He looks amused, his perfect lips pulled up into a smirk and brown eyes light with humor.
“I’m serious. That’s what makes great love stories like Twilight or Fifty Shades of Grey so romantic. They can have any woman they want, but only one woman truly changes them. Girls want to be your Bella or Anastasia.”
His eyebrows lift. “Did you just call Twilight a great love story?”
“I’m serious. Okay, maybe for some girls it’s about money or fame or how insanely hot you are, but the vast majority are risking heartbreak in hope of being the one to capture yours.”
He runs his thumb along my jaw, tilting my chin up. “What about you? Did Victor break your heart?”
I shake my head. “No, but sometimes I think he broke my ability to trust.”
The words are out before I can stop them. Regret, sadness, pity, so many emotions cross his face and I feel like the world’s biggest Debbie Downer. With his hands still on my face, I crawl into his lap. I’m not dumb enough to believe that I’m the one that’s going to steal Joel’s heart, but I stand by my theory because smiling and laughing, and just hanging out with him, feels almost as good.
“When I’m with you, I feel a little more hopeful that I can move past it,” I say so quietly that I’m not sure he hears me at first.
I feel his chest rise and fall and he whispers back, “Me too, Kitty.”
27
Joel
My insides hurt and my lips are chapped. I kissed Kitty senseless for the better part of two hours and then made her come with my fingers. I’ve got the worst case of blue balls in the history of mankind. I’m starting to think there’s something wrong with me. If she were anyone else, I would have fucked her on the couch or in the bathroom. I’m ninety-nine percent sure the kid would have slept through it, but that one percent fucked with me and I didn’t feel right about it with Christian sleeping in the other room. It’s a wonder parents ever have sex at all.
I slept on the couch instead of catching a ride back to my place which is where I am when Christian sneaks into the living room and climbs on to the couch with me. A peek at the clock tells me it’s five o’clock on the dot. I’m tired as shit, but I don’t have the heart to send him away.
“Morning, little man. Your mom still sleeping?”
He nods. “I’m hungry.”
“Me too.” I sit up. “What do you usually have for breakfast?”
“On Sundays we have pancakes.”
“Pancakes, huh?” I rub the back of my neck. “That might be a little too advanced for me. How about some cereal?”
I open a few cabinets until I locate the cereal boxes and pull out Cheerios and Lucky Charms.
His eyes widen. “I can have Lucky Charms?”
Shit. Is it okay for him to have that much sugar at five a.m.? I don’t have any clue. “Does your mom let you have Lucky Charms?”
He bites his lip and hesitates before answering. “Only once a week.”
“And did you already have them this week?”
He shrugs.
“Looks like Cheerios it is.” I locate two bowls, two spoons, and the milk and Christian and I sit together at the dining room table eating our cereal. It sort of reminds me of any other morning eating breakfast with the guys, except Christian watches me carefully and mimics every movement. When I lift the empty bowl to my mouth to drink the milk, he does the same and nearly spills the entire bowl on himself.
Christian wants cartoons after breakfast, so I turn on the TV for him while I do the dishes. I keep waiting for Katrina to walk out and take over, but I don’t have the heart to go wake her up. I mean, when is the last time she got to sleep in?
I don’t have practice until this afternoon, but I feel sluggish and slightly hungover. The cure I’ve become accustomed to is working out so I do what I can on the living room floor alternating sit-ups and pushups. At some point, Christian joins in and that’s exactly how Kitty finds us. I meet her gaze mid-sit-up. Her eyes rake over my bare chest and the weeks of kissing and talking are not enough.
“Hi, Mom. Look at my muscles,” Christian says proudly, pausing to flex a bicep.
“Impressive,” Katrina says and then shakes her head. “Don’t mind me. I just need coffee.”
She moves to the kitchen and I hear the coffee brewing but feel her eyes on me still.
“Alright, little man, think you can help me with this next one?”
Christian jumps up and I get on my stomach. “Hop on my back.”
If she’s gonna watch, might as well put on a good show.
It takes a few tries to balance his weight, but eventually, he lies on top of me and wraps his arms around me while I push up and down from the floor. After ten I look over to find Katrina standing, hip resting against the side of the counter between the kitchen and living room, sipping her coffee and not even pretending she’s doing anything but watching me.
“Do you like the view, Kitty?”
Her tongue darts out and she wets her lips. She doesn’t meet my stare, instead continues to look me over like a piece of meat. I’m not offended. Not even a little bit. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, I’m watching Christian,” she says, but her voice is tight and we both know she’s lying.
Shit, maybe this was a bad idea. Kitty wanting me and watching me like that has my body ready to give her everything and there’s a three-year-old tornado on my back.
Laying on the ground, I look over my shoulder to Christian and lift my fist around to him. “Thanks for the help.”
He bumps his knuckles to mine and then hops off. “Mom, can I take a bath?”
I sit back on my knees and watch Katrina try and get a hold of herself. I’m used to girls getting flustered and watching me like eye candy, but the way Kitty looks at me is so much hotter. She’s not one to be so easily impressed, I should know, and it’s the sign I’ve been waiting for that she wants me. Really wants me.
