Cake_The Newlyweds

by J. Bengtsson

  As we re-entered the room, Jake stepped between the two. This pre-adolescent pissing match could go on all day without proper intervention.

  “Okay. Enough, Riley,” he said. “And no cereal for dinner. We may be amateurs, but your Auntie Casey and I still have some common sense. Catering has food for us. Go get ready and we’ll leave in a few minutes.”

  The kids just stood there staring up at him. Jake looked to me, perplexed, then back at the kids.

  “What?” he asked.

  “We’re ready.”

  “You don’t have to, like, brush your hair or change clothes or anything?”

  “We’re kids,” Sydney said in a snooty tone, lifting her arms in exasperation. “I thought you said you had common sense.”

  Kyle burst out laughing until he caught sight of our disapproving glares. “Well, she has you on that one,” he said under his breath.

  Now I stepped into the fray. “You know what, Syd? I don’t like that attitude. You might have been able to walk all over us on the plane, but that was only because we were just getting our sea legs. Now that Jake and I know how you operate, we’re not going to let you take advantage of us anymore. Got it?”

  Sydney glanced between the two of us, no doubt trying to determine how much control she could relinquish without selling her soul. Finally she folded her arms in front of her and said, “I’m sorry.”

  It wasn’t exactly a sincere apology, but it was the most she’d offered since I’d been around her all week, so I was inclined to take it. I gave her a quick hug. “Now, go brush your hair.”

  Riley looked up at Kyle, his face scrunched in confusion. “Sea legs? Were we on a boat?”

  Kyle just shrugged his shoulders as if he too were baffled by the analogy. Yeah, maybe he hadn’t been the best choice in babysitters.

  Riley didn’t make it past the third song before he slid to the floor and fell asleep on my foot. No joke – I looked down, and he was out. Too bad sleep wasn’t that easy for the rest of us. I had to get him back to the bus, and I knew instinctively Sydney would not go willingly. My stomach did a little ‘punch in the gut’ number at just the thought of the confrontation that was sure to follow. In fact, by the time it was over, Riley would probably be wide awake again and bouncing off the walls for the rest of the night.

  For the umpteenth time that day, I felt wholly unqualified to be calling myself their caregiver. As evidenced by the flight this afternoon, I was no mother. I could barely be called an acceptable babysitter. Sydney and Riley deserved better; but unfortunately they weren’t going to get it because when you draw the short end of the stick in life, you just had to learn to make do.

  Stop procrastinating. It was time to deliver the news. My hands broke out in a sweat and I swallowed the lump in my throat. It was best just to get this over with. I looked to Syd and opened my mouth to speak, but something in her demeanor stopped me. It wasn’t how engrossed she was in the concert, or the way she was watching Jake’s every move with unblinking fascination. No, it was that peculiar little smile on her face. Wait a minute. I knew that look. That wasn’t just pride in her uncle. Oh, no. Like millions of girls the world over, little Sydney Caldwell had a crush… on my husband.

  Ten. She was ten years old. And when I say ten, I’m talking she just turned that number. A few months ago, she was still in the single digits! This was not good. Why hadn’t I seen this before? Had I just not been paying attention, or was it a recent thing? I was going to have to tread lightly here. The last thing I wanted to do was squash her spirit, because if there was one thing I was certain of, it was that my niece couldn’t take any more heartbreak.

  “Casey?” Syd interrupted my mini panic attack by pulling on my hand. She looked up at me with tired brown eyes, and like I had been many times since the death of her mother and father, I was struck by the change in this little girl. She used to sparkle all the time, but now it seemed as if a filter had been put in place to dull and subdue her.

  “Yeah, sweetie?”

  “Riley needs to sleep.” She pointed down to my feet.

  “Ya think?” I grinned. The kid was now sprawled out on the floor, the noise-canceling earpieces doing their job beautifully.

  “I know you’re enjoying the show, but…”

  She shook her head. “I want to go.”

  “You do?”

  Tears pooled in her eyes. Syd frowned and wiped them away with her sleeve.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, hugging her to me. “What’s wrong?”

