Because of You

by Lafortune, Connie

  What The Hell Just Happened!

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Riley

  Tonight marks one week since I gave myself to him, the night of the bonfire. It tears me apart to know I will never feel the heat of his lips caressing mine or his body pressed intimately against me. I wish with all my heart that I could turn back time, go back to last week so I could cherish every moment, knowing it was the beginning of the end.

  I’m not ready to start the day, so I throw my blanket over my head and roll over. I’m hoping I can close my eyes to let sleep claim me for at least a few hours. I’m not ready to face the world without Hunter being a part of it.

  When I jerk awake, my heart’s slamming inside my chest, tears slick against my face. I must have been in the middle of a nightmare when something woke me up. Whatever it was I’m grateful. Propping myself up on my elbows I look around; I don’t see or hear anything out of the ordinary.

  My phone’s lying on my comforter, alerting me that I have a few new messages. I forgot I had put it there last night in case Ashley called me back. Is that what could have woken me up? Taking a few deep breaths to calm myself, a part of me is hoping they’re from Hunter. First I need to take a long hot shower to clear my head before I even attempt to look at them. Grabbing some clean clothes I head for the bathroom.

  For a person who has no place to go I spend quite some time getting ready, I’m just stalling. I woke up with a bitch of a headache that hasn’t quit, even after my shower. Which brings me to the conclusion that I desperately need caffeine, so I head downstairs. My need for coffee surpasses my need for privacy by a long shot. Breathing a sigh of relief as I walk in the kitchen, it’s empty. I’m not ready to face anyone quite yet.

  I’m sitting at the island with a cup of coffee in one hand and a blueberry scone in the other. It’s the little things in life that make me happy sometimes. Until I look up and see Hunter smiling at me, it’s only the newspaper from a few days ago, but it still unnerves me. I quickly flip it over so I don’t have to look at that gorgeous smile. So much for the little things in life.

  Throwing the rest of my scone in the garbage I take my coffee upstairs. Time to check out those messages and see if they need to be deleted or returned.

  Sitting on the edge of my bed, I wipe my sweaty palms against my shorts before picking up my phone. A quick scroll through tells me they’re all from Ashley, so why am I disappointed? I was hoping at least one of them would be from Hunter, but he must still be busy with Emma. Do I really believe that, or was it just an easy way out for me? What he said as I was running out the door is on constant repeat in my brain. You couldn’t be more wrong. Even if I am, I still have to let him go, because I don’t want to give him any reason to blame me later.

  I dial Ashley’s number, afraid that the minute I hear her voice I will crack.

  “Riley, I have some bad news. ” She sounds like she’d been crying.

  “What’s wrong, Ash?” I feel my heart skip a beat.

  “It’s my grandmother; she’s really sick and I won’t be able to come visit you,” she sniffles as my heart goes out to her.

  “I’m so sorry. I wish I was there to give you a big hug. Would you like me to come see you instead?” I don’t like the idea of running into my mom, but I can do it for Ashley.

  “We spend so much time going back and forth to the hospital that it wouldn’t be practical for you to come. Some days I wish we were twelve years old again; life was so much easier back then. ” I hear her mom calling her.

  “If you need me, just call me. I don’t care what time it is. Bye, Ash. ” I remember going to her grandmother’s with her when we were kids. She was the kindest person I’d ever met.

  As I head out of the balcony doors, I’m sensitive to the oppressive heat that hits me like an open oven door. The clouds are dark and churning; a storm is definitely brewing somewhere out there. Gazing up at the sky I feel the first few drops of rain hit my face, then the clouds open up and the downpour begins.

  I don’t know how much time goes by before I realize that my tears are mixing with the rain. Hugging myself as tightly as I can I try to control the sobs that are clawing their way to get out. Finally I let them free. In that moment, I’m purging myself of all the sorrow that’s destroyed my life since I was six years old. When I press my hand to my chest, it truly feels like my heart’s breaking and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. So I stand outside in the rain, hoping it will wash away my pain so I can be brave enough to face another day.

  Hunter

  The day’s a wash out so I decide to head to the cottage a little earlier than planned. I had every intention of taking Riley with me for the weekend but after everything that went down yesterday, yeah, not a happening thing. I can’t stay here any longer, knowing I could bump into her at the pool or going for a run. I’m hurt that she would even think I would cheat on her. I’ve told her many times you’re the only one for me.

  Well I guess her women’s intuition was right and Emma has crushed on me for years. How the hell was I supposed to know that? It kind of freaks me out though, since I think of her as my little sister, not my girlfriend.

  They did arrest Drew last night and Zoe promised me she could stay at her place in case he made bond. Knowing that gives me some piece of mind and Connor said he would stick around in case they needed him. He doesn’t know about the cottage; I just told him I needed to get away after what happened with Riley yesterday.

  I packed my clothes and threw them in the Jeep this morning so there’s no need for me to head home first. But I do need to stop at the grocery store on the way, and the liquor store. Without Riley being there, I won’t have any distractions to withstand the pain that this weekend will bring, so I’m going to need some liquid courage.

