Special Ops Rendezvous

by Karen Anders

  “Sweet, sweet, Liv.” His voice choked with the rawest kind of emotion. He kissed her and she pressed her hands against his wide chest.

  In that moment, she knew she loved him with everything she had. She was in love with Captain Sam Winston. Oh, God, how had it happened? How had she let herself get in so deep?

  Drawing in a breath, she slid her hand up the back of his neck, cradling his head against her with infinite tenderness. Sam shuddered and tried to get out from under her, but she held on to him, refusing to let him go. He turned his head away and massaged his eyes, but she had already seen the glimmer of moisture along his lashes. Her own face wet, she caught his wrist and tried to drag his hand away, the love and compassion she felt for him so big, so consuming, they were unbearable. “Don’t,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “Don’t hide your feelings from me, Sam. I’m here for you completely.”

  He shuddered as if she’d touched an aching nerve, but he yielded to her and lowered his hand, his gaze dark and tormented. He tried to speak, but his voice gave out on him. His face contorting in agony, he shut his eyes tightly and pulled her against him.

  He was raw and hurting, but she’d be damned if he withdrew from her. He had every right to her compassion.

  “Olivia,” he whispered, his hold on her tightening. “I’m so sorry.” He met her eyes. “I should have made you get out of town, away from here, away from me.”

  She closed her eyes, waiting for the ache of emotion to ease a little, then she stroked his head and pressed a kiss against his cheek. “I’m not going anywhere, Sam. I’m sticking with you through it all. I’m not leaving you.”

  Sam’s chest expanded raggedly. He dragged his hand over his face, a wild gleam of pain in his eyes because he’d lashed out at her in the throes of his intense and terrifying nightmare. Or was it something else?

  She cupped his face. “Sam, you are one of the most honorable, courageous and beautiful men I have ever met. You have been so wounded and so alone in this. Well, you’re not alone anymore. You shoved me. Big damn deal. The shock will fade, but my admiration for you won’t. Do you understand? I know you. Don’t internalize this.”

  He shook his head. “How did I get so lucky to have met you?”

  “You are lucky,” she said firmly.

  He gazed at her, his expression softening into a near smile. “I wish...everything was different, Olivia. Normal.”

  Through her tears, she smiled at him. “Shhh, Sam,” she whispered unevenly.

  His face crumpled and he pressed his forehead against hers. “But it’s not.” His chest expanded and he slid his arms around her and held her fiercely, protectively. “What I found out... I’m afraid, Olivia.” His voice was hushed.

  “Oh, Sam.” So full of emotion, she held him as fiercely, as protectively as he was holding her. “Tell me now and we’ll get through it.”

  He told her everything, about the ambush and the torture. She rocked him in her arms as his flat voice relayed all that he’d endured. She wanted to kill someone with her bare hands. He told her about who was involved, including the chief of police. The lengths these people had gone to sent alarm ringing along every nerve ending.

  He left the white room for last and Olivia could barely breathe around her horror at what little he remembered they had done to him there.

  “I think that’s where they broke me. Took my identity and did something to my mind. I have no memories until only recently. I’ve been having this dream over and over about Trey. I dreamed we were at Yellowstone, but Thad doesn’t remember going to Yellowstone. My father was there and, Olivia, he was so busy he barely had time for us. It was so vivid. But when I looked at Trey, he had no face. It was blank. I don’t know what that means.”

  Those details chilled her blood and she realized why they had killed her brother. He would have helped Sam to discover what his memories meant. Decipher the real from the imaginary.

  Then he dropped the bomb, a sick, hollow feeling welling up in her at his next words.

  “They programmed me to kill someone, Olivia. That’s what that bastard told me. I’m terrified that it’s my mother. I would say it wasn’t possible to make me do something against my will, but then I think about Mike. He was a tough son of a bitch and he buckled, betrayed his country and tried to murder my mother. I invited my mother’s assassin into my home. But I knew him. He was my friend, my teammate. He would never have betrayed me. He would have died first. They took everything from him. Mike was dedicated and decorated. He had my back and saved my life so many times. He proudly served his country and now he doesn’t even get the benefit of a hero’s burial.... He didn’t deserve that or to die like that. I don’t deserve to die like that.”

