Love Untouched (Unexpected)

by Anne Leigh

  She continued, “One was a seventy-year old woman who suffered an ischemic stroke.” Okay, that was way out of my league. I had no idea what that one was. The shows didn’t go into detail about that. “And the other.” I could barely hear through the sobs caught in her throat. “Was Mr. X.”

  I stiffened against her. “Mr. X? The homeless guy you give food to? What happened to him?”

  She inclined her head closer, almost leaving no space for her to breath. I could still make out her words, though when her voice came out muffled against my chest. “He’s not homeless Kieran.”

  What? All this time he was taking advantage of Brynn’s soda, chips, and chocolate bars? I’ll make that idiot pay for every single one of them.

  “Wait,” I wondered out loud. “He was in code blue?”

  She straightened her neck and curled her right leg against my thighs.

  “Someone called 911 for him because he was lying bloody and beaten to a pulp on the side of the road. By the time he got to the ER, he barely had a pulse, and he was bleeding all over the place. His face was a mess and his clothes, what was left of them, were so tattered, and barely covered his body.” Her tone was deceptively steady, though I heard the quaking between her words. This had deeply affected her, but she was trying hard to tell me the entire story. “He might have had internal hemorrhage because his blood pressure was so low, and he was crashing, going into pulseless V-tach. We defibrillated him twice, and we were able to revive him.”

  “So, he’s okay then?” I asked. If he was okay, then I could definitely make him pay for the number of times he cheated Brynn out of her own money, and even some of mine, when we gave him food.

  “He’s in the ICU now, but I think he’s going to be okay.” She didn’t sound relieved, though.

  “Then what’s wrong? He’s okay and I’m thinking the other lady’s okay, too?” Why was she still upset? Maybe doing those code blue things just tired her out?

  “They’re both okay,” she confirmed, her voice filled with sadness. “Mr. X, Kieran, is actually Dr. Windmere.”

  The homeless, or now not homeless, guy was a doctor?

  “What?!”

  She reached under my shirt, and my breath caught as her fingers trailed my ribcage before her hand rested in the middle of my chest. Brynn’s touch was so welcome, so familiar. I didn’t remember when I started missing her at night, if she stayed at her place. I just knew that I missed her when she wasn’t with me. Especially in bed. Just the feel of her body next to mine made me instantly at ease.

  “He was a doctor at Arizona State, married to a physical therapist named Maddie. I’m getting this story from Kathy who recognized his face, even with all the scruffy beard and blood, as we were trying to revive him. He was a nice guy, from what Kathy described, and worked in the O.R.” She continued, unhurried, “About two years ago, his wife was walking up the side street; the parking lot wasn’t there yet because it’s a new addition this year. Dr. Windmere was working that day, and he was in the O.R. performing surgery. His wife was mugged, beaten, and left for dead, Kieran.” She struggled to talk and breathe at the same time, so I rubbed her shoulders, brushing my hand against her spine.

  I felt sorry for the guy. How helpless he must have felt to see his wife like that.

  Brynn heaved.

  I held her close to me, wrapping her in my arms, hoping to give her some comfort.”It’s okay, honey. You’re tired. You can tell me tomorrow.” She was barely functioning right now, her wits was at its last ends.

  “No, it’s helping me. This is helping me. Talking to you about it.” Undeterred, she reflected, as if reaching a conclusion on her own, “No wonder I didn’t see him when I passed by the sidewalk whenever I came in to work. He wasn’t there, Kieran. He was only there at night. His wife was mugged and beaten up, at night …” Her voice was hushed and soft, but then she blurted out, “Ohmigod, he was trying to find the mugger! Kathy said that they never found the person who killed his wife. Maybe he was trying to find that person by holding a vigil at the place where she was killed.”

  Dang. How sad. The guy must have loved his wife so much to do that to himself for years.

  Brynn sat up, her voice louder this time. I tucked my hands underneath my head, propping myself up as I watched her.