  Then came the downward flow as she broke into sobs. I stood there unprepared and helpless. What had I been thinking, bringing her here? She clearly wasn’t ready to leave the safety of her grandparents. Holding her to me tightly, I grabbed my phone and dialed. He answered on two rings.

  “Kyle, I need you.”

  Kyle gently placed Riley in the bunk bed as I extracted the earplugs.

  “You sure that’s a good idea?” Kyle whispered, glancing over at Sydney, who was still sniffling and blowing her nose. “The earplugs seem like keepers.”

  “Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not doing a good job with these kids. I think I made a mistake bringing them here,” I said, tucking Riley in and covering him with a blanket.

  “You’re doing fine. Can I give you a suggestion?”

  “Please.”

  “Don’t dwell on her tears. Don’t even mention them. Some people prefer to suffer alone. Sydney strikes me as one of them.”

  “But she’s so young. Shouldn’t I try to get her to talk to me? Find out why she’s crying?”

  “You already know why. Her parents are dead. Nothing you say or do is going to change that.”

  “Are you suggesting I just ignore it altogether?”

  “No. Let her know she can come to you, but don’t push her. She’s proud. Crying pisses her off. If you highlight it or make a big deal out of it, you’ll only alienate her more.”

  “Huh. Okay. Do you have a psychology degree or something?”

  “No. I speak from experience.” A quick snapshot of pain flashed across his face. It was a rare moment of raw honesty from him. Kyle preferred to hide behind his smile and a truckload of jokes, but under it all was a sensitive guy who had more skeletons in his closet than most. After what he’d just told me, I had to wonder how much suffering he’d done in silence.

  Grabbing his hand, I squeezed. “Thank you.”

  “No problem. If you need help with them, I don’t mind. I like having conversations with kids. Grownups never ask me what my third favorite dinosaur is. Besides, it’ll get me out of the scut work. Vadim always puts me on the shittiest detail just because he can.”

  “You should tell Jake.”

  “Uh…no. And you won’t either. I already have one strike against me with the other guys for being Jake’s brother, but if they think I’m running home to tell my mommy every time they’re mean to me… yeah, not good.”

  “Ooh,” I winced. “I see your point. Never mind. Go back to scrubbing toilets.”

  “I will. Thank you.”

  “So?” I said, a sickly sweet smile forming on my face.

  He picked up immediately on the tease and mimicked my lovesick grin and singsong voice. “So, what?”

  “When is Kenzie coming?”

  “You already know she’s coming next Friday.”

  “I just want to hear you say it. You always get that goofy look on your face.”

  “That’s just my face. I’m naturally goofy.”

  “Ah, see.” I grabbed Kyle’s jaw and shook it. “There it is. That smile. You love her, and don’t try to deny it.”

  “I’m not trying to deny it. I tell her all the time.”

  “So?” I tried again. I had intel on a certain subject straight from the source, Kenzie, and I wanted confirmation.

  Kyle raised his eyebrows. “So what?”

  “I know you’re going to propose,” I blurted out.

  He didn’t even blink at my extortion attempt. �
�You don’t know shit, Casey. I know how you operate. You’re using fake news to get me to confess to something that doesn’t exist.”

  “Okay, deny it. I don’t care.”

  “Yes, you do. Look at you all a-quiver.” He laughed. “You can barely contain yourself.”

  “Fine. Yes. I’m excited.”

  “What makes you think I’m going to propose?” he asked, more interested in my answer than he was trying to let on.

  “Um… gee, Kyle. Maybe it’s because you were asking my opinion on what her ring size might be? I just naturally deduced from there. Plus Kenzie keeps talking about it. Apparently you asked her the same question.”

  “And she took that to mean I was going to propose?” he asked, seemingly surprised that any girl would come to such a preposterous conclusion.

  “Um, yeah. Of course. Why wouldn’t she?”

  Kyle appeared stumped by that one. I could almost see the wheels turning in his head. “What if I were just getting her a skull ring or something?”

