Felix and the Red Rats

by James Norcliffe

‘I said, why don’t you ask him? He might even be able to show you where some of the places were.’

  That sounded a fun idea. ‘I will,’ I said. ‘That’d be cool.’ When I went back inside, Gray and Martha were up and fixing themselves breakfast. Martha gave me a grin, and Gray a scowl.

  ‘How are your sweet little rodents, this morning?’ Martha asked. ‘Still embarrassed?’

  Gray had a mouth full of toast and peanut butter, but he probably wouldn’t have replied anyway.

  ‘They’re still the same, I think,’ I said, ‘but it wasn’t easy to see in the dark.’

  ‘Sweet,’ said Martha cheerfully. ‘I think it’s an improvement. White is so boring.’

  ‘You’re getting boring, fart-face,’ growled Gray through his toast. ‘And I know one thing: PP won’t find it boring. He’ll probably kill me.’

  PP was Peter Prescott, Gray’s biology teacher.

  ‘They might fade before you have to take them back to school,’ said Martha, ‘to a pretty pink. That’d be even sweeter. You could get them some pink ribbons to match!’

  ‘Why don’t you shut up,’ said Gray. ‘It’s not funny, you know.’

  ‘You still blaming David?’

  ‘Nah,’ said Gray. ‘Fruit-loop wouldn’t have the brains to do something like that. No, I’ve got a fair idea who did it.’

  ‘Oh?’

  Martha looked at him with some interest. So did I. It was good to know that I was out of the firing line, but I was keen to know who Gray was aiming at now.

  ‘Well,’ insisted Martha.

  ‘Isn’t it obvious?’ asked Gray.

  ‘No,’ said Martha. ‘It isn’t obvious. Who did it?’

  ‘Uncle Bloody Felix, that’s who!’ said Gray bitterly.

  ‘Uncle Felix?’ Martha was surprised. ‘Why do you think it was him?’

  ‘It’s not rocket science,’ said Gray. ‘Ask yourself, when did it happen?’

  ‘Last night,’ said Martha.

  ‘And who arrived last night?’

  ‘So?’

  ‘So who’s a famous weirdo who writes weirdo books about weirdo things including crazy places and red rats and stuff?’

  Martha laughed. ‘How do you know what Uncle Felix writes about? You’ve never read a book in your life that’s not about some rugby player on a motorbike!’

  I wanted to add that Uncle Felix had never written about red rats, or that Martha had never read any of his books either as far as I knew, but that wouldn’t have been very smart. All I ever saw Martha reading was her Facebook page.

  ‘And,’ added Gray, as if this utterly clinched the argument, ‘a weirdo who wears a bow tie all the bloody time.’

  ‘A bow tie?’ said Martha.

  ‘Yeah, a floppy, bloody bow tie!’ said Gray triumphantly.

  ‘So,’ said Martha, ‘Mr Brilliant Detective has identified the guilty party with the real giveaway floppy, bloody bow tie. Now, tell me, Brill, have you also discovered how Uncle Felix managed to do it? With the bow tie? And while you’re at it, have you found out why he did it? Because of the bow tie?’

  ‘I’m working on that,’ said Gray grimly, ignoring her sarcasm. ‘And when I find out you’ll be the first to know.’

  Uncle Felix rang at lunchtime to say he’d be home for dinner. Mum reported that his talk had gone well, that he’d met lots of old friends, but that he would have done enough socialising for the day and would prefer a quiet evening with us.

  ‘And, David,’ she added, ‘he said there was one old friend he’d come across that he’d rather like you to meet.’

  I looked up.

  ‘Me? Did he say who it was?’

  Mum smiled. ‘He didn’t. Actually, he was a little mysterious, I thought.’

  I grinned at her. ‘Nothing unusual there,’ I said, and Mum laughed.

  ‘You’re getting to know him, then,’ she said.

  I wasn’t so sure about that. Was knowing that Uncle Felix was a little mysterious knowing him? Or was it knowing that he was difficult to know? This was another of those little head-spinning moments. I did know one thing, though: Gray thought he had sussed Uncle Felix out, and Gray was angry.

  I didn’t think for one microsecond that Uncle Felix had turned Simon and Garfunkel red even if he was, according to Mum, some kind of conjurer. At the same time, there was something about the rats’ colour change that Uncle Felix knew or suspected. And he was being quite mysterious about that.

