Flynn snorted, trying to ignore the twang of his heart as Michael’s home truths registered. “Oh yeah, she’s spoken loud and clear.”
Michael ignored his bitterness and plowed on. “She loves you, probably always has if her sparse dates over the years meant anything. Not to mention I’ve heard it from...” Michael trailed off and looked away, as if he’d made a blunder.
“From who?” Flynn leaned forward, desperate to hear the rest of what Michael had to say. “And how do you know all that stuff anyway?”
“I shouldn’t have said anything.” Michael stood and picked up his briefcase. “Forget I mentioned it.”
“Come on, man, please.” Flynn was proud but he’d willingly get down on his knees and beg if his friend knew anything at all that might change the current situation with Lori.
Michael sighed. “Though this wasn’t told to me in confidence, I’ll get shot if either woman ever gets wind of who told you.”
Flynn cocked his thumb and forefinger and mock fired. “If they don’t shoot you I will, so spill.”
Hope was a terrible thing yet he couldn’t douse the small flare sparked by Michael’s implication Lori might have feelings for him despite what she’d said.
Michael rolled his eyes. “Damn, you’re bossy. I’m surprised they didn’t make you commander of the whole bloody army.”
Flynn glared at him and Michael continued, “I had a pseudo-date with Jane. She said Lori’s in bad shape. Pining away because she’s ‘lost the love of her life again,’ end quote.”
Flynn’s flicker of hope flared to life. Lori and Jane were close and Jane wouldn’t invent something like that. There had to be some basis of truth to it and he intended to find out exactly how much.
He leaped to his feet and grabbed his jacket off the back of his chair. “Thanks, mate. I owe you one.”
He charged out the door, ready to mount a full frontal attack to secure his objective: convince the love of his life they had a future together.
* * *
Lori switched off the smart-board and sank onto the chair behind her desk, thankful for the end of another week. This term had flown and she looked forward to a break when she could recharge, regroup, and refocus her energy on getting through the rest of the year.
Try getting through the rest of her life.
She pushed that thought away, not willing to indulge in her latest favorite pastime of rehashing old memories.
Wishing things had been different was a waste of time.
Wishing Flynn had been a different person was futile.
She had to forget before she fell apart. And she couldn’t afford to do that, not when she had a son to raise.
She stared at the empty classroom, wondering how much longer she could keep up the pretense everything was fine. Her nerves were stretched to breaking point and she’d been unusually short-tempered with Adam over the last week, a fact that left her feeling like the world’s worst mom.
Maybe now she’d signed the legal papers to sort out visitation things would become easier. Her life would have more structure and she wouldn’t have to set eyes on Flynn again. She’d heard on the grapevine he was leaving town and not a moment too soon. She should’ve been thrilled at the way things had worked out.
Instead, she felt like the bottom of her world had fallen out and she took an angry swipe at the tear that dared roll down her cheek for the hundredth time since she’d driven him away from necessity.
A knock on the door made her sit up and wipe under her eyes for telltale moisture before she said, “Come in.”
Jane stuck her head around the door. “Ready to go grab a latte?”
Glancing at the stack of papers on her desk for marking, she waved Jane in. “Give me five more minutes to sort through these then we’ll go.”
“No worries.” Jane bounced into the classroom and squeezed into a chair behind a desk. “Were these always so tiny? Or is the fact I’m a heifer now have something to do with the chairs being out of proportion?”
Lori smiled. She could always trust her friend to cheer her up. “You’re gorgeous and you know it.”
“Apparently Mick thinks so.”
Intrigued by Jane’s coy smile, Lori pinned her with a stare that demanded she hear every last detail. “Something going on between you two?”
Holding her hand at arm’s length, Jane pretended to study her nails, her indifferent act vanishing the second she clapped her hands together excitedly.
“We’ve had three dates.” Jane sighed, braced her elbows on her knees and rested her chin in her hands. “He’s lovely.”
“That’s great, I’m happy for you.” And she was, though Lori wouldn’t be human if she didn’t feel a tiny stab of jealousy that everyone around her could pull off the happy couple thing except her.
“Thanks. Though its early days and you know what guys can be like.”
“Oh yeah, I know.”
Jane’s face fell at her acid tone and she winced. “Sorry.”
Lori waved away her apology. “Don’t worry about it.”
Jane paused, before blurting, “Do you think you’ve misjudged Flynn?”
“What?”
Lori gripped her desk to prevent herself falling off her chair. Flynn wasn’t Jane’s favorite person and for her to mention him let alone suggest she’d misjudged him...
“Look, I know what you said about the army being his first love and you’d just be a stand-in. And later that would affect your life together, but the guy’s worth millions and that could be a good safety net for you and Adam.”
Lori gasped before a harsh cackle erupted from her lips, a hollow sound that had nothing to do with happiness. “You need to check your sources. Flynn was here on an army posting, running a training school for them and renting a small house in Collingwood. Millionaire? No way.”
Besides, he would’ve told her about the money. Wouldn’t he?
