Vladimir

by Kat Mizera

  Vlad nodded. “Tell me what you want and I’ll call on the way home so it’ll be there not long after we arrive.”

  They gave him their orders and then got into their vehicles, leaving the arena one behind the other.

  Their food arrived less than ten minutes after they got to Vlad’s condo and they dug in heartily. No one spoke for a while but finally Brock broke the silence.

  “Rachel made me swear on my kid I wouldn’t tell you about the cancer.”

  “What kind is it?” Vlad asked quietly, meeting his friend’s eyes.

  “Uterine.”

  “Uterine?” Vlad looked confused. “This is cervical cancer?”

  “No.” Brock shook his head. “It’s in her uterus and based on what the surgeon said, it’s Stage I, which means it hasn’t spread. They took everything, though.”

  “Everything?” Vlad frowned.

  Brock and Viggo exchanged a look. “Everything,” Viggo said gently. “You know, her woman parts.”

  “Her woman…” Vlad stared from one to the other. “I don’t understand.”

  “They took her uterus, cervix, ovaries, everything. All the baby-making stuff.”

  “Oh my God.” The news hit Vlad like a physical blow and he closed his eyes, pain rushing through every part of him. Guilt, frustration, and a subtle despair washed over him, the tightening in his chest warning him of another anxiety attack.

  “Vlad?” Brock was watching him with concern.

  “I just…” Vlad took a long, shaky breath. “I just need a minute.”

  “In through your nose, out through your mouth,” Viggo said quietly. “Give yourself a few minutes to process the information.”

  Vlad didn’t need time to process anything; all he could think about was Rachel going through this by herself, after he’d publicly humiliated her. God, how could he have been so stupid? She would never forgive him and he couldn’t blame her.

  “Someone should have told me,” he whispered, trying to still the pounding of his heart or the roaring in his ears. “Someone should have let me know she needed me. I thought… I thought…” He let out a growl of frustration and held his head in his hands.

  “Keep breathing,” Brock said gently. “Come on, it’s okay. You didn’t know and she didn’t want you to know.”

  “Why?” he cried softly. “Even if she was angry, she has to know I still care… I would be there for her the way Jamie has been.”

  “Don’t you see?” Viggo asked. “She was afraid you would only come back because of the cancer, and she needed you to come back because you love her. Jamie and I went through this, you know. He was so sick, so badly hurt after his attack and at one point he asked me if I still loved him. He was afraid I’d only stayed because of how it would look if I left while he was fighting for his life. You know? So I get it, but now that you know, you’re going to have to work twice as hard to convince her you were coming back anyway.”

  “I sent texts, flowers, the painting…”

  “Is that what’s in the box?” Brock demanded. “She hasn’t opened it, but Jamie and I finally carried it inside. It sat on her porch for a week.”

  “I saw it in New York and knew it would be perfect over her fireplace.” Vlad sighed. “Fuck, what am I going to do? How do I make this up to her?”

  “You beg,” Viggo said firmly.

  “Grovel,” Brock added.

  “Buy her things,” Viggo said.

  “Cry,” Brock muttered.

  “Cry?” Vlad’s head snapped up.

  “It could work,” Brock reasoned.

  Vlad groaned. “You two are no help.”

  “Call Jamie and see what he suggests,” Viggo suggested. “He knows her as well as you do and he’s good at this stuff. Me, I’m kind of a douche when it comes to the emotional stuff. I mean, I can be romantic or whatever, but I never fucked up this bad, so I don’t know how you fix it.”

  “You and Ashleigh were apart for nearly two months,” Vlad reminded Brock.

  “Yeah and our friend, Sonya, had to throw us together at that charity thing,” Brock reminded him. “I mean, I was getting ready to go beg her to forgive me, but it was hard, ’cause she wrote me off.”

  “Has Rachel written me off?” Vlad asked sadly.

  “I think so.” Brock nodded.

  “But she still loves you,” Viggo insisted. “Jamie said so.”

