Perfectly Reflected

by S. C. Ransom

  The head dipped as the hands grasped the hood and threw it back. I couldn’t help but gasp at the figure in front of me: she was delicate and pretty, with chin-length chestnut hair and brown eyes that sparkled gently in the dull light. She was also very, very young, no more than about twelve or thirteen, I guessed. I felt myself choke up at the thought that this child was stuck in the unrelenting world of misery of the Dirges. She looked terrified, but was clearly trying to be brave.

  “Hi, you must be Olivia.”

  I felt Callum whisper in my ear. “She feels awful that you thought she was my girlfriend after what Catherine said. She’s worried that you will hate her.”

  I looked up into the troubled eyes of the child standing by me, and I realised just how wrong I had been. “I’ll get out of the way so that you two can talk,” he continued, and yet again the tingle went from my wrist. I watched in the mirror as Callum gave Olivia a brief hug, then propelled her towards me. She sat gingerly on the seat next to me and held out her arm, blushing furiously. Her amulet looked big and heavy on such a tiny frame. I moved my arm so that the two amulets were together. The tingle I got from Olivia was different, lighter somehow, than from Callum.

  “Hello,” I said again. “It’s good to meet you.”

  Olivia looked almost paralysed with fear, and I could see in the very bottom of the mirror that her hands were in constant motion: she had made two interlocking circles with her thumbs and forefingers, like a chain, and was pulling one against the other. It reminded me of the sad, repetitive movements of caged animals.

  “You don’t have to say that if you don’t mean it,” she mumbled, so low I almost didn’t catch it.

  “Look, none of that stuff with Catherine was your fault, you do know that, don’t you? She lied about everything. You’re not to blame for anything. In fact, I should be thanking you.”

  Her head shot up in surprise and her hands stopped still for a moment. “Why?”

  “Helping you every day has clearly given Callum a sense of purpose, has kept back some of the grief. He’s really very fond of you.” I leaned in towards her and lowered my voice. “He would much rather have had you as a sister than Catherine, I think.” I smiled towards him as I said it.

  Olivia turned an even prettier shade of pink. “Really? You don’t hate me?”

  “Of course not. I couldn’t possibly hate you.” I resisted the urge to try and give her a hug. It wouldn’t have worked and might well have frightened her. “I’d really like the chance to get to know you a bit better. How about we try and organise some girl time, have a proper chat?”

  The smile that appeared was hesitant at first, but became stronger as I smiled back at her. “Are you sure? I don’t want to be a pain…”

  “Absolutely sure! It’d be great to hang out a bit.”

  Olivia turned quickly to look at Callum as if to check whether I was joking or not. Callum’s smile widened and I could see him say something. Olivia practically bounced with excitement. “He says,” she started breathlessly, “he says that when you go home I can go with you! I don’t think I’ve ever been that far before. I can’t wait! Do you have a little sister I could meet too? Is it a big house? Do you have any pets?” I could barely keep up with her, she had started talking so quickly. It was as if a dam had burst, releasing her from the constraints that had bound her for however long she had been there.

  “We’ll have plenty of time for all of that, I promise. I’ll give you a full tour and show you my family. No little sister, I’m afraid, but I do have a big brother. He’s not too bad as big brothers go, just a bit of a pain sometimes.” Olivia was still beaming as I talked, and she would clearly have been happy to sit and listen all day, but I had other plans. When her questions slowed down a little I grabbed my chance. “So, you think of what gossip you can tell me while Callum and I run up to the top of the dome. I don’t think we’ll be that long, and then you can come back to my house. Deal?”

  Olivia nodded, a beautiful smile lighting up her young face. “OK, it’s a deal. You won’t be too long, will you?”

  “I’m sure we won’t be – I don’t think the Golden Gallery is shut today.” I tried to squeeze her hand but I couldn’t feel her at all. “Wait here, and we’ll be back soon.”

