keys.

  “Your mom told me to take you wherever you wanted to go,” he said.

  I took a deep breath and then told him where to take me.

  12

  My heart sped up before we even made it to the freeway. I was finally on my way to rescuing Hope. Well, maybe not. All I knew was that I was on my way to finding someone, whoever Penny’s sister happened to be.

  “So, uh,” Robin started. “Where exactly are we going?”

  “I already told you,” I said.

  “No, I know. I just mean, why so far away? I mean, there are malls and movie theaters all over the place here. Is this, like, a special mall where they have only one pair of the shoes you need in stock?”

  I was momentarily taken aback. He thought I was that kind of girl? Not even close!

  Apparently he noticed my expression. He stole a glance at me from out of the corner of his eye, and then a sideways smile formed across his face. It was the type of smile that made my heart flutter.

  Wait. What was I thinking? I forced my pulse to slow.

  “I’m just kidding, Crystal. Can’t you take a joke every now and then?”

  I pushed a long strand of hair out of my face but didn’t meet his gaze. “I guess not,” I said, but what I was really thinking was that it was harder for me to take a joke from Robin than from the average person. Something about him struck a nerve every time he spoke. It was like I wanted him to think good things about me, but every joke he made just cut at my heart and made me realize that I was no different from any other girl.

  He has a girlfriend, I reminded myself. And then I realized what I was thinking. I shouldn’t care if he had a girlfriend or not.

  “So, what exactly are we doing?” he asked again.

  “Oh, uh.” How did I answer this? I wasn’t quick on my feet like Emma was, and when I lied, the dishonesty was written all over my face. I turned to stare out the window so he wouldn’t see my eyebrow twitch, which was what happened when I lied. “Just to meet a friend.” When my eyebrow didn’t move, I wondered if I’d gotten better at lying or if I was putting more truth into that lie than I thought.

  He didn’t push the subject further, although I had expected him to ask how I had a friend way down in Florida.

  “Do you mind if I listen to some tunes?” Robin finally broke the silence that had been hanging between us for the last several minutes.

  “Go ahead.”

  Robin connected his phone to the speakers, and an upbeat modern song began playing. I’d never heard it before. He sang along quietly. I couldn’t help but notice that he had a pretty decent voice. Okay. That was a bit of an understatement. Although he was trying to stay quiet, Robin’s voice filled the car with the most beautiful sound I’d ever heard. His voice so
mehow synced up with the singer’s perfectly.

  After a few songs, I found myself bobbing my head and even trying to hum along to the chorus that already played through once. I was a terrible singer, so I didn’t let my voice get too loud.

  Robin reached for the controls and turned the sound down until I could hardly hear it anymore. I looked up at him.

  “You like it?” he asked.

  I nodded. “Yeah, I really do. Who is this?”

  He smiled that sideways smile again. My heart fell deep into my chest in a good way, but I quickly composed myself.

  “It’s Echo Score,” he answered.

  My face must have been plastered with a blank expression. I’d never heard of them.

  His smile only spread wider. “Crystal, it’s my band. Echo Score is the band I’m in.”

  “Oh.” I didn’t know what else to say. That made sense why he sounded so much like the singer. I hadn’t ever realized he sang lead vocals. I always thought he sat in the background and played drums or something.

  “You, uh, have a really great voice,” I told him shyly, and then I turned back toward the window so he wouldn’t see my cheeks flame.

  “You have a gift, too,” he said.

  Suddenly, everything inside of my body froze. Oh. My. God. How did he know? This wasn’t something I shared with a lot of people. But if he was psychic, too, then he would have picked up on it, right? Was Teddy mad enough at me to explain my gift to Robin? Would Robin actually believe me?

  All these questions raced around in my mind, but all I could manage to say was, “Please don’t tell anyone.” The words came out sounding like I was begging him, which honestly, I kind of was.

  “Why not? Your voice is great. We could use a female voice in the band.”

  Wait. What? “My voice?” I asked warily. So, he wasn’t talking about being psychic?

  “Yeah. I heard you humming over there. What did you think I meant?”

  I breathed a sigh of relief then hesitated. “No, uh, that’s what I thought you meant.” I could feel my eyebrow twitching now, but luckily Robin was watching the road. “I just don’t agree with you.”