  Trying to keep the panic out of her voice, Olivia said fervently, “You’re not going to die. Don’t say that. I’m going to make sure of that, Sam. I’m sticking to you until we figure this all out. Those people didn’t take your identity. If they had, you wouldn’t have cared if you’d hurt me. You wouldn’t have argued with me to go, or been so livid when I was shot. You are you, Sam. Every tough, gorgeous inch of you.”

  He stared at her for a moment, then smoothed his hands through her hair, his expression somber. Then he swallowed hard and met her gaze, a flash of bleakness in his eyes. “God, Livvy, I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t met you. I might have gone insane, spiraled down into madness. You keep me grounded. You’re very special to me.”

  A knot of hope formed in her chest. She traced his soft mouth with her finger, aching to give him comfort. Then she brushed her mouth against his. Her voice husky with an overload of feelings, she whispered, “Let’s go to bed.”

  Chapter 13

  Olivia woke up and the first thing she saw was Sam’s handsome face. She could get used to this for the rest of her life. But no. She couldn’t have thoughts like that. There were no guarantees where Sam was concerned. He was going back to the army. Damn him.

  She just watched Sam sleep for a few luxurious minutes as she absorbed his heat, watched the soft beat of his heart in his throat, his jaw sexy and stubbled.

  She slipped out of bed and took a shower. Dressed in her robe and a towel twisted on top of her head, she walked toward the kitchen to brew some coffee.

  There was a knock on the door, and Olivia whipped around. Sam’s weapon was still on the coffee table. She rushed to it, thumbed off the safety and walked to the door, her heart pounding.

  When she took a quick look through the peephole, she saw it was Thad. Breathing a sigh of relief, she unlocked the door and let him in.

  “Good morning—whoa,” he said when he spied the gun she was holding. “Expecting company?”

  She looked over her shoulder to Sam’s bedroom. “Maybe. Sam’s still asleep. He had...a bad night.”

  “Damn.”

  “Come in. I was just about to make some coffee.”

  He nodded and then glanced over, his eyebrows raised. Puzzled, she followed his line of sight and saw their discarded clothes and, even more telling, her torn black lace bra lying close to his shoe.

  She bent down and snatched it up as a wide grin spread across Thad’s face.

  “Stop smirking, Detective.”

  “Yes, ma’am,” he said, the grin still there.

  She shoved the ruined bra into the pocket of her robe. This was an expensive bra. Sam owed her some money. But then she thought about them up against that wall. Maybe she could give him a pass.

  Thad gave her a nudge and she shoved him back. Chuckling, she walked into the kitchen.

  As the coffee was brewing, they settled at the kitchen table.

  “I came by because we found these two guys dead this morning. Head shots from a silenced nine mil. They look familiar?”

  “No, but—” She tapped the picture of the taller man. “H
is build looks familiar. I think he was one of the kidnappers. The one in the van. I didn’t get a look at the driver.”

  “Someone’s cleaning up their mess.” He gave her a knowing look. “This guy was hit by a car last night right outside your brother’s office. He’s the guy Sam asked me to run for facial rec. Know anything about that?”

  “I used a Taser on him and beat his face until he gave me the information I wanted,” came Sam’s voice. “He got away and the rest you know.”

  Olivia’s gaze went to Sam standing in the doorway. He was dressed in just jeans, his dog tags flat against his broad chest, winking in the morning light streaming in from the kitchen window.

  He looked exhausted and tense, tough and so very sexy. He also wasn’t looking at his brother when he spoke. He was staring at her. There was a raw tenderness in his eyes, an intense look that made her stomach tumble over and over. The love she felt for him welling up in her.

