To Have

by Kali Brixton

  “Need anything else?”

  “Nope. You can go back to work.”

  He straightened back up and took a step backward, taking his body heat and manly smell with him. “Gotta earn that paycheck, right?”

  The snit poured off my tongue before I could stop it. “If you stick around long enough to get one.”

  The old metal swivel chair spun around before I could plant my feet, and I came face to face with a fuming Deacon, who peeved at my jab. I leaned back as far as I could, but he planted his big mitts on each chair arm, caging me in with his bulky body and overwhelming presence.

  “Let me make one thing clear, Sunshine…” The smell of pine and musk caressed my senses once more, and the warmth of his skin radiated heat to me like it did last night when he was naked. So not the thought I need right now. I didn’t miss how his thumbs seemed to graze over my jean-clad thighs. “I know I don’t have the greatest track record with sticking around, but I can promise you this: I. Am. Not. Going. Anywhere. So, you’d better get used to the idea of seeing this mug around a lot…” He leaned in closer, the ice blue of his eyes made dark by his growing pupils. “Because I’m not leaving, Charlotte. Not this time—not ever. If you need to hate me for what I’ve done in the past, go right ahead; I deserve that. But, make no mistake: I’m not the same person I was two years ago either—and all I want is a fair chance to prove it.”

  My words to him last night hauntingly echoed back to me, and I gulped at the proximity of our bodies to one another. The humming of the old air conditioner filled the tense silence, and I struggled to catch my breath, causing my chest to rise and fall in quick succession. I needed to break this spell. “Not everyone gets a second chance.”

  “No, they don’t.” The somberness in his tone suggested he knew it to be true. “But if you won’t give it to me, I’m going to take it anyway. I will show you that I’m not the guy who left here and that nothing’s going to stand in my way of getting what I’ve always wanted.”

  “And just what is that, Deacon?”

  His thumb reached up to brush a stray hair from my forehead. It followed the contours of my face, skimming my jawline, and rested over the top of my partial opened lips. “Don’t worry about that, beautiful,” his husky voice reverberated in my chest. He let his thumb glide down my lips, the shiny gloss offering no resistance and letting him slightly tug my lower lip down. “You’re about to find out…”

  I had tried to get some work done after that, the effort in vain because my mind was elsewhere. That talk with Deacon kept playing over and over in my head, and I was unsure of how to process this newfound determination in him. He left me in a state of pure and utter shock after that exchange, not even bothering to say another word after he leveled his warning at me. But, as much as the old Charlotte jumped for joy at the implications of his little speech, new Charlotte was older, wiser, and a lot harder to sway. Sure, people can change in two years, but if he thought for one hot second he could waltz in here and act like he’s the one in charge, then he clearly didn’t get the memo. I, Charlotte Kasen, no longer bow to the whims of anyone, especially if that person answers to the name of Deacon Devereaux. Promises are just pretty little tokens in the hands of a snake-oil salesman, and if he thinks he can sell his lies to me again, he’s got another thing coming.

  I had eaten lunch alone that day, chewing over the way I felt when he sassed me back along with my BLT. One taste was salty and earthy, the other bitter and unexpected. I was a girl who had her head on her shoulders, but even I couldn’t deny that the effect he still had on me was chemical. Everything about that moment left me with knots in my stomach, and my brain chastising my body for being weak. If he were intent on staying, I’d have to figure out a way to get Deacon out of my system once and for all before any more damage could be done to my scarred heart.

  Grey and I left the site with enough time to head over to the bank during their usual afternoon lull. The great thing with a smaller town is everyone knew everyone, and it made for pleasant greetings as we walked in the brick building where the Kasen family had always done their banking business. The downside? Everyone knew everyone else’s business, which meant other than the googly eyes the ladies behind the teller booths gave Grey, the looks of pity they gave me told me they were aware of the company’s financial woes—or at least the perception of them.

