“I didn’t realize you were unhappy.” Andrew frowned. “You always seemed so content. You have the club and all your organizations. What are we going to do if you get a job?”
“I’ll still be here for you. It’s just that I...it’s...” I stood and paced the room, stopped, turned to look at Andrew, and ran my fingers through my hair. How could I make him understand? I knew he’d be shocked and surprised by my announcement. Okay, so I never suggested working before.
Things were different now. Now, I needed to do this. How to make him understand? Oh Lord, give me the right words to make him understand without hurting him. I saw the shock on his face. Knew what he was thinking. Andrew was one of those guys that didn’t like the idea of his wife working. He provided for me, I didn’t need to work.
The wheels were turning in his head. For all his sensitivity to me, Andrew was still what you called a macho man. He earned the living. He didn’t understand career women like my sisters, Liz and Sandy. Of course, they weren’t married, so it was okay. But for a married woman to work, unless they needed it financially, well he just couldn’t see it.
I took a deep breath and tried again. “Try to understand, I need more than the club and volunteering. I need to do something for me, something more fulfilling.”
Andrew stared at me.
I needed some space. I went to the kitchen. This wasn’t going well. I’d give him a moment to grasp everything. Let it sink in. Then I’d go back in and argue my point if I had to.
***
Andrew stared at his wife as she left the room. Where had this come from? Meg and a job didn’t fit into the same sentence. She had never talked about working before. What the hell was she talking about? She had a job- raising his kids and taking care of their home. A job. What kind of cock-a-many idea was this?
What in the world had come over her? And the way she babbled. She hadn’t acted like that since the day she told him she was pregnant with Jason. A job? He still couldn’t believe it. Why in the world did she want a job?
Andrew stood and went to the window. He didn’t like this. Didn’t like it one little bit. Meg’s words still rang in his ears. Useless, Meg felt useless? That didn’t sound like the Meg he knew. She chaired almost every fundraiser the club came up with. That was hardly useless. He thought something was bothering her lately, but he had no idea, she was so unhappy. Damn!
She wanted something more fulfilling? What could be more fulfilling than a husband and kids? And all the charity work she did. That wasn’t fulfilling. What the hell was she talking about? He stared out the window.
Had she lost her mind? Shit, how was he going to handle this? Meg seldom asked for anything. He rarely had to tell her no. She was the type of woman to go with the flow. What brought all this on?
He poured himself another glass of wine. He hadn’t realized she was so unhappy. So discontent. She sounded so pathetic. Sure the kids were grown. That gave her more free time. He figured she was happy. No more diapers, carpooling. She could relax and enjoy life. He had no idea she felt this way. He sat down and closed his eyes.
***
I took a breath. I couldn’t stay in the kitchen all night. We had to work through this. Andrew had to understand. I wasn’t backing down. Not this time. I finished my wine in one gulp and went back to the living room.
Fear filled Andrew’s eyes, and I walked across the room to stand in front of him. I took his hands in mine and looked at him, begging him with my eyes to understand.
“I love being a wife and mother, but face it Andrew, you’re hardly ever home, and Jason and Julie are grown. They’re hardly home anymore, either. I’m lonely. I just...I need a life too.”
“Aw, Meg.”
Andrew looked and sounded sad, I cringed.
He took me in his arms. “I didn’t know you felt that way. I don’t know what to say. Of course, if that’s what you want then go for it, get your job. I know you’ll be good at it. You’re good at everything you do.”
I leaned into him, comforted by his warm embrace.
“Of course you should have something just for you, but honey, I didn’t know you resented me being away. You were always so busy with the kids and other stuff. I didn’t even know you missed me.”
I pulled away and stared at him. “You didn’t know I missed you? How can you say that? Of course I’ve missed you. I hate those long trips you have to take. I’ve always hated them. I miss you more each time you leave.”
Andrew led me back to the couch. “I think we need to sit down and talk about this. We seem to be missing signals here.”
We talked into the wee hours of the morning. Andrew held me curled up on the couch, and it felt like old times.
He even broke the news to the kids when they came home.
Later, when he kissed me, the sparks flew just like they had the first time we made love. God, how I had missed that. Then we made love. Sweet, gentle passionate love. Andrew made me feel special, like a blushing bride. His kisses sent me skyrocketing.
The way his hands moved over my body had me drowning in a sea of love. And when he took me, I climbed to the highest peak of ecstasy. Never had Andrew made me feel so complete, so loved.
Afterwards, I lay curled in his arms. Guilt and shame of the night before washed over me. If only I hadn’t screwed up. How was I going to get that out of my mind? Get over it. Somehow I had to move on with my life. Forget it happened.
At least Andrew had been receptive to my idea about the job. And the kids seemed excited about it too.
I woke with a new sense of confidence and tackled the portfolio for my interview with gusto. I dug out all my old stuff from school, glad I had kept it in the attic all these years, even though Andrew couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to part with it.
