by Kat Mizera
“I love you,” he whispered. “I just need a little time.”
“How much?”
“I’m not sure, but I’ll call you.”
She wanted to make him promise, to get some kind of commitment from him, but she had no right to do that, not after how much they’d been through already. She’d done what she needed to do and now he would do what he needed. All that was left was her faith that he’d come for her when he was ready.
After sitting up half the night thinking about Rachel, Anatoly Petrov, and the events of the last two months, Vlad finally got out of bed at dawn. He was tired, but sleep wasn’t coming at this point. He had breakfast and went straight to the arena for practice and a team meeting. The best thing for him right now was distract himself from everything.
When they were finished for the day, he stopped Toli in the parking lot, the awkwardness between them new and distinctly uncomfortable.
“Can we go somewhere and talk?” he asked.
“Of course.” Toli met his eyes. “I don’t want things to be weird between us. You were already like a brother to me. This new development doesn’t have to change anything.”
“I hope not.”
“Let’s go back to my house,” Toli said. “We can sit outside on the patio and talk.”
“Okay.”
Vlad followed him back to the house and they spent a few minutes chatting with Tessa before she disappeared. Toli grabbed two beers, handed one to Vlad, and led him outside. Toli took a swig as he sank into a chair and Vlad followed suit, neither of them talking at first.
“Have you talked to your dad?” Vlad asked.
“No. I don’t trust that his phone isn’t compromised, and he knows I’m never going back to Russia. I’ve applied to become an American citizen since both my wife and now two of my children are born here.”
“I don’t have that option.”
“Of course you do.”
“I don’t know what’s happening with Rachel and I.”
“Why? I heard she wanted to see you.”
Vlad scowled. “And I blew her off.”
“Why?”
“I don’t fucking know.”
“You two are a hot mess.”
“I know.”
“You worked so hard to win her back and now you’ve randomly changed your mind?”
“It wasn’t random. She needed time and now, so do I.”
“What, exactly, is so bad you needed to hurt her again?”
“What are you talking about?” Vlad scowled at him. “I didn’t hurt her. I told her I loved her and explained everything that’s happened. I told her I’d call after I got my head out of my ass.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.”
“So you did hurt her a little, whether she said so or not.”
“Is this you playing big brother?”
“Dude. I was your big brother long before we got that DNA test.”
Vlad cut his eyes to him. “What are you talking about?”
“Who did you text the night you met Rachel, asking for advice about how to treat a girl? Your best friend Brock, or me?”
Vlad sighed. “You speak Russian and I hadn’t yet—”
“Who explained to you the difference between making love and fucking, even though you’ve probably been with as many women as I have?”
“You, but—”
“Who took a big-ass risk to ask my father a question we both knew I shouldn’t have asked?”
This time Vlad swallowed hard and looked away, silent.
“And who took care of this fucking DNA test to figure out the riddle of your past?”
“You did.” Vlad raised his head and looked at him as if for the first time.
“Who’s always been there for you, even before we were close friends?”
“My big brother.” Vlad felt a sweep of emotion so strong he had to use his thumb and forefinger to press against his eyelids in a valiant attempt to keep anything even vaguely resembling a tear from escaping.
“We’re brothers,” Toli whispered, equally emotional as he looked at Vlad. “Real blood relatives.”
“Fuck.” Vlad stared back. “Do we look alike? We kind of do, don’t we?”
“Your eyes aren’t blue, but we’re both tall and blond.”
“We’re both athletic.”
“That we are.”
“What do we do? I mean, now what?”
“It’s going to be all right, you know. Our father has been throwing me curve balls my entire life, but this time it’s not a bad thing. I know it probably sucked for you as a kid and you probably hate him, yet look where we are. Look how he managed to make us a family without saying or doing anything.”
“Did he…” Vlad lifted his eyes, meeting Toli’s. “Are you saying he somehow…” He couldn’t finish his thought because it was so hard to imagine a lifelong KGB agent from Moscow somehow rigging the NHL entry draft.
“Did he somehow orchestrate your being chosen by the NHL? No, I don’t think so. He simply made sure you had every opportunity to be noticed. If you didn’t have the natural ability, it would have been out of his control. Once you showed the talent, he probably got you the exposure, talked to scouts he knew in Russia about you, who then talked to other scouts, and here you are. Did he somehow nudge the Sidewinders to pick you up during the expansion draft? Possibly. You were already on Coach Barnett’s radar. If you remember, Dom, Cody, and I got here early to have an unofficial role in the process of picking the new team. Because we knew him and because he wanted us on the team, he gave us that added incentive and you were on my radar as well.” He paused and then closed his eyes.
“What?” Vlad was watching him.
“You were on my radar because my father mentioned the hot young Russian player who’d been drafted but hadn’t yet played in the NHL.”
“I was drafted by Buffalo but because they weren’t sure if I was ready yet, and I didn’t speak any English, they allowed me to stay and play one more year on the national men’s team in Russia. I was supposed to go to Buffalo, but after the expansion draft, Buffalo told me they’d traded me and I was going to Las Vegas.”
