Truth Undressed (Exposed Series, #3)

by Kelly, Hazel

Not only was he hitting that spot deep inside me, but my clit was rubbing against the base of his dick. And I knew I was doing something right because an energy was building inside me that made me want to go faster and faster. I was worried if I slowed down I’d lose that feeling, and I was too excited to let up. I’d never fucked somebody before. Not like this. And I knew I was fucking him good because my pussy was squeezing him and his brow was furrowed.

  And then I felt myself creep right to the edge of my own pleasure, and it felt like the warmth inside me had formed a gigantic wave. And with the very next thrust, it crashed through me and exploded like a fiery star.

  A second later I was out of breath and collapsed against Kevin’s chest, feeling so smug I couldn’t help but smile. I mean, I thought the first time it happened was a fluke, but this proved it. It had to have been an orgasm.

  And if it wasn’t, fuck me. I’d found something even better.

  Chapter 18: Dawn

  The Ten Commandments

  Ever since I got sick and realized I’d never have time to fix all my problems, I’ve been convinced that if I could just get my hands on a pulpit, I could at least fix everyone else’s. Because now that I see the world through the eyes of a dead woman, everything seems so obvious.

  And even though I’m not a traditionally religious person, I think it’s plain to see that The Ten Commandments have dated pretty badly.

  So out of sheer vanity, I’ve decided to make my own commandments. Because when you’re on the drugs I’m on right now, it feels like everything you’re saying is gospel. Anyway, I hope you’ll find my Top Ten helpful.

  And for the record, while you’d be right to expect that some of the rules have a sexual tone, make no mistake. These principles are just as helpful for achieving satisfaction in life as they are for achieving satisfaction in relationships.

  Anyway, without further introduction, here is the best advice I would give to my eighteen year old self and therefore, the best I can offer you.

  10. Thou Shalt Be Patient

  Patience is a dying virtue, and much of that is a result of our modern culture. People and businesses are on a never ending quest to get more results, cheaper, faster, and with less human interaction than ever before. Unfortunately, this ideology does a disservice to young people. Because instant gratification doesn't accurately reflect how the world works. That’s why the quarter life crisis is so common now.

  Bright young men and women graduate from college with degrees that qualify them to fulfill their dreams of becoming executives with corner offices. And they can’t help but feel entitled because they’ve never had to be patient before. Meanwhile, they’re heavy with debt, and no one told them how long and hard they were going to have to work to pay it off. So when it turns out that they can’t get promotions as regularly as new iPhones come out, it can be extremely discouraging.

  But in reality, it’s better this way. Because life is like coffee; it’s better when it’s brewed, not instant. So take your time and persevere.

  Anything worth doing is worth doing well, and real success is a matter of enjoying the journey.

  9. Thou Shalt Not Gamble

  Gambling can be a pleasurable experience. However, there are lots of activities that can be pleasurable that don’t also guarantee inevitable pain. If you must gamble, play low stakes poker with friends. That way, even if you lose, you will have had a good time, and maybe what you lost will come back to you when the winner buys a round of beers.

  Another thing you shouldn’t gamble with is your sexual health. You know that awful situation when someone on the train sneezes on you and you hold your breath because you don’t want to get a cold? What if other people’s sneezes could kill you? Or give you genital warts? Or an incurable disease?

  How much trouble would you go to in order to protect yourself then? You’d probably start wearing one of those masks like everyone in China wears because the air is so toxic. Fortunately, you don’t have to wear one of those because you’re healthy, you wash your hands regularly, and you don’t live in China.

  The point is, if you wouldn’t sit by while someone willingly sneezed in your face, you shouldn’t be having unprotected sex either. The stakes are way too high. Your health is the greatest asset you have, and a moment of awkwardness or hurting someone’s feelings is far less inconvenient than Aids, warts, or a baby.

