by Claire Adams
“You’re not just waiting until we meet in court, are you?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper.
“What?” Ace asked, sounding outraged. “I thought we agreed we weren’t going to go to court.”
“I know,” I said. “But you were the one who asked for the DNA test, and I guess I kind of blew you off yesterday, and I don’t know. I just don’t know what you’re thinking. That’s all.”
Ace made a noise of frustration. “What I’m thinking is that I’m just busy this week, that’s all,” he said, sounding peeved. “You use that excuse all the time. And I get that it’s different since you have Ava to look after, but I have projects, too.”
“Right,” I said in a small voice. “Sorry.” I was surprised to feel tears pricking the corners of my eyes. Bad enough that I couldn’t have him. Bad enough that he didn’t want to see me at all. But on top of all of that, he was angry with me, too.
I wished desperately that I could go back and tell him about Ava sooner, before he figured it all out on his own. Would that have changed things? Or could that possibly have made things even worse, just springing her existence on him like that? This way, at least he’d had time to wrap his head around it before I confirmed the truth.
I didn’t know whether that was better or not.
“No, it’s fine,” Ace said, his tone changing just like that. He sounded tired. “I just really am busy this week. What’s your weekend looking like? I could meet you at the park on Saturday.”
Saturday felt like it was a long way off. I hated having to wait, especially for something like this. The longer we waited, the more I was going to start second-guessing myself. But I didn’t know how to tell him no, that we needed to meet sooner. Like he said, I understood what it was like to have a busy schedule.
I just didn’t understand how he was suddenly so busy. It seemed pretty suspicious, in fact. I wanted to ask him about it, but I also could tell that he didn’t really want to be on the phone with me right now. And I also didn’t totally feel like I deserved to know what he was up to. I didn’t know where he and I stood at the moment. We definitely weren’t in a relationship; I had ruined that.
My mind immediately started jumping to all sorts of different conclusions, though. Most of them wildly unlikely. Like the idea that he might have already found a new girlfriend, one who didn’t come with baggage. One who didn’t have his kid, one who hadn’t lied to him. Maybe he was busy with her all week.
But that was silly, and I knew that. I felt jealous of whoever it was that was taking up his time that week, though.
I shrugged, even though he couldn’t see it. “Saturday is fine,” I said, wondering if he was planning on bringing that other woman, Sadie, to our talk. Maybe he thought we needed to be supervised.
I hated the idea of that. But I didn’t want to say anything, to jump to conclusions.
“How about lunchtime on Saturday?” Ace suggested. “I’ll bring us a picnic.”
“Sure, that sounds great,” I agreed, But I still hated having to wait. I’d never been the most patient person, and when it came to this, well.
There was nothing I could do about it, though. We said our goodbyes and hung up.
34
Ace
Thursday morning, I wasn’t feeling great physically, but mentally I was totally buoyant. George and I had gone out for drinks the night before to celebrate the new venture. By the time I’d gotten home, mildly tipsy, I'd been thinking about Harper. I’d cracked open more than a few beers with Stone. I just hadn’t felt like going to bed just yet. But now, I thought that I had probably overdone it. I wasn’t drinking as much lately, and my tolerance was shot to hell.
Miserable as I felt, I was still thinking about Harper. I wished I’d been able to see her sooner. I’d actually been surprised when she called to schedule our meetup; it seemed like total role reversal. Suddenly, she had plenty of free time, but now I didn’t. There was so much to do with the new training school. That was our first week of real business, and my schedule was packed.
Besides, I was still trying to figure out what I really wanted out of the situation with Harper. The more I thought about it, the more I knew I wanted my relationship with Harper again, but I wanted a relationship with my daughter as well. And I wasn’t sure that I was willing to risk my relationship with my daughter if things went south between Harper and me.
For the first time, I started to understand how Harper must have felt when she and I had first bumped into each other there in Boston. No wonder she had been so reluctant to start something with me again. She just wanted what was best for Ava. And now, so did I.
I just wasn’t entirely sure what that was.
That wasn’t the only thing on my mind now, though. George and I had signed all the paperwork, the new space was leased, and I was officially a protection and service dog trainer. I’d have my own office and everything. Not only that, but after a solid day of convincing, I’d gotten Sadie to agree to work with me.
I smiled, thinking about that. I knew exactly how lucky I’d been to land the job with George when I came back. Now, I had the opportunity to hire people as well, and I intended only to hire veterans. Even if they were people like Sadie who didn’t have much formal experience in the field, I knew they could be trained. Besides, they had many of the skills that they needed in order to be trainers. No one understood discipline quite like an ex-military member.
I hoped that Sadie would be the first of many people I would hire. But for now, we had a small crew and a large number of dogs coming in. Things were starting to feel hectic already, but I liked it. For the first time since I was in the field, I felt like I had a position. A schedule. Things that needed to get done every day. And I liked that.
That morning, Sadie and I rode out to the new office space. The building was pretty nondescript. It used to be a veterinarian’s, so it was set up pretty much exactly how we needed it, with space for a bunch of animals inside. Our front, there was a large, fenced-in area, and there was an even bigger plot of land out behind it. We’d have to figure out something to do about the grass in the backyard; it was thin and scraggly, with more dirt than anything else. I wanted a nice place for our dogs to roam.