She clears her throat and finally tears her eyes away from me. “Umm, sure. Yeah, let’s get you in the bath.”
I stand up and adjust myself. I think that’s what I need. A shower. A very, cold shower. I head back to Katrina’s room and into the small bathroom attached to it and strip off my jeans and boxers.
“Oh.” Katrina’s voice behind me is startled and I turn to find her eyes wide in surprise but that doesn’t keep her from standing there frozen as she checks out my junk.
“I’m gonna take a quick shower,” I tell her and make no attempt to cover myself.
“I, uh… towel.”
I spot the white towels stacked on top of a shelf over the toilet and grab one for her. She still stands there with towel in hand and I grow bigger at the hungry look in her eyes and the flashes of every dirty thing I want to do to her.
She backs out of the bathroom so slow I have to hold my breath and count to five to keep myself from reaching out and stopping her.
“Soon, Kitty.” I wink at her and she flushes before turning and disappearing from sight.
* * *
“You disappeared early last night,” Wes says as I take a seat next to him on the sideline. He’s got a dry erase clipboard in hand and I’m having a hard time taking him seriously as a new assistant coach. He doesn’t officially start until after graduation, but since he can’t play, he’s helping out with offensive strategy. Don’t get me wrong, he’s got the eye for it and I think the younger guys stand to learn a lot from him, but it’s still weird to have one of my best friends playing coach.
“I went to Katrina’s.”
“You know Blair is going to strangle you when you decide to move on from playing house, right?”
“Who says I’m playing?”
His eyebrows shoot up and he studies me closely. “So you’re serious about her then?”
I lift a shoulder and let it fall. “She’s a cool chick.”
“With a kid. I hate to be the one to be all doom and gloom on the situation, but your track record isn’t exactly indicative
of your being able to handle a relationship, let alone one that includes a kid.”
Is that what everyone’s thinking? That I can’t handle it?
As if he’s read my mind, Wes says, “Look, Blair would never say it because she’s rooting for you and Katrina – that’s what she does, but I’m not sure you’ve really thought about what being with Katrina means – short term or long term.”
“You ever wonder what it’d be like to have a kid in high school or college?” I ask him.
The panicked look on his face is all the answer I need.
“My high school girlfriend got pregnant,” I tell him before he can compose himself to answer.
“No shit?”
“Yeah, that look on your face right now is how I felt at first. I remember how fucking scared I was when she told me, but I was excited too. Being a parent is a beautiful thing. I respect the shit out of Katrina for doing it on her own.” I check his expression which is disbelieving, and chuckle, but Wes and I are different. Our families are different.
Coach barks out orders for our after-practice workout and Wes and I fall silent.
I groan at the grueling conditioning I have to look forward to when all I want to do is go home and pass out. Maybe Wes is right. I mean one night over there and I’m dog tired.
“I’ve thought about it – what it means to be with her short term and long term,” I tell my buddy, but it feels more like I’m finally admitting it to myself. “I liked my life before I met Katrina, but when I’m with her and Christian, I dunno man, I’m just taking it one day at a time.”
He nods, considering my words and letting them soak in. That’s Wes, always thinking and calculating. I stand ready to get through the next hour so I can go home and make up for the sleep I lost this morning. One thing is certain, if I’m gonna stay over again, I need to teach the kid how to sleep in on weekends.
“Hey,” Wes calls. “You didn’t say what happened to your high school girl. Did she have the baby? There a little Joel or Joelina out there somewhere?”
It’s a wound that never quite heals and pain slices through me as I shake my head. “Nah, wasn’t meant to be, I guess.”
28
Katrina
I’m beyond nervous as I pull into the driveway at Nadine’s house.
“Christian, we’re here.”
I grab his bag out of the back before I unbuckle a sleepy-eyed Christian.
Victor and I have always maintained a civil relationship, but it doesn’t make seeing him any easier. I never loved him, and he never loved me. We were a short fling that had long repercussions.
“Here, I’ll get him,” Nadine says, and I move so she can lift Christian from his car seat.
I glance around realizing Victor’s car isn’t here. “Where’s Victor?”
A look of guilt crosses her face before she schools her expression. “One of his friends asked him to fill in on a softball league now that he’s moved home. He’ll be back later.”
Unbelievable. I bite my tongue, but Nadine reads my expression.
“I tried to talk to him.”
I nod because I’m sure she did. She isn’t perfect, but she never has trouble speaking her mind. “I think maybe it’s time I talk to him about it.” I let out a long breath. “Are you sure you want to keep him the whole week?”
Technically this time is Victor’s, but we both know she’s the one that’s really going to be watching him.
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Alright, a whole week buddy. You excited?” I look down to my son who is nothing but excited. I’ve never been away from Christian for an entire week, and even knowing I’ll see him Wednesday at soccer practice, I’m feeling all kinds of out of sorts.
“Victor is going to drive him back and forth for soccer practice on Wednesday. I’ll text him to remind him of the time and place. You know you can call me any time and I’ll be here as soon as I can.”