  Whoever the friend was, Uncle Felix didn’t bring him — or her — home to dinner. He arrived just as Martha and I were setting the table.

  ‘How are we all?’ he greeted us.

  ‘All good, except Gray,’ said Martha.

  ‘Gray?’ asked Uncle Felix.

  Gray wasn’t with us. He’d left much earlier, saying he’d be late back and not to bother about him. He’d find some takeaway pizza somewhere.

  ‘He’s still pretty miffed about the rats,’ said Martha.

  ‘Oh, yes, the rats,’ said Uncle Felix. He looked troubled.

  I was a little worried that Martha might tell Uncle Felix that Gray was blaming him for the colour transformation, but, luckily, she left it there. I was relieved, although I knew that there could be some unpleasant undercurrents around if and when Gray had to be together with Uncle Felix over the next few days, especially if the rats stayed red. So far they looked like they would. I’d checked them a few times off and on during the day and there were no signs of their changing, not even to the pink Martha would have preferred. No, they were still a rich tomato red.

  Once we were seated around the table, Mum said, ‘Uncle Felix, I was reminding David that you and Mum used to live round here when you were kids.’

  Uncle Felix smiled at the memory. ‘It was such a great place to spend your childhood,’ he said. ‘We did have wonderful times. There were paddocks on the slopes then, filled with slippery grass to slide down on wooden sledges, or we’d slide down between the trees on the pine needles in the pine forests. My, how we sped! Hugely dangerous, of course, and probably wouldn’t be permitted these days by the fun police.’

  ‘Fun police?’ I asked.

  ‘That’s what I call them,’ said Uncle Felix. ‘You know, the people who don’t like children climbing trees or racing downhill on bikes or swimming outside the flags—’

  ‘Steady on, Felix,’ said Dad. ‘There’re plenty of good reasons for those restrictions, you know. Do you know how many children are drowned in this country each year?’

  ‘Oh, I know,’ said Uncle Felix. ‘I do know. But, balance, John. Balance. If you clip children’s wings, they’ll never be able to fly.’

  ‘Hmmph,’ said Dad, unconvinced. ‘Nor will they fly if they break their skulls falling out of trees.’

  ‘Metaphor, John, metaphor,’ said Uncle Felix forking a baby potato into his mouth.

  ‘Uncle Felix,’ I said, interrupting, ‘you talked about pine forests. Did you put any of those into the Axillaris books?’

  Uncle Felix turned to me. ‘Oh, yes,’ he said, ‘I put all sorts of places in these hereabouts in the books. Why wouldn’t I have? It’s what I remember.’

  ‘So, the pine forest that Bella and Felix—?’

  ‘Oh, yes, that was very real.’

  ‘And the concrete shed?’

  Uncle Felix gave me a shrewd look, and then said, ‘Oh, yes, that too.’

  ‘Would it still be there?’

  ‘Almost certainly,’ he said. ‘It was a public utility and made of concrete. I imagine the need for it still pertains.’

  Mum said, ‘I was saying to David that, if you have time while you’re here, you might like to go for a walk together and show him some of your old haunts?’

  ‘Of course, I could,’ said Uncle Felix. ‘It might be very interesting for us both.’

  ‘Great,’ I said.

  And I meant it. Uncle Felix’s books were pretty real to me, even if they were quite off-the-wall in places, but to actually go with hi
m to the places he’d written about would make them even more meaningful.

  Uncle Felix put down his knife and said, ‘So, Nancy, you and David have been talking about me have you?’

  Mum looked a little flustered. ‘Not really. We were talking about Into Axillaris — you know, the one David’s reading right now — and I mentioned that some of the places—’

  ‘Nothing I should be worried about then?’

  Mum laughed. ‘Uncle Felix, have you ever done anything you should be worried about?’

  ‘Of course I have. Haven’t we all?’

  ‘I did mention that you used to do conjuring tricks …’

  ‘So I did.’

  Martha looked up with interest. ‘Tricks? Can you still do them?’

  ‘I shouldn’t think so. It was a long time ago so any tricks of mine would be all rusted up now.’

  Martha looked disappointed. ‘Could you try?’

  ‘Oh, I suppose I could try,’ said Uncle Felix reluctantly. ‘John, do you think you could oblige me with a fifty-cent coin?’

  ‘Sure,’ said Dad. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a handful of change. He sorted through the coins and then passed Uncle Felix a fifty-cent piece.

