The picture was so reminiscent of Robbie’s funeral that grief weighed heavy on her heart and shoulders. She opened her clutch, took out a handkerchief and balled it tightly in her hands as she stared at the back of Sam’s mum’s bowed head. She could only imagine the pain and self-control Andrea battled.
A scuffle beside Izzy was quickly accompanied by the scent of pine and musk. She lifted her head, and her gaze locked with Trent’s. He seemed to hesitate before he sat beside her and covered her hands with one of his. “How you doing?”
She smiled softly. “Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
“I’m okay.” He blew out a heavy breath. “Although being here, like this, makes me realize a small part of me has been denying Sam’s gone. It’s good to have closure, but right now I feel as though the fire happened this morning. I can see and hear everything all over again.” He looked at her, his eyes bright with unshed tears. “I can see and hear everything the day Robbie was killed too.”
Izzy nodded and a tear rolled over her cheek. “The pain never goes away, but...” She looked toward Sam’s parents. “After today, his mum and dad will be able to grieve him properly. The funeral is the most painful day because you know you have to keep going. You have to put one foot in front of the other and try not to sink into the floor the way you want to.”
As music filtered from the speakers at the front of the room, the murmurs abated until only the occasional whimper or wail carried through the oppressive space. Grateful for Trent on one side of her and Kate the other, Izzy pulled back her shoulders and forced her gaze to Sam’s coffin as the vicar started to speak.
“Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to this special service to honor the life and work of Sam Paterson, a devoted son, friend and firefighter. As much as loved ones linger over the death of beloved parents, friends, neighbors and, unfortunately, children, a funeral is a time to start to celebrate the life that has passed. It is a time to see, embrace and support the people who loved Sam as they gather together in their grief to bid a final farewell as he begins his journey beside God. We weep, we ask why...” The vicar paused and concentrated his gaze on Sam’s parents, his face solemn and his eyes sad. “We often want to be angry at the world and all the sadness it bestows on us.” He looked out into the congregation. “But we must try to believe in God and the tests he gives us, knowing we will fight to find happiness again even if the pain never fully subsides.”
Izzy ignored her tears as they rolled over her cheeks, and clung tighter to Trent’s hand. He squeezed her fingers and she turned to look at his handsome, tight-jawed profile. Would he be next? Would he be the next man in Templeton to die? Pain tore through her at the hurt that they hadn’t worked out; that at a time when they should’ve turned to each other, they’d turned away.
As her desire to be with him rose traitorously inside her, Izzy faced front and swallowed her feelings, pushing them far away along with her regret for what they’d lost together and individually.
Trent losing his sister had made his family and their home more important to him than ever, a place he could always return to without having to give a reason or explanation. Robbie’s death and her parents’ subsequent departure didn’t mean they hurt any less than Trent’s mum and dad, but their leaving meant Izzy was now afraid to truly believe in, or lean on, anybody. Why hadn’t she accepted her parents’ pleas to let them in? Why hadn’t she done more to realize their suffering could only be worse than hers? To lose a child...
Her tears gathered, stinging her eyes.
She would call her mum and dad the minute she returned home. There were still so many apologies she had to make to the people she’d pushed away.
The vicar’s speech had been a clear message to the importance of looking forward, not back. Slowly, she’d gained the sight to imagine the possibility of a brighter future, that she had much to be thankful for and one day, Izzy hoped, Sam’s loved ones would manage the same. She had to believe that, or there would be no point in any of them carrying on.
After a sad and difficult service, Sam’s coffin disappeared behind a red velvet curtain and his favorite dance track played as they exited the building—loud and strangely appropriate when Izzy thought of Sam. The small ripple of laughter lessened the heavy sorrow.
With her hand still in Trent’s, they slowly walked outside into a small courtyard where everyone was gathered to read the cards tucked into bouquet after bouquet of flowers. Bursts of vivid color stood against the rain-soaked concrete like a beacon of hope and prosperity.
Standing back, Izzy stared as Jay and his wife, Detective Inspector Garrett, their arms around each other’s waist, slowly led the line of mourners as they stepped forward to pay their respects. Marian and George Cohen followed. Then came Chris and Angela Forrester with their young daughter who solemnly carried a single white rose that she placed next to one of the bouquets. Behind them, Tanya Todd walked arm in arm with her sister, Sasha, who must’ve have come back to the Cove especially for the funeral.
As more and more residents gathered, Izzy looked at Trent. “We live in a wonderful town.”
His chest rose as he inhaled. “I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else. Not anymore. Templeton is home to me now.”
“Me too.” She gazed across the space at the Walker family gathered together in the far corner, their arms embracing and their lips pressing kisses to each other’s cheeks. “Bianca must be finding this incredibly hard. I can’t believe how well she’s coped with losing Robbie. She’s amazing. I wish I had half of her strength.”
“You do. She’s no more amazing than you, Iz.”
“Even though I was Rob’s sister, Bianca was engaged to him. Her whole future changed in the blink of an eye. I mourn the loss of a brother. She mourns the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.”
“Pain can’t be measured. People feel what they feel.”
“I suppose.”
