The Bones of You

by Laura Stone

Seth didn’t seem to understand. Oliver smoothed his hand over the hair above Seth’s ear, plunging his fingers in its thick lushness of it. “On there being a ‘we.’ Seth, I want this. I want the school, I want this city.” His fingers tightened the slightest amount in Seth’s hair. He was almost afraid that he would leave or disappear, that this wasn’t actually happening. “I want you.”

  For a moment, Oliver wasn’t able to breathe. Until Seth gave him a tiny nod of agreement, and the air rushed out of him in what was almost a pained whine. And then Seth was tentatively kissing him, and Oliver clutched at him, his arms, his back, until finally Oliver’s hands settled, cradling Seth’s face.

  “I want you,” he repeated. He wanted to make sure that Seth knew just how much he mattered; and something in his heart was fracturing at the hesitation he still felt from Seth. Loath as he was to stop kissing him, not be touching every inch of him that he could, Oliver pulled back, holding Seth’s hands and looking down at them to stay grounded.

  “Seth?”

  “Really?” Seth asked. His voice sounded broken.

  Oliver looked at him, then, and felt both so solid and sure of his decision and so upset with himself for fostering so much doubt in the man he loved; Seth should know to his core. And as he responded with an emphatic nod, Oliver said, “I am moving to New York City. I’m moving here, and first thing in the morning, I’m going to sign documents to make it official.”

  Seth sagged against him, his fists on Oliver’s shoulders. Oliver held him, his hands warm and firm against Seth’s body, further proof that as long as Seth would let him, he’d be here where he belonged.

  “I want you in my life. My God,” Oliver laughed, his arms squeezing tightly. “You are my life.”

  Seth breathed in relief and nuzzled his cheek against Oliver’s, his arms over Oliver’s shoulders and hands in his hair, holding him in place. It wasn’t necessary; he wasn’t going anywhere.

  “Please. Let me love you,” Oliver asked quietly.

  Seth drew his hands from Oliver’s hair to cup his face, a bewildered smile on his face. “Do you even remotely feel like eating?” he murmured, pressing his face against Oliver’s neck.

  “Not in the slightest.”

  Seth broke away, grabbed Oliver’s hand and led him back to the bedroom. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled Oliver to him, resting his face against Oliver’s abdomen, just holding him. “I tried to not get my hopes up today, just so you know.”

  Oliver carded his fingers through Seth’s hair. “I know. Well, I know now. I was my usual hopeful self.”

  Seth’s breath was warm against Oliver’s belly. “I know. I love that about you.” He looked up at Oliver, his face no longer guarded, no hesitation to be seen. “It was nice to think you were seeing us with a future.”

  Oliver drew his fingertips along Seth’s forehead and temple. “I don’t think I know how to see one without you, to be honest.”

  “Fortunately, it looks like you won’t have to,” Seth said, smiling against Oliver’s shirt even as his hands tightened their grip.

  They were still for a few moments, holding each other as they let the reality sink in that this was going to happen, that they could move forward together. Seth gave Oliver’s hips a squeeze and pushed him back a step. “Come on. I want to just hold you,” he said, and he stood to undress.

  It’s how every night is supposed to end.

  Another tidal wave of “this is really happening” threatened to knock Oliver off his feet; he took it as a sign to hurry up and lay down. They both stripped to their briefs, and soon enough Oliver was slipping into Seth’s opened arms, laying his cheek against Seth’s shoulder, and letting himself truly relax.

  Anchored—that’s how he felt, laying there together; no longer adrift and going where the academic winds blew him, alone and wondering how he’d gotten himself where he was. The nervous twisting in his belly that had been with him ever since he first heard that video clip all of those months ago was melting away as Seth kissed his temple, stroked his hair, held him closer. To think that only a few months ago he was sitting in his bedroom with a ribbon-tied stack of letters, wondering how he’d gone so wrong—now, here, enfolded in Seth’s arms, he wondered how he got so lucky and it could go so right.