  “You see, Kieran. When we admitted Mr. X, I mean, Dr. Windmere, and the cops were in there after only a few hours. Maybe he found the guy who mugged his wife. The chances are slim to none that the same person who mugged his wife would be anywhere in the vicinity … but maybe he did. That’s why he was beaten and bloody and looked like he was in the fight of his life.” Brynn sputtered the words out, as if she couldn’t catch up with what her brain was telling her to speak out aloud.

  I eyed her form as she stretched her arms out, up, and widely to her sides. She rocked on her legs and then climbed up on me, her whole body flushed against mine as she touched my nose with her lips.

  “Thanks for coming over tonight,” she whispered. “It felt really good to talk to you about it. Sometimes I second-guess myself whether I should tell you because I don’t want you to be burdened about it. I mean, you have your training and you’re busy with a lot of stuff.”

  “Hey.” I slowly tipped her chin so she could see and feel what I wanted her to hear. “I’m here for you. Life’s not all happy and jolly. I’m not with you just because of the happy and fun times. I’m here because I care, Brynn. When you’re sad, I want to feel it, and maybe help you get through it. When you’re in pain, I want to ease your discomfort. I’m here honey. Anytime you need me. However way you want me. I am here. I will come to you, whether or not you call me.”

  She tangled her fingers into my hair and sighed softly. Her lips found mine, and she whispered huskily, “Make love to me Kieran.”

  “You’re tired and you just had a rough day,” I argued. She really needed to rest, especially after hearing her challenging day. She was such a resilient and strong woman. Yes, she did get tired, that was normal and to be expected, especially in her line of work. Today was an example of how hard her day could get, but I never heard her complain about her patients or her job. When she told me she had cancer as a child, I initially treated her as if she was fragile, even when we had sex. She proved to me, time and time again, just how tenacious she was. Some would think they had gotten the short end of the stick if they were in her place—her parents dying at such a young age, her cancer diagnosis and treatment a few years after, her aunt dying in a car accident, when she was in college—but Brynn took every adversity as a challenge that she could win. I remember when I first saw her, how I thought she glowed from the inside. It was true. Brynn’s light was inside of her. She had a fire that could not be diminished, could not be extinguished.

  She lifted my shirt up and started kissing me hungrily, on my lips and then my neck, nibbling as she went lower. “I need you Kieran. I need you right now.”

  That was all it took as I peeled her clothes off her body and showed her that whatever she needed, I would gladly give to her. Brynn’s light, her presence, her essence, was what I needed. One that I could only find in her and that only she could give to me in return.

  “I dream of going on a Christmas shopping spree.”

  ~I.B., age 11, rhabdomyosarcoma

  Having Duncan and Peter stay with me was a bad idea. Duncan was my roommate in college and he was such a messy guy. Way messier and sloppier than me. He left unwashed dishes in the sink for weeks and had dirty socks all over our apartment. Peter was just Peter. He was a non-stop farting and belching machine. They were in town to hangout and chill with me over the weekend. I sort of missed them, my good buddies from college. I also missed my best friend, Ace, a lot, too. We texted and talked frequently on the phone but her life was all sorts of busy with Sofia, Zander, work, and now, she was doing her Master’s program in nursing. She never stopped learning. That was Ace—my genius best friend, over-achieving mother to the prettiest little baby in the world, and wi
fe to the sappiest guy on the planet.

  “Vvhere izz your veer?” Duncan’s body slammed down onto the couch, his hands holding a bag of tortilla chips, salsa, cheese dip, and pretzels. After picking them up from the airport and bringing them back to my place, he raided the kitchen for food. Duncan was always hungry. His stomach was an endless pit. In college, he won the hotdog and turkey eating contests, twice in a row. The ace up his sleeve was his rapid metabolism, and since he was my swimming partner in college, we hit the pool every day after his gorge fests.

  “We can go grab a beer later. I ran out. I haven’t been stocking up on beer since I’m training.” He knew that. Beer didn’t agree with me during training season.

  Peter came out of the bathroom. He was in there for a while, so I had better not go in there anytime soon. He looked much more relieved now than when I picked them up.