Even if they were well-trained service dogs, they deserved to have a nice place to run around when they weren’t being trained.
Sadie and I wandered around the building and the yard. “This place is so perfect,” Sadie said. “I mean, I know you said that it was, but I guess I didn’t really know what to expect still. This is going to be great.”
“Still sad that you left your desk job for this?”
“Not at all,” Sadie said, shaking her head. “Don’t get me wrong, being a secretary for some pompous ass in a high tower was always my dream, but I like that this is a lot more hands-on.”
I laughed. “No love lost between you and Dr. Coulbin, then?” I asked.
“None at all,” Sadie said succinctly, shaking her head. “Seriously, thanks again for bringing me in on this project. I’ll do my best not to let you down.”
“You’re not going to let me down,” I told her exasperatedly. “All you have to do is exactly what we’ve been doing with Vixen. In the beginning, I’ll handle teaching all of the complex tricks, so all you’re going to have to worry about is putting them through their paces. Getting them their exercise.”
“And cleaning up their poop, right?” Sadie asked, her eyes twinkling.
“And cleaning up their poop,” I agreed with a snort.
Sadie looked around the empty kennel. Everything was set up the way that it would be once we had the dogs there. Beds were out, and food was ready, but it was still empty.
“I can’t wait until we can get all the dogs in here. When do they start coming in?”
“I think some of the police dogs are arriving in the next couple days, so we’ll have plenty to work on. Plus we’ve got the few that are coming over with us from the other practice.”
“Right,” Sadi
e said. “And that’s when my formal training begins?”
I laughed. “You’ve already done your quote-unquote formal training,” I told her. “What do you think we’ve been doing when we work in the park with Vixen? That’s exactly the kind of stuff that I want you to start doing with some of the new dogs. Remember that some of the dogs coming in here aren’t even going to know basic commands like ‘sit.’ I’m sure you can teach those.”
“Probably,” Sadie agreed, grinning at me. She reached down absently to put a hand on Vixen’s back. Then, she shot me a guilty look. “Hey, I just wanted to say, I’m sorry again that I kind of stuck my foot in things with what I said about Ava being your daughter.”
I sighed and sat down on one of the desks. “Actually, if you can believe it, you were right,” I told her.
“What?” Sadie asked in surprise, looking sharply at me.
“You were right,” I said again. “Ava is actually my daughter. Harper confirmed it.”
“How is that even possible?” Sadie asked. “Didn’t you say that the two of you had just started dating when I met her? Not that you acted like it at all. You seemed like you’d known one another for years. Intimately.”
“We kind of had,” I told her. “I met Harper in Kuwait; she was there as a journalist. And we had one perfect night together, but then my unit headed out to the front line on a mission, and I didn’t have the chance to tell her goodbye. And by the time I got back to camp, she was already gone. I figured she must have finished up her interviews and come back home. I thought she had more time over there, but apparently, I was wrong, or things changed, or something.”
I paused. “I don’t want to say that I forgot about her, but I wasn’t really pining for her or anything like that. But then I happened to run into her again here in Boston, and we hit it off. I knew about Ava right from the start, but I didn’t know she was mine. I didn’t know who the dad was.”
“Didn’t you do the math?” Sadie asked, rolling her eyes.
I gave her a look. “I did, but you know how time is when you’re in the field. I didn’t know exactly how long it had been since Harper was over there.”
“That’s fair,” Sadie said, nodding. “But still. She’s your kid?”
“Yeah,” I said.
“What did you say when Harper told you?”
“I asked her, actually,” I said. “I just kept thinking about what you said, about how Ava looked so much like me. And I realized you were right. I was pretty sure she was my kid. So I asked.”
“And the three of you lived happily ever after?” Sadie joked.
I looked away from her. “Not exactly,” I admitted. “I was just so mad at Harper for not having told me the truth right away. For never having told me that she was pregnant. So I walked out on dinner, and then I had a paternity test sent to her.”
“Ouch,” Sadie said. “Bet she didn’t take that very well.”
I shook my head. “The thing is, I really like her. And Ava is adorable and amazing, and I still am kind of shell-shocked to find out that I have a kid.”
“As you should be,” Sadie said seriously. “But you have to take care of that little girl. She needs her daddy.”
“I know,” I said quietly. “I’m working on it.”
“Are you and Harper still in a relationship?”
“We put that on hold for now,” I admitted. “And I think that’s for the best, but at the same time, I want to figure things out between us. Sooner, rather than later.” I shrugged. “We’re going to have a picnic in the park on Saturday and talk about everything. Try to figure things out without having to get lawyers and things involved.”
“That’s good,” Sadie said encouragingly. “Must be hard for you to stop seeing her, though, huh? I thought for sure that she was your wife, or at least your fiancée. The two of you were so close to one another.”
“Yeah,” I sighed. “I don’t know how to explain it. It sounds super girly. But from the time that I met Harper, I just kind of knew that there was no way I was ever going to be able to forget about her. She’s just special.”