  “Maybe he just said that so you wouldn’t be jealous,” Vlad pointed out.

  Viggo shook his head. “No way. We don’t lie to each other. We argue and disagree like any couple, but we never lie. That was something we vowed to each other from the moment we decided to be together. No lies, ever.”

  Vlad nodded. “If she still loves me, there’s hope.”

  “It still won’t be easy,” Brock pointed out.

  “I’ll call Jamie tomorrow,” Vlad said.

  “I’ll text him, find a time when he’s not with her.” Viggo nodded. “Otherwise, he probably won’t even pick up. Depending on what’s going on, he might even tell her you called, so let me talk to him first.”

  “And I’ll see what Ashleigh says,” Brock continued. “She might have some advice based on whatever Rachel’s told her.”

  “Thanks, guys.” Vlad smiled faintly. “I really appreciate it.”

  “You feeling better?” Viggo asked. “With the panic attack, I mean?”

  “Yeah…” Vlad frowned. “It went away as we talked.”

  “That’s what you do with friends,” Brock nudged him. “Asshole.”

  “Cocksucker,” Vlad quipped.

  “That would be me,” Viggo deadpanned.

  For a moment Vlad and Brock didn’t move. Then Brock snorted, though he tried valiantly to keep a straight face. Finally, Vlad couldn’t hold it in and burst out laughing, leaning back on the couch holding his stomach.

  “What’s so funny?” Viggo demanded as his eyes twinkled with mirth.

  Brock and Vlad just kept laughing.

  24

  Rachel had opted to stay at the hospital for most of her recuperation. Though she had Jamie and Ashleigh and could afford to hire people to help her, it was just easier to stay in her private room with twenty-four-seven medical care. The truth was probably related to not wanting to be alone at the house, and Jamie had to go home soon. The pain had been more intense than she’d been expecting and while she only took medication at night so she was able to rest, her recovery wasn’t nearly as fast as she’d hoped.

  Jamie had left to go to physical therapy and she’d fallen asleep. When she opened her eyes again there was a bouquet so big she couldn’t even see around it from where it sat on the tray table just to her right. It was filled with the most exotic flowers she’d ever seen, rich blues and deep purples and stark red and white. She blinked a few times, as if trying to convince herself they were real, and wondered if Jamie was behind them. The bouquet was probably three feet tall and at least three or four feet in diameter if you counted all the leaves and bows and such. She tried to sit up and inadvertently moaned.

  “Rachel?” There was no mistaking Vlad’s deep voice and the accented way he spoke her name. She heard movement as he stood, stepping around the flowers and into her line of vision.

  Rachel stared, wondering if the painkillers were making her hallucinate. “Vlad.” Her voice was a hoarse croak and he instantly reached for the cup of water, gently holding her head as he put the straw in her mouth. She drank slowly—her throat was killing her—and then rested back on the pillows.

  “Are you okay?” he asked softly.

  She nodded absently, unsure what to say or do. “Where’s Jamie?” she finally asked.

  “Still at physical therapy.” Vlad reached out and gently took her hand. “I am so sorry, Rachel. I should have been with you through this.”

  “There’s nothing you could have done.”

  “I could have been here, holding you and telling you it’s going to be okay.”

  “It is okay,” she
whispered. “The doctor says it looks good, that he didn’t see any signs the cancer spread. He doesn’t even think I’ll need radiation. We’ll get some kind of pathology report back in another week or so, but he’s not expecting any surprises.”

  “That’s really good news.”

  “I’m relieved.”

  “Me, too. I just wish you’d called me.”

  “You left me.” She met his eyes sadly. “I don’t want you here because you feel sorry for me.”

  He shook his head. “That’s not why I’m here.” He brought her hand to his lips, kissing the back softly. “I have to explain what happened. I’m a fucking idiot—but I love you. Please know that wasn’t it.”

  She blinked rapidly as tears filled her eyes. “It’s too late, Vlad. I told you that.”

