A Pox Upon Us

by Ron Foster

  “Hell boy if you got ice for a drink lets head your way, come on feets don’t fail me now! Get a move on Charles, I see a Lynchburg Lemonade in the making” Jebidiah said trying to keep up with Margo as they headed to the Dennis` “Prepper shack”.

  “Hey, hold on there now, those girls are still a bit jittery and well ARMED. You best let me do some hollering about “check fire” before we look like targets even though they know its all clear.

  “What was damn pistol shot all about anyway Dennis. I thought you might have had some extra aggressors infringing on your back 40.” Charles said pointedly

  “Damn …Me and you both, it wasn’t nothing except clearing a pistol but it was at a particularly bad time and we going to have a talk about that.” Dennis said good naturedly as he went to the front of the group to lead them into his property.

  “I heard that too! Bad enough it sounded like we were going make popcorn with the rifles over here, but then you and Charles started doing the war yells to each other and that ghost shot had me diving for cover.” Margo said pointing at the mud stains on her knees

  “I thought that come from you hiding behind a bush and trying to give an old man a heart attack.” Arnie said to pester the young woman a bit for scaring him damn near to death.

  “Oh Jeezus!! “ Dennis hollered as the neighbors husky decided to play his favorite game of sneaking up on him at the same moment.

  “Damn Arnie you got any of that heart medicine left?” Dennis said sheepishly as he recomposed himself and rubbed the friendly hounds’ ears.

  “Hell. No, I just seen you about to get ate up by a wolf! Where the hell did that dog come from anyway?” Arnie said doing his best Fred Sanford interpretation and staggering around holding his own chest misery.

  “Damn scared the hell out of me too, I damn near shot you aiming at him and that freaks me out.” Margo said a bit tearfully.

  “Like Dennis said, Drinks are in order. Don’t worry yourself darling, that wolf dog almost been shot or hit by me more times than one myself and it’s a good lesson to know what your aiming at before you point a gun barrel at it and they went to Dennis’s house with nervous laughter and a bit of paranoia.

  Wolfie scampered down the driveway towards the house and Suzy came out to greet him. “Sorry about the loose shot going off, Charlene handed me the gun without warning me there was no safety on it!” Suzy explained. “What happened out there? “She asked trying to draw attention away from her.

  “First off that darn pot of water you brought out here for that fool of a sneaky dog needs to be for Floyd, dump it on his head when he appears…where the heck is he at the moment anyway?” Dennis asked wondering what line of defense Floyd had given his home front when he was the only male about.

  .

  “You’re right about that dumping the water on him, funny thing though! Suzy said guffawing and looking in the direction of the dejected head poking up from behind Dennis’s “ballistic log”.

  “Guess What Dennis? Floyd ran for cover and sat in a big pile of doggy doo and I was headed for him to clean up a bit when you all wandered back to camp” Suzy said looking amused.

  Wolfie meantime was trying to get a drink from the stove pot she was toting but Suzy pulled it back and said “I’ll get you more; right now Floyd needs to get decent so we can stand to be around him!”

  “Hey guys, I had me a bit of an accident and you need to be understanding.” A very embarrassed Floyd called out from behind a 48 inch pine log Dennis had left for decoration or defense when he had his property cleared of trees for a garden and orchard.

  Dennis’s Mom came out of the house with a pair of pants for Floyd saying “They may be a bit small for ya but we cant call you ‘droopy drawers’ no more if you fit that butt of yours in them!” the grinning old women said relived it was just country hijinks and not the end of the world or a threat to her son.

  Suzy grabbed the pants and stainless steel cook pot in hand and headed for the woods where Floyd was waiting impatiently to get “decent” again.

  The next thing the amused visitors knew his sister Lorraine came out of the woods with about a six foot stick with his jeans and underwear preceding her.