“So are you going to start seeing other people, then, if you’re not seeing each other?” Sadie asked curiously.
I shook my head. “To be honest, I’m still waiting for Harper to realize that we’re perfect for each other,” I told her. “I don’t know what it’s going to take to do that, but I have hope. And I sent her flowers,” I admitted. “Both of them, actually. Harper and Ava. Exotic flowers for Harper, and something that was just plain pretty for Ava.”
Sadie shook her head. “You’re a really good guy, Bradley.”
I snorted. “Not always,” I said. “But I do my best.” I had to admit that I was warmed by her praise, though. It was the closest I had ever gotten to someone telling me that I was nothing like my father.
Sadie and I finished our walk-through of the new building. “I can’t wait to get this place up and running,” I said, excitement coursing through my veins. There was still something missing; I still wanted to share all of this with Harper, but things felt good at the moment.
Like everything might really work out.
This was the best that I’d felt since I’d come back from overseas. And I could tell Sadie felt it, too. I led her back to my truck and headed back toward the old training facility, where we still had plenty of work to do, but I couldn’t resist looking back in the rearview mirror, cataloging everything about the new building.
This was definitely an exciting time in my life. Career, family, and everything else. It all seemed to be coming together in a way I had never imagined I might want. But I was pretty damn happy about it all.
35
Harper
Saturday morning finally came around, and I couldn’t help panicking a little. I couldn’t decide if I should bring Ava with me or not. I knew that Ace probably wanted to see her. And she was his kid, after all. Plus, I doubted he would storm off again if Ava was there like he had before. Anyway, I could use a little time with Ava, and she would love to go out on a picnic on a bright, sunny day like this. She could play on the playground while Ace and I talked. She wouldn’t have to hear anything about the fact that he was her dad.
In the end, though, I decided that it was probably best that she not be there. Who knew what would happen between Ace and me? If we started fighting, I didn’t want her to see it. I ended up leaving her with Maisie and going alone to the park.
I was still feeling unsure about this whole meeting. I knew that I owed it to both of us to at least talk things through with Ace, but it was hard to steel my nerves for this. I kept thinking about everything that I owed him. There were three years of Ava’s life that he was never going to be able to get back. But we couldn’t start a healthy relationship with the feeling that we owed something to one another.
Somehow, we needed to find a way to level the playing field.
I had blamed him, initially, for getting me pregnant. I knew that no birth control was 100 percent, but it had felt like he had somehow planned it. That was part of why I hadn’t wanted to tell him about Ava right away. Because I’d been angry with him, like this was somehow his fault more than mine.
I liked to make excuses for that one. With all the hormones rushing through my body, I hadn’t been thinking clearly.
I knew that it wasn’t Ace’s fault. It takes two to tango and all of that. But even beyond that, it was hard to blame someone for something that ended up being such a good thing in my life. I’d had to make changes in my life plan because of her. I’d had to make sacrifices. But if I went back and did it all over again, I would do things exactly the same way. I’d always wanted to be a foreign correspondent, but to be honest, I liked being here in Boston, right up the road from Mom, covering things that were important to people in my community. It was just as fulfilling as anything I had done in Kuwait.
And that was what this really came down to, in the end. Part of why I was scared to tell Ace about Ava was that he hadn�
�t had to make sacrifices in the same way. I didn’t think he would understand what I had gone through. I had thought he didn’t want kids, that he wasn’t prepared ever to make those same sacrifices.
And to be honest, that was what had hurt me the most. It was knowing that I couldn’t rely on him. That he wasn’t there to be my partner.
What I had forgotten was that he was a military man. He was disciplined. He’d made sacrifices I could never even fathom. They might have been different sacrifices, sure, but underneath it all, we had walked two very different paths to get to the same place.
At least, I hoped we were in the same place. That was why I needed to talk to him, to finally figure out what he was thinking. I was done trying to guess what was going on in his head.
Ace was already there when I arrived, sitting at a picnic table by himself.
“Hey,” he said as I walked up. He got up from the table and gave me a hug, and it was all I could do to restrain myself. He smelled good, he felt good, and he looked good.
This was going to be more difficult than I had expected. I needed to keep my wits about me, not be swayed by the first pangs of lust.
I’d missed him, though. That was the honest truth. It had been a while now since we’d seen each other, a while since we’d even talked, and I didn’t realize how badly my soul had craved this.
“Where’s Ava?” Ace asked as he pulled away. I couldn’t tell if he was suspicious or not.
“I felt better leaving her with Maisie,” I told him. “I’m not keeping her from you. Not anymore. I just thought that we have some adult stuff to talk about and that it might get emotional, and I didn’t want her to be here to see that.” I definitely didn’t want her to be there if I started crying.
“Fair enough,” Ace said, nodding slowly.
He seemed to be waiting for me to start, so finally, I took a deep breath. “I am sorry that I didn’t tell you about her sooner. That I kept her from you.” I shook my head. “She’s so wonderful. She’s been my whole world for the past three years.”