“Hi.”
She hadn’t heard him sneak up on her and she spun around and glared. Must be the army training. Maybe he could put more of that training to good use when she fired both barrels at him, sending him running for cover.
“We need to talk.”
“Sounds ominous.”
To her amazement, he smiled and despite her intention to confront him, her belly quivered in recognition of the power he held over her.
“Before you talk and I listen, I brought you these.” He pulled out a huge bunch of deep crimson gerberas from behind his back and presented them to her with a flourish.
“Thanks, they’re lovely.” She buried her nose in the blooms, momentarily weakened in the face of his thoughtful gesture. However, the image of his expression when he saluted his commander flashed across her mind, solidifying her resolve.
She straightened and let the gerberas fall to her side. “We need to set the boundaries of our friendship so Adam isn’t confused.”
“Friendship?” Surprise arched his brows. “Don’t you think we’ve moved way past that—”
“Things got a little confused for a while but I think we need to ensure we’re on the same page for Adam’s sake.” She steadied her voice with effort, preferring icy coolness to hotheaded theatrics. Losing her temper wouldn’t help. Nothing would. She knew the score, had known it all along, but had foolishly deluded herself into believing they could make things work.
Not any more.
“I have no idea where these clichés are coming from. Setting boundaries? Same page?” He ran his hand through his hair, which had grown since he’d first returned to Richmond. She preferred it this way to the short back and sides the army obviously demanded—not that her preferences had ever meant anything to him. “What’s going on, Lori?”
“You tell me.”
The instant the angry retort spilled from her lips she wished she could take it back. She didn’t want him to talk; she wanted him to listen.
She held up her hands to ward him off. “Look, I think what happened in Sydney was a mistake, my fault entirely because I sprung that visit on you, but what happened between us will only complicate our situation and that ultimately affects Adam. So we should cool it. Maintain a friendship. That sort of thing...” she eventually ran out of puff, his somber expression not flickering during her rambling tirade.
“You finished?”
She gnawed on her bottom lip, nodded.
“Good, because listen up.” He stepped into her personal space, close enough she could feel the heat radiating off him, and her arms fell uselessly to her side. “You’re a great mom and from what I’ve seen you always put Adam first. So there’s no chance in hell you would’ve come to Sydney unless you wanted to be with me.” He tapped his chest. “The Lori I know never did impulsive stuff like that so it must’ve really meant something. Am I right?”
She focused on the third shirt button of his shirt, desperate to hide the truth in her eyes.
He tipped her chin up and she had no option but to meet his probing stare, so she saw the exact moment he recognized every tumultuous emotion in her eyes.
“I said we’d talk when I got back to Melbourne. What happened? Why don’t you trust me?”
Because every person she’d ever trusted in her life had let her down: her mom, her dad, and most of all, the guy she’d given her heart to a decade earlier.
“It doesn’t matter.” She brushed his hand away, stepped back. “We both agree it’s important you’re in Adam’s life. Let’s concentrate on that for now and—”
“Lori, listen to me—”
“No, you listen to me.” She jabbed a finger at his chest, instantly regretting the fleeting contact. “You can’t just waltz back into my life and expect me to be the same person, pining away while you do your he-man stuff in some godforsaken place on the opposite end of the earth. I’ve changed. We both have and we can’t go back.”
Sorrow down-turned his mouth as he reached out and laid a hand on her arm. “I want to move forward, not look back.”
She stared at his hand, the strong fingers, the blunt nails, remembering how he’d caressed her, cherished her...all an illusion.
Shrugging off his hand, she shook her head. “Nothing has changed.”
She didn’t understand his benign expression.
“Everything has changed.” He grabbed her arms, holding so tight she couldn’t move. “I’ve left the army.”
“What?”
Her mouth dropped open and he chuckled. “That’s why I was in Sydney. I’ve officially resigned my commission.”
“Why?”
Softening his grip, he brushed a thumb across her cheek. “Isn’t it obvious?”
A wave of hope swept over her, buoying her up for an exquisite moment before plummeting her down just as quickly.
He’d given up his first love.
For her.
While she should be jumping for joy, she knew first hand what that kind of sacrifice did to a man, the fallout for the rest of the family and she’d be damned if she put her son through anything remotely like that.
When she didn’t answer he lowered his head and placed a soft kiss on her lips. “I love you and want us to be a family.”
She held her breath, wishing the kiss could go on forever, taking whatever she could get, a last fleeting taste of happiness before doing the right thing.
She wrenched her head to one side and Flynn released her, staring in confusion.
“Isn’t this what you want too?” He reached for her again and she sidestepped, his confusion exacerbated by a frown. “Us together? A family?”
She stared at his outstretched hand as if it were a grenade about to detonate. He couldn’t touch her again, couldn’t weaken her resolve.
She had to do this: for Adam, for her.
So she asked the one question guaranteed to give her all the answers she needed. “Why now?”
His hand fell to his side when she didn’t take it. “What do you mean?”
She had to drive him away, away from her, without tainting his relationship with Adam and she knew just how to do it.