  While we looked on curiously, Uncle Felix, with a small flourish, placed the coin deliberately in the centre of a clear space on the table. Then he looked around at us mischievously.

  ‘Now you see it,’ he said, passing one hand lightly over the coin.

  ‘Now you don’t!’ he exclaimed.

  The coin had utterly vanished.

  ‘It’s in your hand!’ said Martha.

  Uncle Felix turned his right hand palm-up. It was completely empty.

  ‘The other one!’ said Martha.

  Uncle Felix closed his right hand and then turned his left hand palm-up. It, too, was completely empty.

  ‘Both together!’ demanded Martha.

  Uncle Felix sighed resignedly, and then slowly opened both hands simultaneously. Both were empty.

  Martha stared at him, impressed. ‘Where’s it gone, then?’ she asked.

  ‘Don’t you know?’

  Martha shook her head.

  ‘Well, I think it’s over here …’

  Uncle Felix stood up and moved round to the other side of the table where Martha was sitting. ‘Lean forward,’ he said. Obediently, Martha leant forward. Martha had long brown hair arranged in a thick pony tail. Uncle Felix felt in the hair just before it was gathered into a rubber band and withdrew something shiny.

  It was the fifty-cent coin.

  ‘Martha,’ he said reprovingly, ‘you had it all the time, and there you were accusing me of hiding it in my hand!’

  We all laughed and clapped, and Martha for once looked at Uncle Felix with a lot more respect. ‘How on earth did you do that?’ she asked.

  Uncle Felix returned to his seat. ‘Oh, Martha,’ he said, ‘if I told you that you wouldn’t think me clever anymore, and I rather like your thinking me clever, so — if you don’t mind — I’ll have to leave it a mystery.’

  ‘Magic!’ said Dad. ‘I love it!’

  I glanced at Uncle Felix. There was the word mystery again; this time, out of his own mouth. Mystery. Mysterious. And what did he mean when he’d told Mum that he’d done things he ought to have been worried about? Was he just talking about things in general, or was there something particular? It made me think of the rats again.

  I looked across the table at Martha. She was looking thoughtful, too. Was she thinking similar thoughts? She’d been utterly scornful when Gray had accused Uncle Felix of transforming Simon and Garfunkel. Had Uncle Felix’s little demonstration of his conjuring skills caused her to re-think things a little? And if they had, would she report her changed feelings to Gray?

  My heart sank. I remembered Mum saying she’d rather Gray didn’t know about Uncle Felix’s magic. Was the cat out of the bag now?

  Too many questions …

  ‘Ice-cream, anyone?’ asked Mum.

  I held up my plate. All at once, I needed ice-cream.

  I had to do the dishes with Martha. It was really Gray’s night, but he wasn’t there, of course. It was probably the reason he’d skipped out with his mates anyway.

  ‘Just get Gray to do them for you tomorrow,’ Mum suggested cheerfully.

  Fat chance.

  Just get Gray to give you his skateboard.

  Just get Gray to make you his Facebook friend.

  Just get Gray to shout you a year’s supply of KFC.

  Just get Gray to do the dishes for you tomorrow.

  Yeah, right.

  Martha was okay. She let me wash the pots, which I prefer, and she stacked the dishwasher, so there wasn’t that much for me to do.

  ‘Did you see what he did?’ she asked.

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Uncle Felix. You know, with the coin?’

  I shook my head. ‘Whatever he did, it was pretty fast. I didn’t see it.’

  ‘How did he do it?’

  I shrugged. ‘I don’t know. It’s all, what’s it called? Sly …’

  ‘Sleight of hand. But we were all so close to him.’

  ‘I know.’ I grinned. ‘Dad’s right. It was magic.’

  ‘Mmm …’

  I guessed what Martha was thinking, but I didn’t want to go there really.

  ‘Did you feel it?’ I asked instead.

  ‘What?’

  ‘The coin. Did you feel it in your hair?’

  She frowned. ‘Not really, but my hair’s so thick up there I doubt I would’ve felt it anyway.’

  ‘It was probably in his hand all along.’

  ‘I guess. But we all saw his hands. They were empty.’

  ‘So,’ I said, ‘magic!’

  I pulled the plug out and waited as the water gurgled away.

  ‘Anyway,’ I said. ‘Do you still reckon he’s a fake? You had the knife into him yesterday before he arrived.’

