Song of Songs

by Song of Songs (retail) (epub)

  Mama said, ‘Say, “How do you do?” to Mr Barbour, Helena.’

  I stumbled over the words, but she did not seen annoyed today.

  The gentleman smiled again and said, ‘Do you know, I haven’t any nieces of my own - just big strapping nephews, not one pretty little niece - so perhaps you would adopt me, Helena, and call me Uncle Arnold.’ I smiled up at him: he had called me pretty!

  Eddie butted in, ‘Me too, me and Robbie too.’ I felt quite angry with my brother - he was my Uncle Arnold.

  Uncle Arnold came up with Mama again the next day; he knelt down on the floor in his beautiful grey trousers and mended our engine for us. I did not mind going down to the drawing room so much when he was there; he always spoke to us politely, and one day he gave me a golden sovereign for singing to him. But Nanny made me put it away in my money box; I wanted to cry when I saw its shining beauty slip through the slot and disappear.

  Another day when we went down to the drawing room Lady Maud called us over. Her eyes snapped and flashed as she said, ‘You must get out your toy soldiers, boys.’ Then she broke off as Uncle Arnold came up to her, and turned to him. She talked very quickly and excitedly, he answered her more slowly, his face serious. I listened to the unfamiliar names - ‘When Milner met Kruger… in the Orange Free State’ - and I pictured two men solemnly shaking hands in our light airy orangery - but it soon became clear that they had not shaken hands; they had argued with each other, so my picture changed to two angry men plucking oranges off the trees and pelting each other with them - as Eddie and I had done one glorious day until Nanny had arrived, panting, and very, very angry.

  But later Miss Ling said the Orange Free State was in South Africa; she looked very solemn as she pointed to it on the globe. Eddie studied the pink mass and said firmly, ‘Ours.’

  Miss Ling nodded. ‘Yes, Eddie, but we may have to fight Mr Kruger to keep it.’

  We all looked at each other wide-eyed. Fight! That evening we played with our fort.

  We were playing with our fort again the next afternoon when the door flew open and Jem burst in. Nanny’s protesting ‘Really, Jem’ died on her lips as she saw the piece of paper he waved in his hand. She sat down suddenly. Ena came running from the night nursery,

  Jem thrust the paper at her, and her face went white as she read it. ‘Oh, Jem,’ she whispered.

  Jem laughed. ‘Don’t worry, my girl, I’ll soon be back - we’ll give those Boers such a trouncing - and still be home for Christmas. They’ll not stand up to the British Army.’

  ‘Oh, Jem, I knew you were still on the Reserve, but I never thought…’ Ena’s mouth quivered.

  Jem turned to us, his face excited. ‘I’m going to South Africa, to fight the nasty old Boers - I’ll be a soldier again!’ The twins jumped up and down in excitement; Ena began to cry.

  Now we played soldiers every day. But I would not let my brothers touch the little green Rifleman with the missing flake of paint. Ena found me a box and I wrapped him in a scrap of red flannel and hid him in the back of the nursery cupboard. I would keep Jem safe from the Boers.

  Ena cheered up when she got her first letter from Jem. She read us part of it and then carried it with her in her apron pocket. Now we sang: ‘Goodbye, Dolly, I Must Leave You’ and ‘Soldiers of the Queen Are We’ while Eddie and Robbie beat the toy drums Lady Maud had given them.

  Miss Ling drew a large map, and we painted it very carefully. She wrote on it in neat letters, strange foreign names like ‘Johannesburg’ and ‘Bloemfontein’. I asked her if I could write a letter to Jem, in ink, and she ruled the lines and gave me a new nib. Very carefully, in my best hand, I wrote:

  Dear Jem,

  I hope you have had a good journey and are in good health. Bessy has had a foal with a white patch on her** nose and the tabby and white stable cat has had six kittens.** Two are black all over.**

  I stopped and sucked my pen. Then I added:

  I hope you are having a nice time. Believe me,

  Very sincerely yours,

  Helena Alexandra Feodorovna Girvan**

  I folded it carefully and Miss Ling put it in the envelope she had addressed, and let me go all the way downstairs by myself, to post it in the box in the hall.

  But when we went down to the drawing room soon after, the grown-ups looked very grave. They spoke in low voices of Colenso, Magersfontein, Stormberg - and a lady called Smith. Miss Ling said we must pray every night for our brave soldiers.

