And the kiss. It wasn’t passionate, but it was tender. Andrew had kissed me that way many times while we were dating. Just an ‘I care kiss’ he used to call it.
He used to lean over when we stopped at a traffic light and kiss me. Even now the kiss sent shivers up my spine. I loved him so much, loved the way he looked at me. Almost admiring. I knew I lost weight. Heck, I thought I looked pretty good before the fifteen pounds I lost. I must look really good now.
The next day, I met Sandy for lunch. I couldn’t wait to tell her about Andrew’s visit. After I filled her in, Sandy’s cell phone rang and I sat daydreaming about Andrew. A few seconds later mine rang, bringing me back to the present, and when I answered it, Sandy who was sitting across from me said, “Okay, Liz, go ahead.” She held her cell phone to her ear. “Tell us the good news.”
“You’re what?” I squealed. “When?”
Sandy laughed as Liz tried to explain that the deal went through and would we help her find a place to live. “I’m going to be so busy getting the shop ready and well...I really need your help.”
“Of course we’ll help, and of course we’ll help decorate it. It sounds like fun. When do we start?” I didn’t give Liz an opportunity to answer. I was so excited with the news. It was going to be just like old times with Liz back in the neighborhood. I couldn’t wait.
Sandy shook her head and laughed. I ignored her. I had missed our lunches and weekend social visits, but especially our phone time. It wasn’t the same talking on a cell phone and I had the least expensive calling plan, which made daily phone calls impossible and chatting online wasn’t the same as hearing my sister’s voice and sharing the excitement of an accomplishment or even the sadness of a good book or movie. It was going to be such fun helping Liz move.
“Have you told Mom and Dad yet?” Sandy interrupted. “They are going to be elated. Oh, what a great Thanksgiving this is going to be.”
“I called them first. Mom is already planning a welcome home dinner for me.” Liz laughed. “You’d think I lived in Alaska or something instead of three hours away.”
The phone call ended with me and Sandy both promising to help.
I glanced at my watch. “I’m sorry I have to run, I have an appointment.” I kissed Sandy’s cheek as we walked out of the restaurant together.
I almost told my sisters about Andrew going with me to the party, but decided not to. No particular reason, it was just something I wanted to keep to myself. There’d be plenty of time to tell them after. I was becoming as secretive as Liz. Sandy would probably have a fit, but too bad.
I took particular care dressing for the party Saturday night. The weather was warm enough for me to wear one of my new sun dresses. I applied my make up with extra care and curled my hair then decided to pull it back in a clip. Looked less formal that way.
I stood in front of the mirror and admired myself. Not too bad for a forty-two year old, if I did have to say so myself. I couldn’t remember when I last wore a size seven. High school probably. The extra weight loss agreed with me. I liked my new figure. I slipped my feet into my new strappy sandals. It felt good having new clothes that I bought myself.
Andrew rang the bell instead of walking in like he usually did. I almost felt shy with him. I wasn’t used to this. He kissed my cheek when I opened the door. Lord, he looked great in his black khaki’s and light blue polo shirt. It brought out the blue in his eyes. “Just let me get my purse and put Harvey in his crate,” I said.
***
Meg looked good in that dress. That particular color of green looked great on her. She was so damn sexy, he almost suggested they stay home.
He burst with pride when Mr. Bailey introduced Meg as the talented designer that worked magic in their kitchen.
“And wait until you see what she has planned for the rest of the rooms.” Mrs. Bailey added. “And none of you can have her until she’s done here.”
It didn’t take long for the guests to gather around Meg and congratulate her on the beautifully restored kitchen. Andrew was among the first.
“Meg, this kitchen is fantastic. I can see why you always wanted a Victorian. It’s beautiful.” He meant it too. Not that he wanted a Victorian home, but now he understood her fascination with these old homes. And what she did in that kitchen amazed him. Mr. Bailey had taped a before picture on one of the cabinets, and he couldn’t believe how Meg had transformed the room. Yet, she managed to keep the original look to the room.