  “Then you might want to duck after giving it to her because that’s not at all what she’ll be expecting.”

  “Great,” he mumbled, suddenly distracted by the wall.

  “Wait – you didn’t actually get her a skull ring, did you?”

  Kyle didn’t answer my question. Instead he headed for the door. “Goodnight, Casey.”

  I followed behind him right on his heels. “Because if you were actually thinking of proposing, you could always employ my services… which, I might add, are free of charge.”

  “Oh, I’m sure they are,” he said. Thankfully he accepted my meddling ways with amusement. “Anyway, it’s been fun, Casey, but I’ve got to get back, or Vadim will kill me in my sleep. Remember what I said about Sydney. You’re going for ‘I’m there for you’ not ‘Let me smother you in my love.’”

  “Got it. Thank you, Kyle. I can always count on you. And, you know…” I winked in his direction. “You can always count on me.” Wink. Wink.

  He shook his head, smiling as he purposely avoided responding to my goading. Kyle grabbed a Kleenex out of the box on the kitchen counter before walking over to Sydney and dropping it in her lap.

  “How do you make a tissue dance?” he asked.

  “I don’t know,” she said, looking up at him.

  “Put a little boogey in it!”

  Sydney wiped the last of her tears away and laughed.

  “See ya, Syd.”

  “Bye, weirdo.”

  He caught her insult in his hand and pressed it to his heart, as if it meant the world to him. Sydney and I both giggled.

  “Goodnight, ladies.” He stepped out of the bus but then popped his head back in and with a sly smile on his face said, “Oh, and by the way, Casey, your services may be requested somewhere down the line.”

  I threw my arms in the air and had them perform a silent little boogey of their own.

  “What was that all about?” Sydney asked, once he’d left.

  “Just a little inside joke.”

  “Oh. He’s funny. I like him.”

  “Me too,” I said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Are you ready for bed?”

  Syd eyed me skeptically. “You’re not going to ask me why I was crying?”

  “Do you want me to?”

  “Nope.”

  “Okay, then, let’s get ready for bed.”

  She dragged her feet, but eventually I did convince her to put on pajamas and brush her teeth. Sydney climbed up into the top bunk. Earlier in the day, she and Riley had fought viciously over the coveted spot, but in the end, she’d pulled rank over her little brother and claimed it for herself. I felt for Riley. Being the youngest myself, I couldn’t have even dreamed of getting the top bunk back in the day. When we went on family vacations, I was lucky if I got the cushions off the couch.

  I spent extra time folding the blankets and sheets over my little niece, hoping to swaddle her in comfort. Her life was so hard now, anything I could do to lessen the blow was at least something. Sydney surprised me by reaching out and lightly running her finger over a strand of my hair.

  “You’re so pretty,” she whispered. “I wish I was you.”

  A flood of emotion threatened to overtake me as I hugged her. “You are me… in so many ways. We both have similar personalities, sarcastic and brave, and you look like I did as a kid, only you’re much prettier than I was.”

  “You think I’m pretty?”

  “I think you’re beautiful. But trust me when I say being attractive on the outside might get you places, but it doesn’t make you special without having a good solid core.” I held my hand to her chest. “Inside here. This is what makes you count.”

  “What if I don’t have anything left inside here?” she asked, placing her hand over her heart as well. “Then what do I do?”

  “Everything that makes you who you are is still there, but it’s just under a layer of sadness. I see your light trying to shine through. I know you want to be happy again but I think maybe you feel guilty… like you aren’t allowed to be happy because your mom and dad aren’t here to enjoy it.”

  A tear slipped down her cheek as she nodded.

  “But you know that’s not what they would want, right? They’d want you to live and smile and be happy. They always only wanted the best for you and that’s what Grams and Gramps are trying to give you, Syd. Nothing we can do will bring them back but there’s a lot you can do to keep them alive inside here.”

  Sydney silently tapped her fingers on mine, seemingly contemplating my words before saying, “My mom was going to take me to one of Jake’s concerts this summer. Just us girls. She said we’d fly to any city I wanted to go to. That should have been her with me tonight.”

