“I can change,” he croaks out, and I know he’s crying pretty badly.
“Why would I even want that, Rod? You’re this dangerous cool guy and a real badass and women love you. Why would I want to make you into something you aren’t, just to please me? And if you did change, then how long would that last?”
A long sigh is all I hear before he says, “You’re right. I know you are. You were a Sunday school teacher when I met you. I wanted to change you then, and I tried so hard to. And for a little while, you and I met in the middle. But in the end, it wasn’t enough for either of us. When given the chance, you went back to the good woman you always were, and I went back to the life I yearn for.”
I let the tears flow then, as this is the first time he and I have ever been this real with one another. “Rod, you’re not a bad man. You like to live life on the edge, and you’re good at it. The things you like, even the sexual things, there are women who like that rough stuff too. Find yourself one of them. And I swear to you, I will only wish happiness for you.”
“You don’t hate me, Jenna?” he asks, and I really break down.
“Rod, did I hate you at any time? After anything you did to me, did I ever hate you?”
He waits for a long time. “No. No, you never did. But I have to know this. If you had still been single when I came back, would you have given me another shot? If there had never been Reed, would you have tried it again with me?”
I know that answer, as it was in my head long before I saw Reed that day at the grocery store in our hometown. “No, Rod. I wouldn’t have. I got myself back, and I was never going down that road again. No one will ever change me again. Not ever. That’s why I have no wish to change you, Rod. Be who you are. You’re a free spirit who loves to fuck hard, play hard, and ride hard. Fucking be that badass motherfucker, Rod!”
He laughs and so do I. “Jenna, you are phenomenal! Can I still call you my friend?”
“You sure as hell better! And I will always call you mine. I love your mean ass, Rod Manning! I always will.” The tears dry up, and I feel like Rod and I have put the past right where it belongs.
“I love you too, girl. You know what? I feel better than I ever have, Jenna. I really do. I’ve been beating myself up over what I did to you and now, since you’ve forgiven me, I can stop that shit and move on with my life. I do like to fuck hard!” He laughs like a wild man.
“That you do!” I laugh along with him. “And some woman is going to love that shit and beg you to spank her ass and you and her will fall madly in love and have those rugrats you wanted. And you better introduce me to that bad bitch when you find her contrary ass!”
His laugh goes up a few notches and mine goes right along with his. I feel free. Really free, for the first time since I can recall.
I take in a deep breath to regain my composure and feel very happy it’s from laughing and not crying. “So, are we good, Rod?”
“We’re good, Jenna. Love you, girl. I’m going out and shooting some pool and being okay with who the fuck I am. Thanks to you, I finally feel okay about that guy,” he says.
“Go! Have fun. Love you too, Rod. Bye.”
“Bye, Jenna.”
I hang up and laugh a little as I pull my ass off the kitchen floor and go to my bedroom.
As I fall on top of my bed, I think about the Manning boys moving on and I think it’s a good thing. Reed has found a woman much like himself, it sounds like. A good thing, I think.
Rod will definitely find a woman who loves him for the bad boy he is. And then there’s me.
Well, I could have this principal. He is interested in the things I am. I suppose he would make a great husband. He has his plans and one day will be a bigwig in the education industry here in Tempe.
I get up and pull my clothes off and get under the blankets naked. I haven’t done that since I moved here. But I like sleeping naked and I am. From now on.
So what if Steve thinks it’s unsanitary!
Who am I kidding? Steven Johnson is not the man for me.
I love Reed. I do. No matter if he’s moved on or not, it’s going to take me a while.
Taking my phone off the nightstand, I open the photo album and scroll through the pictures of him and me. There’s the one where we were coming back from visiting Catalina Island.
We’d made all the plans, and he paid the manager for the whole island for our wedding. We chartered twenty yachts to bring the guests out to the island for the occasion.
In the picture we have on the sunglasses he got us that match and we’re wearing matching white shorts and blue shirts, like a couple of sailors.
Man, we look so fucking cute!
Now tell me how it’s not us who are meant to be together! How is it that he found someone more compatible than we are?
We have magic between us. How did he find that with another woman as well?
It makes no sense. Or is the fact I didn’t stand up for our love the problem?
I walked away so easily. Too easily. It made him lose faith in me.
He must’ve lost faith that I would pick him in the end.
And now he’s moved on. And I’m alone.
How can I keep on going?
The time was right at hand that I was about to end this all and call Reed and tell him he’s the one I want. It really has always been him. From the first time he ever touched me, I knew he was the one.
And now I’ve blown it all. Waited too long.
My Reed is in another woman’s arms. A woman every bit his equal.
I’m just a kindergarten teacher with a limited income base. I’ll never be his equal in the earnings department.
I suppose he’s better off. They’ll be super rich and powerful, I guess.
And the Manning family will go back to their happy lives and I’ll …
Well, I’ll figure something out. But right now, it seems I have to cry, because the tears are pouring out and I’m helpless to stop them.
Why did I wait so fucking long?