Obviously, the Baileys spared no expense on cabinetry and antiques. Hell, the floor alone must have cost a fortune. Good thing he hadn’t given in to Meg’s desire to renovate one of these old homes. His budget wouldn’t have stood it.
Meg looked like she was going to bust. Already, several of the Baileys’ friends requested her business cards. If they all followed through, she was going to be setting up a nice client base for Jackson and Price, as well as herself.
He could hardly contain his pride. She was making her own way in the world. Establishing a career, and he liked it. At one time he might have felt threatened by a successful wife. Now he enjoyed it.
He liked the new Meg. Self assured, confident and not conceited or arrogant. He could tell she took pride in her work and enjoyed the compliments from everyone, yet there was a certain reserve in her. Like she felt it was too good to be true. When he took her home he could barely keep his hands to himself.
He walked her to the door and leaned down and kissed her cheek. “I’m proud of you, Meg. You really are a talented lady.”
“Aren’t you going to come in? I mean, Jason and Julie are probably in bed already, but you can have a cup of coffee.”
He looked at his watch. “I’d like to but I have an early plane to catch tomorrow. I’m going to California.” He kissed her again. “I’ll call you.” He hated to leave, but it was probably for the best. He didn’t want to act too soon. He kissed her again and left.
***
I didn’t want the evening to end. I liked being with Andrew, liked the way he casually put his arm around me when people came up and talked to me. All evening, he kept looking at me with a new look. Respect? Pride? I wasn’t sure, but I liked it. And I especially liked sharing this night with him and having him see what I had accomplished. I wished he’d stay the night. But I couldn’t ask. Not again. This time he had to be the one to suggest it. I closed the door and went up to my room.
My job kept me busy the next week, and I didn’t have much time for myself. Harvey lay at my feet whenever I worked in the den. He seemed content to be around me. He wasn’t a loud or demanding dog. Shelly had trained him well. He knew play ended when I said ‘enough’. I walked him once a day.
Life had become busy and some sense of normalcy had returned. Things were settling down. The fact Liz was moving back helped, and I had another appointment with Dr. Keller.
Andrew agreed that he needed help, but had decided to make his own appointments. “I’m not ready to go with you yet,” he said last time we talked. I could accept that. Not that it mattered, since Dr. Keller thought it best to see us separately anyway. Right now, we each had our own issues to deal with.
I felt uncomfortable with Dr. Keller at first, but the doctor quickly put me at ease. “I’m not here to judge you, Meg.”
I bared my soul to her. I told her about the incident as well as what led up to it. It was difficult but not as hard as the guilt and sorrow at the hurt I had inflicted on my family.
I realized I had been living in a make believe perfect world. I’d rather give in and avoid confrontation. Even as a child, I hated conflict. I depended on others for happiness. Of course, I had already realized that, and knew it had to change. The job was proving to be just the thing I needed to make my own way in the world. I loved it. Every aspect of it. Nothing about it annoyed me or seemed trivial. From making the sketches to taking measurements, I loved all of it.
I pretty much had it right when the revelation hit me on the way to meet Jenny for lunch. It�
��s too bad I didn’t have that revelation sooner. I could have avoided all the hurt and humiliation.
Jenny was another matter to deal with. I couldn’t believe my best friend had turned her back on me. Jenny, the one person I thought would understand, treated me as if I had committed a crime. If it wasn’t so sad, it would have made me laugh. Jenny had been around the block a time or two. I wasn’t a saint, but I had never, ever judged my friend for her loose ways. Still, the loss of my best friend hurt.
Julie changed, too. Of course, the fact that Andrew came around more often had a lot to do with it. And Harvey helped us all keep our sense of humor. His puppy antics often had us in stitches.
The days passed and life returned to some semblance of normal. Andrew came around, and we often had disagreements. Even an occasional full blown argument. It felt good to voice my opinion. About time he knew I had my own point of view.
I had never stood my ground before. I’d always been the one to smooth things over, even between my sisters.