  “Oh.” I had no idea how to respond to her. Something soothing or maybe insightful would have been ideal, but that had never been me. I thought with my emotions, not my brain. “Your mom was so awesome.”

  Sydney immediately broke down, covering her face to silently weep. Crap, that was such a stupid thing to say. It only served to make her miss her mom more. Now it was me stroking her hair.

  “I cry for your mom and dad everyday, too. Did you know that? I miss them so much that sometimes I can’t breathe.”

  “That’s how I feel too,” Syd said. “And mad.”

  “Yep. Me too. So mad that they had to die… for what? A text? If that lady had just looked up from her damn phone, they’d all still be alive.”

  “I’m so mad I want to hurt people.”

  “Is that why you’re so hard on Grams and Gramps?”

  “I guess. Someday everyone is going to stop loving me because I’m so mean.”

  Tears splashed down her face faster than I could wipe them away. I pulled her head to my chest and held her tight.

  “That’s never going to happen. You’re way too loved. But I’ll admit, I feel the same way sometimes.”

  “You do?” Sydney sat up, wiping her face in her sheets. She was now fully vested in our conversation. I was aware that Riley was asleep in the bunk below and that, if he woke, I’d be in for a long night, but it would all be worth it if I could get this little girl to open up.

  “I’m scared that my sadness is going to push Jake away. I don’t want him to get tired of me and decide to leave.”

  To my surprise, Sydney reached out her hand and placed it on my cheek. She had temporarily forgotten her own misery to tend to mine, and that’s when I knew my sweet niece was still in there, buried deep under all the rubble. “He won’t leave you.”

  “Why do you think that?”

  “Because he loves you.”

  “Like we love you?” I asked.

  She nodded, but I sensed that she wasn’t convinced.

  “Nothing you do will ever stop us from loving you, Syd. We might get frustrated or angry with you, but that’s not the same thing. We’re family, girl. We stick together.”

  “Then why are you afraid Jake will leave? He’s family
too.”

  That was a damn good question. Why was I always doubting his loyalty when he’d done nothing to deserve it?

  “You’re right. I’m not giving him any credit. Just like you’re not giving us any. We’re a pair, aren’t we?”

  Sydney nodded her agreement.

  “You and me, we need to stop acting like Eeyore and be more like Pooh.”

  “Huh?” she said, looking perplexed.

  “Winnie the Pooh?”

  Recognition dawned on her face. “Oh. I’ve never seen it.”

  Seriously? What were they teaching these kids nowadays? “Eeyore is all doomsday and Pooh is sunshine. Which one would you rather be?”

  “Eeyore,” she answered, suppressing a smile.

  “The correct answer is Pooh.” I tickled her, and we both giggled.

  “So what do you say? Shall we both give positivity a try?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t really have anything else to do.”

  “True,” I said, laughing at her apathy. “I know it feels weird to have fun when your mom and dad can’t be part of it, but I know they would want you to smile again and be goofy. So let’s make it our mission to be crazy fun at least once every day while you’re here.”

  “Like this?” She rolled her eyes up in her head and sucked her cheeks in.

  “Ah, yes, the fish face. Nice start, girl.”

  I high-fived my smiling niece and silently cheered my first victory.

  Jake came in a couple hours later, and I placed my finger over my lips to let him know he needed to be quiet. He nodded as he slid into place beside me on the couch and draped his arm over my shoulder.

  “What happened?” He whispered. “Kyle told me Sydney started crying. Is she okay?”

  I tucked both knees under me and sat up straighter, excited to tell him about the breakthrough I’d had with Syd. As I rattled on and on, Jake listened intently, nodding and smiling at the right moments. Finally when I stopped to breathe, he leaned in and planted his lips on mine.

  “That’s awesome, Case. I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.”

  “I am. I just feel like I really connected with her… like maybe I can help her get to a place where she doesn’t want to cry twenty-four hours a day.”