Chapter 36
REED
Jenna’s deadline is one month to the date away and I’m back visiting my parents for the Easter weekend. Dad’s outside putting the meat on the pit, as they invited the usual crowd for the party this afternoon.
I keep hoping Jenna will walk through the door unexpectedly and make my world come alive again. This waiting is killing me.
I’ve ended up in Lana’s bed three times, and not one of them have been memorable. She’s just a semi-warm body to try to help me find some comfort at times when I get to feeling very low and lose hope that Jenna will return to me at the end of May.
Lying on the sofa in the living room has me sitting up as the front door flies open and in walks Rod with a woman on his arm. I stare at him, as I have no idea what the hell this means.
Is he out of the running for Jenna?
“Hey, little bro,” Rod says as he brings this new woman with long blonde hair toward me. “Meet Ashley. She’s my new old lady.”
I get up and extend my hand. “I’m Reed, Ashley. Nice to meet you.” My eyes move back to my brother and he looks very happy as he takes a drink from the tall brown bottle of beer in his hand.
Her eyes are blue, and her hair is blonde, and she’s roughly the same height as Jenna. But this young woman has an edge to her that Jenna doesn’t.
She looks straight into my eyes and seems to have little fear of new situations. Her tight leather clothes show she’s not very shy at all. “Nice to meet you too, Reed,” she says, then looks back at Rod. “So on to your parents then, baby?”
He nods, spins her around, and pops her ass as she walks in front of him and she makes a little growling sound. Rod looks back at me and winks.
I follow along behind them, as I have to see what the hell is going on with this man. Waiting patiently for him to introduce her to our parents, I pull him to the side as Mom takes Ashley off to show her around.
“Okay, what’s up?” I ask him.
> He smiles. “Jenna and I talked a couple of weeks ago.”
I find myself very hurt that she’s talked to him and not me, and it hits me like a baseball bat to the stomach.
“And what did she say that has you with another woman?” I ask as I take a couple of steps back and sit in a chair by the pool so I don’t fall down.
“She said she didn’t want me to wait for her. She wasn’t coming back to me. But it’s all good. We ended on very good terms. She hasn’t called you, then?” He takes a drink of his beer.
I shake my head. “No.”
His lips go up on one side. “Maybe she’s serious about the principal. She told me she was dating him. Maybe she’s done with the Manning men for good.”
“Why wouldn’t she call me?” I ask myself.
Rod shrugs. “Maybe you two weren’t as close as you thought. You did only see each other for a few months, you know.”
“And we were engaged and inseparable for all but the first week of them.” I hold out my hand. “Beer me, please, bro. And does this mean you’ll accept things if she comes back to me?”
He frowns and pulls a beer out of the cooler and hands it to me. “I will. But Reed, I don’t see that happening. She would’ve called you, man. Don’t let it upset you. I mean, you got that new chick. That rich one. Why didn’t you bring her home for this, by the way?”
I take a long drink of the cold beer, then say, “I was hoping Jenna might show up. And I can’t really take too much time with Lana. She’s kind of overbearing and bossy and she can be a real bitch. You know how our family is. I could see her telling me we had to leave and go get somewhere nice to stay.”
“But you brought her home before. Mom told me you took them on a helicopter ride.” He kneels down to pet the puppy Dad bought Mom last week. “Hey there, Puddles.” The little wiener dog pees a bit as he pets him, hence the name.
“We didn’t stay. It was a quick trip in her helicopter, then we went right back to California. We were looking at a property in Arizona where me might want to join some other investors in a project. That’s the only reason I was with her. And when I told Mom I’d be in the area, she made us stop by.” I down the last of the beer. “So, you think Jenna is serious about this other man?”
“Well, she let me go and didn’t call you, so I’d say she must be,” he says, then stands back up. “Don’t let it get you down. There are more fish in the sea if that rich chick’s not the one for you either.”
I nod my head at the approaching new girl as she’s making her way to Rod. “Where’d you find her?”
“On the Internet. At Jenna’s prompting, I went searching for females who like the things I like, rather than trying to change anyone. I found that little beauty there and we are compatible in all ways.” She walks up to him and runs her arm around his waist, leans into him, then takes the beer out of his hand and takes a drink.
He just smiles at her. She bites her lip after she pulls the bottle down and says, “Oops, I forgot to ask, didn’t I?”
With a nod, he says, “You did. That’s three.”
She gives him a wicked smile. “Only three? I think that deserves five.”
He moans and pulls her to him. “Time to show you my old bedroom.”
She growls and they leave me, thankfully!
Mom kind of hops up to me as they leave. “What do you think of her?”
“They seem to get along well,” I answer.
“He’s told me some about her. I told him he’d better bring her today. It’s so good to see him moving on. And now if you could, I’d be really happy. What about the Lana woman? Boy, she’s got the hots for you. You’re kind of cold to her, but you should let her heat you up,” she says, and I think I might be blushing.
“Mom!”
“What? You should. She’s a lot like you, son. I think if you could forget about Jenna, you and Lana would make a great couple. What do they call it? A power couple! Yeah!” She claps her hands. “Oh, to see both of my sons with women who they love and love them is all I want.”