  I got up from the seat and glanced across the void towards the door up to the next gallery. As I scanned along the various figures I was going to have to manoeuvre past, my eye was caught by woman in a cassock. She was staring at me intently, and I wondered if I was about to get told off for appearing to use my mobile inside the cathedral. But suddenly, as soon as she saw that I had seen her, she looked away. Even from that distance she seemed pretty old, and in the cassock she looked weirdly like one of the Dirges.

  I knew that I didn’t want to have to squeeze past her to get to the doorway, even if she had stopped looking at me, so I quickly turned and went around the other way. I heaved a quick sigh of relief as I made it through the door and tackled the tight spiral staircase up to the Stone Gallery. Callum joined me as I made it out into the light.

  “Hey, we’re in luck! It looks like the top gallery will be shut after all. The maintenance signs went up about twenty minutes ago.” He beamed at me.

  “Really? That’s excellent. Do you want to let Olivia know she’ll have to wait a bit longer for us?”

  “OK. You go ahead. Bet I still beat you, though!”

  “That’s hardly a fair bet,” I said, smiling. Time alone with Callum on the Golden Gallery – my absolutely favourite thing! I practically skipped over the maintenance barrier and into the dark recesses of the inner dome. The old iron staircase creaked and groaned in the silence as I worked my way up, and I was concentrating hard on my breathing when I became aware of a misty cloaked figure on the landing above me. It was only about twenty steps down from the little room with the viewing panel, so I was expecting Callum to be rather more solid.

  “Hi,” I gasped, catching my breath. “That’s cheating. You’re supposed to let me compose myself before I get to the top, not ambush me here. Now you can see how unfit I really am.”

  He stepped towards me with his arm outstretched, amulet glinting in the dim light. His face was obscured by his heavy hood. “Is everything OK, Callum?” I asked, extending my wrist. It wasn’t like him to wear his hood up around me.

  The tingle in my wrist was accompanied by a sudden hideous roaring noise and, as I jumped in surprise, the figure in front of me pushed back his hood with his free hand. I realised with shock that he was making the noise; he was bellowing at me without seeming to take any sort of breath. My head was beginning to pound. With his mouth open wide, he leaned even closer to me, his shoulder-length, greasy-looking black hair brushing my face. The volume went up yet another notch.

  “Who on earth are you?” I cried, but my voice was drowned out by the shouting in my head. I tried to move my amulet away but he was too quick; every time I moved he seemed to be able to anticipate it and keep his amulet with mine. How could one person make such a noise? I couldn’t think straight, I just kept trying to back away. All too soon I realised that I was at the edge of the top step. Below me the dizzying drop disappeared into the gloom. I couldn’t go backwards, and he was blocking my way forwards. I could feel a strange blackness creeping into the edges of my mind as the relentless noise continued, and my knees buckled. As I fell I managed to throw my weight forwards on to the landing and for the briefest of seconds the noise let up and I could hear a distant voice.

  “Take it off, Alex; it’s your only chance. Take off the amulet and you won’t be able to hear him…”

  I reached for the band on my wrist as the onslaught resumed. The voice was right; without it on I wouldn’t be able to hear any of them. I had my finger under the silver and was starting to pull, desperate to make it stop, when I realised what I was doing. I couldn’t – mustn’t – take off the amulet!

  “Callum!” I shouted as loudly as I could manage. “Help me! I’m being attacked!”
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br />   There was a blur of movement, and almost as if a switch had been thrown in my head, the noise stopped. The silence was shocking and I fell sideways towards the iron railings. The dark-haired Dirge was backing along the landing with Callum advancing towards him. Then, faster than I could see, they were fighting, cloaks whirling. I pressed myself as far as I could into the corner, unable to keep a track of who had the upper hand. For a brief second they were still; I saw Callum’s blond hair and the face of the other Dirge, a face showing naked fury. I couldn’t help tightening my grip on the ironwork and my stomach churned at the thought of what he might be capable of doing. Suddenly Callum caught his arm, wrenched it up behind his back and threw him over the railings. Before I could react he had jumped after him into the void. Horrified, I leapt up and ran to the edge. Below me I could see them wrestling on the curved surface of the dome, rolling over and over and heading towards the shadows.