Infusing her voice with ice, she said, “You had a chance to give up the army years ago to be with me and you chose not to. Now all of a sudden, you walk. We both know why.”
His blank expression sent a shiver through her. “Why?”
“Adam. Not that I blame you for wanting to be involved with your son but I’m just an adjunct, a means to an end.”
He swore but she wasn’t finished.
“If you’ve left the army to spend more time with your son, to build a life with him, that’s commendable. But unless you really follow through, it means jack.”
His jaw clenched. “Of course I’m going to follow through. Why do you think I did it?”
There was her answer.
The truth, hidden behind false declarations of love.
And her heart broke at having her deepest suspicions confirmed.
“That’s the first honest thing you’ve said.”
He stared at her, sadness darkening his eyes to pewter. “I say I love you and you call me a liar?”
Dread stole through her veins at his glacial tone, his frigid expression.
She wanted to fling herself in his arms, take it all back, but where would that leave them in a month, a year, when the regret festered and bloomed within him and he blamed her—or worse, Adam—for his choice in leaving the army behind?
Drawing a deep breath into her seizing lungs, she summoned every ounce of courage to spit out the monstrous lie that would drive the man she loved away forever.
“This is about Adam. It’s always been about Adam for you since the day you found out. What happened between us?” She waved a hand between them. “An added bonus. Meant nothing.”
She turned and walked away quickly before the tears rolling down her cheeks made a mockery of the hateful words she’d just uttered.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
F
lynn threw himself into work, ensuring the training center he’d purchased from the army functioned at one hundred percent capacity to entice prospective buyers. Ideally he didn’t want to sell. He’d envisaged running this place as part of his fresh start: new life, new family. It was why he’d bought it weeks ago. But Lori had ripped that dream apart and he was left contemplating a range of options he hadn’t imagined.
Sure, plenty of people co-existed in the same city as their exes but for him, working in Richmond with Lori and Adam a few streets away would be too close for comfort. He needed physical space from her, couldn’t risk seeing her whenever he picked up Adam. For he wasn’t sure he’d be responsible for his actions. Or words, more to the point.
The sooner he off-loaded the center, the sooner he could get the hell out of Richmond. The suburb held nothing for him anymore apart from his son and he’d already instigated the necessary procedures to ensure his relationship with Adam didn’t suffer when he moved onto his next venture, wherever that may be.
He’d investigated a few options, mainly artillery teaching posts in rural Victoria, all a couple hours drive to Melbourne. Once the visitation legalities were in place, nothing or no one could stop him from seeing the one person who meant the world to him.
As for Adam’s mother...he dropped his head into his hands and rubbed his temples, wondering how he could’ve got it so wrong.
Lori had played him for a fool. He’d thought their time together had meant something, had been a prelude to a life together, a hint of the family he’d always wanted.
Instead, she’d set the record straight in no uncertain terms. Added bonus? Meant nothing? What the hell had she been playing at?
Had she cozied up to him for Adam’s sake? But why? He would’ve hung around anyway to get to know his son. And what had her jaunt to Sydney been about? She’d followed him there, resurrecting the passion simmering between them with little effort. He’d thought...well, what he’d thought was completely irrelevant now.
He’d pondered her motivation and come up empty. None of this made sense but he was through wasting time, rehashing the same arguments in his head. He’d gone through them a million times, always coming back to the big one: he’d left the army for her.
Though that wasn’t strictly true and he knew it.
Pop’s deteriorating condition had been a major catalyst in his change of plans. He’d done his duty for the man who’d given him a home. Flynn had paid his dues, and with Pop not conscious...life was too short to spend it doing what he did out of obligation.
Besides, he wouldn’t have started the training school if he didn’t already have plans to leave. In reality, the training school had been about testing the waters, seeing how he coped without the military “family” he’d come to depend on for so long.
The way he saw it, he’d passed with flying colors. And discovering he had a son—and the woman of his dreams single—had been all the incentive he’d needed to take that final step and resign.
But even that hadn’t convinced Lori his intentions were honorable. He’d tried to explain everything but she hadn’t given him a chance. She’d gone off half-cocked, jumping to all sorts of crazy conclusions regarding his motivation, not trusting him enough.
And that sucked, for if there was one thing he’d built his life and career on, it was trust. He’d trusted Pop despite everything, he’d trusted his superiors, he’d trusted his charges in the heat of battle when trust was the only thing he had to grasp onto in the fierce onslaught.
Considering Lori had let him bond with Adam, had welcomed him into their lives, he’d thought he’d found the same life-supporting trust in Lori.
He’d been wrong.
So time to do what he knew best.
Shape up and ship out.
* * *
Lori slid several sheets of paper from the large envelope and collapsed onto the nearest chair.
“Bloody hell,” she muttered under her breath, gripping the documents so tightly her knuckles stood out.
“What’s up?” Jane rushed to her side and slid an arm around her shoulders.
Lori flipped through the papers, the fine print blurring before her eyes until she couldn’t read a thing. “Flynn has instigated legal proceedings. About Adam.”
