Second Chance Guy

by Marsh, Nicola

  “I try to answer his questions as honestly as I can though sometimes...” she trailed off, her eyes glittering with humility as if lost in some precious memory and his heart clenched with the unfairness he’d missed out on so much all these years.

  “Sometimes?”

  She refocused on him, her radiant smile clear evidence of how much Adam meant to her.

  “Sometimes it’s tough to remember I’m talking to a five year old going on twenty. He unwittingly puts me on the spot so many times I’ve become adept at thinking fast.” She paused, her top teeth worrying her bottom lip, hesitant. “Something you’ll find out if you spend time with him.”

  The fact she felt compelled to spell it out pissed him off. What kind of a guy did she think he was? Some deadbeat dad who’d go AWOL?

  “I intend on spending a lot of time with my son.” His subtle emphasis wasn’t lost on Lori as she picked up her bag and keys, guilt streaking across her face as she avoided his gaze.

  “Where are we going tonight?”

  “New restaurant in Collingwood.”

  He’d buy her abrupt change of subject for now. They had plenty of time to establish ground rules where Adam was concerned; he wouldn’t leave her alone until they did.

  “I haven’t ventured much into Collingwood since that first inter-school debate.” She didn’t have to add, “When we first met.”

  “You won’t be slumming it this time. The suburb has changed quite a bit.”

  He couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his voice and she raised her eyes to his, the gold flecks glowing in the muted light from the single lamp she’d left on in the hallway.

  “I didn’t mean it like that.” She shook her head, apparently disgusted with his surly mood. “I work in Richmond, I live in Richmond, and Adam takes up most of my time so I don’t go out much.”

  Was she trying to lay some kind of guilt trip on him? Maybe if she’d told him about his son when he deserved to know—around the time she discovered the pregnancy—she wouldn’t have had to do this on her own.

  He searched her eyes for a reason to release some of the tension that had been building since he first laid eyes on Adam. They were devoid of blame, without a flicker of conniving, and he forced himself to relax.

  He wouldn’t get answers if he verbally attacked her. He had to follow through with his plan: take her to dinner in a public place, soften her up, move in for the kill.

  Sure, it sounded callous, but not half as callous as robbing him of his parental rights the last five years.

  “So you’re saying you don’t date much?”

  Her personal life was no concern of his but if she had some guy playing step-dad to Adam he wanted to know.

  To his surprise, Lori laughed, a genuine light-hearted sound that cracked the angry barrier protecting his heart. “Again, none of your business but no, I don’t socialize much. I’m beat after work and I’d rather be home with Adam than fend off some—”

  His expression darkened at the thought of her fending off some jerk and she quickly continued “—give me a good forensics TV show over a boring date any day.”

  “Is that what tonight is? An ordeal to get through before your real date with the TV remote?”

  “You tell me.”

  She shrugged, a hesitant smile curving her lips, glossy lips he had no right focusing on when all he should be focused on was dragging the truth out of her.

  “It doesn’t have to be an ordeal, as long as you answer my questions.”

  Her smile faded as she laid a hand on his forearm. “I’m not the enemy. I don’t need to be interrogated.”

  He gritted his teeth against the urge to yank his arm away, against the instant buzz that zapped him.

  No matter how much he hated how she’d walked away from him six years ago without a backward glance, how much he blamed her for robbing him of his son’s first five years, how angry he felt just thinking about the injustice of it all, the moment she touched him everything faded until all he wanted to do was reach out and envelop her in his arms.

  Ever since he’d bumped into her in the supermarket, he’d wondered what she would feel like now, the softened curves of her body much sexier than the lean angles she’d had years ago. They’d been great together, monumentally great.

  And she’d still walked anyway.

  He’d do better sticking to the plan. Open the new training center, weigh up his next options career-wise, and get to know his son.

  Things he could control. Unlike the feelings he’d once had for this frustrating woman.

  He stared at her hand and she removed it, the sadness in her eyes slamming into him like a grenade. She may not be the enemy but he couldn’t let her slip under his guard, not after what she’d done.

  She hadn’t trusted him enough to tell him about their son, how could he trust her?

  “Let’s go. We can discuss this later,” he said, clearing his throat.

  She hesitated for a second before nodding. She locked up, took a step along the path, and he placed his hand in the small of her back. A reflex gesture, something he’d done a thousand times before and now, like then, the simple action made his pulse race and blood pound in his veins.

  He still wanted her.

  Despite his anger, her betrayal, her lack of trust, all it took was one tiny gesture to detonate his denial.

  He’d fight it, fight this residual attraction with every confrontational cell is his body. He didn’t want to feel this way, didn’t want to soften toward her one iota. He’d fueled his wrath all day, thinking about all he’d missed because of her: Adam’s first step, first word, first day at kindergarten, first day at school.

  He should’ve been there for all of it. Lori hadn’t let him.

  Oh yeah, he’d been mighty fired up on the way over here but somehow as she fell into step beside him, his hand lightly touching her back, much of his fury dissipated.

  Maybe she’d be more cooperative if he lost the anger?

  Only one way to find out.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Lori had been dreading tonight.