  “Well, good morning to you.”

  Still staring at her, he said, “I’m not in the mood, Thad.”

  “I guessed as much from your sunny disposition.”

  Sam walked over to her, pulled her up from her chair and captured her mouth, giving her a deep, drugging kiss before letting her go and looking down into her eyes for a moment. She smoothed her hand over his shoulder and down his arm to his hand, squeezing it.

  “Next time don’t let me sleep,” he whispered for her ears alone. “Why don’t you get aggressive? I like waking up with you wrapped around me. If I had my way, I’d keep you naked for as long as I possibly could.”

  These weren’t exactly sweet nothings, but okay, sweet was way overrated...hot nothings. She was all for that. Her sharp intake of breath didn’t do anything to help her compressed lungs.

  “Breathe, Liv,” he said, giving her a lopsided, wicked half smile.

  After a few more heated seconds, he broke eye contact with her and gave Thad a sidelong glance. Olivia noted that Thad’s grin was back.

  Sam poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down at the table. “Thad, his alias is Lenny Jeffers, but his real name is Jesse Carter. I doubt you’ll find either name in any database. He was part of the three men that tried to kidnap Olivia, shot her and is part of that political organization you unearthed after Mike died. It’s called the Cartel.”

  Thad sat up straighter. “Dammit, I knew it. The chief said this went higher than any of us could imagine.”

  “It’s even worse than that.” He looked at Olivia, his face grim. “I think I’ve been compromised. He told me I was programmed to kill somebody.”

  “What? Are you talking brainwashing?” Thad’s concern was in his hazel eyes when he looked at his brother along with a fierce dose of protectiveness. Olivia felt the same way.

  “Yes.” He shuddered and closed his eyes. “It’s definitely possible. I remembered some things when I was interrogating this guy. The Afghani camp was bogus. It was the Cartel who kidnapped us, programmed us and let us be rescued by a bogus CIA.”

  “Sam, if this is true, you need to get yourself back to D.C., back to Walter Reed.”

  “I can’t, not until this threat is neutralized. I can’t risk another innocent therapist’s life, Thad. I won’t. Dr. Owens was murdered because he recognized the signs in me. I’m convinced that’s what was on the tapes they took. He knew how to treat me. He was helping me. That’s why I was having so much recall. The nightmares were a way for my brain to help me remember. It was just in a twisted way of nightmares.”

  “What makes you think you didn’t resist the torture, the brainwashing?”

  Sam shook his head; his mouth tightened. “No one can resist torture, Thad. They teach us miscommunication. Believe me when I tell you that I gave up everything and then some.”

  “Maybe you did and maybe you didn’t. It doesn’t matter to me, Sam. Not one bit.”

  Sam closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Thanks, Thad.”

  “So, what are you going to do?”

  “Ride it out, hope if and when the time comes, I will do the right thing. Hope I’m capable of it.”

  “What about Jeffers?”

  Sam took a sip of his coffee. “I trust you. Use your judgment. He was a ruthless killer, the triggerman for Dr. Owens. He got better than what he deserved. I know it wasn’t exactly within the letter of the law, but I needed answers and they were after Olivia with hypodermics. As far as I’m concerned, they moved the battleground from Afghanistan to here. I responded with deadly force.”

  “I’ll keep your involvement out of it. I’m not keen to turn my brother over to the Raleigh Police Department after the chief’s betrayal. I still don’t know if we’re compromised.” He rose. “I’ve got to go. Got a heavy caseload with three crime scenes and three bodies to deal with. I’ll see you at Mom’s birthday party this weekend?”

  Sam looked away. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?”

  “Are you kidding? Of course, Sam. You wouldn’t hurt any of us. I don’t believe that for a minute.” He looked at Olivia. “Why don’t you come, too, Olivia? I know my mother would love to meet you.”

  Sam groaned.

  “Yeah, wait until she gets a load of her. And the way you look at her, brother, Mom’s going to be all over that.”