  He adjusted his pants and said, “Man, you better put the air freshener out. The gnats could die from the stink I just released in there.”

  I would wait it out before I sprayed the air freshener that Brynn had bought for me. She was staying over tonight. I wouldn’t want her to collapse from the shitstorm that Peter let out in there. My 1200 square feet one bedroom, one bathroom apartment with a loft was enough for me, but with the guys staying with me, it looked miniscule. I should have taken them up on their offer to stay at a hotel. They were my friends, but they were guys who stunk and did a lot of stupid crap. Maybe Brynn should stay over at her place tonight. But, that meant that I wasn’t going to be with her because it would be rude if I left these two to their own devices. I shuddered at the thought. My apartment would be World War Z if I left them alone.

  Sitting on the couch, I said, “Can you tone down your crazies tonight? Brynn’s staying over.”

  Peter let out a wailing hoot and pumped his right fist in the air. “Bow chicka bow wow! We’re gonna be hearing some ‘ohh’, ‘ahh’, ‘baby right there’ tonight.”

  “Grozz dude. I vvouldn’t vant to lizzen to Kieran’z moanz.” He stuck a finger in the middle of his throat, looking like he was going to gag. “Now Vrynn, zzhe iz one hot meow! I vould lizzen to her purr.”

  I stood up from where I was sitting and smacked both of them in their heads with the remote control. I made sure that it actually hurt and penetrated their thick skulls. “I like her a lot. You guys better not ruin this for me or I will plant a clown on your bed, Duncan.” Duncan had a phobia of clowns, especially the girl ones. “And Peter, I will post that picture of you licking a dildo online, and send the link to your boss.” One drunken night in college, someone had shoved a large plastic dildo in Peter’s mouth and I captured that candid moment with my phone. I never had to bribe them before but I kept these mementos just in case I needed them.

  Peter looked at me, his mouth held in a tight smirk, and exclaimed in a weird, sing-song-y voice, “Brynn’s got Kieran’s ballsack in a tight wad.”

  Duncan talked while munching on the chips. “ZZhit, I don’t vant no clownz in my ved.”

  They didn’t say they were going to behave, but I gave them an early warning. They knew me well enough to know when I was not joking about things.

  Brynn whispered in my left ear, “Is something wrong with Duncan and Peter?” Her vanilla scent reached me and I inhaled a large whiff. I snuck a peek into her deep cleavage. She was wearing a dark-blue mini dress that clung to her body like a second skin. I actually had to drink the whole glass of water in front of me once I spotted her and Ava walking towards us in this upscale bar/restaurant. Ava recommended this place, Drinkz, because she personally knew the owner and it was the hippest place in Arizona. She knew a lot of people. Brynn told me that Ava was the daughter of some Las Vegas billionaire. It was not hard to believe that because she looked like she walked the walk, and talked the talk. She wasn’t snobbish or anything, she just had an air about her that spoke money. She was a gorgeous woman with piercing light gray eyes, and a smile that made my friends fall in lust with her on the spot.

  “What do you mean?” I tucked a loose strand of hair behind the crook of her ear. How I would love to nibble on her earlobe right now. Settle down, Kieran.

  “They are like totally different people from when I met them at Sedona’s wedding. It’s like they are all decent and proper.” She pursed her lips and scrunched her brow.

  “I told them to behave or I would cause them harm.” I admitted, pulling her closer to me. In a voice meant for her ears only, I mumbled, “I can’t wait to take you back to my place.”

  She tilted her head, stared at me in what looked to be disbelief, and whispered, “We did it how many times last night.”

  “That was last night,” I countered, my hands roaming over her shoulders. “I am a growing boy, I have needs.”

  She wiggled her eyebrows and shook her head. “Your needs are bound to make me dry up and wither if you keep this pace.”

