My phone buzzes in my pocket and when I pull it out and read the screen I stand, still chewing.
Polly: I thought we were going to talk about winter formal. I saved you a seat.
She’s made no attempt to get to know my family in the time we’ve been dating. I guess that’s normal, but my family is so much a part of me and my life it feels weird to keep the two separate. But I did promise her we’d talk about formal.
“See you guys at home later. Gonna celebrate with the guys.”
My family doesn’t put up a fight. I know my parents understand, but Michelle’s smile dims and I hate that.
“Smelly, wanna binge watch Teen Wolf tomorrow? I’m like five episodes behind.” Because I only watch it when she forces me. She knows that, but it doesn’t stop her eyes from lighting up and she can’t nod fast enough. That’s one woman in my life appeased.
* * *
The following Tuesday morning I’m sitting in first period willing the bell to ring. When it does, I take one last look around the room, verifying I’m not crazy. All the girls are looking at me, whispering. Except it’s not that kind of look. Discretely, I run a hand under my nose to check for boogers. Run both palms over my face and hair. Four long strides and I’m in the bathroom and staring at my reflection.
“What gives?” I ask to the empty room.
I turn to leave when Timmie enters. It’s a general rule that dudes aren’t allowed to chit chat in the bathroom, but since neither of us has our dicks out, I don’t blow him off when he says, “Hey, Joel.”
“What’s up?” I ask, completely rhetorical and head to leave him to do his thing in peace.
I’ve got one hand on the door to leave when he continues talking, “Sorry to hear about Polly. Or maybe I should say congratulations? Sorry, I don’t know what the appropriate thing to say is, but whatever it is let’s just pretend I said it.”
He starts to unzip, and I push out of the bathroom and replay his words in my head. I head to Polly’s locker. She was out sick yesterday and other than a few texts, I haven’t talked to her since the weekend. A crowd of girls are standing off to the side giving her the same look I got all through first period.
“Hey,” I ask, concern and confusion lacing my tone.
Those green eyes pierce through me and she looks nervous. “Hi.”
Polly is a lot of things. Timid ain’t one of them. “What’s going on?”
The one-minute warning bell for second period rings and she shuts her locker and glances around before speaking.
“Listen, Joel, we need to chat.”
I bob my head for her to continue.
“Not here. How about after school?”
I’ve got practice until five thirty and there’s no way I can wait that long to know what the hell is going on. “Tell me now.”
She swallows and turns her gaze to the floor. My heart is galloping in my chest and I clench my jaw in anticipation because this does not feel like good news.
“I’m pregnant.” Her voice is barely a whisper and I’m so shocked that it takes a few seconds for her words to register.
I’m stunned and utterly speechless. I know I should say something. Literally anything would be better than what comes out of my mouth, which is fucks all for nothing.
Her eyes fill with tears and she shakes her head. “I’ve gotta go to class.”
* * *
Sobs shake her shoulders and Polly looks up at me with such agony I want to make it all disappear. I was an ass earlier. She needed me to tell her it would be okay and instead I froze. She avoided me all afternoon, but I’ve finally cornered her before practice to make sure she knows we’re in this together.
“Hey, it’s not the end of the world.” I wrap my arms around her and squeeze. “Our families will help. My mom had me young.”
Sure, my parents are going to be pissed I wasn’t more careful not to knock up my high school girlfriend, but family is everything in the Moreno household. They’ll be upset, but they’ll still love and support me. I can already picture the big smile on my mother’s face at the sight of her first grandchild. I can’t believe it, but I’m a little excited. Scared shitless, but excited.
“No, you don’t understand.” She turns her head and pushes at my chest until my hold breaks.
I still. Hidden in the corner between the locker rooms and my high school gym, I watch Polly square her shoulders and swipe at the tears on her face.
“What is it?” I ask tentatively.
Her expression morphs from fear to timid smile. “Nothing. I’m sorry. I’m just scared.”
I close the space again. “Me too. We’ll be scared together, babydoll.”
26
Katrina
“This pizza tastes funny.” Christian pushes his plate away. The pizza is fine, but he’s still upset that we’re missing one person. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, Joel had told Christian that he was taking us to pizza.
I would have done what I did either way, but if I’d known Joel had already told Christian about our after-game plans, I would have taken Christian for tacos or something else instead of our usual pizza.
“I’m sorry, buddy. Joel had a lot of people wanting to help him celebrate tonight and it wouldn’t be fair if we made him miss that.”
Christian considers me for a moment. “But he said he was excited about having pizza with us. He was gonna eat an entire pizza on his own.” Christian’s eyes widen like this is a feat worth seeing firsthand.
Sighing, I pull out my phone. Joel hasn’t texted me back and the game has been over for two hours, so I’m sure he’s seen my text by now. Hopefully he went to the party with his friends. That’s where he should be.
But flaking on him feels crappy too.
“Come on. Let’s take this home and we’ll watch a movie and you can sleep in my bed tonight.”
I’ve got him. I rarely let him sleep in my room, but I think tonight it might be as comforting to me as it is to him.