  After picking up what I needed I drive to the cottage. I can’t help but smile as I head down the driveway and see the colorful hanging plants adorn the porch. My neighbor Mary waters them faithfully every day and feeds them once a month. She insisted after my grandparents died that she wanted to do this for them. I thought it was a great idea.

  Once I put the groceries away, I decide to go for a run. It’s still raining but that doesn’t bother me. Changing my shoes I opt out of wearing my iPod just in case it starts to storm. I’ll be able to hear the rumble of thunder in the distance so I can head back.

  As I take off running down the beach I can’t help it when my thoughts drift to Riley. I had hoped that this weekend would be a new beginning for me, new memories that would replace the images of Brady that are forever etched in my mind. Unfortunately, she will not be coming so I’m forced to spend another year reliving his death all alone.

  I stop running long enough to catch my breath and take a few swigs from my water bottle when I hear the rumble of thunder in the distance. That’s my sign to turn around and head home.

  I make it back just in time before the heavens open up and the lightning flashes across the sky. My clothes are drenched, so I grab some sweats and a t-shirt out of my bag so I can change up. My shower will have to wait until the storm passes.

  It gets dusty since no one lives here, so I have to peel back the sheet that’s covering the couch. Once I grab my phone I head to the fridge to snatch a beer, trying to convince myself I’m thirsty from my run. I scroll through my phone to see if there are any new messages—not a one. Maybe I was hoping that Riley had time to calm down and realize she had made a mistake. Who the fuck am I trying to kid? I saw the way she looked at me as she slammed the door. I cannot wrap my head around the fact that we’re over, before we had a chance to begin.

  Finishing my beer in a few long pulls I push myself up to grab another one. Feeling a buzz already, I realize I haven’t had anything to eat all day. No worries, I didn’t come here for a mini vacation; I came here to remember a little boy who lost his life unexpectedly.

  Chapter Twenty-Eight

  Riley

  It’s Sunday night and I haven’t seen his Jeep
parked outside all weekend. He has to be spending it with her. This is all my fault, I’m the one who set things in motion and now Emma finally has what she’s always wanted—Hunter.

  All I can picture is the two of them tangled together between the sheets, kissing, touching, loving each other and it’s driving me insane. I don’t want him to be making love to her or anyone else for that matter. I want it to be me.

  This is not going to work; it’s only been three days and I’m not strong enough to go the rest of my life without being with him. I’m hoping it’s not too late because the minute I see his Jeep pull into that yard I’m going to beg for his forgiveness. Then I’m going to be honest about his mother’s visit; he can decide what he wants to do. If he chooses the company, then I’ll have to live with his decision.

  I’ve been pacing back and forth for so long… I think I’m wearing out the carpet. Packing a few things in my overnight bag I decide to wait for him at his apartment. He told me several times he never takes his girls home. I’m hoping Emma fits in that category. I’ll wait for him there so I can explain everything to him; I don’t want to wait until he gets home from work tomorrow. I grab my phone as I’m heading out the door, sliding it into my pocket.

  As I’m coming down the stairs my dad happens to be going up to his room. Damn.

  “Riley, I’m glad I caught you. When I spoke to Jim he told me Parker was in an outpatient program. Well, apparently he signed himself out the same day you saw him so Jim entered him into a thirty-day program. He assures me that he is hundreds of miles away and won’t bother you again. ” He smiles as he glances down at the bag I’m carrying.

  “I hope Jim’s right this time. Thanks Dad. I’ll be staying with Hunter for a few days. ” He sighs.

  “I’m really sorry I haven’t spent more time with you, Riley. The cases I had pending are taking longer than I’d hoped. I’m glad your friend’s coming for a visit though; I promise I’ll make some time to meet her. ” He leans in and kisses my cheek.

  “Ashley called me—she won’t be able to make it. Her grandmothers dying. ” I shrug my shoulders like it’s no big deal, but it is.

  “I’m sorry to hear that; well, at least you have Hunter. ” Then he leaves me standing there with my heart pounding in my chest. If he only knew the half of it.

  When I open up his apartment door, I’m overwhelmed with memories. I can still see him standing there with his back to me, his hands cupping her face. It looked like he was about to bend down and kiss her. Funny how I can remember now that he didn’t even flinch when I slammed the door.

  Come to think of it, I’ve never known Emma to be shy. I’m sure she would have defended herself when I called her out. Unless she was hiding from me because she didn’t want me to see her? Think Riley, think…

  If I remember correctly, I thought he mentioned something about meeting some guy she was dating. Did they have a fight and he was just consoling her?

  Stupid, stupid. I’m so stupid. I grab my phone from my pocket and quickly dial his number; it won’t let me leave a message because his inbox is full. Then I’ll sit here and wait for him—when he comes walking through that door I’m going to beg him to forgive me.

  I wake up at one in the morning. He’s still not here. I try texting him, I wait and wait, no response. I’m so tired that I decide to go to sleep in his bed. When I crawl under the sheets it reminds me of us. I feel content, until I catch a trace of Emma’s lingering perfume.

  Hunter

  I wouldn’t wish this pain on my worst enemy; no one deserves to suffer like this. My shrink told me that it would get easier as time went on. She’s full of shit—it doesn’t. If I could find my damn phone I would call her right now and tell her that.