  Didn’t she know that I was an untapped energy source? I swam, ran, lifted weights, and trained half the day? Sex with Brynn was my form of relaxation nowadays. Every single time I was inside of her, I found myself connecting to her on a deeper level. I could not identify it. She was just different from any other woman that I had ever been with. Now that I thought about it, I never slept with the same woman more than twice. I was not a man-whore or anything. I was pretty selective of whom I hooked up with. It was just that with my training schedule and my busy college life before it didn’t permit me to engage in any type of relationship other than a consensual, casual fling. Or maybe that was my excuse. I just didn’t have the inclination to pursue a girlfriend type relationship with anyone. With Brynn, I didn’t think I could ever get enough. She gave as well as she received. She was not afraid to try anything with me.

  I was thinking of ways to get Brynn to go back to my place earlier rather than later, when I caught sight of Ava’s expression. One minute she was flirting with Duncan and Peter, the next minute she was cussing like a sailor and telling Brynn to put her head down. I was about to look towards whatever riled her up when she gave a hushed, direct command, “Don’t look behind you Kieran. Milo just arrived. I’ve no idea he’s going to be here. Duncan, since you’re the biggest oaf around here, can you walk Brynn towards the restroom? I’ll follow closely. Block her body so Milo doesn’t see her.”

  Duncan and Peter knew about our situation so Duncan didn’t hesitate. He stood up, and Brynn stood close to his side. His body effectively covering Brynn’s and even Ava’s as they traveled the short distance to the bathroom.

  Right now, if you asked me if I was panicking, or afraid of Milo seeing me with Brynn, I would flat-out tell you, ‘no.’

  I let Ava take command because I was concerned for Brynn. She would be the one hurting because she loved her brother without question. It took a lot out of her to date me when she knew just how much her brother hated me. What if she had to choose between Milo and I? I found myself avoiding the answer. She was tied to him by blood. I was tied to her with nothing right now. It sucked, but it was the truth.

  My descent into morbid thoughts was interrupted as Milo and his band of two other swimmers, Leif and Christian, walked by us.

  Leif managed to say, “‘Sup Stone?” as he passed by, I gave him a slight nod.

  They continued walking until I saw Ava sauntering sassily towards them. Milo looked around, and when he saw Brynn, he walked towards her and pulled her to his side. A gut- wrenching feeling took over me as I watched them. Their bond was stronger than any type of relationship I could ever have with Brynn, and that was understandable. Just like the tattoo on her ankle. Milo was blood, was forever. He would never be okay with me dating Brynn. His hatred for me ran deep, maybe as deep as their bond.

  Peter asked, “You okay dude?” He must have sensed a sudden change in my mood.

  “Yeah,” I answered. “I’m okay. I just see things more clearly now.” Sometimes clarity provided you with the truth that the one you want to be with may not choose you. It hurts, but t
hen again, most truths hurt. That was the painful reality of life.

  This could not be happening to me, but it was.

  When Ava said that Milo was inside the restaurant with his buddies, panic and urgency crept out through all the pores inside my body. A fight would have broken out. My brother’s temper was not a funny thing to contend with. If he saw me with Kieran, even the plates in the restaurant would not be safe from his fury.

  Ava had the foresight to ask Duncan to walk me to the restroom, and now, I was trying to enjoy a meal with my brother while stealing glances at Kieran’s table.

  Milo was surprised when he saw me with Ava. She exchanged a few words of insult with him, and everything was all right with the world. I felt really bad leaving Kieran and his friends, but I could not chance anyone getting brutally beaten tonight, so I remained at my brother’s table. I was halfway through the chicken bolognese when the screen of my phone lit up.

  Kieran: I’ll spend the night with the guys. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.

  Me: I’ll drive there tonight.

  Kieran: It’s okay. Just enjoy your night.

  Me: I’ll enjoy it more if I’m with you.

  No answer.

  I still had no answer from him when I saw them leave their table and head outside the door, two and a half hours later. Milo, Ava, and everyone at my table seemed to enjoy the banter, drinks, and food. I lost my appetite when I felt that Kieran avoided my gaze throughout the evening. I was directly in his line of sight. Milo asked me a few times who I was looking at, and I merely responded, “Nothing, just thinking.” Ava had to elbow me a couple of times to try to include me in the conversation.