by Trish D.
Candice took the first two hurdles with ease. It was like she had been born doing it. Something happened as she came to third hurdle. Either she got a little too confident or lost her balance, but the tip of her foot hit the hurdle causing her to trip. She hit the ground with such an emphasis that everyone outside stopped what they were doing. It took Candice several minutes to get up with the help of the coaches. She was in tears and the pain she was in was terribly evident. Seeing such a skilled hurdler fall had us all shaken up and even worse, I still hadn’t gone. My stomach was in knots, my legs felt like lead, and my mind kept replaying Candice falling. Somehow I got through it though. By the time I reached the finish line it was if I had blinked and I was done. I still had butterflies, but I was overjoyed that I didn’t fall.
The following Friday, we were to find out if we made the team and what event had been selected for us. We learned that Candice had injured her right ankle when she fell and had also hurt her shoulder from landing on it. It was expected that she would miss most, if not all of the season. Hearing about Candice’s injuries bothered me. I found it difficult to want to compete for a spot with other hurdlers. I wanted to go back to my original plan of the 200m run.
“I think I am going to tell the coaches to just consider me for the 200m run and not the hurdles anymore.” I confided in Jackie after we learned about Candice’s injuries.
“You can’t be serious Cheryl! That type of accident is like one in million. Besides, she was trying to show off. If she would’ve had more class that would have never happened”, Jackie replied. I guess she did have a point. It was obvious that Candice was trying to show off. “I think you are looking for any reason to back out and you are using this accident to help. You are really good at these hurdles. It would be a shame for you give up.”
Jackie would hear no parts of my plan to ditch the hurdles. For some reason she believed in me more than I believed in myself. I decided not to ask the coaches to take me out of consideration for the hurdles. I wish I could say I changed my mind because I believed in myself, but it was more so that I would not disappoint my friend. The night before I was to find out my fate, I couldn’t sleep to save my life. I hadn’t been able to eat dinner either.
“Do you know how many starving kids would love to have that dinner plate?” Daddy asked playfully. He knew how much the situation had been stressing me out and had an encouraging word for each day after practice.
“I’ve never known anyone to try out for an event they were scared to do,” remarked Shanna. I wanted to keep my fear of the hurdles from her, but she had managed to pick up on what was going on fairly quickly. “Why don’t you just run the 200m like me and daddy?”
It was hard to determine if Shanna was actually giving me heartfelt advice or criticizing me for trying something new. She still threw snide remarks at me from time to time, but had backed off considerably since our huge fight. I had to consider that she was right though. She made me think that maybe I should just stick to what felt comfortable despite what the coaches and Jackie thought. The track meets were heavily attended events after school. As much as I would have liked to believe that it was simply a time to converse with friends after school, I knew that there were many people who did come to actually watch the events. I had to force the little bit of dinner that I did eat until finally everyone got tired of waiting on me to finish and my food got cold. We were clearing off the table when Mommy hung back behind Daddy and Shanna.
“You know I admire you for trying something that seems scary to you. You grandfather would be proud.” Her words completely caught me off guard to the point that all I could do was smile and fight back tears. After all she was right. Grandpa would be proud of me conquering my fears. From that moment, it was settled. I wouldn’t allow myself to be afraid anymore.
The list for track events would be posted at 12pm on the gym door. Jackie was surprised at how much I had relaxed. I had been stressing over my decision so much that it felt like a load had been lifted off of me. I had received words of encouragement from so many people, but none had the effect that Mommy’s had. Maybe I would get chosen for the hurdles or maybe I would be chosen for the 200m. Either way I had decided that it was going to be OK. Jackie and I decided we would meet up after third period to check the list together. Those 50 minutes of History seemed like the longest of my life. While I did not feel nervous, I did feel anxious and impatient. I just wanted to know. When the bell rang and I made my way to the hall to wait on Jackie, I could feel my legs shaking. Anxiety turned to nervousness and I had to keep telling myself to just breathe. As Jackie and I made our way to the list hanging on the gym door we passed several people who had tried out for the team. Some had smiles, others frowns, and some tears. Finally, we got the list and I felt like my name was listed in bold print so I could easily find it. I had been chosen for the 200m hurdles and 200m relay. Jackie was on hurdles on well. We made it!
Jackie and I were on cloud nine. We were two of just three seventh graders to make the team and the only two running hurdles. There was pressure for us to perform with the older teammates, but with Candice gone, they seemed much more willing to take us under their wing. We both became really good at the hurdles. By the end of our first season on the team it was really surprising to me how much we had grown. Most importantly, we had both managed to make it through the season without falling on the hurdles. Additionally, the relay team had won several heats just missing the state qualifications. My parents came to every track meet and there were times I would see Shanna cheering us on from the bleachers. The best part of being on the team was making them proud, even if Shanna wouldn’t admit it. Jackie and I remained on the team through our eighth grade year. It felt different my second year on the team. I understood Candice’s cockiness toward us the year before. Not that it was right to feel that way, but to an extent, I believed that we had earned our stripes and there was no way the younger girls were going to show us up. We were able to take a better approach than Candice had though and embraced the younger girls. It was a really great feeling to work together as a team rather than working against them. The first year was filled with so much excitement from the unknown, but the second year was so different. The second year was so much more relaxing and enjoyable. I enjoyed so much that I found myself wanting to coach track when I got older. My desire to coach didn’t exactly match up with my plan to teach elementary school, but it I wasn’t ready to let it go that easily.