On the way to the apartment, I replay the last few weeks trying to sort out my feelings for Joel. I think, no I know, there’s a genuinely good guy underneath his cocky exterior, but that doesn’t mean he’s ready for my life. The real, ugly, exhausting parts. Swooping in and playing the fun uncle is one thing, being a father figure is another entirely. There’s really no in between for me. I can’t date a guy and expect Christian not to be a part of it. That wouldn’t be fair to me or Christian. And it’s not fair to Joel to give up the things he loves – partying and hanging with friends – because I can’t.
My downstairs neighbor is standing outside her door when I carry a sleeping Christian past her while balancing the pizza box. She gives me a disapproving look.
“What’s her problem?” I mumble as I walk up the stairs.
I get my answer when I see Joel sitting down and leaning against my front door.
I smile down at my neighbor who continues to stand there.
“Have a good night,” I say, hoping she takes the hint.
With a grunt of annoyance, she heads into her apartment and I continue up the stairs. I can smell the alcohol on him. Great. Just what I need, another little man to babysit.
I nudge him with my foot as I unlock my apartment.
“Hey, Kitty,” he says, only opening his eyes slightly.
“What are you…” I hear my neighbor’s door re-open below. “Never mind, get inside and I’ll make some coffee.”
I leave him on the stoop and carry Christian into my room and lay him on the bed. With any luck he’ll nap long enough I can get Joel a ride back to his place.
When I close the door and head back to the living area, I find Joel standing at the end of my kitchen countertop taking in the place like he’s just realized where he is.
“What are you doing here?”
“You stood me up,” he says and even though he tries to play off his tone as playful, I can hear the hurt.
“I didn’t stand you up,” I insist. “Blair told me you guys
were having a party to celebrate the last home game of the season and I didn’t think you should miss that.”
He nods. “Why didn’t you tell me that?”
I shrug and he sways.
“Go lay on the couch and I’ll make you some coffee. You didn’t drive here, did you?”
“Uber,” he says as he flops down on my couch, his legs hanging off the end.
I put the pizza in the fridge and then pour two mugs of coffee and cross to the living room. I sit on the coffee table and offer him a mug. “Here.”
“Thanks, Kitty.”
“Why are you here Joel?”
He takes a drink and then lays his head back. “I wanted to show Christian I could eat a whole pizza by myself and win you one of those stuffed animals from the crane at the pizza place.”
I can’t help but laugh and when I do Joel’s eyes open and he grins up at me. “I’m a grown man, Kitty. I can make decisions on my own. I don’t need you to make them for me based on what you think I want.”
I swallow the lump in my throat because he’s right. Instead of letting him decide, I took away an option and forced his hand.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m not used to people, especially guys, choosing us over parties or whatever. It’s easier to keep people at a distance than to continue to be disappointed.”
I open my eyes to find Joel watching me carefully. Too carefully. Like he can see past my guard.
“Drink your coffee and Christian and I will take you back to your place when he wakes up from his nap.”
I stand and pick up his heavy legs to make room to sit next to him. With little help from him, I manage to get situated with his legs across my thighs. His breathing starts to even out and I lay my head back and close my eyes.
“Hey, Kitty?”
“Hmm?”
“I like you.”
I laugh because he sounds so earnest. I don’t dare meet his gaze though. I’m afraid my feelings will be written all over my face.
“Also, I really want to have sex with you.”
My eyes fly open and I catch the smirk on his face at my surprise. I toss a throw pillow at him and he uses it to cover his eyes right before he falls asleep.
We’re awakened to Christian’s happy squeals. “Joel! Joel! You’re here! Mom look, Joel’s here.”
“Sh– crap,” I exclaim as I try and catch Christian before he hops onto Joel. I don’t succeed, but Joel just laughs as my son jumps on his chest.
“Easy, Joel’s not feeling very well.”
Christian goes quiet for a beat and his sweet face gets serious. “Is that why you couldn’t have pizza with us?”
“Uhh, no. That was my fault, buddy.”
Joel shakes his head as I try and explain, the smallest movement like he doesn’t want Christian to see. “I just had to do a few things first. Sorry, I missed it, little man.”
“We brought the pizza home to eat in bed. Mom’s letting me sleep with her tonight.”
“Well aren’t you a lucky guy,” Joel says and grins at me over Christian’s head.
“Come see my room.” Christian pulls at Joel’s hand and he stands and follows my son across the apartment to his room.
I stand and take the coffee mugs to the sink and rinse them. I can hear Christian pointing out every single item in his room with pride and my heart squeezes at Joel’s patience. Joel makes me want things I have no business wanting from him, but I’m not doing any favors to Christian by keeping people out of his life in the off chance they’ll let us down either.
“Mom, can Joel stay for pizza and a movie?”
Joel stays quiet as Christian pleads with big brown eyes.
“Sure he can. Do you feel up to it?” I ask, unable to look him in the eye.
“I’d love to.”
“I’m gonna bring all my stuffies into your room, Mom,” Christian says as he runs back toward his room.
Joel comes around the counter. “You sure you’re okay with this?”
“Are you? An hour ago I thought you were passed out for the night.”