  “Hey Lorraine if you going to surrender to us its supposed to be a WHITE FLAG, and not that brown mess you toting on the end of that stick.” Jebidiah said as Charles and Dennis leaned on each other for support while suffering gales of laughter and weakness in the knees at the humorous discomfort Floyd had gotten himself into.

  6

  Solutions

  After a great deal of laughter and good natured kidding of Floyd had ceased, it was mentioned that they all needed to have a serious talk about security in the future but right now the pressing matter of acquiring some cows needed to be addressed.

  “How much do you reckon a cow costs Jeb?” Dennis asked worriedly.

  “Well a grown steer used to cost about 800 dollars but that’s not what we will be wanting. Let’s figure out what kind of cash and barter we got I will put together the best deal I can. I would like to get some what we call “2fers” if I can Jeb said referring to a purchase of one pregnant heifer with one calf sucking that was labeled as a two for one buy.

  “I don’t know what the neighbors might be willing to contribute or even have in the way of coin and barter but we got about $800 hard cash amongst us and 40 gallons of that shine you been sipping to contribute to an effort.” Dennis offered as his tribes buy in to the cattle project.

  “What kind of price you putting on that white liquor Dennis?” Jeb said raising his eyebrows.

  “I am putting it $50.00 a gallon. Might sound a bit steep but it’s a 100 proof on a scale that I will be trading you and it can watered down for drinking or mixed as is with gas for driving. Prices are whatever a buyer will buy for or a seller will sell so argue it out at the feed lot with Andy and use your best judgment.’ Dennis said guesstimating what his hooch might be worth in these days and times.

  “That actually might be a fair going price. So you are saying that 40 gallons is worth about 2 grand huh?” Margo said after doing some mental math and conferring with Jeb.

  “How long will it take you to make more or can you make any more? You got fixings left for another batch?” Jeb asked calculating a purchase.

  “Well, that all depends on any number of things, but better say two weeks to production of another unless we can figure out a way to increase output. Also it depends on what we are making mash out of.” Charles replied.

  “I got a suggestion folks. If Jeb here has any feed corn left that ain`t assigned he wants to throw in, we can use a page and recipe I saved from

  http://www.wikihow.com/Brew-Moonshine on common creative license that might be just what we need. Hang on a sec.” Dennis said as he went to get the formula.

  Making homemade hard alcohol, also known as moonshine, can be a dangerous undertaking, but if done with caution and common sense it can be an interesting small-scale science experiment. Making moonshine is illegal in the United States, and drinking the final product is NOT recommended.

  [[Category: Spirits and Liqueurs]]

  == Steps ==

  ===Get the Equipment Ready===

  #Gather supplies. It's important to use the right supplies when you're making moonshine, because using equipment made from the wrong material can backfire - literally. For the sake of safety and the best chance of making true moonshine, collect the following supplies:

  #*A pressure cooker. Use one you don't intend to use for other purposes, or buy a new pressure cooker specifically for making moonshine.

  #*Copper tubing. You'll need about two yards of tubing that is 1/4" in width. This can be purchased at hardware or home and garden store.

  #*A drill with at least a 1/4" bit, for drilling a hole in the lid of the pressure cooker.

  #*A 15-gallon metal pot.

  #*A large plastic bucket.

  #*Cheesecloth.

  #*2.5 pounds of cornmeal, 10 pounds of sug
ar and 1/2 ounce of yeast.

  #Build a still. Drill a hole in the lid of the pressure cooker and thread it to snugly receive a 1/4" copper tubing. Insert the end of the 1/4" copper tubing into the hole, being careful that it does not project through more than an inch. This is your condensing tube.

  #*The tube should be long enough to go from the cooker to a sink and extend beyond the sink down to near the floor.

  #*If you don't want to drill a hole in the cooker's lid, you can thread it through the vent and affix it there using duct tape.

  ===Make the Mash===

  #Boil 10 gallons of water. Place the pot under the sink and fill it 2/3 way, then place the pot on the stove and turn the burner on high. Let the water come to a rolling boil.