  “I know. But you must listen to my story.”

  “Nothing is going to make a difference,” she whispered.

  “Even so, you have to understand what happened, and why.”

  “Okay.” She acquiesced because he wouldn’t leave until he’d told her, and the truth was, deep down she wanted to know. She’d never doubted his love for her because they’d been genuinely happy together; the way he’d just walked away hadn’t made sense to anyone, least of all her.

  Sitting beside her, her hand between both of his, he told her everything. She didn’t say anything as he spoke, just watched him with her beautiful blue eyes, her expression hard to read.

  “I’m sorry that happened to you,” she said when he finally stopped talking. “I didn’t know you had anxiety attacks.”

  “Not for years.”

  “So your parents were KGB?” She was intrigued. “I definitely wasn’t expecting that.”

  “Me either.”

  “Do you have the picture of her?”

  “I have several, but the one I want to show you is the one of she and I together. She’d come to my game and Coach Vlacic had a photographer taking pictures of the team with the fans. There was one of the two of us and he gave me a copy. I wish I’d known who she was then.”

  “It probably wouldn’t have changed anything,” she said gently.

  “No, but I might have had a moment with my mother. Instead, I have a vague memory and one picture.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.”

  “Everything I did was for nothing.”

  “No, you got answers. At least now you know, even if it’s not what you wanted to hear.”

  He looked at her intently. “You don’t look like you believe me…”

  “No, I do.” She threaded her fingers between his and sighed. “It’s just… Do you remember the first time we had sex?”

  “Of course.” He smiled. “This was the first time I made love to a woman.”

  She smiled back, despite the churning in her stomach. “Do you remember how freaked out you were with all those feelings you were having? The way it felt when we got together?”

  “Yes.” He met her gaze guiltily.

  “That’s kind of how I feel now. What we had together was so amazing, so intense—so much better than anything I’d ever felt before in my life—losing you was almost more than I could stand. Now, I don’t trust you and I don’t want to be back in the same position where you have that much power to hurt me. As much as I love you, Vlad, I can’t do it again. I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

  Vlad’s chest tightened painfully as he looked at her. She was almost stoic, unemotional as she told him she wouldn’t give him another chance. He’d known she was hurt and angry, but he’d been hoping to convince her to give him another chance. Instead, he just sat beside her, reveling in the feel of her hand in his.

  “Vlad?” She was looking at him intently. “Are you okay?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “The woman I love will not forgive me. I don’t know how to fix this.”

  “I’m really sorry.” She pulled her hand from his and reached for his face. He had to lean forward because she couldn’t stretch far enough to touch him, but she rested her hand on his cheek. “You’ll always be special to me,” she whispered. “But I have so much else to worry about right now—my health, my career, my whole life is a mess. I can’t get into something where I’m going to be wondering when you’re going to change your mind again. Please don’t be angry.”

  “I’m not angry.” He covered her hand with his. “I’m heartbroken. I can’t imagine my life without you, Rachel. Somehow, I will find a way to prove I’m worthy of your love and your trust.”

  “Oh, Vlad.”

  “I must go,” he said abruptly.

  “Vlad?” Confusion marked her face as he got up and strode towards the door.

  “Yes?” He stopped but didn’t turn back.

  “Take care of yourself, okay?”

  “You, too.”

  And then he was gone. Pain and regret shot through her, but she took a deep breath, reminding herself how young he was, how immature he could be, and how badly he’d hurt her. She was stronger than this and would get through it. One way or another, she would move past all of this and get her life back. No matter how much she missed him.

  Vlad collapsed in a chair in the lobby by the elevator. He was on the verge of losing it and hadn’t wanted her to see it. She was obviously still very weak and there was no doubt she was in pain. He wouldn’t do anything to add to that, so he’d left to lick his wounds in private. He was going to figure out how to change her mind because there was no way in hell he was giving up, but things looked bleak right now.