The next few days were spent in a frenzy of collecting samples of fabric for the furniture, drapes and accessories. I had forgotten how involved planning a room was and rediscovered that it took a lot of time and patience, but I enjoyed every minute of it, even reveled in it now that my life had taken a new sense of direction and meaning. Everyone became supportive, even the kids. After the initial excitement, Julie became as involved as me, and even offered some good suggestions. I hadn’t realized my little girl had quite an artistic talent.
Jason offered to draw up the floor plan. “I’ve always been interested in drafting,” he answered my look of surprise.
Working with my son and daughter was fun and seeing their talent unravel gave me pleasure. I learned something new about my kids every day.
“You know, Mom,” Julie said one day. “I’m seriously thinking of going into interior design myself after high school. Miss Wiggins, the art teacher, says I have a lot of talent and I thought it might be fun. Why didn’t you tell us you had a degree in it?”
“I just took it for fun.” I explained, while we worked on the portfolio. I set down the scissors and looked at my daughter. “I never thought about doing it as a job, but if you’re serious, we’ll look into some of the better schools for you.”
“Will you really?” Julie asked. “I was sort of afraid to tell you because I know how important you and Dad think college is. But I can get a degree in Interior Design in only two years if I go to Hawthorne Design. It’s an excellent school, and they teach everything I need to know.”
Julie’s look begged for understanding. I knew that feeling all too well. I hadn’t wanted to go to college, but my parents had insisted. I wouldn’t force that on my daughter. “If that’s what you really want then we’ll check it out. But don’t discount the other colleges, okay?”
“I won’t but honest, Mom, what do I need all that other stuff for? It’s just a way for colleges to make money. At Hawthorne Design, I’ll be learning what I want to learn, not a bunch of stuff I’ll never use.”
Julie had a point. “Okay, when the time comes we’ll look into it. I promise.”
“But what about Dad?”
“We’ll worry about him when the
time comes, too.” I knew exactly what Julie meant. Andrew had been extolling the virtues of a college education since the kids could walk. If this was what Julie wanted, then darn it, somehow I’d make him see it was best for her.
My mother and sisters, Liz and Sandy, were thrilled at the idea of me getting a job.
“That’s great!” my mother said. “You know, I always thought you wasted your degree. That course was a lot of time and money just to decorate your own home. I always felt you should have worked at least a year before you got married. But you were always so head strong and stubborn. I’m glad you’re finally using your talent.”
Now why didn’t those comments surprise me? I’d heard them often enough. I rolled my eyes and laughed at the reaction. I was used to that sermon, although I hadn’t heard it in a long time. Well, now I finally fulfilled my mother’s wish, she could quit giving it.
Sandy, the youngest of us, seemed the least surprised. “I knew you had it in you, Sis. Good for you. I always envied your talent.”
Envied my talent - that surprised me. Sandy, the journalist with a good job at a big newspaper in Cleveland, envied me? Surely, she was kidding. Sandy and I hadn’t been close growing up like she and Liz had.
There were almost eight years between us, and Sandy had only started high school while I had already graduated college. Before that, I always considered Sandy a bit of a pest. Now that we were adults, we’d grown closer, but Sandy lived forty-five minutes away and lived a different lifestyle, so we still didn’t communicate too often.
She was trying to break through the barrier and become a full-fledged journalist, but right now all they assigned her was feature stories. I tried to have lunch at least once a month with my sisters and mother, but sometimes Sandy or Liz couldn’t make it.
Liz sounded excited for me. “I knew it’d get to you someday. I’m surprised it took so long.” She winked. “I saw the boredom setting in. What other surprises do you have in store for us?”
I cringed. Did Liz know? Had she somehow guessed? Liz knew me too well, sometimes better than I knew myself. I had never been able to keep a secret from Liz, even though we weren’t as close as when we were kids. She had always guessed my innermost thoughts. She was worse than Jenny.
But Paul was something to keep secret. I couldn’t tell Liz or Jenny. Once, I told Jenny about the attraction for him and Jenny had laughed at me. Typical, Jenny wouldn’t ever guess I’d cheat on Andrew. I didn’t think anyone would guess. After all, I had always portrayed the perfect loving, happy wife. No one would ever guess that I was unhappy or dissatisfied with my life.
Now I just wanted to forget the whole thing about Paul. Hide the skeleton in the closet, no one must ever know. Least of all Andrew.
Chapter Six
Unfortunately, Paul had other ideas. Despite my efforts to convince him our relationship couldn’t go any further, he had come over twice after Andrew left on his latest business trip. He didn’t understand my guilt and seemed to think nothing of having an affair.
“No one needs to know.” He ran his tongue across his lip in a way I used to think was sexy. Now it disgusted me. “I don’t want you to get a divorce or anything stupid like that. It’s just a fling. Come on, Meg let loose, live a little. You know you loved it.”
Loved it - was he nuts? I half wished I could tell him the truth, how disappointed I was, how he left me wanting. But I couldn’t hurt him that way, and it wouldn’t serve any purpose. Other than make him angrier.
Besides, he probably wouldn’t believe me anyway. Not with his ego. For some reason, he seemed to think he had fulfilled all my desires. What a laugh. On Andrew’s worst day, he satisfied me more than Paul. Lord, I wished I could tell him. But it wasn’t my nature to hurt anyone for any reason. No, it would only make him more determined. I couldn’t have that.