  Alice and Miss Walker came home for Christmas, and Miss Ling took us to the station to meet Guy. Then Mama came up to the nursery and said it was time the twins were breeched. That evening Nanny cut off their long hair, and next morning they looked very grown up and rather strange in their navy serge knickers and with their dark heads cropped.

  After Christmas a letter arrived for me - from Jem, all for myself. He wrote that it was very hot, but one day hailstones had fallen, as big as eggs! And on the journey his ship had called at an island with very high mountains named after me! I rushed to the globe and searched for the island. I felt very proud when I found it, and very proud too of Jem’s letter rustling in my pinafore pocket.

  I wrote: ‘January 1st, 1900’ in my schoolbook, and sat back, admiring. It looked very exciting - a whole new century.

  But downstairs in the drawing room the grown-ups were not excited. They still talked of Ladysmith - I knew now it was a town, and not a real lady, and Miss Ling had told us that some of our brave soldiers were trapped there.

  Eddie said firmly, ‘Jem will get them out.’ Remembering Jem’s strong arms as he had lifted me out of the hated cupboard, I nodded in agreement. I imagined Jem stamping on small ugly men with sharp teeth, grinding them into the ground and killing them, just as he had killed the vicious little furry animal in Mama’s bedroom. I went to the cupboard and checked my box. The green Rifleman still crouched on his stand, safe in the soft flannel. Satisfied, I put him back.

  At the end of January Miss Ling dabbed at her eyes with her lace-edged handkerchief as she wrote: ‘Spion Kop’ on our large map in her small neat hand. But late in February she told us that our brave Lord Roberts had captured a Boer general called Cronje - and that he was being sent as a prisoner to my island, that Jem had seen. I put my finger on the small pink dot on the globe and smiled with pride.

  It was March when Miss Ling opened the nursery door and called, ‘Children, Ladysmith has been relieved!’

  We jumped up and down in excitement, but Ena cried. Nanny patted her shoulder: ‘Don’t fret, dearie, Jem’ll soon be home now.’

  Guy came back from Eton at Easter, and we showed him our map. Afterwards he came to the nursery and sat on the floor and generously agreed to be the Boers, so that we could defeat him.

  It was a Saturday afternoon. We were in the nursery with Nanny and Ena and Rose - Miss Ling had walked down to Hareford for her afternoon off.

  Nanny bustled through from the night nursery with our coats and hats. ‘Put those soldiers away now, it’s time for our walk.’ We were reaching for the boxes when the door opened, and we stopped in astonishment, staring at Mr Cooper. He never ever came up to the nursery. His face was very solemn. Nanny looked up, but it was Ena he spoke to.

  ‘Ena my dear, Mrs Barnett is downstairs. She wishes to see you.’

  Ena looked at his face, and her eyes went round and frightened. She dropped my boots with a clatter and ran to the door.

  Nanny said quietly, ‘Put those soldiers away now.’ Subdued, we fitted them carefully into their boxes.

  Ena came back, but it was a very strange Ena. Her cap was askew and she stared at us as if she did not know who we were. Then she ran to the grate and fell to her knees beside the coal bucket and threw her apron up over her face; we heard the terrible racking sound of her sobs muffled in the white folds. Rose stood gaping at her.

  Nanny spoke sharply. ‘Rose, get those children dressed - you’ll have to take them out by yourself today.’ She limped over to Ena and put her ha
nd on her shoulder. The fearful sobs continued as Rose began to tug on our boots.

  The door opened and Guy came in. ‘Nanny, Albert says…’He looked at Ena’s shuddering body and went white. Nanny nodded. Guy’s front teeth bit hard into his lower lip, as if he had a pain.

  Nanny spoke quickly. ‘Master Muirkirk - would you be a good boy and take Lady Helena for her walk - Rose should be able to manage the twins on her own then. Put her bonnet on Rose, quickly now.’

  Guy held out his hand, but he did not look as if he wanted me. We walked down the back stairs in silence. Two of the maids were by the pantry, whispering excitedly together. They broke off when they saw us, bobbed to Guy and slipped quickly away.

  As soon as we got outside Guy dropped my hand and strode off across the lawn; I had to run to keep up with him. He pushed open the gate of the walled garden, and went in; I followed him, breathless. Guy threw himself down on a seat and sat staring straight ahead; I climbed up beside him.