  8. Thou Shalt Ask For What You Want

  You don’t have to be at Burger King to have things your way. But you do have to ask nicely if you expect to get what you want. It won’t always work, of course. But it’s always worth a try. And it gets easier. Especially when you see how well it works.

  7. Thou Shalt Not Overstay Your Welcome

  You know that old saying that it’s better to leave the audience wanting more than for them to be sick of the sight of you by the time the show is over? Well, your audience is anyone you spend time with whether it’s your family, your best friend, or a complete stranger. No matter how close you are with somebody, there is always a point where- if you cross it- you’ll have spent too much time together. So nourish your relationships by giving them space when they need it.

  After all, nothing ruins the thrill of a casual hookup like the reality of stale breath and makeup.

  And the same rule applies to romantic relationships. Trust me, my job taught me that there are worse things than being alone. By all means, work on a relationship if it’s important to you before you quit on somebody. But never stay just because you think you’re trapped or because you think you can’t do better.

  Remember your commitment to being a whole person, and don’t stay if you’re unhappy. Life is too short to be miserable. And even though it can be scary to leave some situations- especially when you’re in your comfort zone- there is no loneliness like being alone in a relationship.

  6. Thou Shalt Not Bash It Till You’ve Tried It

  I know a lot of people are fond of the “try anything once” philosophy, but I don’t really believe in that. It’s too overwhelming, and it could be too easily misconstrued to include all manner of things like butt plugs and heroine.

  Instead, don’t bash it till you’ve tried it, and only try things about which you’re curious and would like to have an opinion.

  And if you don’t have an opinion about something that you can substantiate, then keep your mouth shut. There are too many people giving unsolicited opinions on things they know nothing about. Important things like gay marriage and abortion rights and drones.

  If you can’t improve on silence or add value to the conversation, don’t say anything at all.

  5. Thou Shalt Be Open Minded And Open Hearted

  When you go through life with an open mind and an open heart, you are privy to a wider variety of experiences. And not only will that make you a more interesting and compassionate person, it will help you become the kind of person that notices things. And when you notice things, you realize how much there is to be grateful for.

  So be the kind of person that notices a flower growing through a crack in the pavement. Not the kind of person who never makes eye contact with homeless people.

  An open heart is a young heart and an open mind is a bright one. And both will help you enjoy the journey.

  4. Thou Shalt Follow The Golden Rule

  To be honest, this might be the only commandment anyone needs. Treating other people courteously is good karma, and it will keep your conscious clear, which help you sleep better and age better.

  I’ve heard it said that we all have the face we deserve by the time we’re forty. I say, if you have to have wrinkles anyway, they might as well be the smiley kind.

  3. Thou Shalt Not Be Bored

  If you feel bored, it’s your fault. Boredom is a choice, and no conscientious person would ever choose to feel that way.

  Personally, I suggest you cast the word out altogether. After all, it is a selfish, unflattering word that implies that you are reliant on external forces to be content. Life is
difficult enough on account of the negative emotions you can't avoid. So don't waste your energy entertaining something as useless, pitiful, and ridiculous as boredom. Only boring people get bored.

  Eliminating boredom from your life is as simple as eliminating the word from your vocabulary. Don’t settle for it in either place.

  2. Thou Shalt End On A Positive

  Make every effort to punctuate your life with happy moments by choosing to end on a positive whenever you can. Sometimes this means achieving orgasm, other times it means complimenting a colleague after a meeting. Regardless, it doesn’t take a lot of effort to make it a habit, and it can have great rewards.

  After all, people remember how you make them feel more than they’ll ever remember what you say. So leave people feeling good, and they’ll always be happy to see you.

  1. Thou Shalt Make Your Own Rules

  The biggest mistake you can make is letting other people’s rules dictate the way you live your life. Doing that is a one way ticket to waking up in a cold sweat one morning panicked because you don’t like where you’ve ended up, and you can’t see a way out.