“I don’t have any intention of having a fling.” Why couldn’t he understand? Take no for an answer? He was so damn persistent. “Look, Paul, I take my marriage vows seriously, and one slip isn’t going to make me continue an illicit affair. Besides, I was drunk and no...” I raised my hands. “I’m not going to use that as an excuse. It doesn’t matter why I did it. It’s not going to happen again. Just leave me alone!”
It soon became obvious Paul wasn’t going to leave me alone. Nope, Paul wasn’t taking the rejection well at all. Every time I went outside, he came over. I always made an excuse to make him leave. I ignored him and even refused to speak to him.
Eventually, I avoided going out altogether. I hated hiding inside. I wanted to go out and do some yard work. I loved planting flowers and gardening, but I couldn’t take the chance. Good thing getting ready for the job interview kept me busy.
A couple of days later, I got out of the car and Paul appeared from nowhere. Fortunately, we were away from the peering eyes of the neighbors. He grabbed my arm, pulled me to him, and kissed me.
The kiss repulsed me. Why had it excited me that night? “Please, Paul, no more.”
He laughed and pulled me to him again. “Come on, you know you want me as much as I want you. Loosen up.”
I pushed him away, ran into the house and slammed the door.
***
Paul stared after her. He thought for sure she’d melt in his arms and was getting tired of her game. Hard to get was one thing, but this was downright ridiculous. Who did she think she was anyway? Didn’t she know he could have any woman he wanted? All he had to do was smile that lopsided grin, and they were eating out of his hand. All except Meg. After that first time, she insisted on playing hard to get. What was the deal anyway? He knew she wanted him. Could tell by the look in her eyes. But for some reason she resisted his charms.
He wanted her to feel like putty in his hands. Like she did that night by the pool. He could have done anything he wanted to her right out there in the open. But he took her in the house. Gave her some privacy.
Now she pushed him away, just like that and ran into the house. Made him look like a jerk is what she did. Damn bitch. He’d show her a thing or two. This wasn’t over. Not by a long shot. Nope, he’d have his way with her again. Her refusal just made him more determined. He’d be the one to decide when it was over. He always had. He couldn’t believe she left him standing out here like this. He turned around and went back home. He needed to think. He needed a drink.
Chapter Seven
Out of breath and shocked at Paul’s bold display in broad daylight, I leaned against the door. God, what a fool I’d been. How was I going to make him leave me alone? My life had just started to change for the better, and I couldn’t —wouldn’t— allow Paul to ruin it.
Especially now that Andrew had become more attentive. We spent more time together, talking and laughing the way we used to. He began reading again, and we discussed books, politics, everything just like before. Unfortunately, his job still took him away a lot, but even his phone calls had changed.
No more were they just check-in calls, now they became real conversations. Not to mention our sex life. In my wildest dreams, I wouldn’t have believed sex could be so exciting after all these years.
Andrew teased me and tantalized me in ways I never dreamed possible. The things that man did with his tongue drove me absolutely wild. Even thinking about it got me hot. Nope, I refused to ruin my marriage over one mistake.
With Paul it had been purely physical. We had nothing else in common. We never even had a decent conversation. How could I have given in to my urges, my desires so easily? When had I become so stupid?
It took too many years of work for my marriage, and I wasn’t about to throw it all away. Somehow I’d discourage Paul and get on with my life.
In a couple more days I’d meet with Bill and, hopefully, be on my way to a new career. I smiled. A career, me, Margaret Winslow Baldwin. I stood on the threshold of a whole new beginning and couldn’t wait to take the next step. Where it would take me I didn’t know, but I looked forward to it.
And Andrew would always be a
part of it. The change in him since I broke the news about wanting a job amazed me. He’d become the Andrew I remembered. Exciting, attentive, even romantic. During his last phone call he said he had a surprise for me.
Something special.
I felt like a teenager again, anticipating our big date. My life became vibrant, exciting. I looked forward to getting up in the morning to see what the day had in store. It had been a long time since I felt this way.
Maybe by making the changes for myself, Andrew saw me in a new light. He’d become more attractive to me too, since I made the decision. Of course he was attractive. What about him wouldn’t be attractive? He excited me. Took me to new heights.
The day of the interview, I fidgeted with everything in sight. I packed and repacked my portfolio, checking to make sure all my material was there, and I tried on suit after suit to make sure I dressed appropriately. This was a special occasion — a life changing moment. Everything needed to be perfect.
“Sure, perfect,” I spoke out loud to the empty room. “Just like my marriage. Wake up and smell the coffee. Grow up girl. You’re forty-two years old, and you still believe in a Cinderella world. Life isn’t perfect. You proved that with Paul.”
I grimaced. Paul still approached me when Andrew wasn’t home, but I thought he was beginning to understand I had no interest in him. After that day in the garage, he hadn’t touched me again. Rumor had it, he started dating one of the teachers from the school. I hoped it was true.
Another Day (Books We Love mature romance) Page 5