Last night, Andrew and I argued over a bottle of wine. I recalled the anger and hurt on Andrew’s face when I left. Normally, I apologized, but not that time.
I got into the shower, still angry. It wasn’t like I was forcing him to like the same thing I did. I preferred zinfandel, so why should I drink something I didn’t like?
I still pictured Andrew’s face when I ordered the zin with dinner. I don’t think he ever looked at me like that before. It felt good to stand my ground.
I got out of the shower and recalled how one thing had led to another, and the evening ended with me leaving the restaurant. By the time he caught up with me, I had been about to get into a taxi.
Of course, he insisted on taking me home. Probably thought he could change my mind. But I remained silent, and when he walked me to the door, I opened it, went in and ignored him. Darned near slammed the door in his face.
I smiled at the memory, but I couldn’t dwell on it. Today, the furniture for the Baileys’ living room had arrived, and I had some last minute things to add. The room had turned out exactly as I pictured it, and Mr. and Mrs. Bailey loved it.
Bill couldn’t have given me clients easier to please. He must have known that when he suggested them to me. He probably knew I was nervous, what with never having done this before. When I found out it was a whole house renovation, I almost died. But Bill must have known what type of clients the Baileys were. Otherwise, I doubted he would have given me such a big job to start.
The bathroom progressed nicely, and the tub was due to arrive any day. Refurbishing it had been a great idea.
I couldn’t wait to start on the bedroom. I already had some ideas for fabric samples that caught my eye when I chose the drapery for the living room.
Later, when I worked on the design board for the bedroom, I smiled, remembering a conversation with Julie. My daughter already sounded like a designer. Since Andrew came around more often, Julie acted more like her bubbly self. Thank God for small favors.
Things were settling in nicely, and I almost liked my independence. It suited me. Sure, I still missed Andrew and would love to have him back, but I was adjusting quite nicely to my new life.
Working on the design board now, I placed the various fabric swatches and wallpaper samples into the design, stood up and stretched.
Laying aside my work, I decided to take Harvey for a walk. We both needed some exercise. I was stiff from sitting so long.
I always avoided going past Paul’s house, but I couldn’t help looking at it today. A for sale sign stood on the lawn. Such a shame. What an awful waste. He’d had so much going for him. I hoped a nice young family bought it and put some life back into the neighborhood.
Most of the families that lived here now had kids the ages as Julie and Jason or older. It was time for some new blood. I turned the corner and went around the block. Then I turned around and headed back home. Seeing the for sale sign brought all the memories and guilt back.
When I came into the house the phone rang. I hurried to answer it. “Hello.”
“Meg.” My mother’s voice came over the line. “How are you?”
“I’m fine, Mom. How are you?” Something was on my mother’s mind. I could hear it in her voice.
“I’m fine too. How are the kids?”
“They’re fine, too, Mom. What’s wrong?”
“I heard Paul finally pled to a deal.”
I shuddered at the mention of his name. “Sandy called last night to tell me about the plea bargain before the news aired it. I’m glad to hear he’s not going to trial.” In fact, I was elated. I don’t think I could have handled a trial. Not only would I have to testify, I’d have to see Paul again. Last thing I wanted was to bring all that hurt back to my family. I’m not sure how they finally convinced Paul to take the deal. Last I had heard was he flat out refused. Insisted he wanted to give his side of the story.
“I understand he’s under psychiatric care. I suppose he’ll be sent to a mental hospital instead of jail,” my mother said. “Are you sure you’re all right?”
I got up and poured a cup of coffee. My hand trembled and coffee splashed onto the counter. A shiver crawled up my spine and goose bumps broke out on my arms. My stomach cramped. I swallowed back the nausea. A nut case, I slept with a nut case. I wiped up the counter and poured more coffee into my cup.
“I guess he’s just insane. Sandy said it was my rejection that caused him to shoot me.” I sipped the coffee. My insides trembled at the memory of that horrible night. How could I have been so foolish? “I guess he wasn’t used to women rejecting him.”