“If my father had a part in that, neither of us need to know about it. All you need to know is he would never hurt us. Not me, not Sergei, not my children, and not you, either. He’s a tough, weathered old man, but everything he’s done has been to protect us.”
“It doesn’t feel like it,” Vlad admitted.
“No, of course not. You didn’t have the benefit of growing up with him, seeing him do the things he did to make our lives better. He and my mother purposely didn’t have children until they were in their early thirties because neither of them wanted their children to be in danger. Sergei and I were both accidents, and after he was born, she had her tubes tied to avoid anymore.”
“And then there was me. Did they not believe in condoms back then?”
Toli could only smile. “I didn’t think it prudent to ask.”
“So my whole life was orchestrated by some Russian spy who accidentally fathered three sons?” Vlad was pissed, and he didn’t know exactly why.
“I can’t make excuses for his choices, especially not the one where he got a woman other than my mother pregnant, but I can tell you he did what he did after we were born to protect us. I’m sorry you had to find out this way and if you’d prefer we ended our relationship, I understand.”
“Don’t be a dick.” Vlad made a face at him. “Like you said, you were my brother long before you were my brother… I’m not going to end jack shit.”
“Then what’s left to do?”
“Rachel,” Vlad said quietly. “What’s left is fixing things with Rachel.”
“Perhaps you shouldn’t rush things.”
“I’m not going to,” Vlad said quietly. “I’m going to call her and talk things out. I’m going to find a therapist, someone I can talk to, the way she did and we’re going to take a little time to fall in
love again. Then I’m going to marry her.”
“Good plan.”
34
Vlad was too busy with hockey to go to L.A. so Rachel agreed to come to Las Vegas. She wasn’t going back to Vampire Legend until after the holiday break, so they’d agreed to use this time to determine if they could rebuild their relationship or if it was time to call it quits. They loved each other, but a lot had happened in a very short amount of time. On the phone, they’d both been cautious and reserved, something that wasn’t easy for either of them. It seemed natural for him to suggest she come stay with him, so they could connect again before they made any major decisions.
When she got out of the taxi, he was waiting at the entrance to his building and hurried out to kiss her and grab her suitcase. He held her hand as they got in the elevator and watched her carefully to see how she was behaving. She seemed relaxed but a bit more like herself, with her hair styled and light makeup on her face. When she noticed him looking at her, she tipped her head up and smiled.
“Why are you staring at me like you did the night we met?”
He shrugged. “’Cause you’re even more beautiful now than you were then.”
“I’ll be twenty-six soon.”
“Ancient by Hollywood standards.”
They chuckled together, and he unlocked the door to his condo. After he’d put her suitcase in his closet, he came out and found her on the couch, her legs stretched out across the leather. She was in capris but still showed off her shapely calves and pretty little feet, something he hadn’t thought about in a long time. Between the break-up and knowing she wasn’t allowed to have sex, he hadn’t thought about her silky skin, round ass, and perfect breasts that fit right in his mouth. He sighed, wanting to devour her one minute and chide himself for being a jerk the next. He tried to remember how long the doctor suggested she wait to have sex but there was no guarantee she was interested anyway.
He lifted her legs and sat beside her, letting them rest on his lap as he reached for her hand.
“Where do we begin?” he asked softly, all thoughts of sex far away now that she’d fixed her big blue eyes on him sadly.
“I have a confession,” she said softly.
“Okay.” She looked so sad he wondered what she could have done.
“When I got the cancer diagnosis, I wasn’t thinking straight. You and I had just broken up and it was such a shock, I couldn’t process everything right away. Luckily, Jamie was with me at the appointment with the surgeon and he asked all the questions I should have been thinking about.”
“Like what?”
“Like whether or not we could freeze some of my eggs to use later.”
“Freeze them?” He frowned.
“Usually it takes about three weeks to get everything ready, but we skipped one of the steps because I didn’t want to wait that long.” She explained how it worked and that she’d done it, even though she herself hadn’t asked many detailed questions or thought about how she would utilize them in the future. “So technically, if we decide to try, we’d have to find a surrogate to carry the baby. Since I’m just twenty-five, the eggs should be healthy if they’re not frozen too long, and statistically there’s about a seventy-percent chance they’ll be viable. Once the surrogate is pregnant, there’s a ninety-five percent chance the pregnancy will progress normally. Unless there are unforeseen circumstances, those types of pregnancies aren’t high-risk at all. There’s a lot more to it than that, but that’s the overview. If you want to know more, we can go see the fertility specialist I used.”
“Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me?”
“Well, a lot of reasons. First, and this was the big one, because I didn’t want you to stay with me simply because there was still a chance we might have a biological child. Second, in my bleary, terrified state back then, all I could focus on were the negatives. On paper, they only promise about a sixty percent success rate, but when you take into account the fact that, cancer notwithstanding, I’m only twenty-five and in perfect health, that ups that number. If we don’t wait too long to use them, it goes up even more. I convinced myself it wasn’t a good enough risk, that you would still leave…” She sighed. “I know I was highly emotional and not thinking as clearly as I should have been, but those fears are still there, in the back of my mind.”