∞∞∞
My eighth grade year was when I started to notice boys. I wasn’t so sure they noticed me though. If I had to guess, I would think they went for the girls that were more developed and weren’t taller than them. Derrick was the first boy that I had my first official crush on. He had a major growth spurt the summer before our eighth grade year and was no longer the short goofy nerd he was the previous year. We had three classes together that year, but it wasn’t until we were both on the track team that we actually talked to each other. Jackie was the only person who knew that I had a crush on Derrick and was very pushy on me asking for his phone number. The thought alone almost gave me a panic attack. Derrick didn’t seem to really look at me “like that.” It always seemed to be casual conversation between us and I didn’t want to make things awkward between us if he wasn’t interested. Mostly, I was afraid of rejection. I overheard Shanna and her friends on numerous occasions saying that girls should never ask a guy out. It made them look desperate. I wasn’t sure who I should listen to: Shanna or Jackie?
Jackie wasn’t shy when it came to boys. In fact, she already had a boyfriend who was already in high school. She managed to keep him a secret from her parents and had so many clever ways of sneaking around to see him. We were just 14 and he was 17 with a car and job. Jackie bragged about being spoiled with new outfits weekly and a pair of diamond earrings. He had invited her to a party the upcoming weekend and suggested that I come with Derrick.
“It will be fun! Nothing like the lame parties the kids here have
.”
“I can’t just invite him to a high school party. Besides, there is no way my parents would let me go.”
“Sure you can invite him. It’s the best way to break the ice and if you don’t like him, you still have me and Brian to hang around.” Jackie had a plan for everything and I knew she wouldn’t let it go that easily.
“Well, maybe you’re right, but like I said my dad will never in a million years let me go to a high school party.”
“Well that’s why you don’t tell them!”
“No way, I am not lying to them!” Even if I tried, I wouldn’t be able to lie to Daddy. I was pretty sure that he would see right through me.
“I’m not saying that you have to lie. Just tell them you are spending the night at my house. It’s not a lie. You just have to leave out the fact that we are going to the party.”
“I don’t think so Jackie—” Before I could get my reply out, Jackie was calling Derrick over. If I could have gut punched her without getting suspended, I definitely would have.
Derrick casually came over and Jackie did all the talking while I did my best to hide my anger and uneasiness. “Hey Derrick, my boyfriend Brian invited me and Cheryl to a high school party this weekend. Want to come with us?”
It was obvious that Jackie’s invite caught Derrick off guard. It took a minute for him to respond. “A high school party, huh? Well I guess it sounds OK, count me in.”
“Sweet! Give Cheryl your phone number and we will call you on Friday with the details.”
I loved Jackie to death, but I swear that was one day I could have choked her out! I was so caught off guard that it took several minutes for me to get myself together enough to pull out a sheet of paper for him to write his number on. Either he didn’t notice or was too nice to call me out. Either way, I had his number. Yes!
“See how easy that was? Now, there is no backing out. This weekend, we are partying.”
I can’t say that I was OK with the plan for so many reasons, but I felt stuck. I didn’t want to let Jackie down and I didn’t want to miss my opportunity to hang out with Derrick. As the day of the party got closer, I had to keep telling myself that Jackie was my best friend. She wouldn’t take us to a party that would put us in harm’s way. Friday came and all during school I kept coming up with different scenarios of what the night would be like. In science class, Derrick came up to me for the first time ever.
“Hey, I wanted to make sure that party was still on for tonight.”
“Yeah, Jackie says it is.”
“Great. Well, I’m looking forward to it.” If he was excited and Jackie was excited, what was wrong with me? I found comfort in thinking that maybe, he meant that he was looking forward to hanging out with me.
That evening as Daddy drove me to Jackie’s house I tried my best to act normal, but I felt bad about not telling the complete truth about our plans for the night.
“So what are you crazy kids going to do tonight?” Daddy asked as we pulled in front of Jackie’s house. It was a question that I was hoping he wouldn’t ask. I didn’t want to lie.
“Oh, you know that silly teenage girl stuff.” I replied, trying to leave it as broad as possible.
“OK, well hope you two have fun.” The look on Daddy’s face told me that he didn’t believe me and that he knew something was up. However, he didn’t press the issue.
That evening as we were getting ready I continued to have a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach despite Jackie’s reassurances, I really just wanted to call Daddy to come back and pick me up.
“Nothing is going to happen. You just worry way too much. Just relax; it will be fun. You’re my best friend, she continued, I wouldn’t have invited you if I wasn’t 100% sure that everything was legit.”
Maybe I was just feeling guilty about lying to my parents or maybe I did worry too much. Whichever the case, I had to push those feelings down and muster up my best fake smile. After all, Jackie was right; she had not ever led me astray. Jackie’s parents were a lot more lenient than my parents. As we were leaving, she simply yelled over her shoulder that we were going “out” and no other details were required.
