“Awful. Can you believe I have a golf-ball sized tumor in my head?” She looks at me and a frown covers her face. “You know Rod’s here, right?”
I nod. “Yes, ma’am. Don’t worry, there will be no trouble. I promise.”
She narrows her eyes at me. “Promise me that, Jenna.”
“I promise, Sue. I’ll leave if there is any.”
She nods. Reed looks back at me with his lips held tightly together. Then he looks back at his mother. “Don’t worry about a thing except getting better.”
“I wish I could just stop worrying. Maybe it’s the tumor that has me so riled up all the time. I just worry over everything lately. And Rod and Reed and their relationship is at the very top.” Sue looks at me again. “If I die …”
Reed stops her. “Mom, don’t even talk like that.”
She pats his hand he’s holding hers with. “I might die, son. It’s a fact, and I have little time to get this out there. I want my family back. I want you two boys to kiss and make up. I want it back. I can’t stand how things are. If you two can’t come to some middle ground where Jenna’s concerned, than I expect your blood to come before anything else.”
My heart stops, as I know what she’s saying. If they can’t figure out how to get along with this, then I need to step out of the picture.
Reed looks at her. “Mom, I won’t ever let her go.”
“I know that. Neither of you will. That’s why I’m talking to Jenna. Woman to woman. You understand me, don’t you, Jenna? I love you, and I don’t want you to think I don’t. My family is the most important thing to me. My sons are all that will be left of me, and I want them to be able to have a relationship. If they can figure things out, great. If they can’t stop playing tug-of-war over you, then I expect you to take care of that. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. The Manning boys are not the only men in the world, you know.”
“Mom, don’t,” Reed says.
She pats his hands again. “I have to.”
I nod. “I understand and respect you, Sue. I will get out of the way if that’s what I have to do to honor your wishes. I promise you.”
Reed turns back to me with a terrified look on his handsome face, but says nothing. The nurse comes back in. “Time is up. She can have another visit in twenty minutes.”
Reed kisses his mother and I give her a wave, then we leave. Reed’s hand is shaking in mine and I know that was the hardest thing he’s ever had to do.
A waiting room on the left is open and empty and he pulls me into it then shuts and locks the door. I’m pulled into his arms as his whole body shakes and he cries even harder than he did when he first found this out.
“Jenna, you can’t walk away if Rod and I can’t come to terms over you! You can’t!”
“I’ll do all I can to make sure you two can come to terms, for her sake. She just wants to keep her family intact. I completely understand her.”
It’s so hard not to cry when he’s so hurt and afraid, but I feel I have to shove my fear aside and only show him strength at this time. I can go off when I’m alone and cry my eyes out. But for now, I have to be strong for him.
“Mom doesn’t understand how deeply I love you. If I lose you because of him, I won’t want a relationship with him, anyway.” He pulls back and looks at me with tears running down his face. It makes my heart hurt. “I can’t handle this thing with her and this thing with you too.”
“What do you want me to say? If I’m a source of friction, then I’ll be making things worse for your family. You are part of something, Reed. You are a part of a family. And I may be a thing that breaks you all apart. I can’t do that.”
He holds me tighter and squeezes me. “Jenna, please just stay the hell away from Rod and things will be okay. I’ll make sure they are. Please.”
“Of course I’ll stay the hell away from him.”
And just as the words leave my mouth, I see Rod walking by the room we’re in. The lights are off and the window is tinted, so I can see him, but he can’t see us.
My heart begins to pound as I recall that the last time I saw him he was pulling the nightgown over my head and then binding my hands together while another guy bound my feet. Then he placed a gag in my mouth and threw me over his shoulder, then tossed me into a tiny trunk.
Suddenly, I feel bile welling up in my throat. “Fuck! I have to go to the bathroom, Reed. Sorry!”
I run out of the room and don’t look back as I take off toward the place I saw the ladies’ room sign. I barely make it in, then throw up in the trashcan.