They stood in companionable silence for a few seconds before he eased his hand from hers. “I have to get back to the station. I’m on duty.”
Izzy frowned. “Haven’t you been given the day off? Surely you want to go to the wake?”
He stared toward the flowers. “I volunteered. A lot of us did. I think working is the easier option. I’m pretty sure Sam would’ve done the same if it was one of us who died rather than him.”
She touched her fingers to his chin and when he met her gaze, she looked deep into his eyes. “I’m so proud of you.”
His gaze softened. “Ditto.”
As his focus drifted to her mouth, the tension shifted and Izzy took her hands from his face and fought her longing to place her head against his chest. “Are you still okay to go to see Maya at the hospital with me tomorrow?”
He lifted his gaze to hers. “Sure. I’ll pick you up from the studio?”
She nodded.
“Okay. Then I’ll see you around two.” He seemed to hesitate before he dipped his head and pressed a firm, lingering kiss to her forehead. “Take care.”
She kept her eyes closed as he walked away, and only when she could no longer hear his footsteps did she opened her eyes and let the tears fall for Sam, Robbie, Aimee and all those who missed them.
* * *
SPOTTING TRENT AS he pulled up outside the studio, Izzy snatched her purse from her desk, along with a teddy bear and the wrapped and framed picture she’d taken especially for Maya. She hitched her purse strap onto her shoulder and took a deep breath. She’d been looking out for Trent for the last twenty minutes to ensure that she caught him arriving, thus barring any chance for him to get out of the car and come into the studio.
After their quiet exchange at the funeral yesterday, she had to maintain a distance between them. Her attraction to him was still rife...and she suspected his to her was too.
The same as Trent’s parents’ place
was his sanctuary, the studio was hers and she no longer wanted him to breach it. His presence inside these four walls would only mess with her fortitude that he belonged in her life as a friend—not a lover or a lost-and-found piece of the puzzle that made everything in her life make sense.
Striding toward the door, she opened it and raised her hand in a breezy wave before turning to lock the studio door and gather her senses.
With the door locked, checked and rechecked, she ran out of stalling options and dropped her keys into her bag. Pulling back her shoulders, Izzy walked confidently to the curb and opened the passenger door of his car. She plastered on a smile as she struggled to slide into the car with her arms full. “Hey.”
His smile was wide and bright, his dark green eyes sparkling and surprisingly happy. “Hey. Do you want me to put those in the backseat for you?”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course. I’ve really been looking forward to today.” She reached for her seat belt, thankful for the excuse to break eye contact as she pulled it over her shoulder and locked it. “It will be good to get to know Maya.”
“Absolutely. We’ll do our best to make sure she has something to smile about today, at least.”
Izzy managed to get comfortable and arrange everything neatly on her lap. She glanced at Trent from the corner of her eye. He looked in his side mirror and pulled away, driving along the street to join the main road. He was dressed in his uniform trousers, navy T-shirt and red suspenders...and looked ridiculously edible. Her stomach knotted. How was she supposed to act like she hadn’t slept with the man when he looked the way he did?
She tried and failed not to glance at his hands and bared forearms; tried and failed not to sneak another peek at his profile. She frowned. Did he too have the inability to stop smiling?
She forced her clenched teeth apart and her lips down. The ache in her cheeks screamed their relief. “So, how are you?”
“Not too bad.” He continued to stare ahead. “You?”
“Not bad.” Excruciating awkwardness filled the car, and Izzy slumped. “This is silly. I know you must be hurting. Sam’s funeral was hard. Really hard.”
His smile wavered. “It was, but it’s done and now we need to wait for the good memories to overtake the bad ones. It happens. Just takes time.”
She stared at the passing shops, bars and cafés and tried to remember how beautiful and colorful the Cove was and that it didn’t always feel as gray as it did right now. She exhaled a shaky breath. “That’s true. Slowly, my memories of Robbie are changing.” She glanced at him. “The light at the end of the tunnel has grown from a pinprick to the width of a thumbnail, so I’m grateful for that at least.”
He briefly squeezed her hand before returning his to the steering wheel. “You know where I am, Iz. Anytime.”
She swallowed. “Thanks.”
As much as she wished it weren’t true, over and over, she’d wished Trent hadn’t left Templeton and gone to his parents. That single action had succeeded in stirring up all her old insecurities. Their short time together was like a flash of bright pink through a black-and-white photograph. A snippet of sunshine through the darkness and now everything had dimmed once more. Yet here she was, side by side with him...and most likely would be over and over again in the future.
Templeton wasn’t the place to be if a person intended to live her life alone. Practically everyone knew everyone else. The likelihood was, eventually, she’d claw her way back from her true feelings for Trent and escape the horrible heaviness in her chest that had been there for days. Before that happened, though, she had to find a way to handle seeing him when she was out and about. It was impossible to avoid anyone in the Cove forever.
She looked to the side window. Sam’s funeral had been torture. Not just for Trent, but for the entire community. Shocked expressions and tear-streaked faces had dominated the small crematorium, the mood somber and damn near heartbreaking.
The curious, sometimes triumphant looks that had been sent in her and Trent’s direction proved people had pretty much bet on their reunion. Yet neither she nor Trent acknowledged people’s interest.