We had to walk down the street to meet Brian, but we could hear the music from his car as soon we hit the end of the driveway. The closer we got to the car, the more I felt my teeth vibrate from the bass. The smell of the cigarette smoke and weed smacked me in the face as I opened the car door to get in. I diverted my eyes as they embraced in a kiss and noticed an open beer bottle. Finally, they came up for air and Jackie introduced us. As he turned around to greet me, I was mortified at his blood shot red eyes.
“Nnnicce to mmmeeet you Seril”, he slurred.
He was obviously heavily intoxicated, but Jackie seemed used to it. I on the other hand, was mortified. My feelings of mortification quickly escalated to sheer terror as Brian drove at excessive speeds swerving in and out of lanes and running two stale red lights. To make matters worse, he came just inches from hitting Derrick who was on the sidewalk waiting for us at the entrance of his neighborhood. Brian and Jackie found it to be hilarious, but Derrick and I did not. I could tell that he didn’t want to get in the car and I couldn’t blame him. Still, I was silently begging him to get in and not leave me alone with them. My thoughts must have shown through on my facial expressions and I was relieved when he climbed into car.
The ride to the party was just as traumatizing as the ride to pick up Derrick. At first I felt like I should try to at least hold small talk with Derrick since I had dragged him into the situation. It was impossible though, with the loud music. After a while, I just had to grasp on to the door handle, close my eyes, and pray we would make it alive. When we arrived, I had been sweating so badly that my pants were wet like I had peed. Derrick had a look of confusion and disgust on his face and I instantly felt horrible. I didn’t want that to be the start of our first date. Brian finished his already open beer before he reached for two more to offer to us. We both declined but Jackie was happy to indulge. We had both laughed at sneaking tastes of our parents’ wine, but had both agreed that beer was disgusting. To see her willingly chug a beer was shocking. It was slowly starting to hit me that I didn’t know my best friend as well as I thought I did. My mind instantly went to finding Derrick and I a ride out of there as soon as possible even if it meant calling Daddy or Shanna.
Mentally, I made note of the street names, while profusely apologizing to Derrick. “I had no idea it was going to be like this. Jackie had me thinking this was going to be something totally different.”
“It’s cool”, he replied as he scanned the area. “I kind of expected it.”
“Well, I didn’t! I’m going to call my sister to come and get me. She can give you a ride home too if you want”
Derrick didn’t reply immediately, but as we got closer to entering the party and saw what was going on inside, he agreed. “Yeah, I think I’ll leave with you guys. This really isn’t my thing.”
Jackie and Brian staggered into the party ahead of us drinking their beers while Derrick and I made our way to the kitchen in hopes of finding a phone. As I searched over bodies, beer cans and red SOLO cups, I began to panic at the thought that I would not find a phone. Finally, Derrick tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a cordless phone. I made my way outside dialing Shanna’s cell phone number. The sound of despair in my voice was obviously evident because she did not question what I was doing at a high school party or give me a hard time. I gave her the address and we hung up after she told me that she was on the way. With a sigh of relief, Derrick and I went back inside to tell Jackie we were leaving and planned to wait outside for Shanna. Jackie was nowhere to be found.
“You think we should split up? We may find her faster that way.”
“I don’t think so. I don’t want to get separated from you”
Just as I replied, I saw a glimpse of a red shirt going into the bathroom; the same red shirt that Jackie was wearing. “I think I see her”, I said pulling Der
rick in the direction of the bathroom. It felt like we had to make football moves to get to the bathroom door, which was locked when I tried to get in. Concern turned into panic when Jackie wouldn’t answer the door after several minutes. After Derrick took his turn at knocking at the door, it finally opened and there stood Brian. Nothing could prepare me for what I saw as I looked around him. There was Jackie bent over the sink snorting lines of cocaine off a mirror. Cocaine? Who was this person that I called my best friend? There wasn’t time to process it all. Acting on instinct I knocked the mirror to the floor sending glass shattering everywhere. As Jackie attempted to stand up straight, she fell back on the toilet beside the sink. She looked like death as she sat down and in a matter of moments, her eyes rolled into the back of her head.
“Jackie!”
I yelled and shook her as hard as I could until her eyes opened momentarily. Suddenly, she slumped over and fell into me knocking us both onto floor. As I struggled to get her off of me I yelled out to Derrick go get some help, and call 911. While Derrick went to find a phone, Brian stood in the doorway watching us like a scene in movie. I was so angry with him that I wanted to take a piece of the broken glass and jam it in his neck, but I knew my efforts had to stay focused on Jackie. She was leaning on me breathing heavily before things went from bad to worse. She began to shake, calmly at first and it then became evident that she was having a seizure. Her whole body was shaking violently and I could no longer see the pupils of her eyes, only the white. I was frantic at that point. I was yelling for help and yelling at Jackie to stay with me. Her head was in my lap and I wrapped my hands around her upper body in a vain attempt to make her body stop shaking. I had no idea what to do as a crowd gathered around the door. It seemed liked several minutes passed before the shaking stopped. All I could do at that point was pray as we waited on the ambulance to arrive.