  And chances are you aren’t going to escape as gracefully as Elizabeth Gilbert. So instead of setting yourself up for a meltdown, set your own goals and standards. That way, if you suddenly find you’ve taken a wrong turn, you’ll be able to find your way again because you’ll be using your own map.

  Whew!

  I can’t even begin to describe what a relief it is to discover that after so many years of listening, I actually have something to say.

  Anyway, I can only hope you’ll appreciate my suggestions the same way you would a hearty meal. Enjoy what you want and don't force the rest down your throat.

  And who knows? Maybe I’ll be a preacher in my next life? If I am, I hope it’s in one of those churches in the South where women sing beautiful, uplifting gospel music. Cause that’s the best kind of soul food there is.

  Chapter 19: Kate

  I think it was probably a good thing that I was completely baked when I got home because I was in a pleasant, curious mood. Which is exactly the kind of mood a person should be in when they come across a shoe box full of photos capturing moments in their deceased Mom’s life. Especially when those moments show her smiling while she did stuff she never could’ve done if she’d kept you around.

  Still, it was nice of Tina to drop them off along with Dawn’s jewelry box. Because I hadn’t had a chance to go pick the stuff up myself. Okay, that isn’t entirely accurate. I’d had plenty of chances. I just wasn’t ready.

  I thought about it, of course. But it felt weird ransacking the place so soon. Especially when Dawn was chilling on the mantle downstairs.

  And I didn’t want her apartment disturbed. I liked how she had everything. Like the clothes in her closet. I wanted them to stay just the way they were. I liked how she had everything organized so her outfits hung together. Cool outfits, too. Ones I never would’ve thought to put together. And someday, if I ever had the balls to dress like a rock star in fringed leather jackets and fur vests with metal accessories, I wanted to make sure I did it right.

  And I was glad Tina was checking in on the apartment because I had enough to worry about without failing at my home owning obligations. Of course, the fact that I had an apartment- an “asset” as my Dad called it- was still sort of sinking in.

  Obviously, I had no intention of selling it. Not only was that a “poor investment decision,” but the apartment was the best clue I had to who she really was. So there was no way I could rent it out anytime soon either. Not with her smell still in there. And her toothbrush. Which I only remembered because I’d recently considered trying to swab it for a DNA test.

  But that wouldn’t be necessary. I got the sense people weren’t lying to me anymore. And I could be wrong, but despite all the sadness from losing her sister, I think Carol was actually relieved that I finally knew. Or at least relieved that she didn’t have to hide it anymore.

  I couldn’t help but wonder whether keeping that secret is one of the reasons she was so tightly wound all these years. Like if she allowed herself to relax even a little bit the truth would unravel. Because she definitely seemed more easy going lately.

  Maybe it was because I wasn’t throwing up anymore. Not that we’d talked about it. Or maybe all parents spent the first eighteen years of their children’s lives worrying that they would screw them up, relaxing only once they’d been accepted to college. Not that I wasn’t screwed up. It was just that my parents had come to terms with how screwed up I was at that point, and they knew it could’ve been worse.

  Plus, there was still hope for Chris.

  I sat on the bed and flipped open the jewelry box first. The top compartments were filled with earrings, mostly costume jewelry. All of it was gaudier than anything I’d seen her wear in the time I spent with her. But it made me smile because I had always loved big earrings and never knew why.

  Carol was the kind of woman that wore delicate, expensive jewelry that didn’t call attention to itself. Like she wore it more for the subtle glint it cast when it caught the light than anything.

  The top drawer didn’t have jewelry in it at all. It just had a stack of patches of different countries' flags, the kind of patches people might sew on a backpack or a jacket if they were that way inclined. I guess this collection was just for her enjoyment. Each one was smooth and colorful. I started laying them out on the bed. France, Spain, Germany, Ireland, Brazil, Argentina, Guatemala, Thailand, Ghana, South Africa, Egypt, Laos. Laos? I didn’t even know where that was.