“Well, I can barely stand Lana, so she’s not going to be your daughter-in-law. When’s the last time you talked to Jenna?” I ask and get up and grab another beer out of the ice chest.
“It’s been about a week. Her calls have slowed down, I think because she’s moving on. And, Reed, I think it’s best she has. Your brother and you have gotten along so well with her out of the picture. I hope you don’t think about going and getting her,” she says, and the thought springs into my head that I do know where she lives and I could do just that.
Tempe is only a two hour drive from here!
“Mom, if she and I do get back together you will treat her right, won’t you?” I ask, then take a drink and watch her kind of squirm.
“Reed, you and your brother would start this fighting stuff up again and I would just hate it,” she says, then knots her hands together. “Just leave her alone, son. Please!”
“Rod and I won’t fight over her anymore. We made a deal. So if there’s no fighting in the family, would you accept it if she came back to me?” I look at her, as she seems very conflicted.
“But there would be fighting.”
I shake my head. “I think Rod’s found a woman much more fitting for him. And he and Jenna have talked, from what he told me, and it sounds like they have found their closure. We both know Jenna was never the woman for him. She’s an angel, and Rod’s a devil.”
Mom takes the chair next to mine and takes my beer away and downs the rest of it. She sits there for a moment before she says, “Look, I love that girl. I do. But life has been so peaceful since she left.” She looks at me really hard. “But there is something missing in you. I can see it. Just wait and see if she comes back to you on her own. You and your brother both took that girl over. She’s never had a shot at finding out if she likes something else other than being taken over. You know.”
I nod and know she’s right. “But if she does come back to me, you will accept that?”
“Reed, as long as it doesn’t disrupt what you and your brother have managed to regain, I will accept it.” She gets up and walks away, then looks back over her shoulder at me. “But please let her come to you. Let her make a decision for once, instead of a Manning going caveman on her and dragging her off with him.”
I give her a nod and a smile. “Okay, Mom.”
Caveman is not the way I want to go, anyway. But this waiting shit has to end.
If Rod’s out, then the family thing is no longer an issue. And I want Jenna to know that. I want her to know I still want her, and I’m not about to let her pick another man if she’s not head over heels in love with the guy.
What we have is real, and I’m not about to let her throw that away.
But how to get her to call me is a thing I need to work on. Showing up unannounced is kind of caveman.
***
The party progresses, and everyone goes home. It’s late. Very late. And I’ve yet to figure out how to approach Jenna.
The light out by the pool is nice and I unbutton my shirt and lie back on the lounge chair I’m sitting in. I take a nearly naughty selfie and send it to her using Mom’s phone.
I lifted it from her just before she went to bed. She didn’t even notice I took it.
So now I wait to see if she texts back.
An hour later there is still nothing. So I go inside, stopping to pick up a half-empty bottle of Jack Daniels, and go to my bedroom. I leave Mom’s phone on the counter after deleting the picture of myself from it.
Pulling my clothes off, I climb into the bed and prop my head up on the pillows. Then I take a nice long tug from the bottle.
It burns as it goes down my throat. I find the pain good, in a way. It means I can still feel things.
She must be done with me too.
But why in the hell can she tell Rod she’s not interested in him any longer, but not me?
Chapter 37
JENNA
“Cr
ap!” I say out loud as I see my phone ran out of charge sometime in the night.
I plug it in and go to get dressed. There’s a staff party this evening, and Steven wants me to go with him.
I’m not really feeling it, but it’s one of those things I do to keep the peace between him and me.
The phone rings and I look at it to find it’s Steven. I ignore the call.
I can’t deal with him yet!
One shower and a cup of coffee later, I go back to get my phone off the table by my bed and see a text message I missed from Sue. At three in the morning.
God! I hope everything’s all right!
With a swipe of my finger, I see there’s no emergency. There is Reed by the pool. His shirt is unbuttoned and he’s looking very sexy.
I fall back on the bed and gaze at him. His tight abs look even tighter than the last time I saw them.
His hair has grown just a bit, and his blue eyes sparkle in the pool’s lights. He’s devastating!
He must’ve taken this with his mother’s phone after she fell asleep. So I don’t bother replying to this text. Instead, I pull up his cell number and text, Looking good.
I wait and he doesn’t text back, so I call Steven back. “You called?”
“I did. I need you there by seven tonight. I’d pick you up, but I’ll be running late. I have some things I have to pick up for the party. Wear that green dress I like and put your hair in the side part thing I like so much. Your gold necklace with that cross will be good too. It’s Easter and all, and the cross works with that whole thing.” He stops talking just long enough for me to talk.
“And how was your night, Steven?”
“Oh, fine. I watched some television, then read until I fell asleep,” he says. “And wear those nude heels. I like the way your legs look in them.”
“Okay. I guess I’ll let you go and see you then.”
“Yes. Oh! One more thing. You told a joke at the last party and I didn’t like that. No jokes at this one. See you at seven sharp.” He hangs up, and I find myself fuming.
Rockstar Untamed: A Single Dad Virgin Romance Page 53