He cleared his throat. “Any more news with the gallery?”
Izzy sat a little straighter and faced front, grateful for the topic choice. “Not yet. It will be a couple of weeks before things are settled and then I guess it will be a case of me and Jay working out the details of how we’ll run the gallery. I’m looking forward to working with him. He’s a really nice guy.”
“Well, if you need a model in the future, you know where I am.”
He tipped her a wink and Izzy smiled. “Fancy this modeling thing now, do you?”
“I certainly had a good time with the last photographer who took my picture. Worth asking if she wants to photograph me again.”
“Very funny.” Her stomach knotted with memories of that day and how it had ended with her and Trent on her office desk. Heat warmed her cheeks and other places. “Maybe a slot will come free in her diary one day.”
“Maybe it will.”
Izzy turned to the window. Why were they flirting? Then again, maybe this was just Trent being Trent. He’d flirted with her since the day Robbie introduced them four years ago. Hell, he’d flirted with plenty of girls in between too.
Flirting was Trent’s coping mechanism. She knew that better than most of the girls who’d fallen for his charms before her. She’d just been stupid enough to be caught too eventually.
The journey to the specialist children’s hospital was over an hour’s drive, but they managed small talk for half of it before tense silence hovered heavy enough for Izzy to turn on the radio.
At last, they pulled into the hospital parking lot.
As soon as Trent cut the engine, Izzy snapped off her seat belt and struggled from the car. She stared at the hospital’s facade, and the bitter taste of grief coated her throat. The last time she was at a hospital, she’d followed the ambulance carrying Robbie... Little did she know her brother was already dead.
“You okay?”
Trent’s voice beside her made her jump and she turned. He’d put on his fireproof jacket and held his hat in one hand and a huge soft panda in the other. She swallowed against her weakening heart. That was so not playing fair. She looked to the hospital again. “Not really. You?”
When no answer came, Izzy turned.
The concern in his eyes deepened and he put the bear and his hat in one hand and stole his other arm around her shoulders. “No. I feel as though I’ve spent far too much time in hospitals over the years, but I’m determined to make today about Maya and what she needs.”
He stared ahead, his jaw tight.
Unable to bear his suffering over Sam, she cupped her hand to his jaw, guiding his face to hers. “It has to get better eventually.”
His gaze melted from anger to fierce determination as he reached up and drew her hand from his face. “Let’s hope so because I don’t remember ever feeling as crappy as I do right now.”
“Trent—”
“Come on, let’s get inside.” He stepped toward the hospital and spoke over his shoulder. “One day at a time. That’s what Sam always advised and I think it’s about time I started listening to him.”
Pushing away her helplessness, Izzy followed Trent through the sliding doors into the hospital. As he spoke with the receptionist, Izzy joined him.
Trent smiled at the older woman. “Great. Thanks for your help.” He faced Izzy. “Maya’s on the pediatric oncology floor. Paddington Bear ward. Her mum’s with her and they’re expecting us.”
“Great.” She nodded and drew in a breath. “Let’s go.”
They took the elevator and by the time the neon digits showed level two, Trent had taken hold of her hand. She glanced at him, her heart
a mess of gratitude and fear. Gratitude he was there with her, making her strong once again, and fear that if she leaned on him, she’d forget how important it was that she stand alone.
He continued to stare at the floor numbers as they rose. Izzy forced her shoulders down and held his hand a little tighter.
The elevator pinged at the fourth floor and, hand in hand, they walked along the corridor until they found the Paddington Bear ward and Maya Jackson’s room. Izzy looked at Trent and he winked with an encouraging smile.
She returned his smile, gently knocked on the door and pushed it open.
Maya Jackson was awake and nodding at something her mother said from the brown plastic seat beside Maya’s bed. The little girl’s dark gaze flitted to the door, and her pretty face lit with a grin. Izzy instantly fell in love. Even without her hair and the tube coming from her nose, Maya Jackson was one of the most beautiful little girls Izzy had ever seen. Her huge eyes shone with happiness despite the horrible disease she fought, her smile wide, revealing perfect pearly white teeth.
Her mother stood and held out her hand. “You must be Izzy. Hi, Kerri Jackson.”
Izzy shook Kerri’s hand, whose strained smile did little to alleviate the clear exhaustion etched on her face. “Nice to meet you. Thanks so much for letting us meet Maya today.”
“It’s my pleasure. She’s so excited to meet a real-life photographer and firefighter.” She held her hand out to Trent. “Trent, isn’t it?”
“It is. Nice to meet you.”
Izzy looked to Maya. “And you must be Maya. Hi, sweetheart.” Izzy stepped toward the bed and held out her gifts. “Here, these are for you.”
“Thank you.” The little girl’s gaze ran over Izzy’s face, her smile wider than the sun. “You take pictures.”
“I do, and I’m hoping the pictures I’ve taken of Templeton’s firefighters will raise lots of money to help you get out of this hospital and back home.”
Maya looked to Trent, her eyes wide. “Are you a real firefighter?”
Saved by the Firefighter Page 17