  At last I ventured, ‘Guy, why is Ena crying?’

  He turned a bleak face towards me and said flatly, ‘Because Jem’s dead.’

  I stared at him. ‘He can’t be - I’ve kept him safe in the nursery cupboard!’

  Guy looked at me blankly. I tried to explain about the lead Rifleman and the box in the back of the cupboard. At last he said, ‘Hellie, that’s a toy - Jem went to South Africa with the soldiers, and a lot of soldiers have been killed in the battles with the Boers - you must know that.’

  ‘The Boers killed Jem?’ I was still disbelieving.

  ‘No, Hellie, Jem died of a fever, Mr Cooper told Albert - enteric he called it.’

  I thought of the dead bird, and Grandpapa, the old dead lion, and at last I whispered, ‘Has he flown to heaven, then?’

  Guy said angrily, ‘Hellie, Jem’s dead - he died in South Africa, and he’s buried there, in a hole in the ground.’ I began to tremble. But Guy was not looking at me; he stared straight ahead. ‘I never told anyone, but when I first went away to school a group of older boys set on me - they wouldn’t leave me alone, they bullied me and I was terrified of them. When Jem came to fetch me at the end of term I cried in the train. So he said: ‘Don’t worry, I’ll sort ’em out for you, Master Guy.” I was still frightened, but when he took me back he made me take him up to the dorm, and asked me to point them out. They were waiting for me - they’d opened my box and thrown everything on the floor and trodden in Mrs Hill’s cake. Jem took off his belt and he thrashed them, just like that. Then he said very loudly: “Any more trouble with this lot, you send for me, Master Guy, and I’ll come right away and do it again, harder.” Then he put his belt back on and went home. They never touched me again. I realized afterwards he could have got the sack for what he’d done - he must have known, but he went ahead and did it all the same. I never told anyone.’

  Guy’s voice broke, and I saw there were tears on his cheeks - Guy, a big boy like Guy, crying. Then I remembered Jem lifting me out of the cupboard out of that menacing darkness, and I began to cry too. Guy pulled me on to his lap and I put my arms round his neck and buried my face in his collar. He hugged me very tightly as we wept together.

  Chapter Seven

  I cried when Miss Ling took us to see Guy off to school again. He hugged me and kissed my wet cheek, saying, ‘Be a good girl, Hellie, and I’ll write to you.’ I waved to the train until it was a little black dot in the distance, then Robbie tugged me over to see the station cat, and I went home with the twins.

  In the summer Ena left us. Nanny said she was going to look after a new baby, up in London, with a nursemaid of her own to order around. Before she went Nanny gave her lots of advice as they sat at the table after tea together. Ena listened and nodded, ‘I’ll remember that, Mrs Whitmore.’ Then she would get up and undress us for our baths, and tickle Robbie and Eddie until they squealed with laughter. She would smile as she looked down at them, but Ena never laughed now.

  After she left, Rose became nursemaid. Nanny was not very pleased, but I heard her mutter, ‘Better the devil you know than the one you don’t.’ Then Miss Ling told me that I would soon have a bedroom of my own, next door to hers. I felt very grown up.

  Early in June Mama came to stay, and Miss Ling took us down to the drawing room. Mama sat with her feet up on the sofa; her ankles were swollen and puffy, and when she leant over to smack Eddie she moved slowly and clumsily. She soon told Miss Ling to take us away again.

  A few days later Miss Ling said, ‘I’ve a surprise for you, Helena - the twins must stay up with Nanny - I’ll show them later.’

  I walked downstairs beside her feeling very important. She took me into Mama’s bedroom. Mama was lying in bed, looking pale and bored. She called me over and pointed to a cradle beside her. ‘You’ve a new sister, Helena.’

  I stared in astonishment at the round red face. I was not at all sure I wanted a new sister - Alice was enough - I only liked brothers. Miss Ling said, ‘Isn’t she beautiful, Helena?’ I looked more closely. The baby glared at me with bright blue eyes, fringed with lashes so pale I could hardly see them; there was a wisp of flaxen hair on her bald head.

  Mama said, ‘Well, what do you think of her, Helena?’

  I thought she was very ugly, but it did not seem polite to say so; Mama looked quite satisfied with her. I remembered my beautiful twin babies, and at last I said, ‘She’s very nice - but I like dark babies better.’