He hadn’t spoken, allowing her to say everything she wanted to say before he chimed in. The first thing he did was bring her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles gently, sweetly, all while holding her gaze.
“First,” he said quietly. “I know I can’t prove it to you, but you have to trust in my love and the strength of our bond. I adore you. You’re not just my girlfriend—you’re my everything. I would leave hockey for you. Today. Right now. Ask it of me and I’ll do it.” He paused. “Of course, we’d be broke if you ever stopped working because I don’t know how to do anything else, but if it was you or hockey, I’ll pick you every time.” He was grinning playfully, and she smiled.
“You’re a pretty good-looking guy,” she mused playfully. “I’m sure we could get you some modeling work.”
He grimaced. “Really?”
They laughed before he continued. “Second, and I’m serious now, I don’t care about having our own children. Would I love it? Absolutely. My heart nearly exploded in my chest when you said you’d saved some of your eggs. But, and this is a big one, we don’t have to. If we try and they don’t work—I’m not sure what the terminology is—I’m okay with that. If we want to do this, we’ll research carefully for the woman who carries it…what are they called again?”
“Surrogates.”
“Yes, we’ll research carefully for a surrogate.”
“Aren’t you mad I didn’t tell you?”
“Babe. I left you at the altar because I woke up and decided being a bastard orphan from Moscow with no lineage wasn’t good enough to marry the woman of my dreams… Neither of us were very rational.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me, too.” He ran his hands over her shins, his thoughts racing in multiple directions. “I don’t know where we go from here, Rachel. I love you and I know you love me, but is it enough? It is for me, but you still look uncomfortable, as if you’re waiting for something bad to happen.”
“I’m gun-shy,” she admitted. “The cancer thing came out of nowhere. I never thought about it and then it slammed through my life, changing everything.”
“Not everything,” he corrected mildly. “You’re still you. It means you can’t carry a child, but there’s a good chance you can still have one. You’re still strong, beautiful, and kind. You’re still the woman I love.”
“I love you, too.” She moved her legs so she could rest against him and wrap her arms around his neck. “But it’s not going to be smooth sailing. A lot of these mood swings I’ve been having are because the hysterectomy caused menopause to start. I haven’t had any hot flashes yet, but the doctor said it could happen. Everyone is different so there’s no way to know how intense menopause will be, if at all.”
“Is there anything you can do to make it better? Medicine?”
“There are hormone therapies and lots of natural choices, but since it hasn’t been too bad so far, I’ve been waiting to get a feel for it.”
“We’ll deal with it. As long as you love me, I can deal with anything.”
“I do. No matter what’s happened, I can’t leave you. If you didn’t want me anymore, I don’t think I would be able to breathe again without it hurting. Every breath I take is for you. As hurt and angry as I was, it was your face I saw in my dreams before and after surgery. It was you I fought for, even though I pretended otherwise.”
“And it’s you who got me through every new discovery, both when I was in Russia and now that I’m home. As things started to unravel, I realized how much strength you bring to me. Without you, I’m weak, tired, empty. Together, we can do anything.”
He heard her sniffle and gently lifted her chin. “Don’t cry, my lo
ve. If I’m not the man you need anymore, I’ll—”
She lifted her face and kissed him, hard, her lips practically fused to his though she didn’t use her tongue. “You’ll always be the man I need.”
“Then why are you crying?”
“So much pain and sadness instead of love and light and being newlyweds. We’ve lost so much.”
“I’m twenty-three and you’re twenty-five,” he said. “We’ve lost a little more than two months. In the grand scheme of life, this isn’t so much, you know? It gave us time to grow up, in ways we never thought of. Maybe this isn’t a bad thing.”
“Did you learn that from your therapist?” she asked, swiping at her eyes.
“Yes.”
She smiled. “I’m glad. I’ve learned a lot, too.”
“How about we stop overthinking everything and just be in love again? I’d like very much to see my ring back on your finger, but we don’t have to set a date or get married right away. I’d like you to bring half your things here again and get my boxes out of your garage.”
“I’d like to buy a house here, too.”
“If that’s what you want, we can start looking immediately.”
“Then you’re right. We need to start living instead of talking about it. Things will fall into place or they won’t but waiting for the right time is stupid.”
“I agree, but there’s one more thing we need to talk about.”
“What?”
“Adoption.”
“I didn’t mean the things I said,” she whispered guiltily. “I was angry at the world and lashed out. I’m open to it.”
“I know. That’s not what I mean. I’d like…” He took a deep breath. “When the time is right and we’re both ready, I’d like to adopt a child from Russia. A child we can spare living the life I lived.”
She was startled they’d both had the same thought and couldn’t help but smile. “I thought of that while I was at the spa. We’re on the same wavelength with this. I think it’s a fantastic idea since you’ve said the orphanages in Moscow were packed.”
He nodded. “Yes, there were orphans everywhere. In the orphanages, the churches, the streets… if we can save even one of those children, it would make me very, very happy.”