by Kat Mizera
“Hire someone.”
“That’s not the point. He made it sound like it was too hard for a girl, and even though he’s probably right in my case, it ticked me off. Now I’m sitting here with four hundred pieces and no idea what to do. The instructions suck.”
“I bet we could figure it out,” Rachel protested.
“I don’t know, Rach… This is intense.”
“I should be home in about two hours and I can have the Town Car take me to your house instead of home so I can help.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course. I’m getting through my issues, I promise, and what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t help you win the bet?”
“A sane one,” Ashleigh snickered.
“Order dinner, okay? I’m in the mood for Italian.”
“Mmmm… Garlic bread and ziti and sauce.”
“Doesn’t that give you indigestion?”
“I have a Costco-sized bottle of Tums.”
Rachel laughed. “Okay, then order a late lunch/early dinner and I should be there by about three o’clock, depending on traffic.”
“I’m so excited—can’t wait to see you.”
Rachel disconnected and sent a mental thank you to Ginnie for helping her over the hump. It would probably take years for her to fully come to terms with not being able to carry a child, but she had a better outlook now. Tough love was exactly what she’d needed, and it had been something she wished someone else had thought to do. Not that Vlad would have been so direct; it wasn’t his style. Ashleigh might have under different circumstances, but the truth was cancer fell into a different category. People took it seriously, and she understood that. Luckily, she’d taken the plunge and met Ginnie. They were going to keep in touch, even if they had sessions over the phone, which made Rachel feel better.
32
Ashleigh hadn’t been kidding. The crib came in a lot of pieces, and Rachel stared at the directions in dismay. It wasn’t that it was hard, there were just so many pieces, parts and pages of instructions. This would take hours, even if they knew what they were doing, which they didn’t.
“I didn’t grow up a rich, pampered princess,” Ashleigh groused. “I can use a screwdriver and a hammer and stuff… I just haven’t in a while.”
“I didn’t grow up rich, either,” Rachel agreed, “but I was always pretty useless with a hammer.”
“Okay, it says here, the first step is to put the wheel things together for later…”
They worked for a few hours, until Rachel couldn’t sit on the floor anymore and had to stretch out flat on her back to relieve her aching torso. They’d made progress, though. The bottom of the crib was attached to the four supporting posts in each corner and they had everything separated into little piles indicating what went where. It just seemed to take a long time.
“I’m bored.” Bella wandered in, her mouth drawn in a pout.
“You could help,” Ashleigh said.
Bella made a face. “I don’t want to build a stupid crib.”
Rachel raised her eyebrows, surprised to hear Bella sounding so surly. Though she was a typical nine-year-old who occasionally had bad days, she tended to be sweet, loving, and easygoing. Rachel couldn’t remember the last time Bella had pouted like this.
“Then I’m sorry you’re bored.” Ashleigh turned back to the directions.
“Stupid baby! I wish you never got pregnant!” She turned and stomped out of the room, leaving Rachel shocked and Ashleigh sighing sadly.
“How long has this been going on?” Rachel asked softly.
“A few weeks. Ever since I started decorating the nursery. Even though I’ve only had the room painted and ordered the furniture, she’s been unhappy ever since.”
“Have you asked her to help?”
“Repeatedly. Especially today, when I told her about the bet and tried to make it a girl power thing. She’s jealous. I get it. I just don’t know how to make her understand that nothing would ever make me love her less. I fell in love with her the first time I saw her at the homeless shelter.”
Rachel nodded slowly. “Even though this baby is different?”
Ashleigh cocked her head. “Why is it different? Because it’s growing inside me? I mean, yeah, that part of it is pretty cool, but honestly? I don’t ever want to do this again. I’m exhausted all the time. I’m drenching my skin in the most expensive creams I can find but I already got my first stretch mark. I’m barely five months and I’ve got indigestion, mood swings, stretch marks, cravings, and my skin itches. Frankly, I’m good with doing this just once.”
“It’s awful, huh?”
“Not awful, but I’m super glad I’ve passed the halfway mark. I’m done.”
“So what are you going to do about Bella?”
“I’ve tried everything, and she hasn’t been receptive to anything.”
“You want me to talk to her?”
“You can try, but I’ve been researching child psychologists. We were going to do that anyway, just to make sure she’s adjusting to all the changes in her life, but now it’s going to be sooner rather than later.”
“The food should be here any minute, so why don’t we take a break and pay a little attention to her?”
“I’ve tried that,” Ashleigh said, “but it probably can’t hurt.”
They found Bella in her room, reading a book. She didn’t even look up and Ashleigh went to answer the door while Rachel leaned against the doorframe.
“Whatcha readin’?” she asked softly.
“The Magic Treehouse,” Bella muttered, not looking up.
“I read those,” Rachel said, walking over and sitting on the edge of the bed. “I loved them.”
“They’re okay.” Bella still hadn’t looked up.
“I can see you’re upset with your mom,” Rachel said, “but why are you mad at me?”
“Not mad, just reading.”
“You hurt your mom’s feelings, you know.”
Bella finally looked up. “What do you mean?”