  Mama’s face went very red, and suddenly she was angry; Miss Ling took me quickly away. I knew I had said something wrong, but I did not know what it was – Mama and Papa were both so dark, surely they liked dark babies better too?

  Papa did not come home at all that summer. I heard two of the housemaids talking in their pantry as I went to the water closet one day. One of them said that Papa had gone big-game hunting, in Africa, and the other one replied that Mama had hunted her big game last October – then they both began to titter, until they came out and saw me and went very red and rushed off down the corridor. I knew they must be wrong, because Mama had been at home last October: it was when Uncle Arnold had come to stay, and Jem had gone away to the war.

  Later the new baby came up to the nursery. Nanny fussed over it and kept sending us away to Miss Ling. I felt hurt at first, but then I decided I did not mind because the baby just slept and slept, and when it woke it screamed and had to be taken down to Mama. Its name was Violet, but everyone called it Letty. Nanny let me watch its bath one day, but it was quite round and smooth; I decided I would only have boy babies in my nursery when I grew up.

  Papa came back in the autumn. We were coming round from the stables when we saw him drive up with Lady Maud. He handed her down from the carriage and she saw us and came striding over, tanned and smiling. ‘How do ye do? Bin ridin’? Enjoy it, do you? That’s the spirit, I can hardly wait to get back on a good British horse again - those foreign nags are all crocks.’ Papa strolled over, his hands in his pockets. We stared in amazement: the lower half of his bronzed face was covered in a thick bushy beard! Lady Maud burst out laughing. ‘Didn’t recognize him, did you? Don’t worry, your Mama’ll soon have that face fungus off him - looks a fright, don’t he? But Victor, it’s time you mounted young Helena here for hunting.’ I gasped with excitement.

  But I was not so grateful to Lady Maud the next day, when she looked me up and down in the drawing room and said loudly, ‘Ria, this child is beginning to stoop.’ Mama strolled over and scanned me critically. ‘You’re quite right, Maud. I’ll tell Miss Ling to get the back harness out for her.’ Mama continued her survey as I stood stiffly before her. At last she shrugged, ‘There’s not much else we can do - Nanny’s given up on the curling rags, though she does look like a plucked chicken with her hair scraped back in those plaits.’

  Lady Maud said, ‘What a pity she’s got the Girvan nose - yours and Alice’s are so beautifully straight.’ Mama smiled. ‘Perhaps we should put a little nose harness on her and straighten that ridiculous tilt.’

&n
bsp; They both burst out laughing before they strolled off, arm in arm. I slunk back to the schoolroom and consoled myself with the piano.

  I waited apprehensively for my two sets of harness. The back harness was a collection of braces and straps; if I bent too low over the piano it jerked me upright, cutting into my arms and shoulders. I asked Miss Ling about the nose harness, but when I had explained she said Mama and Lady Maud had been having a joke. I gazed disconsolately into the mirror: Alice had curly hair and a straight nose, while I - I had straight hair and a nose which curled.

  Lady Maud must have reminded Papa, because I was taken to the next meet. I had to stay with Jenkins, but when he beckoned me on and we galloped over the first field to the thunder of hooves and the baying of the hounds my excitement rose to the point where it hurt. After that I begged Papa to let me go out whenever the Hunt met anywhere near Hatton; he generally said yes.

  Cousin Conan came over from Ireland before Christmas. Jenkins swore at him and said he was a silly young fool and deserved to break his neck. I watched his black cap bobbing far in front and was breathless with envy. But I was a little frightened of Conan: he swaggered round the schoolroom and broke our fort and told my brothers only sissies played with dolls’ houses. Eddie and Robbie followed him everywhere, and I seethed with jealousy.

  Alice was home from Dresden now; she was to be presented at Court in April - but then Grandmama died the day after Christmas. Alice came up to the schoolroom and said Papa wanted to delay her presentation, but Mama said she was old enough already. ‘I am, I am,’ Alice cried as she tossed her dark curls angrily.

  But then the Queen died. We could not believe it, the Queen and Grandmama. I thought I should wear two black sashes, not just one. I swirled my skirts so that the black ribbons in my petticoats danced - but Miss Ling rebuked me and I was overcome with guilt. Alice was angrier than ever: Papa had won now the Queen had died. But the next day she was smiling and laughing. Mama had decided to take her to Paris; she could go to dances there and then come out properly in London the year after. Papa went off to hunt in the Shires and it was very quiet again downstairs.