  Her new favorite dress and a dash of makeup might’ve helped boost her confidence at home but now, sitting across the table from a tense Flynn, her meager confidence dwindled.

  What could she say about withholding Adam from him? She couldn’t tell him the truth. The army was his life; he’d deliberately chosen it while she hated all it entailed.

  He wanted answers. She doubted she’d like the questions.

  The awkward silence on the short drive here had been indicative of how far they’d grown apart. She’d wanted it that way, had deliberately severed all contact, so why the traitorous pitter-patter of her heart, the leap in pulse when he’d laid a hand on her back?

  It had been six long years since they’d last touched, done more than touching, and she’d tried to forget him. By the way her heart squirmed under his scrutinizing stare, it hadn’t worked.

  She let him order, content to sit back and study him. Wherever he’d been his skin had tanned to olive, with tiny crinkles fanning the outer corners of his eyes. Eyes that once held a glimmer of hope, eyes now shadowed and wary, eyes that had seen too much and learned to shield the horror.

  She knew that haunted weariness well, had seen it in her father’s eyes every time he returned from a posting. She’d hated the resultant fall-out: her mom had pandered to his manic moods and she’d been shooed away to avoid tripping his temper.

  Her mom had been patient and loving and understanding to a bad-tempered man who couldn’t wait to get back to his army mates, more than happy to leave his family behind. A family who’d followed him to almost every country on the planet.

  And where had Mom’s loyalty got her? An early grave, something Lori would never forgive her father for. Sure, she’d grieved in her own way when he’d died but she’d be lying if she said she missed him.

  Flynn topped up her water glass. “I didn’t think to ask if you liked Spanish food.”
r />   She shrugged. “Never tried it.”

  “Let me guess, you stick to your favorite Vietnamese haunts on Victoria Street.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Fried squid in salt still your favorite?”

  Her stomach rumbled and his mouth eased into a smile, the kind of smile he used to give her, warm and unarmed and especially for her.

  She patted her stomach. “That chili, garlic, and shallot combo does it for me every time.”

  His smile faded as his gaze focused on her mouth, and she mentally cursed her poor choice of words. She held her breath, hoping he wouldn’t ask what else did it for her. The Flynn she knew six years ago would have. He would’ve flirted and charmed and cajoled her into laughter.

  Was the guy she’d fallen in love with back then still there, hidden beneath the invisible war wounds that cloaked him in somberness?

  Not that she wanted that guy to reappear. She didn’t want to acknowledge the underlying awareness between them, content to blame it on his simmering anger igniting a dangerous response deep within her. But it was there, a potent, invisible force, zinging between them, a buzz that had nothing to do with them sharing a son and everything to do with a spark never forgotten.

  He dragged his gaze away from her mouth and she released the breath she’d been holding. He gestured at the menu. “I promise after tonight you’ll add paella to your favorites list.”

  “Sounds great,” she said, grateful her voice didn’t squeak in relief now that he’d moved on from staring at her mouth like he’d prefer her to his meal.

  He leaned forward, his green polo shirt molding to a broad chest. Another thing that had changed; the rangy body of a young recruit had morphed into hard, defined muscle that shifted along his arms, his shoulders, his chest.

  As he reached for a wine bottle, she reached for her water glass and took several much-needed cooling gulps. She needed to keep this impersonal. Focused on anything but the memories they shared and feelings best left forgotten.

  “Tell me about the training school.”

  If he was aware of her deliberate distraction technique, he didn’t show it.

  “The army wants to set up a training school for potential recruits. A pre-army camp where applicants can hone their skills before undergoing a rigorous screening program.” He filled their wineglasses before continuing. “My major found the tract of land in Richmond, thought it’d been perfect. I checked it out, the rest is history.”

  “So does that mean you’re staying a while—” she stopped abruptly, noting the sudden frown, his fingers gripping the stem of his wineglass tightly. “Sorry, none of my business.”

  She’d asked for Adam’s sake, didn’t want her son getting too attached to a man who would pack up his kit and leave in the next week. Not that she had any control over that. The moment Flynn had discovered Adam’s identity she’d known her son’s life would be irrevocably changed forever.

  “I go where I’m posted. Timelines are irrelevant.”

  He swirled his wine, focusing on the Shiraz, avoiding her gaze and in that instant she knew he was hiding something.

  “So what does that mean for Adam?”

  “I want to get to know my son.” He drained his wineglass before pinning her with an accusatory glare. “Something I should’ve been doing the last five years.”

  Seeing the pain contorting his mouth, hearing the anguish in his voice, her heart ached with the knowledge of what she’d done. But she’d done it for Adam. He came first. Always. No way in hell would her son go through what she had.

  “I’m sorry.” She laid a comforting hand over his, not surprised when he snatched it away.

  When he finally met her gaze his tortured regret threatened her righteous excuses, prompting her to spill the truth and she bit down on her bottom lip to stop from blurting everything.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Because you’d made your choice. The army was your future.” She dropped her gaze, focused on her fingers fiddling with the tablecloth, before clasping them so hard her knuckles stood out. “You told me the day you enlisted, remember?”