“When you said you wished there wasn’t a baby. How do you think that made your mom feel?”
“She doesn’t talk about anything else,” Bella cried, throwing her book aside. “The baby’s room, the baby’s furniture, the baby’s kicking… It’s like she doesn’t care about me anymore, just the new baby!” She burst into tears.
“That’s not true,” she whispered, holding Bella close and rocking her gently. “She’s just excited to add another member to your family. You’re going to be a big sister. You should be excited, too.”
“But this is her and Daddy’s real baby—I’m just adopted.”
Tears burned the backs of Rachel’s eyes and she struggled to articulate all the weird feelings in her heart. This was so personal, so close to home, and she was wholly unprepared.
“You’re not just anything,” she responded after a moment. “They chose you. Well, Ashleigh chose you the minute she met you. She saw you and wanted you for her daughter and then she met your daddy and he wanted you, too. Don’t you think that’s special? Don’t you think there are thousands and probably millions of little boys and girls who don’t have parents? She could have picked any of them, but she chose you.”
Bella blinked, her blue eyes suddenly misty. “She did pick me. She’s even kind of adopted Angel.” Angel was Bella’s biological twenty-year-old sister.
“Exactly.”
“But what will I do when the baby comes? Mommy said babies need a lot of care because they’re helpless and can’t do anything for themselves. If she’s taking care of the baby, who’s going to take care of me?”
“Well, Jolinda will still be here, and your mom is going to hire someone to help with the baby, too.” Jolinda was Bella’s nanny.
“I like when it’s just me and Mommy. And Brock, but he’s always playing hockey now that summer’s over.”
“You’ll still have lots of time with your mom, you’ll see.”
“Can I spend ti
me with you, Aunt Rachel?”
“Of course. I know we haven’t had a sleepover in a while, but you know I was sick and had surgery, right?”
Bella nodded.
“I’m starting to feel better, so we’ll be able to do that again soon.”
“Okay.”
“How about we go eat dinner now and then maybe you can help us put the crib together?” Rachel got up and held out her hand.
Bella hesitated but put her smaller hand in hers and nodded. “Okay. And I’ll tell Mommy I’m sorry I hurt her feelings.”
“That’s a good girl. I’m proud of you.” Rachel hugged her, and they walked down the hall towards the kitchen. They’d just started helping Ashleigh unpack the food that had been delivered when they heard the beeping indicating someone had opened the front door.
“Who’s that?” Rachel asked just as a loud booming voice reverberated through the house.
“Anybody home?”
“Daddy!” Bella flew out of the kitchen and towards the front door, throwing herself into Brock’s arms. “What are you doing here?”
“Tomorrow’s practice is optional,” he said, “and I had to see my two, er, three favorite girls!” He winked at Rachel.
“Hi.” Ashleigh moved into his arms and he kissed her tenderly, one hand traveling to her baby bump while the other held Bella tightly against his side.
“We were just about to eat, are you hungry?” Ashleigh asked.
He grinned. “Always.”
“You can share mine,” Ashleigh said. “I wish I’d known you were coming home.”
“I wanted to surprise you. I don’t see you enough.”
“I know.”
“You can have some of mine, too,” Rachel offered. “I can’t eat a whole plate from this place.”
They settled at the table and had just dug in when Bella said, “How come Uncle Vlad didn’t come?”
Ashleigh choked on the bite in her mouth while Brock grimaced.
“He has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow morning,” Rachel lied smoothly. “So he couldn’t get away.”
“Don’t you miss him?” Bella’s blue eyes were guileless.
“I do,” Rachel said softly, staring down at her food but suddenly not hungry.
“Can we call him after dinner?”
“After dinner, we have to show Daddy the mess in the baby’s room,” Ashleigh interjected.
“What mess?” Brock asked, frowning.
Bella rolled her eyes. “You should see, Daddy—they’re trying to build the crib but they’re not very good with the hammer. They were using a lot of bad words.”
Brock bit his lip not to laugh, his blue eyes twinkling. “I see. I guess girls aren’t meant to build things.”
Ashleigh narrowed her eyes playfully. “No one asked for your help, mister. Rachel and I have a handle on it, we’re just a little slow because we’re out of practice. When was the last time you put together a crib?”
Brock chuckled. “Never, but I can do it faster than you two.”
“Whatever.” Rachel waved a dismissive hand. “After dinner, you play with Bella and let the women get this done.”
“Suit yourself.” Brock winked at Bella. “Bella and I can watch a movie.”
The banter was lighthearted, and Rachel found herself envious of their little family unit. Bella was generally a great little girl and Brock and Ashleigh were crazy in love. She’d envisioned something similar with her and Vlad a thousand times, but now it felt like more fantasy than reality.
“Have you talked to him?” Brock asked her while Ashleigh and Bella loaded the dishwasher and he walked with her to the nursery.
She shook her head. “I went to a wellness spa, de-stressed, talked to a counselor, got my head on straight. I just got back to L.A. a few hours ago.”
“Something’s off with him,” he said. “I can’t put my finger on it, but if you two haven’t talked or fought since he left L.A., something else is going on.”