“Give me those.” Jane snatched the offending papers and Lori released them, leaned her head back and closed her eyes. “What the hell’s going on?”
“This is a freaking mess.” The thought of losing her precious son made the room spin as nausea swept over Lori. “He’s not filing for custody, is he?”
“No, it’s about visitation rights, that’s all.” Jane puffed out a relieved sigh and squeezed her shoulder. “Sweetie, this is a good thing. It’ll clarify things for Adam and keep that no-good son-of-a-bitch away from you.” Jane rattled the documents for emphasis. “Says here arrangements for drop off and pick up can take place with the help of a third party so you don’t have to see him ever again.”
It should’ve been a relief. Then why did Lori feel like she’d just been gutted?
Jane slammed the papers on the table. “In fact, it’s not a good thing, it’s a great thing.”
“You’re right, the sooner this gets sorted the better. I’m tired of making excuses to Adam about why I can’t go with him to Flynn’s place.” Lori took a steadying breath and the spots before her eyes gradually disappeared. “And the big dufus obviously hasn’t said anything to him either. This way, we can explain the situation to Adam in a logical way and hopefully make it less traumatic.”
“Do you think Adam has noticed anything’s wrong?”
Lori shrugged, wishing she’d been smarter and prevented this whole disaster from happening. She had raised her son’s hopes with her behavior, acting like a giddy girl falling in love and now she had to let him down. Hopefully, Flynn’s presence in Adam’s life would compensate for the fact his parents would never reunite despite indications to the contrary.
“Adam’s smart. I’m sure he’s wondering what’s going on though hasn’t asked.” She brushed away the beginning of tears whenever she thought about her son and how this fiasco could affect him. “I hate how he’s looked at me over the last week whenever I’ve said I can’t come to dinner at Flynn’s. It’s like I’ve betrayed him or something.”
“Poor kid.” Jane glanced at the papers again. “Flynn must have a stack of money stashed away.” She pointed to the letterhead. “The largest, most prestigious law firm along the eastern seaboard is representing him. Pirelli, Francs and Associates charge their clients a small fortune.”
“Who knows? Who cares?” Lori stood, headed to the sink and started washing vegetables for dinner. “I want this mess sorted out once and for all so I can get on with my life.”
The sad thing was she didn’t know what that entailed anymore. The last week without Flynn had left her bereft, drained, and empty. She’d come to rely on his presence in such a short time, now he was gone she struggled to pick up the pieces.
“Good thinking, sweetie.” Jane joined her at the sink, grabbed a peeler and reached for a potato. “Once this is over we’ll have a girls’ night in, complete with double choc brownies, strawberry ice-cream and Castle re-runs. If Nathan Fillion can’t help you forget him, nothing will.”
Lori managed a wan smile and hoped her friend was right.
* * *
“I don’t get it.” Michael laid the latest spreadsheets on the table in front of Flynn and sat opposite him. “This place was your dream and now you’re selling up?”
Flynn barely glanced at the papers, knowing Michael was an expert at his job. Besides, nothing about this place interested him anymore.
“Put it down to the wanderlust soldier in me.” He shrugged, playing down his monstrous lie. “Can’t stay put in one place for long.”
“Bull. You quit the army because you wanted to settle down.” Michael tilted his head to one side, studying him. “What’s changed? Or should I say who has changed it for you?”<
br />
Michael was wrong. Flynn had quit the army because he’d finally paid his dues to Pop. And with Adam in the picture, the motivation to put down roots had been pretty damned strong. Too bad he’d screwed up with Lori.
Flynn scowled. “If you value your job don’t go there.”
“Go ahead and fire me.” Michael sat back and folded his arms, like he didn’t have a care in the world. Lucky bastard. “I’m asking as your friend, not as your business associate.”
“Don’t you know when to quit?”
Michael smirked. “No. So start talking.”
Flynn fiddled with the pen in his hand, tapping it impatiently against his thigh. “My plans have changed.”
“Melbourne not big enough for the both of you?”
He fixed Michael with a glare that would’ve stopped a lesser man dead in his tracks. He’d perfected it to deal with recalcitrant recruits and it worked most of the time.
Michael merely grinned. “I thought you and Lori were getting along fine then this? I don’t get it.” He made loopy circles at his temple. “You have a woman who loves you, a son who adores you, and a new business which promises to rake in the dollars yet you want to throw it all away? What gives?”
Flynn scowled. “She doesn’t trust me, basically called me a liar.”
After he’d told her he loved her, something he still couldn’t quite believe. How could he have got it so wrong?
“Doesn’t sound like Lori.” Michael’s grin faded as a frown creased his brow. “What did you do?”
Flynn had been asking himself the same question. “Just give it a rest.”
“No.” Michael shook his head. “I don’t get this. Lori’s a hardworking woman who’s done it alone. She didn’t want a cent of her father’s money, stored it away in a trust fund for Adam. Only accepted the colonel’s help to attend uni and buy a house but why do you think she did that?”
Michael pointed a finger at him. “To support your son. And she never goes out, never dates. So the fact she let you into her life speaks volumes.”
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