  The next drawer had a long string of beads in it. Or at least I thought it was a long string of beads until I pulled it out and discovered it was a beaded thong.

  “Jesus Christ,” I said, dropping it on the bed. What the fuck did anyone need with one of those?

  The last drawer held the Tiffany necklace I’d always admired, a bracelet that matched, and a ring she always wore. It had fake diamonds in it, but it looked real. I used to try it on when she’d leave it in the bathroom after a shower. I remember thinking it was cool that I could wear it on the same finger that she did.

  There was also a little note with my name on it, and I unfolded the piece of loose leaf carefully.

  Kate,

  I hope you’re well. If there is an afterlife, I’ll be missing you right now. If there’s not, don’t take it personally, I’m still around. Energy is neither created nor destroyed, right?

  Anyway, I know you admired this Tiffany necklace whenever I wore it so I’m sure you’ll give it a good home. It also has a matching bracelet. Surprise! I always loved the set myself. It’s real vintage Tiffany. My Mom gave it to me. So there you go. You’re meant to have it. It is the nicest jewelry I’ve ever owned.

  As far as the ring, it’s not valuable. I’m sure I told you that the diamonds are fake, but that never bothered me. Mostly because it was a gift from Scott, your real dad. And I know he abandoned us both in the end, but I loved him, and this ring always reminded me of a happy time in my life. Plus, it goes with everything.

  I know it’s not much, but it’s all I have.

  Love,

  Dawn

  Ps- If you’re wondering about the beaded panties, I never wore them. I just found them amusing. They glow in the dark!

  I looked at the jewelry and the note and tried to imagine her writing it and tucking it away, knowing she didn’t have much time. She probably laughed about the panties and then regretted it because in the end laughing always made her wheeze and cough.

  And even though I didn’t have a nice feeling about Scott, I liked having something he gave her, something beautiful. I liked knowing that he was good to her. At least for a while.

  I turned to the shoebox and opened the lid.

  Right on top there was a picture of her and a man that I assumed was my father because there was something familiar about his face, especially his eyes. They were the same almond shape as mine. In the picture, t
hey were at a barbeque and they both had massive smiles on their face.

  I have to admit, it was kind of a relief to know that I was conceived in love. It meant something to me, something that made me feel… buoyant. Especially when so many kids are conceived by couples that hate each other and countless orphans grow up never knowing if their dad raped their mom. I felt lucky that didn’t happen to me. I had a lot of questions about the circumstances, of course, but I knew where I came from enough to know that it was a good place. Even if it wouldn’t have been good place to stay.

  Next there were a whole bunch of pictures of Dawn and Mark doing totally crazy shit, obviously before I came along and before he fucked off. But it was nice to see her looking so happy. And who wouldn’t be in those situations? There were pictures of them bungee jumping, drinking in hot tubs, flicking the camera off at rock concerts, and smoking joints on ski lifts in short sleeved shirts. There was even one of Dawn dancing at a club so hard that her hair was drenched in sweat and plastered to the side of her face.

  Then there were pictures of Dawn and Tina and she was younger again. And in every one she looked so… vibrant. There was a shot of them in front of places I recognized like the pyramids and the Eiffel Tower, but then there were ones I couldn’t place, too. Like the one where she was smoking hookah with a bunch of random black guys who were all drinking wine out of cardboard cartons and wearing jelly sandals. Africa, maybe?

  And then there were funny ones. Dawn making a sad face with a horrible sun burn. Her pointing a snorkel at a warning sign for jellyfish. Another of her pointing at a leech where it clung to her leg in a forest somewhere.

  In the next bundle she was older again- maybe thirties- backstage with the Strokes? Then hanging out of sidecar in San Francisco, pointing at the sign for Bleeker Street in New York, and getting her palm read in New Orleans. And it was amazing to see that one person could do all that stuff. It was unfathomable to me.