The nerves have finally taken me over and I keep throwing up until all that’s left are dry heaves. A knock comes on the door and Reed pushes it open.
“Is anyone else in here?” he asks as he holds his hand over his eyes.
“No, only me. You can come in.”
He pulls his hand away. “Are you okay?”
“I will be. I just had to toss my cookies with all the nerves, you know.” I try to smile, but it’s hard.
“I’m running to the car to get you a mint to help you. I’ll be right back. Meet me at the ICU and we can go back in and see Mom. It’s about time again.”
I nod. “I have to wash my face anyway. I’ll meet you there.”
He leaves me alone, and I lean against the wall and try to regain my composure. I have to figure out how to fix this, and I have no real clue how to do that.
After washing my mouth out with water and rinsing my face to ease the flush on it from the puking, I walk out and head toward the ICU.
“Jenna!”
I look up and Rod is right there. I’m grabbed up before I realize how close he is.
“Rod!”
He moves us into a small closet and closes the door. He’s crying and shaking, and I don’t feel like he wants to hurt me.
“Jenna, what am I going to do? If Mom doesn’t make it, this is going to kill me. I can’t help but blame this on myself. She’s been so worried about me, and she has every reason to be. I’m living hard. Harder than I ever have. When I lost you, I lost my way. I need to find my way back, Jenna. I need you back.”
He pulls back and looks at me, but doesn’t let me go. “Rod, I don’t know what you want me to say. I can be there for you as a friend, but that’s all. I want us all to get along.”
He shakes his head. “No. No, Jenna. I need you. I need you more than I ever have needed anyone. Please. Please, Jenna, I’m begging you.”
“Rod, I love Reed. I can’t be any more than your friend,” I tell him as I look into his steel-blue eyes that are filled with more tears than I’ve ever seen in them before.
“Jenna, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything I did to you. Every last bit of it. I’ll never hurt you again. I swear to you I won’t. You loved me once. I know I didn’t let you say the words, but I know you did. You can find that love for me again, especially when I treat you the way I should’ve always treated you. Give me a chance, Jenna. I’ll be dead in a year if you don’t take me back. I know I will.”
I’m in a trance. I don’t know what to tell him. “I love Reed. I’m marrying Reed. I need you to come to terms with that.”
“I need you to come to terms with this. I love you, Jenna. I always have.” His tears stop falling as he looks into my eyes. “I need you. I love you. I want to make it all up to you. Make up for all the wrong things I’ve done to you. All of it.”
My head is spinning. “Rod, I need to go.”
“I’ll prove it all to you. You’ll see.” He lets me go. “I will let you go because I know you will come back to me. You may think you love my brother, and you might love him. But you and I loved each other first. You and I have history. You and I began a life together and we can finish our lives together. You’ll see. I tore up the contracts I had with you and that other girl. I set her free too. You’re both free. I don’t want her back. I want you back. I want us to pick up where we left off. Things were good before I had to leave. You know they were. We were
in love, girl. You know we were. If I hadn’t gotten myself into trouble than we’d have gotten married. You know that.”
“Rod, I have to go.” I turn the knob and leave the closet, feeling like I might faint. When I look up I see Reed walking down the hallway toward me. “There you are. Are you okay?” he asks.
Then Rod walks out behind me and Reed stops dead in his tracks. Then he starts coming at Rod, fast and furious. I hold out my hand. “No! He didn’t hurt me. He didn’t do anything to me. He just cried and hugged me. No reason to fight. No reason to fight at all.” I take a step to the side and turn to walk away.
Reed calls out, “Where are you going?”
“To the car.” I walk faster, as I feel like I might pass out. “I have to get away from here.”
“I’ll be out there in a minute, Angel,” Reed says.
Then I hear Rod say, “Reed, you and I need to talk.”
I run the rest of the way until I get outside. Then I sit on a bench and try desperately to catch my breath. My world is turning upside down, and I can’t find the right direction I need to be going in.