She chuckles. “I know, dear.”
“I’m going to miss him,” I admit as I brush his hair back off his forehead.
“You’re a good mother, Katrina.”
My eyes prick, but before I can thank her for the nicest words she’s ever spoken to me, she takes a step toward the door.
“Now get out of here and we’ll call later tonight to check in.”
I drive to my parents’ house still upset about Victor and trying to decide how I’m going to handle it. I’ve never hidden how I feel about his half-assed parenting effort, but I’ve never really talked to him about it either.
My mother, her best friend Lisa, and my sister sit outside on the porch when I pull up. Red wine in hand, a paperback copy of Big Little Lies sits between them.
“Book club?” I smirk as I walk up the stairs.
They giggle like teenagers.
“Let me guess, none of you actually finished the book?”
“Well we did try,” Lisa says.
My mom stands to greet me and clutches me to her chest. “I was hoping you’d bring Christian.”
“I had to drop him at Nadine’s for his week-long visit with Victor.”
“Here, you probably need this more than I do then.” She pushes the glass toward me, and I take a gulp and then cough.
“It’s an acquired taste,” she says taking the glass back.
“Was Christian excited to see Victor?”
I sit down on the porch swing and wrap a hand around the chain that holds it to the ceiling. “He wasn’t there.”
“What?”
I shake my head. “He’s here, just playing in some softball game this afternoon.”
I stomp my feet and make an annoyed growl in my throat. They stare at me like I’ve lost my mind because I never lose my shit in front of them. Call it self-preservation, but I don’t want to show them how right they might have been about me needing more help. “Sorry, I’m just so frustrated. I thought him moving back here was going to be good for Christian, but it’s the same shit. I invited him to Christian’s soccer practice, and he told me he was busy.”
“By all means, yell, scream, just do it to him,” my mom says as she flails the hand not carrying her wine.
“What?”
“You’ve been letting him get away with it for far too long if you ask me.”
“But you’ve never said anything.”
“Wasn’t my place. Still isn’t. This has been going on for three years. More than that, really, he couldn’t even make it to most of the doctor appointments.” Some of those I may not have told him about, but it feels unproductive to share that now. “You knew Victor wasn’t the most reliable young man from the beginning. I thought at some point you’d stand up to him for Christian’s sake instead of trying to be super mom. You can’t be all things for everyone.”
My mother huffs as if she’s the one truly put out by Victor. “I’m going to get more wine.”
“I think I’ll help,” Lisa says, leaving me alone with my sister.
I kick off the ground to put the swing in motion as the screen door slams shut.
Mary moves to sit beside me. “I know Mom doesn’t come right out and say it, but she’s on your side on this one.”
“She has a weird way of showing it. Ever since I left for college, she’s made me feel like I’m the one who messed up by running off with Christian in tow.”
“Are you kidding?” She chuckles. “She is so proud of you. She and Lisa were just talking about how when they were your age, they were both straddled down with kids on each hip wishing they’d followed through on their dreams.”
I roll my eyes because Lisa only has one kid and by the time my mother had enough kids to have one on each hip, Mary was fifteen. I understand the expression, though.
“She worries about you, wants the best for you. The same way you want for Christian.”
My mother and Lisa reappear with another wine bottle and an extra glass. My mother hands it to me. “Are you staying?”
Two glasses of wine and the worst boo
k club discussion in all of history later, I head off to my old room and plop down on the bed. Mary had to get home to her family and Mom and Dad went out to dinner. I opted to stay home and stew in my misery. Christian calls and tells me all about his afternoon which I’m pleased to find out includes Victor playing soccer with him. In a moment of weakness, I text Joel.
Me: Whatcha doing?
Smooth, Katrina. Great opening line.
Joel: Just got to the hotel.
Me: What time’s the game tomorrow?
Joel: Not til 6 – won’t be back until Sunday.
Me: Good luck!
He doesn’t respond right away, and I toss my phone to the end of the bed wishing more than ever I could get lost in fantasies with Joel. I roll over on my stomach and pull up the covers not caring at all that I’m still fully dressed. I’ve got a week all to myself. God, it’s been so long since I’ve been able to make plans with no one else to consider.
As I drift off, imagining a day at the spa or maybe declaring it sweatpants week and bingeing Netflix and ice cream, a much better idea occurs to me and I spend the rest of the night dreaming about it.
29
Katrina
Blair, Gabby, and I shuffle from our seats out of the Sun Devil’s stadium. Valley defeated ASU and I’m minutes from Joel knowing I came all this way to watch him play.
“So, you didn’t tell him you were coming?” Gabby asks with big eyes.
We pile into a cab and give the driver the address of our hotel.
“Should I have?”
“No, it’s fine. He’s going to be so excited to see you,” Blair insists.
God, I hope so.
“He will.” Blair nudges my knee. “What are you doing on Tuesday? Gabby is moving into an apartment and we’re going to make an evening of it. Unboxing, drinking, and boy talk.”
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