He rubs a hand over his scruffy jaw and around to the back of his neck. “Yeah. Think I might need another cup of coffee or two, though.”
“That I can do.”
“Now, can you answer a very important question?” I lift the pizza box out of the fridge. “Cold or hot?”
“Cold.” He takes the box and I grab plates and napkins and lead him to my bedroom.
“I’m gonna grab the coffee,” I say as I place everything on the end of the bed.
“Not so fast.” He grabs my hand and draws me to him. “Are we good?”
As if I could stay mad at him, but I do need him to understand that there are rules for being around Christian. “Yes, but no more showing up drunk.”
“Got it.” He looks embarrassed as he nods. “Anything else?”
“Just don’t make Christian any promises you can’t keep. He likes you.”
“I like him too.”
“I’m serious. He’s not used to having someone show up like this and—”
He stops my sentence by bringing his lips to mine. I pull back just a little. “You didn’t let me finish.”
“I got it, Kitty. I’d never do anything intentionally to hurt either of you.”
I believe him, but intentional or not, the chances of him hurting me or my son seem high.
At my silence, Joel captures my mouth and cups my face possessively. He tastes of coffee and alcohol and the faintest hint of peppermint. The way he kisses me reminds me of his words earlier. I really want to have sex with you. God, me too.
Christian’s footsteps register as he runs into the room and I pull back as he jumps on the bed with his stuffed animals in tow.
“Alright.” I try and clear my head as Joel and Christian take their places on my bed making the king-sized mattress look small.
The three of us eat pizza and watch The Secret Life of Pets. Christian starts the movie at the foot of the bed, while Joel holds me against his chest, but eventually Christian wiggles his way between us and the only places I’m touching Joel are shoulders and legs.
“He’s out,” I whisper as the credits roll. Christian’s snuggled against Joel’s chest, mouth open and eyes closed. “I’ll just move him.”
“I got him.” He stands, holding Christian securely as I pull back the covers. Joel sets him down and I bring the covers up around him and tuck his favorite stuffed dog next to him.
I motion toward the door and Joel follows me out to the living room where we take our spots back on the couch from earlier.
“Does he sleep through the night?”
“Yeah. He goes hard during the day, but he sleeps well.”
“He’s a great kid.”
“Thank you.”
“You don’t talk about Christian’s father. He around much?”
“He was visiting about once a month when he was going to school in Phoenix, but he’s moved closer so I’m hopeful Christian will see him more now. It’s been hard for him to see Christian regularly, but Christian looks forward to their time together just the same. It works for them.”
“And does that work for you? You’ve got a lot to handle on your own.”
“You sound like my mom.” I groan. “I made my choice to go to college like I’d planned before the pregnancy knowing I’d also be raising a kid. That’s on me and I don’t regret it.”
“Still, it’s gotta be hard to juggle it all.”
“My mom had my sister when she was sixteen and gave up everything. She had big plans to go to college and she never did. I didn’t want that to happen to me.”
He nods with a serious expression on his face.
“Anyway. It’s a point of contention for her. She thinks my decision to come to Valley was selfish. She wanted me to stay at home where she could help watch Christian while I took classes at the local community college.”
“Christian seeing you hustle is good for him and even from the s
mall amount of time I’ve been around you two, I know you’re not selfish.”
“Thanks for that.” I let my head fall back against the couch and peer up at him. “Tell me something about you. Something that makes you less perfect.”
He chuckles softly. “There’s a long list to prove that fact.”
“Tell me one.”
He pulls his bottom lip behind his teeth as if he’s deep in thought. “I got it,” he says finally. “Fifth grade I cheated off Mallory Sinclair. A whole bunch of us did and I was the only one that didn’t get caught because I agreed to kiss her after school in exchange for her not telling the teacher.”
“Oh my God. Using your charm and good looks started at an early age, I see.”
He flashes a wry smile.
“Did you have a lot of girlfriends in high school or have you always been…” I struggle to find the right word and Joel raises his eyebrows.
“Curious how you’re gonna finish that sentence, Kitty.”
I roll my eyes. “You’re a player. You know you are. Were you always?”
The cocky grin disappears, and his lips form a straight line. “No, not always.”
“Did someone break your heart, Joel Moreno?” My own heart beats wildly in my chest because the stoic expression on his face makes me think that’s exactly what happened.
He chuckles, though, causing me to second guess my theory. “Estas asumiendo que tengo corazón.”
“No fair with the Spanish. Maybe you’re just a cynic when it comes to love?”
Shaking his head, he leans closer. “Nah, I just know what’s what and I live my life accordingly. People don’t see me, girls don’t want me – they want what I can offer – a good time, money, a piece of the spotlight, and I give them that, nothing more. I don’t break their hearts because they don’t give them to me and vice versa.”
I read the sincerity on his face.
“Oh my God, you really believe that, don’t you?” He looks at me with a puzzled expression. “Joel, girls are willing to take whatever you give them because they’re silently hoping for more. Every girl wants to be the one that changes your mind and captures your heart – the one that makes you want more.”
The Fadeaway: A Smart Jocks Novel Page 15