  “I love you. It doesn’t seem like enough, but I do. I love you with everything I am,” Oliver whispered, shivering as Seth’s fingertips lightly trailed down his bare back and up again to his hair. Seth pulled gently until Oliver took the hint, moving up on the bed until he was leaning against the headboard and they were face to face.

  Seth shook his head, his eyes closed. He inhaled deeply and leaned forward to kiss Oliver, breathing an “I love you” over his lips and into his mouth.

  So much want, need and affection flowed through Oliver. He pulled Seth up against his body, his hand skimming over Seth’s shoulder and down his arm, his fingertips drawing back and forth over the soft down on his belly. With a quiet moan, Seth opened to him, his own hands holding Oliver firm and sure, tilting his jaw to let Oliver kiss him deeper as they whispered each other’s names into warm, bare skin.

  The moon shone through the blinds, illuminating Seth’s pale skin as he knelt over Oliver and kissed a trail down his chest and belly. It glinted off his hair as his mouth sank over Oliver’s hard and straining cock, and the ever-present street noises were drowned out by the gasps forced from Oliver as Seth worked his fingers inside him.

  Nothing could match the overwhelming passion and love that filled every inch of him when Seth finally entered him, his body curled protectively over Oliver’s back, their fingers entwined and stretched overhead.

  When Seth panted, “I love you,” as he climaxed, his arms wrapped tightly around Oliver’s waist and his face pressed against Oliver’s shoulder blades, the moment was so gratifying and perfect that Oliver couldn’t help but press their joined hands to his lips, feeling as if their lovemaking marked something official for them. They were in love. They were together. That would never change.

  They had changed, though, had grown up, had moved past the roadblocks of their youth. Oliver had wandered through life trying to discover who he was and who he wanted to be. While he was still developing—and he imagined he would be for years to come—he knew that he wanted to be with Seth at his side, and that quite possibly he couldn’t be that future self without Seth to challenge him and push him constantly to improve himself, if only to be worthy of Seth’s love.

  After cleaning up, they lay together in each other’s arms, trading sleepy kisses in the dark. Seth yawned against Oliver’s neck, sending goosebumps down his back. Oliver pulled the blanket up higher around them and happily nestled in the soft bed. He felt safe and connected and confident that they had the rest of their lives to make up for the nights they hadn’t ended like this—together.

  As Oliver began to fall asleep, he noticed that, with the moonlight softening his features, Seth looked just like the boy he’d met years before, the one who changed his life for the better.

  Chapter Twenty-one

  “Oliver, she’s going to get suspicious.”

  “Mm, I don’t care. One more.”

  Seth laughed and pushed Oliver away. “We are in public.” He smoothed his hair, then seemed to think better of it and straightened Oliver’s hair and collar instead. “Now go sign the whatever it is, and let’s go celebrate.”

  Oliver propped himself up against the doorway to Dr. Jones’ office, positively beaming at his boyfriend. They’d traded goofy, face-breaking smiles all morning as they rushed to dress and get breakfast and make it to Silver as soon as possible.

  “And you’re sure you’re okay with this?” Oliver asked, even though he knew the answer.

  “I’m about to change my mind if you don’t cut it out,” Seth said, rolling his eyes. He gave Oliver a quick peck on the lips. “Now get going. I spied a fascinating bulletin board down the hall that I think I’ll occupy my time with while you take care of this.” Seth sh
ot him a big grin over his shoulder as he moved off, and Oliver stood there for a moment and watched him walk away. Seth paused at the corner and gave him an exasperated glare and a shooing motion before ducking around it.

  Laughing to himself, Oliver rapped twice on the door and waited to be called in. This was it; once the ink was on the paper, there was no going back. Fortunately, he had no intention of changing his mind. This was where he was supposed to be; this was who he was supposed to be.

  “Come in!” he heard. He took a deep breath, checked his hair one last time, and opened the door.

  “Dr. Jones! Good morning.” Feeling like he was practically floating, he walked in and shut the door behind him.