  Rolling his eyes, he said, “He’s right, Liv, she’s going to be intense when she sees us together. You up for that?” He let his breath go in a rush.

  Olivia swept her hand across Sam’s shoulders as she passed him. “I can handle assassins. I can handle a little mother scrutiny. I’ll see him out.”

  At the door, Thad glanced toward the kitchen, Sam sitting still and contemplative at the table. “Thank you, Olivia, for being here.”

  She nodded, her emotions really too close to the surface to answer, so she just nodded.

  When she got back to the kitchen, she was about to ask Sam if he wanted some breakfast. But before she could get the words out, Sam grabbed her around the waist, pulling her onto his lap. He buried his face into her neck and breathed deep.

  His voice muffled, he said, “Will you come with me to the party? I need you there, Olivia. I’m still not sure.... Dammit!”

  She understood his frustration. This whole Cartel thing had made him uncertain, which she was sure Sam hated.

  “I told you I would stick to you, so try to keep me away, even with the threat of your mother’s inspection.”

  He raised his head and met her eyes. “She’s pretty formidable when it comes to her sons. Olivia, I have to be honest here with you. You are very special to me, but you know I’ve got to leave, right? You know I can’t make a commitment to you. I’m so messed up and I have to put everything right before I could even think about something else. I’ve never been an indecisive man. But in this case, I really don’t know what to do or say. Other than I’m so glad you’re here.”

  “You are very special to me, too, Sam. Whatever happens, know that. And we will take each day at a time. We’ll go from there.”

  He nodded, his eyes so blue and earnest.

  “Can we talk about what happened last night?”

  He shuddered, obviously still feeling the guilt over shoving her while he was still in his nightmare.

  “Not about that, Sam.”

  “What, then?” he asked.

  “About what you said Jeffers told you. Being programmed to kill someone.”

  “What about that? I think that’s pretty straightforward.”

  “You’re acting like it’s a given. That you will do this thing they want you to do. Who do you think the target is?”

  He closed his eyes and took a breath. “I’m worried that it’s my mother. That I might have been some kind of backup if Mike failed.”

  She stroked his face. “I know this is tough, but I think that if
we talk about it, if we have a plan, when the time comes maybe we can somehow prevent it.”

  Some of the heaviness left his expression, his eyes roving around her face. “You really are a pistol, sweetheart. Your optimism humbles me. I’m as gung ho as the next soldier, but since I can’t remember what they did to me, it makes it difficult to counteract it.”

  “Well, maybe we should do that. Try to get you to remember.”

  “What are you saying? You want to try some kind of therapy?”

  “Bear with me. I’ve been thinking about this a lot and I did some looking on the web last night after you fell back to sleep. I don’t think your memory loss is tied just to the drugs they might have given you, Sam. I think your blackouts and memory loss are all about who they want you to kill.”

  “I’m listening.”

  “My brother once told me that the human mind was extremely complex and people did a lot of mental gymnastics to avoid really unpleasant thoughts. I think you have something called memory inhibition.”

  “What is that?”

  “It’s when something is such a shock to your mind that you have to forget it because it’s much too horrific to be a conscious part of your aware mind. I think a lot of what happened is that you repressed some of those memories instead of them being actually forgotten.”

  “You think that I had some kind of psychotic break?”

  “Not exactly a psychotic break, more like dissociative amnesia. I think they pushed you, Sam. Pushed you beyond your endurance because of who you are. Because of your dedication to your country to your service of it, breaking you was actually the action that caused you to resist even more. I think you were so strong mentally they had to take it up a notch. No one can predict how anyone will react under torture. No one can really predict how anyone’s mind is going to react to stimulus. So, in your particular case, I think that when they tried to program you to kill someone close to you, you rebelled, but the torture and the drugs they used made you helpless against the programming. Therefore, you forgot everything associated with the whole episode. It was the only way your strong character could accept and process everything they were feeding you. Does that make any sense?”