  Martha shrugged. ‘Dunno. He sort of grows on you, I guess. But fake? I suppose it depends on what you believe about that silly coin trick.’

  ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘I mean that, you know, magic is magic, but conjuring is fake.’

  I thought about that. She was right, I guess, but if conjuring was fake, then conjuring with words was fake too. And that meant that the books were fake and Axillaris was fake. But that was obvious.

  ‘So?’ I said. ‘Conjuring might be fake, but it can be fun, too.’

  Martha actually laughed. ‘I reckon,’ she said. ‘It was sort of fun tonight.’

  ‘Droopy bow tie and all?’

  ‘I’m working on the bow tie,’ she said.

  I looked about the sink and I couldn’t see anything much left for me to do.

  ‘Cheers,’ I said. ‘I’ve got a date with Axillaris right now, so if you don’t mind …’

  ‘Ciao,’ said Martha. ‘Thanks, Davey. I’ll do the rest.’

  Down on the cable-car

  Before they’d walked more than a few metres down the cobbled street, however, there was a loud beep-beep-beep like a truck backing. It was apparently some sort of pager or phone, for the little creature pulled at a lanyard that was hanging around his neck and then studied a small and flat shiny object for some moments. He looked up and stared grumpily at Bella and Felix.

  ‘More interlopers in the Way Station!’ he scowled. ‘I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s this blasted gang of yours!’

  ‘It’s not our gang, for goodness sake,’ protested Bella. ‘We told you: they’re chasing us!’

  The little creature ignored her and strode back up the pathway towards the doors which had slid shut shortly after they’d stepped onto the path. He pointed the flat object at the doors and pressed a button. Obediently, the doors swung open, and there, blinking in the light and looking utterly disoriented, were Myrtle Heberson and Moonface Morgan. Myrtle was clutching Bella’s red-covered diary. Zombie-like, they stepped out of the Way Station and into the light.
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  Seeing her diary moved Bella to utter annoyance. She rushed up the path, past the little creature, and snatched the diary from the still-bewildered Myrtle’s grip.

  ‘Give it back!’ she cried. ‘You’ve no right to it!’

  Myrtle hardly seemed to notice the snatch-and-grab. She stared at Bella helplessly. ‘Where are we?’ she whispered. ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘This is crazy,’ muttered Moonface. ‘I’m outa here!’ he turned and made as if to step back into the Way Station, only to find that the doors had automatically slid shut once more.

  He turned back to the others. ‘What’s going on?’ he demanded, frightened. ‘What is this place?’

  ‘We’ve no idea,’ snapped Bella. ‘We’ve only just found ourselves here as well!’

  ‘Why …?’ asked Myrtle. Her lower lip was beginning to tremble.

  Bella held up her diary. ‘This is why,’ she said angrily. ‘If you idiots hadn’t thought it a great idea to pinch my private diary then none of this would have happened!’

  ‘It wasn’t me!’ muttered Moonface. ‘I had nothing to do with your stupid diary.’

  Suddenly, as if for the first time, Myrtle caught sight of the little creature with his sharp dagger in one hand and the shiny remote in the other. He was standing a little further down the path, scowling. Despite his size, he looked so menacing, so hostile, that Myrtle’s teetering on the verge of crying fell right over into a full-blown wail of despair, followed by racking sobs and tears streaming down her cheeks.

  Bella’s irritation with the girl turned instantly to compassion and she moved up to her and wrapped her in her arms.

  ‘It’s all right, Myrtle,’ she soothed. ‘We’ll find a way out of this. We got into it so there must be a way out of it.’

  ‘I wouldn’t be so sure of that, humans,’ said the little creature in his nasty, reedy voice. ‘Nothing is that simple!’

  His words and the way he said them sent Myrtle off again, shoulders heaving, tears and now her nose streaming. The little man grinned fiendishly at her, clearly relishing her distress.

  Felix felt a wave of rage rush over him. He glanced at Moonface. Felix was bigger than the little creature, and Moonface was bigger than Felix. Together they might charge at him, somehow disarm him, and grab the shiny remote, and get back into the Way Station. Somehow that could let them find a way back into the pine forest and back home to normality, whatever that was. These thoughts tumbling wildly in his head, he exchanged another glance with Moonface. Perhaps he had been thinking the same thing? Moonface nodded almost imperceptibly at Felix and then, as one and with an almighty Whoop! from Moonface, they ran down the path towards the little creature.