  #Cook the cornmeal. Add the 2.5 pounds of cornmeal to the water and stir it will a wooden paddle or another instrument. Let it cook for a few minutes until the water combines with the cornmeal and thickens into a paste. Remove the mixture from heat and allow it to cool, and then pour it into the clean bucket.

  #Add the sugar and yeast. Stir in 10 pounds of sugar and 1/2 ounce of yeast. Use a wooden paddle or another large instrument to thoroughly incorporate the sugar and yeast into the mash.

  #*Bread, brewers' yeast, naturally occurring yeast or even sourdough starter may be used in place of dry yeast to start the fermentation process.

  #Ferment the mash. Loosely cover the bucket with cheesecloth and place it in a cool, dark place, such as in your cellar or basement, to allow fermentation to take place. Fermentation occurs when the yeast metabolizes the sugar and corn carbohydrates and produces alcohol.

  #*A brown or light tan foam will appear on top of the mash bucket, gradually rising up higher each day. When the mash quits working, the sugars are "used up," and you will notice the foam, or "head" is no longer rising.

  #*The mash is ready for the next stage when it stops bubbling. At this point it is referred to as "sour mash."

  ===Distill the Mash===

  #Strain the sour mash through a cheesecloth. Place the cloth over the bucket, then tip the bucket over a clean bucket or pot. You may also use a screen wire or a clean white t-shirt to strain the mash.

  #Pour the strained mash liquid into the pressure cooker. Clamp down the lid and place it on a stovetop burner. You may discard the solids that you strained out with the cheesecloth.

  #Position the copper tubing to create a condenser. Run the copper tubing run from the lid (or vent) of the pressure cooker to a sink filled with cold water. Coil the middle of the copper tubing in the cold water, then run the other end of the tube over the edge of the sink to a clean container on the floor.

  #Turn the stove on under the pressure cooker. Let the contents heat to exactly 177 degrees F (80 Celsius) and no more. This is the approximate boiling point of grain alcohol. As the pressure cooker heats, the alcohol turns into ethanol steam, travels through the condensing tube to cool. The resulting liquid drips into the container on the floor. That's the moonshine.

  #*The liquid that comes out of the copper tube before the cooker reaches 177 degrees contains methanol, which becomes steam at a lower temperature than ethanol. This low-boiling liquid must be tossed out. Methanol attacks the optic nerves when consumed. You'll probably have to throw out at least two ounces of liquid before ethanol, which can actually be consumed, begins to emerge.

  #*Keep monitoring the temperature and collecting alcohol until the temperature rises above 177 degrees or drops below it. You should be able to collect about 2 gallons of liquid.

  #Transfer the alcohol to jars. Finished moonshine is between 180 and 190 proof (90 to 95%) - practically pure grain alcohol. To make this product drinkable, responsible brewers cut it to ''half'' strength by mixing with pure spring water.

  == Tips ==

  *Using a hydrometer to test for alcohol content and a thermometer to cook the mash will give better results.

  *Most people who make "'shine" do so outside, over a wood fire, near a cold-water creek. This eliminates the danger of cooking alcohol indoors. The mash, while "working," has a very strong odor, which is another reason to do this outdoors.

  *Do not invite friends over while the mash is working. I have personally smelled mash from over a mile away while fishing on creeks in moonshine country.

  *Let the mash work as long as the head, or foam, seems to be rising, but it will ferment out and go sour, so about 10 to 14 days is maximum, depending on temperature. Yeast acts more slowly at lower temps.

  *Keep the sour mash covered, but not air tight. A wine maker's flask with an air lock would work well for this.