  “Don’t you dare put this back on me,” he said, his response cracking like a whip through the tension-fraught air, sharp and painful and biting. “I would’ve been there for you, damn it.”

  She surreptitiously rubbed her chest to stave off the growing ache that threatened to consume her. “Would you? Really?”

  Their gazes locked, hers pleading, his outraged. Where there had once been tenderness and love was now filled with regret and silent fury.

  He lowered his hands from the table, but not before she’d glimpsed his fingers curling into fists. “You never gave me a chance—”

  “You walked away from what we had,” she said, the sorrow she’d long buried bubbling to the surface and spilling out in a torrent. “We were just starting out and you made your choices. You traded uni for the army. You never even discussed it with me!” She jabbed an accusatory finger at him. “You just did it and expected me to be okay. So I cut my losses for four years and then you show up that night we went crazy...” She shook her head, swallowing the sob that welled in her throat. “You turned your back on me once. I didn’t want you potentially doing the same to Adam.”

  He swore and swiped a hand across his face. “Is that what this is about? You were mad at me for enlisting and leaving you, so chose to punish me by withholding Adam?”

  “Hell no.” The choices she made had never been about punishing him, had been all about Adam. And would continue to be about Adam, no matter how hard Flynn pushed for answers.

  “Then why?”

  She glanced away, torn by the desperation in his voice. She had to give him something, some semblance of the truth. She owed him that much.

  “Because even if you’d known about Adam you would’ve left anyway,” she said, silently willing him to understand, to forgive her. “You would’ve come and gone as you pleased, breaking that little boy’s heart every time, if...”

  She broke off, clamped her lips shut, horrified she’d been about to say if you came back at all.

  “If?”

  “Nothing.” She picked up her wine and drank half in two gulps, the alcohol burning a path down her throat and effectively obliterating the emotion clogged there. She had known tonight would be tough but where had this insane urge to blubber come from?

  “This is about you, isn’t it?” He spoke so softly she almost didn’t hear him, the anger in his tone replaced by something far worse.

  She could deal with his resentment and bitterness. The compassion in his voice almost undid her completely.

  “You went through the same thing as a kid.” His astute gaze made her squirm. “With the colonel.”

  She could admit the partial truth. It was all he’d get from her.

  She nodded. “It was a nightmare, jumping every time the phone rang or someone knocked on the door, fearing bad news. Then the few times he came home...”

  He leaned forward, reached out to her before sliding his hand away. “Tell me.”

  She bit down on her bottom lip. “He wasn’t fit to be a father.”

  “And you think I’d be like that?”

  The anger was back, clearly audible, and she pinned him with a defiant glare, daring him to disagree.

  “You’ve changed. It’s obvious you’ve seen things and done things civilians like me only ever see in horrific censored snapshots on the news.” She scanned his face, willing him to understand. “You’re harder. Edgier. So who knows what kind of father you would’ve made each time you returned from the frontlines? For how long? A day? Two? A week tops?”

  Rather than retaliate as she expected, his shoulders slumped as he dropped his head into his hands, his defeated posture scaring her more than any of the accusations he could’ve hurled her way.

  “It was my choice to make.”

  She only just heard his muttered response before his head snapped up, his eyes bleak.

/>   “Mine, not yours.”

  Battling tears, she reached across and covered his hand with hers. This time he let her.

  “I did what I thought was right for our son.” She tapped her chest with her free hand. “I carried him in my belly for nine months, I gave birth to him, I stayed up nights when he had croup and teethed and cried ’til I thought my heart would break.”

  Sniffing, she blinked rapidly, fearing the action too little too late as tears slipped down her cheeks. “I would’ve done anything to protect him from pain and rightly or wrongly I didn’t want him to go through the agony of never knowing when his dad would show up, how long he’d stay for or when he’d return.”

  He slipped his hand out from under hers, picked up a serviette and offered it to her. “Here.”

  As she dabbed under her eyes and took deep, calming breaths, Flynn watched her, his unswerving gaze more than unsettling.

  “There are plenty of military families who are happy,” he said, his pain audible. “You should’ve given me a chance.”

  Lori’s heart shattered. “I’m sorry…so sorry…”

  He waited until she’d regained composure before continuing. “I just want answers.”

  “And now you have them.” The answers she was happy articulating, that is. “So where do we go from here?”

  She needed to know for Adam’s sake, needed to formulate a plan to cope with having Flynn back in her life.

  “What you did? Withholding the truth about Adam from me?” He shook his head, sorrow slashing a deep groove between his brows. “Unforgiveable. But I want to get to know my son. I want to spend as much time with him as possible.”

  He ticked the first two points off his fingers, hovering over the third. “And I want for us to get reacquainted.”

  “Why?” she blurted, before mentally clapping a hand across her mouth. The way she’d said it, it sounded like the last thing in the world she wanted.

  A hint of amusement lit his eyes. “Because we’re Adam’s parents. We need to get along, for his sake.”

  “I guess you’re right.” Of course they’d have to be civil, even friendly for Adam not to get suspicious and notice the tension between them.