“We’ve had no contact at all for over a week,” Rachel said.
“Do you think that might be why?” Ashleigh suggested, joining them.
“No, this was more acute.” Brock scratched his goatee.
“You think it has to do with something he found out in Russia?” Rachel asked with concern. “Toli’s father had some info but last I heard Toli hadn’t found anything out yet.”
“I don’t know, but now that you mention it, both of them are acting funny.”
“I’m probably not the right person to talk to him,” Rachel said quietly.
“I think you’re exactly the right person.”
“Okay.” Rachel sighed. “I’ll call him.”
He nodded. “That’s a good idea.”
“Thanks for letting me know.” She squeezed his arm.
“All right, so show me the nursery.” Brock called out to Ashleigh.
His wife folded her arms. “Not if you’re going to be mean.”
“I’m not going to be mean!” he laughed, pulling her close and kissing her upturned face. “You’re carrying my son—I could never be mean.”
“Daughter.”
“Son.”
“Daughter,” Bella added. “I want a baby sister.”
“You do?” Ashleigh looked surprised.
“I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings when I called the baby stupid,” Bella whispered.
Ashleigh drew her into the hug with Brock, not bothering to correct her since she’d called the nursery, not the baby, stupid. “That’s okay, pumpkin. I know you’ve had a lot of changes in the last year.”
“But this is going to be a good thing,” Brock said tenderly, lifting Bella with one arm and hugging her. “You girls are really going to outnumber me if it’s another girl, you know? You’ll be putting nail polish on me in my sleep.”
Bella giggled.
Watching them, Rachel smiled to herself. Maybe things weren’t as complicated as she thought. Love seemed to be their number one asset, and there was an abundance of it. She had a lot of love to give, too, and she grudgingly admitted that though it was too soon, adopting a child would be a wonderful thing, whether she could have a biological child or not. A child like Vlad. From Russia. She wasn’t sure where the idea came from, but it was so strong and poignant, it immediately began to take root. Except she and Vlad weren’t even speaking, much less planning their life together. It might be time to change that. Luckily, she would see him tomorrow.
33
Rachel called Vlad when she got home, biting her lip as she waited for him to answer.
“Rachel?” He sounded surprised and confused.
“Hi. Did I wake you up?”
“No, I’m just a little hungover. I drank too much last night…”
“Why were you drinking like that during hockey season?”
“Look, this isn’t the best time for us to talk.”
“Okay. When do you want to? Tomorrow?”
“No. Sorry. I don’t know.” He took a deep breath. “How are you feeling?”
“Better than you, probably. We need to talk about us, but it sounds like something else is going on, so maybe we should talk about that first.”
“You have no idea.”
“Then tell me.”
“I’d rather talk about us.”
“Okay.” She settled onto the couch. “First, I’m sorry for the way I acted and some of the things I said the last time we were together. I was angry.”
“At me?”
She shook her head even though he couldn’t see her. “At the world. The cancer, fate, my body… I felt so betrayed.”
“Has that changed?”
“I spoke to a therapist and she gave me a lot to think about.”
“Like what?”
She repeated some of the Ginnie’s insights. “But the main thing was, if my illness had been anything but cancer, I would’ve forgiven you and we would already be back together. While I’m still hurt by what you did, I can forgive you. I’m j
ust not sure I can forgive myself.”
“For what? Getting cancer?”
She shrugged. “It’s not reasonable, but there it is. I feel like a failure, like this disease and my body ruined our future.”
He snorted. “Just wait until you hear my news.”
“No matter what it is, if you love me and are willing to try to rebuild what we had, it doesn’t matter.”
When he spoke again, he sounded utterly defeated. “I don’t know if I’m coming or going right now, honey. I definitely still love you, but I don’t have anything left to rebuild anything… I can barely look in the mirror.”
“Why? What happened? Talk to me.”
His voice was so soft she almost couldn’t hear him. “I know who my father is.”
“Who?” She was whispering, too.
“Anatoly Petrov.”
“What?” She was shocked.
“Not our Toli,” he corrected slowly. “Anatoly… A-N-A-T-O-L-Y. His father.”
“His father…” She struggled to wrap her head around this new information.
“His father had an affair with another KGB agent. They had me and gave me up because he wouldn’t leave his wife and she was afraid the child of an agent would always be in danger.”
“So Toli and Sergei are your half-brothers.”
“Yes.”
“But, honey, isn’t this kind of a good thing? I mean, not what your father did, but the fact you have two brothers. Real, blood brothers.”
“I don’t know what to do with that information.”
“Why do you have to do anything with it? Why can’t you just continue the relationship you already have and build on it?”
“I don’t know.”
“Toli isn’t upset with you, is he?”
“No, not with me, but this has hit him hard as well, knowing his father not just had an affair, but produced a child he abandoned.”
“He didn’t completely abandon you.”
Vlad shook his head. “Please don’t defend him. I’m not ready for that.”
“Okay. What can I do?”
He took a breath. “I know this sounds terrible, but…”
“You need some space.” She’d been expecting it, but it still hurt.