“Sandy said he had a background of mental illness. I can’t believe the school didn’t check him out,” my mother said. “I just wasn’t sure if you knew. I didn’t want you to hear it on the news. Are you all right, dear?”
“I’m okay, Mom. It’s a lot to deal with, but...yeah I’m fine.” I couldn’t tell my mother the nutcase was also one who left obscene messages for Sandy. Sandy’s story came out the day I filed the restraining order. Somehow he put the connection together that we were sisters. Darned if I knew how. But he thought it would be funny to traumatize her, too. Apparently, he told her the things he wanted to do to me. Made my skin crawl just thinking about it. Matt told Sandy he confessed to all of it.
“Okay, I’ll let you go then. You take care. If you need anything you call me.”
“Thanks, Mom, I will. Love you.”
“Love you too, Meg.”
I hung up and stared out the window. The leaves had started to fall. Something about autumn always made me sad. I loved the colors, but hated the thought of bare trees. Everything looked so dead.
The phone rang again. “Hello.”
“Meg,” Liz’s voice came across the line. “I need a favor.”
“Sure, Liz, anything.” Liz needed a favor, now that was a switch. Independent Liz never asked for anything.
“I need to start house hunting and you and Sandy promised to help. I have a couple houses I want to look at this afternoon and tomorrow, but I need to stay overnight. If that’s okay? It’ll be like old times. We’ll have a pajama party.”
“Great idea, Liz. I’ll call Sandy and see if she’s available. Ever since she started seeing that detective, she hasn’t been around much.”
I hung up and called Sandy. As usual I had to leave a message. “Sandy, if your there, please pick up. Liz wants to come down this weekend and start house hunting.”
“Meg, hi. When is she coming in?” Sandy’s voice came on the line.
“I’m glad I caught you. Actually, she’s driving in this evening. Can you come?”
“Hold on a sec.”
Sandy talked to someone in the background. Probably the detective. I smiled. Finally my sister found someone. I couldn’t be happier for her. Now if only Liz would find someone. Not that it was likely. But I could wish.
“Okay, it’s all set. But I have plans for Saturday night.”
“Plans, would th
at be with your detective?”
Sandy laughed. “Can’t pull anything over on you can I? Okay, I’ll throw some clothes together, and I’ll see you later.”
I ran to the store to pick up something for dinner. When I got home Sandy’s car was in the drive, and I thought Andrew’s car passed me at the corner.
Sandy was in the house. “Was that Andrew’s car I just saw?”
“Yeah, he was here. He said he’d call you later.”
“Did he say what he wanted?”
“Not really. I guess to see you. What’s going on with you two anyway? Are you going to get back together or what?”
I stopped unpacking my groceries and stared at Sandy. “I wish I knew. He’s been coming around more lately, but I’m not sure where I stand with him. One thing’s for sure, I’m not going to quit my job, and things aren’t going to be like they were before.”
I opened a cola and took a drink. “I’m tired of pretending we have the perfect life. I’m forty-two years old, it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. For the first time in my life, I’m doing something for me. I’m not going to change that. Not for Andrew, not for the kids. Not for anybody. It’s time to think about me. They all have a life outside of this house. Well now, so do I.”
And they darn well better get used to it. If Andrew did come back, and I hoped he did, things were going to be different. No way I’d let him make all the decisions anymore. Not when I had my own opinions. Everything had always been about him.
Oh he loved me, and he had been an affectionate, attentive husband and father, especially in the beginning. But even the kids’ names were his choice. I’d never thought of Andrew like that before.
I had always doted on his every word, every move. No wonder I had become discontent. I had turned into a puppet, and Andrew pulled the strings. Sure, I had my share of freedom. Andrew wasn’t an ogre after all. But I had allowed him to make all the decisions.
Even when I disagreed, he got his way. I never stood up for myself. It wasn’t worth the effort, and I hated confrontation. Even our arguments were minor, never over any big decisions. But no more, from now on I’d voice my thoughts, whether he liked it or not.
Another Day (Books We Love mature romance) Page 14