  I jumped when another strange tingle suddenly appeared in my arm. Looking round I saw Olivia, her face a picture of horror, watching the fight below.

  “Who is he?” I gasped as the fighting got more and more intense. But before Olivia could answer, a crowd of misty cloaked figures swarmed in from all directions and joined the fray. It was eerie, watching such a vicious fight in complete silence, and with everyone wearing an identical cloak it was impossible to tell what was going on. Suddenly everything became still, and the crowd parted. I could see the greasy-haired Dirge was being dragged away.

  All I could hear was the pounding of my own heart. I released my vice-like grip on the railings and slumped back towards the steps, sitting down before my legs gave way. Olivia stayed with me.

  “That was Lucas. He’s, well, he’s really scary. I try to keep out of his way,” she finally answered.

  “I think he was trying to kill me.”

  “He’s one of the most desperate people here. He’d do anything to be gone.”

  I watched as the dark shapes below became more distinct. Callum and Matthew were deep in a heated discussion, punctuated by gestures towards me. I gulped; it didn’t look like my day was about to improve.

  “What will they do to him?” I whispered to Olivia as we both watched.

  “I’m not really sure. I don’t remember anyone needing to be punished before. None of us have anything to take, so there don’t tend to be any fights.”

  I was considering that fact as Matthew and Callum finally stopped talking, and Callum started to make his way up the stairs towards me.

  Olivia murmured, “I think I’d better get out of the way,” and before I could respond she was gone and Callum was back in her place.

  “What was all that about?” I asked.

  He sighed, running his free hand through his hair. “Olivia’s right, Lucas is desperate. He decided to take a chance, see if he could get you to remove the amulet.”

  “I nearly did. The noise he made was awful.”

  He grabbed my free hand with his, and this far up the dome I could feel it quite clearly. “You mustn’t, Alex! If you take it off, even for a second, with someone like Lucas around … you’ll be dead.” The pain was etched across his face.

  “I know. That’s why I called for you. I knew that you wouldn’t let that happen.” I squeezed his hand and gave him as much of a smile as I could muster.

  “The trouble is, what if I don’t get there in time? I could try and copy everything like before, but how would we get the amulet back to you so I could download it all again? I mean, seriously, this is bad news.” He was shaking his head as he considered the floor.

  I didn’t know what to say, what to do, to comfort him, so I opted for being generally upbeat. “Well, at least I now know what he might do. It’s only noise; he can’t actually hurt me. If he tries again I’ll just ignore it until you can get there.”

  “And what if you’re driving? Or crossing a road? He could get you killed that way too!”

  “Well, that would be pointless, wouldn’t it? If he got me killed he could hardly steal my memories, could he? Calm down, Callum, I’m sure it will be OK.”

  “Matthew doesn’t think so.”

  That stopped me in my tracks. Callum thought the world of Matthew, the Dirges’ leader. “Oh, I see. So what does he reckon?”

  “He thinks that we need to leave the cathedral now, and think very carefully about whether or not I bring you back. We hadn’t realised quite how … unpleasant some of our companions could be when they know you’re around.”

  He raised his head and his stunning blue eyes held mine. “I will look after you, I promise. No one from here is going to hurt you while I’m around to stop it.” His voice was low, urgent, and I couldn’t doubt that he meant every word. “I think, though, that we ought to do as he says, and leave now.”

  I felt disappointment mingle with fear; I had been really looking forward to another opportunity to hold Callum, to touch him and kiss him. I bit back a sigh. His face was strained, the jaw muscles tight, his body still held tense and ready to fight, but he was slightly transparent, and touching him was like touching candyfloss. I realised just how much I wanted to be able to stroke his arm properly, kiss the hollow of his neck, pull his head down towards mine … I shook myself to concentrate on the problem in hand. If someone killed me first I’d never be able to work out how to get Callum into my dimension.