  Hell, if I could find my phone I would call Riley and tell her how much I love her. She’s full of shit too, for even thinking anyone could take her place.

  It would be bad for her to see me like this… she wouldn’t understand. When next weekend rolls around, after I’ve sobered up I will explain everything. Tell her she’s the only one I want, the only one I will ever love.

  I just have to make it through the next few days, then I’ll have three hundred sixty more days until my next breakdown. Those other five days out of the year are reserved for me, so I can punish myself for what happened.

  I took a shower earlier; I couldn’t even stand the smell of me. It was a shower but I ended up sitting in the tub to wash. I felt dizzy. Then I made myself something to eat, that came back up after about fifteen minutes. Now I just want to sleep, but I don’t think I can make it upstairs, so I’ll crash on the couch.

  I wish I could find my phone….

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  Riley

  I woke up around eight this morning. Hunter isn’t home yet. So I decided I’m going to spend the day cleaning his apartment. The first thing I’m going to tackle is washing his bedding. Stripping everything off the bed I head downstairs to do the laundry. He has a stacked washer-dryer combo which is too small for his comforter.

  I’m throwing all the sheets in the washer just as my dad walks in. “You don’t need to do your laundry, Rosie can take care of it. ” He takes a sip of coffee. It smells wonderful.

  “This isn’t mine, I’m doing Hunter’s laundry for him. ” My cheeks blush instantly.

  “Did he leave for work already?” he frowns. Busted.

  I want to talk to someone so badly about what happened. “He left, I don’t know if he’s coming back. ” I whisper as my lip quivers.

  The minute my dad reaches out to touch me, I lose it. He puts down his coffee cup and takes me in his arms. Suddenly I’m six years old again. Now I don’t know if I’m crying because of Hunter or because of all the memories that come flooding back to me.

  “Let’s go sit down. I’ll get you a coffee so we can talk. ” He read my mind.

  After I fix mine, I start from the beginning, and tell him everything. From the time Hunter’s mom showed up on his doorstep, to the night I found Emma in his apartment. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It’s liberating.

  “You should have come to me right away; you could have saved yourself a lot of heartache. I’m his lawyer, I work for his company. There are a lot of things I can’t discuss with you, but I could have put your mind at ease. ” He lays his hand on mine.

  “So what you’re telling me is there’s no reason why we can’t be together?” I want to make sure I heard him right.

  “None. ” I can’t help but smile, until I think of Emma.

  “He hasn’t been home since Friday… I’m afraid that he’s staying with her. ”

  He smiles and shakes his head.

  “That boy is too crazy about you to even look at another girl; I’m sure it was a misunderstanding. ” He takes our cups to get us more coffee.

  When he sits back down he gets a faraway look in his eyes; he’s not listening to a word I say.

  “Dad, is everything all right?” He’s suddenly so quiet.

  “What’s today’s date?” He pulls out his phone, running his fingers through his hair.

  “It’s the twenty-second. Why?” I’m wondering if he missed an important meeting.

  “It will make three years tomorrow that Brady died; he usually goes off the grid for about five days. Hunter wants to be by himself. Everyone grieves in their own way. ” He pats my hand and that irritates me.

  “No one should have to be alone, Dad. Maybe he’s been telling people that because he doesn’t want to ask for help. ” I get up so fast the chair scrapes the floor.

  When I walk into the laundry room I see all the bedding’s already clean and folded on the table by the dryer. Rosie must have finished it for me while we were talking. I grab it as I head back into the kitchen.

  My dad’s standing there waiting for me. “Riley, I didn’t want to upset you. ” I don’t let him finish.

  “He will not be alone this year; I will find out where he is and I will be there fo
r him. I want him to know that he doesn’t have to be alone anymore. He has me. ” I storm out the door.

  Hunter

  I feel like an ass; I’m not used to drinking this hard shit and I think it’s killing me. I’ve heard of people dying from alcohol poisoning, maybe that’s what’s happening to me.

  Good, I deserve it.

  Still can’t find my phone; I’m sure it’s dead. It hasn’t been charged in, how many days? Hell if I can remember.

  What day is it? I have a calendar on my phone… where’s my phone?

  I’m so hot, I should take a shower. Hell, I’m going for a swim.

  Jack and I are going outside; we’ve been friends for a few days now. Jack Daniels, I crack up laughing—he’s the only friend I need right now.

  I stumble a little as my feet hit the sand. I’m ok. Putting Jack down, he’s not going for a swim.

  Stripping off all my clothes, I stagger into the ocean, letting it swallow me whole.

  Riley

  I’ve scrubbed, cleaned, vacuumed, and polished his apartment until it shines. I did all his laundry and re-made his bed, and now I’m thumbing through a magazine. It's after nine and he hasn't come home yet. I'm so worried!

  I’ve texted him, called him and I get a recording that tells me he’s not available.

  WHAT THE FUCK!

  I’m ready to jump out of my skin, when I hear a knock at the door. Suddenly, I get a feeling of déjà vu. It better not be that bitch.

  When I fling the door open I’m surprised to see Connor standing there; he looks nervous.