The fact is, I’m ripping this family apart. Rod wants me; Reed wants me; and neither will give up.
I waited a long time to hear Rod admit he loves me, and I thought that, with my love for Reed, it wouldn’t affect me. But it did.
Not in the way I expected. It made something inside me happy he finally admitted it. And I found I do still have love for him buried deep in my heart.
His pain hurts me too. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about that. Our history has affected me. I guess that love I found for him all those years ago was strong. So strong the small flame sparked up when he finally told me he loved me.
But the fire I have for Reed is huge, and it runs deep. And in a perfect world, Reed and I could get married and have babies and all would be right. But this world is far from perfect. With Rod’s stubborn refusal to let me go and do what’s best for me, I will never have what I crave with Reed.
No family functions will go smoothly. His mother will most likely die from the stress their feuding will cause her. And there I’ll be, the big catalyst who single-handedly destroyed a family. A once very happy family.
A car pulls up and their father, Jason, gets out of it. His face is pale with worry and he looks down. He doesn’t even see me.
As he passes me, I say, “Hello, Jason.”
He stops and turns back. “Jenna? Why on Earth would you come here? This is all your fault. You know that, right?”
His accusation has me cringing. “No, I don’t think this is from me. Rod said himself it was he who caused her stress.”
“Only because of you. I never knew you to be selfish. But you are one selfish woman, Jenna. My family has fallen apart, and you did that.” He turns back and takes two steps, then stops. He doesn’t look back. “When are you going to stop being selfish?”
I look down as his footsteps fade away.
When will I stop?
Chapter 30
REED
Rod takes me by the shoulder and steers me to a waiting room. “Reed, you and I need to talk. I can’t take life like this anymore, and Mom obviously can’t either.”
I go along with him, in a very odd state of mind. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. This situation is beyond odd and confusing. “I agree. We have to work things out. Jenna was nearly hurt because of this.”
He nods and looks sad. I’ve never seen my brother look sad in my entire life. “I know. I was crazy with jealousy. I’ll never hurt her again. I tore up the contract she and I had. I know it was just a piece of paper, but to me it was more than that. And I thought it was to her too. Guess I was wrong about that. I’ve been wrong about so damn many things.”
“I’m glad to see you’re coming to grips with things. This will make Mom happy. I know we can put this all behind us.”
He looks at me with a certain grimness in his expression. “Reed, I want you to know that I love you. I know I was a mean little shit, and I hurt you plenty. I’m sorry.”
I about fall out of the chair I’m sitting in. Then I feel like I should do a little apologizing too. “Sorry about breaking your arm.”
He nods. “Thanks. Anything else you feel sorry for, Reed?” His steel-blue eyes twinkle a little.
“I know you want me to tell you I’m sorry for stealing your girl, Rod. But I don’t see it like that and you know it. I liked her a good two years before you even knew she existed. And I never made a move on her until you left her and had been gone a couple of years. And now I love her more than you can even imagine,” I tell him, and look right into his eyes so he knows I’m telling him the God’s honest truth.
He can’t hold my eyes though and looks away. “I know you do. But I do too. And I need her more than I’ve ever needed anyone or thing in my life. I need her to get me off this bad road I’ve gotten myself on. Only she can do it.”
I hold my breath to steady myself. The guy’s talking about the love of my life, the woman I’m about to marry.
I try very hard to say the right words without doing damage to how far we’ve come. And I know Mom’s words to Jenna went deep into her brain. So I have to try hard to make something work between me and my brother.
“Rod, I can’t walk away from her. And even if I could, I don’t think she would go back to you. She’s changed.”
“I know she has. She’s blossomed. And I know you have everything to do with that. I know you paid for her college and kept her going when I left her. I know your pure love for her opened up her soul. She glows with all you’ve brought out in her. I know this, and I’d just walk away if I didn’t have this all-encompassing love and need for her myself.” He looks away as tears start to fall.