  We hopped in Grey’s big truck and sat there in silence while he let the cab cool down from the unseasonably warm weather. Denied. The meeting had been a colossal waste of time, as the bank saw the loan as a risk. Daddy had had to replace a few pieces of necessary machinery in the last year or so, and with Grey starting up the new rental business, the piggy bank would yield no more. It was an unwelcome blow and left us with even fewer options than before. Things were looking bleak for Kasen Construction, and I didn’t even want to think about how this news would set Dad back in his recovery.

  We pulled out onto the road and headed back to the site, the rumble of Grey’s big truck, no doubt causing every dog within a quarter-mile to throw their paws over their ears. We had driven for a few minutes, both of us no doubt trying to heal a little bit from the bank’s rejection and the impending doom it seems to signal before Grey broke the silence. “We need to have that talk about Plan B.”

  “I know… I don’t know how we’re even going to find someone to invest in the company when the bank won’t.”

  Grey trained his eyes straight ahead and cleared his throat, “Actually, there’s an investor group who’s interested in coming on board.”

  I scrunched my eyebrows together and pursed my lips slightly. “Why didn’t you say anything this morning?”

  He shrugged. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this, but we’re obviously out of options.”

  “How did you find someone who would even be interested?”

  “Weird thing is, he found me.”

  The warning sirens blared within my ears. “Who is he?”

  “His name is Caz Arlington. He’s a part of a startup investment group, and he said he had heard about Kasen Construction through the grapevine and wanted to help save the company.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know. I didn’t talk to him long, but the group seemed like a pretty solid structure.”

  “So did the Titanic.”

  He exhaled sharply. “Charlotte, don’t you see? This could be the answer to our prayers…”

  “Have you vetted him?”

  “Not yet. Been waiting to hear back from Mason to see if anything might back on a background check.”

  I didn’t like that Grey had hidden this from me when we are supposed to share equal responsibility for the company, even if he was the de facto CEO and the person whose name ultimately had to be signed on the dotted line. “What’s the group’s name?”

  “SDN Investment Group. If I remember correctly, it stands for Snos D’Nadrol.”

  “Never heard of ‘em.”

  “Neither had I. Sounds like it’s out of a Nordic country or something.”

  Geography was never Grey’s strong suit in school—literature being his first love—yet I couldn’t help but feel the twinge in my heart upon hearing the term Nordic. Britton van Ryan, my former childhood best friend, and her family boasted Viking roots within their lineage, a fact in which the van Ryans took great pride. Grey also used to be good friends with her brother Beck, but an incident involving him and Nikki in high school severed their friendship along with any hopes of Grey keeping his baseball scholarship. Grey took it in stride, opting to join Dad in the construction business since Mace had gotten accepted to the police academy. Still, in helping out the family, he gave up his dream to be a high school English teacher who coached his other great love, baseball.

  My friendship with Britton expired long before that when she decided to make my new friend Nikki her personal verbal punching bag. I despised the way she treated her, and when I saw she wasn’t willing to change, I cut ties with her, even though i
t broke my heart to destroy a friendship that spanned the majority of our young lives. After high school, Britton left Silverton, and no one knows what became of her. Beck and his vile father were still around, unfortunately, but we try to keep our interactions with them to a bare minimum. They were the perfect example of how no matter how much money you had, you can’t buy class, and as Elsie would say: no matter how expensive the bag, trash is trash, and it all rots the same. To prove how much of a jerk Rex van Ryan was, as soon as Grey assumed the CEO position after Dad’s stroke, he pulled any and every planned project with Kasen Construction from the table—all because of Beck, all because of a stupid fight in high school, all because he could.

  “That concerns me, Grey. How did this Arlington guy come across your name?”

  “I don’t know. Maybe another construction outfit that closed or sold out to Ferris Lord?”

  “Something doesn’t feel right about this.”

  “Char.” The red light we sat at seemed to be an omen of sorts, but Grey continued. “I know this is less than ideal, but we can at least try to save the company or sit back and watch it fold in on itself. And I’ve gotta be honest with you: I don’t know what that would do to Mom and Dad, physically or financially.”