“I probably shouldn’t have told you but Mick said he made some wise investments over the years and made a squillion.” Jane squirmed, appearing increasingly uncomfortable with her revelations. “He’d be a good provider, that’s for sure. Especially now he’s left that nomad life behind. Maybe you should think about it?”
Lori stared at Jane in horror. Think about it? She could barely comprehend the fact the guy she’d thought she’d known so well, she barely knew at all.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Lori tugged her coat closer around her body, bent her head against the blustering wind and headed for her car. She’d begged off coffee with Jane, citing a headache, needing to escape further discussions of Flynn, needing to get away but most of all needing to do some serious thinking.
If what Jane said about Flynn was true, did she want her son spending time with a man who lied? She’d been grateful for Adam to have a father figure in his life, had been happy for their relationship to continue.
However, if he lied about something as important as this, what else had he lied about? And how would it affect Adam? Would he build their son’s hopes with a pack of half-truths only to tear his world apart?
She could’ve sworn this wouldn’t happen by the way he’d treated Adam, the way he’d grown close to him, the love she’d glimpsed whenever he looked Adam’s way. But were her instincts wrong? Was it worth taking a risk when the repercussions could devastate her son?
“You’ve got to be freaking kidding,” she muttered as she reached her car and spotted yet another thing to add to her general shitty life lately. Cursing profusely, she bent to examine the deflated tire on the driver’s side.
At that moment the rain started, a few drops plopping on her head before the typical Melbourne summer deluge poured down in earnest.
Could this day get any crappier?
As she rummaged in her handbag for her keys, several loud honks of a much-too-close horn made her jump.
The tinted passenger window on a familiar four-wheel-drive slid down, revealing the last man she wanted to see. “Quick, hop i
n.”
“Go to hell,” she said, searching for her keys with renewed desperation, trying to ignore the tiny voice inside her head that insisted she’d left them in the locked drawer of her desk.
“I’ve already been there. It’s what my life has been without you in it.” Flynn deadpanned and beckoned her closer. “So, get in.”
Her common sense warred with her belligerence. She could get into Flynn’s car and avoid getting soaked to the skin or trudge back to the classroom, find her keys, wait until the rain stopped and change her tire—which could take hours.
Torn with indecision, a sudden crack of lightning had her wrenching open the passenger door of his car and sliding onto the black leather seat.
“Take me home.” Trying not to inhale the rich tempting scent of leather and Flynn, she folded her arms. “Please,” she added as an afterthought, hating how rude she sounded when she tried so hard to instill good manners into Adam.
“Actually, I had somewhere else in mind,” he said, steering the car with skillful precision in the treacherous driving conditions. “We’re going to talk, Lori. And this time, you’re going to listen to every damn word I have to say.”
He must’ve sensed her mutinous glance for he added, “Even if I have to tie you up.”
She should’ve demanded he drive her straight home.
She should’ve argued and badgered him until he had no choice.
Instead, she leaned her head back against the headrest and exhaled slowly, all the fight drained out of her.
She was tired of fighting, tired of the pain, tired of everything.
Raindrops trickled down her neck, her hair had turned frizzy from the humidity and she probably looked a fright, yet something he’d said niggled at the edge of her memory.
It’s what my life has been like without you in it.
She’d told him to go to hell and that had been his response. She’d been too wet and too impatient to absorb the implication behind his words at the time but now... What had he meant? Did he mean it or was it just a throwaway line he’d used to reel her in yet again?
“Let me guess. You let down my tire just to make me listen to you.”
He cast her an amused glance before refocusing on the road. “You really have a low opinion of me, don’t you?”
“You haven’t proved me wrong.”
“I think we’ve both jumped to a lot of incorrect conclusions and it’s time to rectify them.”
He could’ve sounded angry or resentful. After all, she’d told him to his face the last time they’d seen each other he meant nothing to her yet here he was, calmly talking like nothing had happened.
And it shamed her. Though she’d been hurt, she shouldn’t have taunted him like that. It had been unforgivable and had complicated things, obviously prompting him to instigate legal proceedings when they should’ve been able to sit down and discuss Adam’s visitation schedule like two adults.
Maybe she should listen to what he had to say? What harm could it do?
“I take it your silence means you’re in agreement?”
“I suppose,” she said ungraciously, not willing to give in too easily.
“Good. In that case, let’s stop here and talk.”
To her surprise, he pulled the car over and she took in their surroundings for the first time. Lost in her own thoughts she hadn’t paid particular attention to the route he’d taken, and it came as a shock to realize he’d driven to the Lookout along the Yarra River.
“This place hasn’t been conducive to us conversing before,” she said, trying to ignore the way her heart lurched when she noticed the spot he’d chosen.
“Is that such a bad thing?” He switched off the engine and turned toward her, the intensity of his gaze doing crazy things to her insides.
She licked her lips, wishing she could stick her head out the window and open her mouth to the falling rain, anything to moisten the dryness of her parched throat. The longer he stared at her, the worse it got until she swallowed repeatedly, desperate to lubricate her vocal cords before she spoke.