Next to me is a box of tissues and I say, “Here you go.” Then I toss the box to him when he looks back at me. “Never seen you cry before.”
He shakes his head. “Yeah, I don’t cry. But now I do. Man, I cry all the fucking time. I tried to get my head going in another direction. I got a new chick and treated her like shit, all the while trying to change her into Jenna. I was a real asshole. And I know I was one to Jenna too. But not that last year, I wasn’t.”
“After the incident, you mean?” I ask, as I feel kind of like crying myself.
He nods and blows his nose, making a loud elephant-like sound and I laugh a little. He grins, then says, “Yeah, after I threw her around the front yard and the cop came and she had the chance to be rid of me. But she asked him not to take me to jail. She didn’t do that because she was afraid of me like I thought I needed her to be. She did it because she loved me. It made something snap inside me. I changed that day. If I wouldn’t have been an idiot and sold drugs in the first place, then I’d have married her and we’d probably have a bunch of rugrats running around by now.”
I tap my fingertips on the arm of the chair I’m sitting in. My mind is spinning, and I don’t know what to do. “But you did do those things, and it all stopped for you two. No one but you caused that. I don’t see how you think she will be able to trust you again. I mean, even if she wasn’t with me, I still don’t know if she would take you back.”
I watch my older brother get off the chair he’s sitting in and get on his knees on the floor. A knot forms in my throat as he scoots on them across the floor. Stopping at my feet, he looks up at me with tears in his eyes.
“Reed, I have no idea if she will either, but I need to find that out. All I’m asking is for you to set her free. Who knows if she’ll come back to either of us. But I’m asking for one last chance with her. She is the love of my life, Reed. I know she’s yours too.” He stifles a sob, and my throat clenches as I try hard to hold back my own tears. “Mom told me you guys have scheduled a wedding in May. That’s about six months away. Set her free. Don’t talk to her, and I’ll leave her alone too. But if she attempts to contact either of us and wants either of us back then we agree to accept who it is she picks. And if s
he moves on to another man, we agree to accept that too.”
“Rod, if I break up with her it will hurt her. I never want to hurt her.” I shake my head, as I don’t think I’m capable of doing what he’s asking.
“Did Mom talk to her? Because she said she did. She said that Jenna agreed to take herself out of the picture if you and I couldn’t come to terms about her.” He looks up at me from his place on the floor with pleading eyes.
“She did. And if I know Jenna, she’s taking Mom’s words very much to heart.” I glance to the side as I see our father walk past the waiting room. Then he opens the door.
“Thank God. Come with me. They’re about to take your mother into surgery, and she’s making them wait until she sees you two.”
Dad doesn’t ask why Rod’s on his knees in front of me. He just holds out his hand to Rod and Rod takes it and gets up. Then we three walk down the hall with clicks and clacks of our shoes to see the woman who has held this family together all this time.
She breathes a sigh of relief as we all walk into her room and find her on a gurney, prepared to leave the ICU to go to surgery. “My men!”
We take turns hugging her and each of us tells her we love her and will be praying for her. Then she gives Rod and me a stern look. “Can I see you two hug before I go?”
I turn to my brother and open my arms and he does the same and we hug. A real hug, not one for show. One that says we can put this bad shit behind us, but it will take some doing. It will take some sacrifices.
And I’m not sure I want to make them.
And I won’t if Jenna doesn’t want to. I will never hurt her. I can’t do that.
We stand back and watch them move the gurney out of the room and wave to our mother. We hold it all back until she gets good and gone, then, collectively, we sniffle as we let a few of the tears free that we all were holding back.
With a clap on Rod’s back, I say, “I’ll go talk to her.”
We walk down the hallway and Rod looks at me. “Can I talk to her after you have?”
My father has been eerily silent, and he turns to us in the hallway. “What have you two decided about that girl?”
Rockstar Untamed: A Single Dad Virgin Romance Page 49