  “OK, you’re the boss,” I agreed reluctantly, with a last forlorn glance back at the stairs up to the top. I tried to keep it light-hearted, but I could tell he was still tense. “I guess we should start heading back then. You can protect me while I’m walking to Waterloo station, and I can’t get into too much trouble when I’m actually on the train.”

  Callum nodded glumly, obviously still lost in his thoughts about Lucas. “I suppose not,” he said eventually. “I need to talk to Matthew but I daren’t leave you alone, not in here. I’ll wait till you’re safely on the train.”

  I glanced around the galleries as we made our way down to see if any of the other Dirges were still about, but no one was in sight. Matthew must have been keeping them away, I assumed. I wondered how you threatened someone whose existence was already appalling, who didn’t need to eat or drink, who was already trapped for an eternity. What punishment would stop Lucas attacking me again? I shivered as I remembered his face, so full of hate. Callum was right; it was time to go.

  We started the long walk back to the station. I had a little pocket map of the area so could see exactly where we needed to go. We walked in silence for a bit, Callum lost in thought again.

  “Come on,” I said eventually. “Talk to me, Callum.”

  He grunted non-committally. As we were walking I couldn’t see the expression on his face, but I could imagine it only too well. I tried again.

  “Tell me what you are thinking. What are we going to do?”

  “You’ve got to stay away from every other Dirge. I’ll have to make sure that none of them follow you home, that no one else decides to try to use you as a way out of this existence.”

  “What about Olivia? Surely she can be trusted? And Matthew?”

  “I suppose,” he agreed grudgingly. “But I can’t see how I can keep you completely safe when I have to spend so much time gathering.”

  He was right. He couldn’t be with me all the time. I felt my shoulders slump as we walked along, then straightened up, not wanting to be defeated. “But, Callum, we can’t be scared by how dangerous all this is.” I gestured to the amulet on my wrist. “We can’t spend our time worrying about the next attack.”

  “There’s always Matthew’s idea,” he said in a quiet voice as we negotiated the pedestrian-crossing at Ludgate Circus. I was distracted by a stray cyclist who seemed intent on ignoring all the signals, so it wasn’t until we reached the other side and started walking up Fleet Street that I processed what he was saying.

  “What do you mean? What idea?”

  “Throw the amulet away. Hurl it back into the river where it can never hurt you agai
n. If it’s off your wrist and far away you’re at no more risk from us than anyone else. It’s only being close to it that makes it dangerous.” His voice had got louder, more vehement.

  We had reached a little side road so I walked down it, off the main pavement, which was full of tourists, and into a little oasis of calm. “Listen,” I hissed, holding up the phone microphone to my mouth for the benefit of some nosy passers-by. “I’ve told you before. That’s not an option. I’m not going to give you up, whatever the risk!” I turned towards the wall and fished the mirror out of my pocket. He was at my shoulder, looking particularly stubborn. “If you were in my position, would you? Would you choose never to see me again, just to keep yourself safe?”

  “It’s not the same!”

  “Of course it is! It’s not going to happen, all right? Now can we think of something else?”

  “I just want you to be safe. More than anything. I couldn’t bear it if you – well, if anything happened to you. Not again …” His voice tailed off and I could see his eyes were focused in the distance, remembering. I reached up and tried to stroke his cheek.

  “Then help me find a way to make this work! None of you can hurt me physically. I just need to learn to resist if someone like Lucas tries again.”

  I could see his strong arms folding around me, trying to protect me. I wished it were that simple, but I smiled back as encouragingly as I could. Finally he smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. His reflection held me tighter and kissed the top of my head. I felt the lightest of touches, then he rested his cheek against my hair, sighing. “You’re too stubborn for your own good,” he murmured, defeated for now.

  I relaxed a little, trying to feel the whisper of his arms, and wishing that we had had the opportunity to meet at the top of the dome where he could really hold me tightly. I took another quick peep at his face and was surprised to see him scanning around as if he was looking for something.

  “What’s up?” I asked, concerned that maybe the others from St Paul’s had been following us.