  The thought of it costing my parents everything they had worked so hard to keep going, or it taking a toll on their health, especially Daddy’s, made my heart ache. “Would he be willing to meet?”

  “He asked if we could meet him for dinner.”

  “When?”

  “He told me to call him if we decided we wanted to meet. I’ll get in touch with him and see when he’s available.”

  “Think Mom and Dad would up to having him over?”

  “I think this part is best kept away from the house—at least until we know more about what the group is willing to offer.”

  This broke the Kasen family protocol. All business transactions took place around the dining room table. Daddy loved to bring potential clients and business contacts to the house and show them good ol’ fashioned Southern hospitality, complete with a home-cooked meal and tour around the house as well as the grounds. He swore it let our guests see they were dealing with someone whose priority was his family and whose passion was making homes for other families to enjoy. Building homes built for memories. The Kasen Construction motto was more than words—it was a promise. But, the fact that we were talking about meeting someone outside of the comfort of our childhood home reminded me that Mom and Dad wouldn’t always be there at the helm of this operation. If we were going to carry on the tradition, we had to have a company to do it with, even though it seemed like we were going about it the wrong way. But still, we needed the third voice of reason… “We need to talk to Mason about this.”

  “If you can get ahold of him.”

  “I’ll try to get ahold of him this evening.” The hum of rubber grazing over asphalt kept us company for a few silent minutes, gears switching seamlessly as we rode over various terrain. “Who would’ve thought three months ago we’d even be talking about this?”

  “I know it’s not ideal, but this is the hand we’ve been dealt. We’ll make it happen—I promise. It’s just a matter of reshuffling the deck a bit and making sure the house doesn’t always win.”

  “I’m more of a solitaire girl.”

  “Ha. Ha. I thought you were supposed to be the brainiac of the family, Miss I-Finished-a-4-Year-Degree-in-Two. Don’t you recognize an extended metaphor when you hear it?”

  “I understood just fine, Mr. Literary Lothario. And the only reason you remember that term is because of that poem you wrote back in high school.”

  “Hey. I’ve watched The Dead Poets Society about a hundred times. I ain’t no dummy.” He grinned widely, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “Language was created for one purpose, boys—to woo women—and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do.”

  “My word. A pretty face and brains? How ever do the women contain themselves?” I faked a swoon as best I could in a vehicle seat.

  “I remind them that they shouldn’t waste their time on a man in love.”

  I thought about the girl who held his heart yet didn’t even know it was hers to hold. “Even though the object of your affection is completely oblivious?”

  Grey was too scared to take himself out of the friend zone—a place I had intimate knowledge of—and refused to let her know all of the things he had done for her behind the scenes. A white knight was living in the shadows all because the girl he had adored for years despised receiving charity, even though she and her sister were on the receiving end of it anyway. “Unspoken unrequited love is a far less bitter fruit to savor than outright rejection.” The crestfallen look on his face spoke volumes.

  “You should tell that to the crew. I’m sure some of them could stand to hear those words.”

  “I don’t think that would go over too well with men who think their bodily functions are melodic.”

  I giggled, knowing that some of our guys, although great, were overgrown boys when it came to certain things. “I don’t know… Davies is a smooth talker when he wants to be.”

  He laughed as he turned on his blinker, looking left, then right before merging onto the old country backroad. “Davies knows better than to use that silver tongue on the job. He might get it cut out by a few of the guys on the crew if he’s not careful.”

  “Davies is harmless.”

  “Not everyone sees it that way…” he coughed, trying to cover up his words.

  “Everyone wouldn’t see it that way if other people wouldn’t fill his big head with false hopes,” I said in exasperation. “By the way, don’t think that you got away with sending Deacon in this morning when you could have just sent that number by text.”

  His boyish grin was guilt personified as he glanced my way. “Don’t you know, Charlotte? Identity theft is a real issue these days.”