  * * *

  Oliver stared out the window of the cab, watching the city disappear behind him as they drove toward the Lincoln Tunnel; he could only get a flight out of Newark on such short notice. He caught sight of his expression in the glass as the darkness of the tunnel took over, the flickering reflective lights on the walls distorting his features. He was unbelievably happy to have a plan and that Seth featured so prominently in it; he couldn’t deny how hard it was to leave, though. Just a few months until graduation, and then they would never have to be apart again.

  At least that’s what Seth had said to him as he held him on the sidewalk, the cab driver grumbling at the side of the vehicle. Seth had wiped away Oliver’s tears, laughing at him for being so emotional, even though his cheeks were equally wet.

  “Just a couple of months. They’ll fly by,” Oliver agreed.

  “Call me when you get there? Or send me an email, I don’t care which; just let me know you’re there, okay?”

  Oliver nodded and leaned into him. They held each other for another moment, neither wanting to let go. The cab driver threw his hands in the air. “You want to pay to stay? Okay, but I’m sitting down.”

  Seth shot him a sour look and dipped down for one last, quick kiss. “Love you.”

  Oliver closed his eyes and smiled. He would never, ever take those words for granted. And they felt so amazingly good to hear. “Love you, too.”

  “Call me,” Seth had repeated, stepping back so Oliver could leave.

  Now sunshine blasted through the windshield as they exited the tunnel; the grimy industrial area of Jersey was all there was to see, looking ahead. He twisted in his seat and saw the tip of Manhattan out of the back window, just barely visible; beyond it in the distance was the Brooklyn Bridge, Seth and where Oliver would be soon.

  He turned back in his seat and let himself sigh just once. It was just a pause—he’d be back, and he wouldn’t have to leave again.

  April 13, 11:08 PM GMT

  To: Seth Larsen

  From: Oliver Andrews

  Subject: I’m here and I miss you

  Before I collapse, I wanted to let you know that I made it here safely, there were no crying babies on my flight, and I came home to find Janos being indecent with a young lady—not Moira—on the sofa.

  Straight boys have no class.

  I’m about to go to bed; it’s going to be hard to not have you next to me, but in a few short months I’ll have you forever. You already have me.

  I love you.

  Oliver

  p.s. I hope you had yet another spectacular performance tonight. I’ll bet that whoever your “first duet partner” was, he knows how stupid he was for ever letting someone as amazing as you go.

  April 13, 10:21 PM EST

  To: Oliver Andrews

  From: Seth Larsen

  Subject: :(

  Legs were broken (figuratively speaking) and we had another great show. Apparently my “grief and loss” were “palpable.” You always did push me to be my best in a performance.

  I wish you were in my bed. I look forward to when it’s our bed.

  Get some rest, dive into work, don’t flunk out.

  I love you.

  Seth

  p.s. I think he knows how stupid he was. Thank goodness he’s getting so well educated now. I hope he never does something stupid like that again, but he shouldn’t worry. I wouldn’t let him. :)

  * * *

  April crawled by until they found a rhythm in communication. Oliver would Skype after dinner, which was before Seth’s scheduled afternoon training sessions (either physical or vocal). Having that regular connection did wonders for Oliver’s ability to sleep at night; no more fitful dreams woke him to an aching sense of loss.

  They each threw themselves into work knowing that it would help occupy their minds. When it was clear that everything was going according to plan, Oliver sent graduation information to Seth, with the hope that he might be able to come in June.

  “Summer is one of the busiest times on Broadway, though. And with my new contract… I wish I could come, I really do,” Seth said sadly during one of their Skype sessions.

  Oliver sighed and propped his chin on his hand, wishing that it weren’t just a projected image. “I know. I sort of expected that, but I thought I’d ask anyway.”

  “Your family is coming, right?” Seth asked. The image briefly became grainy and distorted as he shifted to a more comfortable position on his tiny loveseat.

  “Yes, they’ll come out the day before and stay until just after.”

  “Are they going to record it?” Seth asked.

  “I’ll make sure they do,” Oliver said, smiling.

  “Good, because I’ve watched a few Cambridge graduations on YouTube, now, and it’s like a coronation of royalty or something. You know how I love a good show.”