  “I’m guessing it didn’t go well.” Jamie sank into the seat next to him and Vlad looked up sadly.

  “No. She said she can’t risk me hurting her again. She doesn’t trust me.”

  “You can’t be surprised.”

  “No, I guess I just thought…” He hung his head. “I don’t know what’s next, Jamie. Without her, everything I’ve done was for nothing.”

  Jamie smiled. “She’ll come around. You can’t give up. You have to be diligent and show her how you feel. Over and over. There are no guarantees, but if you love her, you can’t give up.”

  “I don’t know how.”

  “We’ll figure it out.”

  “We?” Vlad frowned. “Why would you help me?”

  “Because you’re my friend and I love her.” Jamie met his eyes. “You know there’s more than one kind of love, right?”

  Vlad shifted. “I know you love children different than your husband or wife, but I’ve never loved a friend.”

  “Don’t you think Rachel loves Ashleigh?”

  “Yes, probably.”

  “They’re not romantically involved, though, right?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “And that’s how I can love Rachel, too. There will never be anything romantic between us again, but I care about her and want what’s best for her, and I still believe that’s you.”

  “How do we make her believe it?”

  “Perseverance, my friend. And maybe a little help from your friends.”

  Vlad nodded. “Thank you.”

  “Now, get to the arena before Coach kicks your ass.”

  “Are you coming to the game?”

  Jamie nodded. “Of course. I’m still part of the team, so I’ll be at as many games as I can.”

  “Will you play?”

  Jamie shook his head. “Not for a while yet. I’ve got another surgery coming up, but I don’t want to think about that right now. Go on, get out of here. I’ll see you later.”

  “Who’s staying with Rachel?”

  “Ashleigh will be here by five.”

  “Okay, good. I’ll see you later then. And thank you.” Vlad caught the elevator and got in, waving as the doors closed. He had no idea what perseverance meant, so he looked it up on his phone. Persistence. Tenacity. Staying power. He didn’t know what tenacity meant, either, but he was familiar with persistence and staying power, and he had no choice in the matter. He refused to give up. Not now, not ever. He’d come too far an
d worked too hard to let one moment of weakness cost him one of the most important things in his life. There was a ton of damage control to be done and he still wasn’t quite sure where to start. Everyone’s suggestions so far seemed tepid and ineffective. If he was going to win Rachel back, he needed something a little more proactive. Figuring out what it was would be a bigger problem.

  25

  Rachel finally went home at the end of the week, tired but feeling stronger each day. She had a nurse coming to help her for a few hours in the morning, her housekeeper coming every day in the afternoon to help with meals and cleaning up, and Jamie was with her the first few nights before she sent him home. Ashleigh came as often as possible, but she had her hands full with Bella and her work on Vampire Legend. Rachel’s friends from the show called and texted regularly and Jamie called every day, but it was Vlad who seemed intent on immersing himself back in her life whether she wanted him to or not.

  He’d sent flowers when he’d been in Russia, but the bouquets that started arriving when she got home from the hospital made her smile. With each passing day, they got bigger and more extravagant. By the end of a week, she had them in every room of the house, taking up entire tables. When Ashleigh came over to spend the evening after not seeing her for a few days, she burst out laughing.

  “Seriously? Are these all from Vlad?” Her eyes twinkled with amusement.

  “Yes.” Despite promising herself she wouldn’t even consider giving him another chance, Rachel couldn’t help but grin. “And you should see the cards. He’s pulling out all the stops and quoting the most romantic poetry… Lord Byron, Walt Whitman… I didn’t even know he knew who those people were.”

  “I’m sure the guys who’ve gone to college and were forced to read that stuff helped out.”

  “Still.”

  “It’s pretty sweet.” Ashleigh sank onto the couch. “Has he broken through the walls of your cold, dead heart yet?”

  Rachel snorted. “Don’t make me laugh—it hurts!”

  Ashleigh grinned. “Seriously, Brock said he’s so sad and depressed without you.”