  “So I’ve been told, Grey,” I lamented as I looked out the window, knowing my brother—for whatever reason—had just confirmed his loyalty to Team Deacon. “So I’ve been told…”

  Chapter Eleven

  Deacon

  With the day done, I packed up my things and headed out to check on the girl who had everyone in the Kasen family wrapped around her weathered finger. As I turned up the long driveway, I took in the beautiful willow trees that flanked it and thought of a girl who loved them better than any other type of tree. I thought about how we used to play hide-and-seek together with her brothers, and I’d have to lie through my teeth sometimes to throw them off her scent. She loved to run straight to that willow tree, the one we had buried Duke under, and I couldn’t get her to understand the concept of switching up her hiding places. So, I helped her, and I hid her. I became the hero she needed at that moment because she was a little girl who just wanted to feel included by her older brothers. I know Mason caught onto me long before we all stopped playing, the slick devil that he is. However, I suspected he played along because he always wanted to be where Aidan was, a little brother desperate for the attention of his older brother.

  The beautiful Victorian came into view, a house I always thought was perfect for Elsie Beaumont: elegant, inviting, and the epitome of charm. She was a force to be reckoned with, but I couldn’t see her as anything but the grandmother I never had. My grandparents were long removed from my life, my father’s parents long deceased before I was born, and my maternal grandparents were never a part of my life, refusing to have anything to do with my mother after she married my dad. I never really understood why they hated him so much before Mom left, but after my dad’s real nature came out, I think they may have seen the monster that was lurking in the shadows of his soul. Elsie had already known the Kasen family for a long time before I visited her with them for the first time, but I’ll never forget how welcome she made me feel and how I came to think of her as one of my biggest cheerleaders.

  15 Years Ago

  We drove up the driveway, all of us kids packed into Charles
Kasen’s work truck, excitement in the air as we approached the big house in the distance. I had never seen a house like this. It looked like the dollhouses you see around Christmas time in store windows, only much, much bigger. When Charles parked the truck, an elderly lady came out the door, wearing an apron and a simple beige dress beneath, and chunky brown shoes laced up around her feet.

  Everyone scurried out of the truck, Charles smiling up at the porch. “Miss Elsie, you have some anxious visitors here to see you.”

  She laughed at his comment, “Those are always the best kind.”

  I stayed back with Charles as all four of the Kasen children ran up the steps to give her a big hug, Charlotte being the last and the longest hug. She gave all of them kisses on the cheek, no one wiping it away. I followed Charles, who greeted her with a big squeeze of his own. He stepped back and put his hand on my shoulder, patting it as he told her, “We have an extra surprise with us today.”

  “This must be Deacon.” The older lady gave me a warm smile and extended her hand out to me. “I’ve been waiting to meet you. I’m Mrs. Beaumont, but you can call me Elsie.”

  I shook her wrinkled hand, noticing how gently she held mine. “N-nice to me-meet you.”

  She patted the top of mine with her other hand and beamed with kindness. “You’re a handsome fellow.”

  “Th-thank you.” My cheeks heated up, and I felt like everyone was looking at me, something I was not comfortable with at all. Thankfully, my full bladder reminded me that I had other things to worry about instead. “May I use y-your bathr-room?”

  “Charlotte, would you be a dear and show Deacon to the guest bathroom?”

  “Yes, ma’am.” She held out her little hand, which I took, and was led to a small bathroom tucked away in the wall under the staircase. I heard them chattering while I took care of business and marveled at the loud noises the older pipes made when I turned them on to wash my hands. When I finished, I wiped my hands on the flower-covered towel hanging from a hook on the wall and opened the door, greeted with the sound of two voices in the distance. I followed the sounds to what looked like a large kitchen, with windows letting the sunshine in at nearly every side. A conversation was going on, and I stopped short of the doorway for the big room, afraid to interrupt, pleased by what I heard next.