  *Saccharomyces cerevisiae is a singular species of yeast used in both bread and brewer’s yeast. Brewer’s yeast and Whisky yeast are carefully bred strains of Saccharomyces cerevisiae that are simply more resistant to higher concentrations of ethyl alcohol and take longer to die off thus extending their lifespan and their production of ethyl alcohol. Neither bread nor brewer’s yeast create by-products that will cause illness, blindness, or death. Distillers generally remove the first 5% of the distillate termed 'foreshots', (containing esters, methylates, and aldehydes). They are distasteful but not fatal and the smell and taste is naturally prohibitive. On record, fore-shot distillate has never blinded, killed, or sickened anyone, it just tastes bad.

  == Warnings ==

  *In the unlikely event someone may accidentally drink the spirits you produce, do not use aluminum tubing or pots in this process.

  *A pressure cooker can be dangerous. This author recommends using a "turkey cooker" deep-fat fryer with the lid clamped down, instead.

  *Using a yeast other than High Quality Brewer's Yeast will produce some amount of methanol, which will lead to illness, blindness, or death.

  *Brewing moonshine is legal in the USA, but you must have a permit and pay taxes on it.

  *Do not drink this product, use it for experimental purposes only.

  == Things You'll Need ==

  *Pressure cooker

  *5 feet 1/4" copper tubing

  *Clean bucket with cover

  *Cheese cloth or an old, clean white t-shirt

  *Cornmeal

  *Sugar

  *Yeast

  “Well that sounds like just the ticket for what we need to acquire us a little herd and if you got some extra sugar I got a bunch of feed corn we can grind up for the meal needed.” Jeb said as his eyes sparkled and he gleefully rubbed his hands together in anticipation.

  “We got the sugar you will need; however, the whiskey you will be distilling will taste different than ours so maybe we can play with pricing on different batches.” Dennis said thinking of al the different types of drinking alcohol he could tweak out of the two stills.

  “Liquor is hard money, as long its safe to drink and don’t taste entirely awful I can move it.” Jeb stated confidently while taking a big swig of white lighting from his cup.

  “Kind of grows on ya don’t it?” Suzy said smiling as she took a tiny sip out of her drink...

  “Sure enough does” Jeb replied and Margo concurred that this stuff wasn’t half bad if you watered it down enough.

  “Oatmeal beats no meal.” Dennis declared using one of his southern euphemisms that meant a bit of something was worth more than a whole lot of nothing.

  “You said a mouthful there.” Margo replied.

  “I tell you what, when we get done here I will see what the folks on my road might be willing to contribute towards having a steady supply of beef. I know everyone would pay highly for that privilege but how much cash they got on hand is another story.” Jeb said rubbing the beard stubble on his chin.

  “Why don’t you let them contribute some Bernie bucks?” Suzy asked Dennis while smiling knowingly she had a great suggestion.

  “What the hell is Bernie Bucks?’ Floyd asked forgetting he didn’t want anymore attention drawn his way today by speaking up.

  “She is referring to a fictional banking system setup by an old man in the books of the Prepper Tri
logy. Just might work though, basically you get script you can trade for value. One Bernie Buck equals one hour of labor or they can be purchased by barter. Say someone over there doesn’t have any Fed Dollars to contribute but can cut wood or offer some chicken eggs to the cause. I might be willing to back some Bernie bucks in silver or maybe cut a deal with him to deliver eggs to me if I put up the cash for him. It’s a community currency of sorts.” Dennis explained.

  “Damn sounds far too complicated. How do you set the value of things like that gallon of whiskey? I am damn sure not working 50 hours doing whatever for one jug of hooch.” Floyd said adamantly.

  “Not yet you won’t, but you might just consider it later!” Charles said smirking at Floyds known love of the stuff.

  “Well that’s where the horse trading and bartering comes in “Top Side”. Dennis said referring to an old navy term of first man on deck when something interesting was going on.

  “Maybe you could sell the stuff at a profit if you diluted it 20%. Maybe I give you the local’s price or I tell you I will give you 5 gallons of hooch for finishing building my deck etc. We get into all that later; right now you are part of these roads collective. I will think of a way to assign shares to everyone and we just work on our little tribe’s mutual survival right now.” Dennis said looking around at the group.