She nodded, knowing she tread on dangerous ground in bringing up anything to do with the physical side of their relationship, even when it was over.
“That’s all in the past. Let’s concentrate on the present.” She clicked her fingers as if coming up with a sudden brain wave. “I know. Let’s talk about why you lied to me.”
He frowned. “About?”
“The money.”
“Oh.”
“A pretty big ‘oh’ if you ask me.”
Rather than appearing annoyed or shamed into revealing his secret, he grinned. “As I recall, I told you I loved you and you didn’t believe me. Why would you believe me about anything else?”
So he had a point. But this wasn’t about him scoring points, it was about getting this chat over and done with so she could go home and nurse her heart through the shock of seeing him again and admitting, albeit to herself, how much she’d missed him.
“Why? Is the money important to you?”
“’Course not.” She averted her eyes from his triumphant grin.
“Then what’s the problem?”
“You. Me. Being here.” Her hands fluttered like caged birds and he reached out, captured one in his.
“We have to get to the bottom of this and I’m not taking you home ’til we do.”
She stared at his hand covering her own, trying to ignore the butterflies cavorting in her belly at his simple touch. She couldn’t waver in her resolve, couldn’t let him in despite how much she wanted to. It wasn’t worth the long-term pain: for her, for Adam.
“This won’t change anything.”
He stared at their intertwined hands, gave hers an encouraging squeeze. “Why do you keep running?”
Uh-oh. If discussing the present was bad, discussing the past was worse. “I’m not—”
“We were inseparable that last year in high school, then when I went to the Academy you ran. Infrequent crappy emails, the odd phone call, but I felt you pulling away. Then after that one incredible night before I shipped out, you ran the next morning. And now you’re still running away from me. Why?”
She exhaled, unaware she’d been holding her breath, searching for the right words, any words, to allay his suspicions. She came up empty.
“Tell me, Lori, because I don’t get it.”
“Nothing to tell.”
“Tell me why you keep running.”
“Because you’ll let me down,” she blurted, horrified he’d goaded the truth out of her, even more so when she whispered, “Just like him.”
She wrenched her hand out of his and stared out the window, refusing to look at him. If she did, she had a sinking feeling she’d start crying.
“I’m not your father.”
Blinking back tears, she allowed him to gently swivel her shoulders so she had no option but to look at him.
“Surely you know that?”
She shook her head, hating the fact she’d put that sadness in his eyes. “All I know is he loved the army so damn much we rated a poor second. Our entire lives were spent on the move, following him, waiting for whatever scrap of affection he threw our way. Nothing existed for him but the army. The stress killed Mom.”
“But I’ve left. You won’t ever have to go through that.”
Her hands twisted in her lap until he reached out and stilled them.
“After he left was almost as bad. It was like he blamed us for losing his precious career.” She dragged in a breath to stifle a sob. “We tiptoed around him. Put up with his mood swings. Had no life.”
He nodded. “Pop was like that, the mood swings.”
She raised an eyebrow, surprised. He’d never mentioned his home life, even when they were dating in high school, and she’d put it down to him feeling uncomfortable about his poor upbringing.
“So you had it tough too?”
He turned away, his expression somber as he stared at the river. “You could say that
.”
She didn’t want to feel sorry for him, didn’t want to empathize. They had to end this, not prolong the agony, but she found herself reaching out to touch his forearm. “Tell me.”
When he turned back, the bleakness in his eyes snatched his breath.
“Pop had post-traumatic stress disorder.”
“I’m sorry.”
He continued as if he hadn’t heard her apology, his expression one of regret. “He loved the army but the stuff he saw, what he went through in the war, really affected him.” He shrugged. “Then he lost my mom to cancer, had to leave the army to raise me. It took its toll.”
Lori sensed a host of untold subtext in his revelation and hated prying. But she’d never seen him so susceptible and it endeared him to her like nothing else could. “How so?”
Flynn blinked, but not before she’d glimpsed a flash of pain. “He resented me. Did his best but...” he shook his head, his expression deliberately blank and this time she didn’t feel right pushing.
Besides, she knew what it felt like having a parent resent her for intruding on his precious career. She empathized totally. “And what about you leaving the army?”
Confusion creased his brow. “What do you mean?”
“No one can go through the stuff you have and not come out unscathed.”
Stoic, he nodded. “I survived. Did what I had to do.”
That’s what she couldn’t understand. He’d seen what the army had done to his grandfather, why had he enlisted?
“Why did you sign up?”
His confused frown deepened. “Because I wanted to defend our country. Do the right thing, the honorable thing.”
All very noble and trite, like the spiel from a generic poster for army life, but there was more to it. After what had happened to his grandfather, there had to be more.
“You wanted to follow in his footsteps, is that it?”
“Something like that.” By his evasive answer, his look-away, there was definitely more to this story. “But we’re here to talk about us.”
She bristled at his dismissive tone. “I thought we were. You don’t think this is relevant?”
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