  One month. That’s all he had to endure, just one more month.

  Seth sent him an email exactly one month before his graduation with “Isn’t this nice?” and a link to an apartment in the West Village: two bedrooms, one-and-a-half baths and three whole closets. Oliver whistled when he saw the listed rental price.

  May 28, 7:31 PM GMT

  To: Seth Larsen

  From: Oliver Andrews

  Subject: Have you learned to spin straw into gold, Rumpelstiltskin?

  Great place! I can’t believe that bathroom remodel—the shower looks like a dream. Do you have a friend moving there? Or are you just wishfully thinking?

  Moira says hello, by the way. She’s found clips on YouTube of bootlegged performances (sorry) and keeps singing some of your numbers to me. Her strengths lie in other areas.

  Love you!

  Oliver

  May 28, 2:44 PM EST

  To: Oliver Andrews

  From: Seth Larsen

  Subject: Har har de har har.

  Well, I’d like to think I had a friend moving there. :)

  What do you think about that place, Oliver? Check it out on a map. Look at how convenient it is to the Washington campus!

  I love you, even when you’re being thick. Perhaps you need to read between some lines, Mr. Higher Education. ;)

  Seth

  Oliver blinked at the monitor. Then he pulled up a map to find that the apartment was a short walk to his campus, only a few blocks, and close to Seth’s theater, too. He sank back into the pillows on his bed, biting his lip. He clicked the link to the details on the apartment again. Monthly rent was steep, but then, that was New York. He expected it to be. But he’d also expected to pay the full amount by himself.

  Half of the rent would still be well within budget. Especially if all of the other costs were being shared. Shared. His heart started pounding as he clicked through the pictures listed on the realtor page. One of the bathrooms had been gutted and remodeled and had an amazingly huge shower. He clicked on the next picture of the living room. One wall was exposed brick. He flashed to one of their old fantasies of their first New York apartment together.

  It was supposed to have an exposed brick wall and a shower large enough to “share.”

  This intensity of his longing, hope and excitement seemed as if it might cause him physical damage. He took a deep breath. Once he had himself under control, he typed a fast response to Seth.


  You have more than a friend moving there. Tell me what I have to sign.

  Oh my God. Seth!!

  YES. <3

  He sat back, staring at the screen with a huge lopsided grin on his face, and imagined them decorating the place. After a few minutes, Seth replied.

  Okay. I had to take a minute to dance around. :) I emailed my realtor; she’s jumping on it. We should be able to move in on July 1, should everything go according to plan. Oliver, I am excited and happy and so unbelievably in love with you, and if you were here, oh, the things I would do…

  We’re finally doing this!

  Love you love you

  Seth

  Oliver stretched out on his mattress, grinning and running a hand through his hair. They’d definitely need to lose that tiny loveseat. Oh God, they were going to go furniture shopping together. Set up a house together. Their place, finally. He continued to sprawl there, staring up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head, beaming up at nothing. One more month.

  * * *

  A week later and he had a manila envelope waiting for him when he got home, containing a stamped and addressed envelope (with international postage paid) and a handwritten note.

  Oliver,

  I didn’t think we’d be doing this long-distance, but then, a few months ago I didn’t think we’d be doing this at all. I’m so glad we are.

  Love you,

  Seth

  Oliver read over the paperwork briefly, smiling at Seth’s familiar signature. He checked all of the appropriate boxes for “co-tenant” and signed his name with a flourish. He whistled as he walked to the end of the block to mail the envelope. There may have been an extra little spin with his arms stretched out wide as he turned back toward the almost-not-his-anymore apartment. There definitely was a sparkle in his eye. He hadn’t been able to get rid of that for a few days, now.

  Not that he was complaining.

  * * *

  After a long but good day, Oliver had gone back to his apartment so he could change out of his graduation gown, with the intent of meeting his parents at the pub in a short while. His parents seemed proud of him, and Moira surprised him with a full-mouth kiss as he turned to congratulate her; the memory of that was still making him blush and laugh, especially over the look of confusion on his father’s face.