The Black Morass

by Gerald Lambert

  The flight to the Stone of Broken Eggs only took about twenty minutes. Sunburst carried the extra saddle dangling from her talons. Once they arrived, it didn't take long to find

  Lightning and Keeta. They were huddled in a cave gouged out of one of the craggy towers atop the monolith. Sunburst landed in the opening of the cave, and Brin dismounted.

  "Keeta?" she called. Brin couldn't see Keeta and guessed she might be hidden under one of her dragon's wings.

  As if sensing her thoughts, Lightning lifted his right wing and revealed a small, curled up shape.

  Brin almost ran forward, but she stopped, quickly climbed Sunburst's leg long enough to open the saddlebags, and grabbed some of the food and water she had packed for Keeta. With her arms full, Brin hurried to her friend's side.

  "Keeta," she softly said. "Keeta, it's Brin. What's wrong, sweetie?"

  Keeta weakly lifted her head off her arms and stared up at Brin out of dull, bloodshot, puffy eyes. Her lips were dry and her cheeks pale.

  "Have a drink," Brin suggested, holding out the water skin.

  Keeta wordlessly accepted it and drank for several seconds. When done, she lowered it to her lap and continued gazing through Brin without acknowledging her.

  "What happened, Keeta?" Brin asked. "When you didn't show up for breakfast, everyone began to worry. Are you hurt?"

  Keeta nodded. She seemed to notice Brin's anxious look, so she finally said, "Not physically. Just emotionally. I needed time to be alone before trying to face anyone. In fact, I'm

  thinking it might be best if Lightning and I just return to the Isle right now since you brought his saddle."

  "But your axe, Keeta!" Brin exclaimed. "What happened! Tell me!"

  Keeta didn't appear to be ready for that, so she responded to the first part of Brin's objection. "I already know Rhunön can't use me to forge my weapon. I'm too small." She

  shuddered at this simple statement as if it brought to mind an unpleasant memory. "I was going to ask you to do it for me. Will you? I can't go back, Brin. I just don't know how I'll

  be able to pretend everything is fine. And Rhunön has already taken my measurements, for both the axe and the armor. I don't think it will really matter if I'm gone. Plus, Arûna

  should be big enough to fly with Gerik by the time everything there is finished up. It's high time Brom, Var, and Will take a turn overseeing his training anyway."

  Brin reached out and took her friend's hand. "Keeta, what happened? It's not like you to act this way."

  Keeta's eyes filled with tears, and they spilled onto her cheeks. Brin immediately knew they had been preceded by countless others. "I don't think I can relive it," she whispered.

  "It's too painful. Even though it was all just a spell. He was bewitched, but I will never be able to forget what it was like to see him with her. Loving her." She lowered her head, and

  the tears turned to sobs.

  A cold dread spread inside Brin. Keeta's vague speech had given her only the slightest idea of what might have happened, but her imagination was filling in the gaps with ruthless

  rapidity. Brin looked helplessly up at Lightning, speaking to his mind so Keeta wouldn't hear her. Do you know? Will you show me?

  The dragon sadly dipped his head and began playing images in Brin's mind as they had been shared with him. Brin tried to prepare herself for something shocking, but even so, she

  couldn't keep herself from gasping softly at Keeta's memories of Nefin and Alanna in the clearing the previous day. How much he seemed to want her. How hungry his hands and

  lips looked, how greedily he explored her body with them. His passionate sounds of longing and pleasure. Lightning showed her everything as Keeta remembered it, right up until

  she had climbed on his back, so Brin also heard Nefin's explanation.

  Brin's growing indignation was somewhat appeased by Nefin's apology, and she tended to believe he really had been acting under the effects of a spell because Nefin would never

  do something like that otherwise. Especially not with Hanin as his father. But Brin still knew why Keeta was so utterly devastated. Spell or not, she had seen Nefin with a woman in

  his arms who was everything she wasn't—tall, gorgeous, fast, agile—and she had felt a crushing hopelessness that Nefin would never be attracted to her in the way he

  be attracted to the elf.

  Brin couldn't help but feel the same. Nefin's behavior had clearly communicated a passionate desire for Alanna, and though his words had been of apology and regret, his actions

  had spoken the loudest.

  Keeta must have guessed what was going on between Brin and Lightning. "I know it wasn't his fault, Brin," she whispered. "The day before, he was completely shocked when I

  informed him that so many female elves were smitten with him. He emphatically denied it. I predicted one of them would just attack him if he continued to insist on such stubborn

  blindness." A bleak smile appeared on her face like a grimace. "Guess my prophecy came true. It's stupid of me to be acting so melodramatic about it. He was never mine. It's none

  of my business if he wants to enjoy the pleasure of a beautiful female's company."

  Brin started shaking her head, but Keeta continued on, ignoring her. "But . . . the first thought through my mind when I entered the clearing was, Did Nefin invite me here to see

  this? I wondered if he wanted to hurt me. I can't believe I felt that way. He was starting to act like he actually cared for me, even admitted he was jealous of how much time I was

  spending with Gerik for his training. He told me he wanted to spend more time with me. I guess that's why it was so heartbreaking. Just when my hopes were the highest, they

  were dashed to the ground in the cruelest way. He told me Alanna heard us planning the picnic and made plans of her own to spoil them. She succeeded. And it only reinforced my

  deepest insecurity all along, something Alanna no doubt agrees with. As much as I love Nefin, I'm just not a good fit for him as a dwarf."

  "Oh, Keeta," Brin lamented. "I'm so sorry. But that's not true. It just isn't true. It doesn't matter how big or tall or small two people are." Brin reached out and enfolded her small

  friend in her arms. Keeta had loved Nefin—or at least really admired him—for almost three years. And all along she patiently and realistically told herself that he would most likely

  never return her affection so she might as well just try to be his friend if he would let her. To have him finally begin to return her feelings only to have this happen seemed so

  unfair to Brin.

  And Brin now understood why Keeta simply wanted to leave. When Nefin had never openly admitted to returning her regard, Keeta knew it was ridiculous to be so upset about the

  incident, but that didn't change the fact that she was. If Keeta returned to Ellesméra, she would either have to pretend nothing was wrong or tell everyone what had happened to

  explain why she was so miserable, which would put Nefin on the spot and implicate Alanna as a villain. Brin actually thought that seemed fairly just, but Keeta was too sweet and

  artless to want revenge.

  "When do you think you'll leave?" Brin gently asked, stroking Keeta's hair. "I'll make your axe for you and bring it back with your armor."

  "Thank you, Brin," Keeta choked out between sobs. "I'll leave from here, probably when you do. I doubt you brought enough food for a two week flight, but Lightning can make it

  faster if he needs to. And I can stop in Hedarth for supplies."

  "Or Sílthrim," Brim helpfully suggested. Keeta nodded mutely. Brin then added, "Try to remember the sincerity of his apology—how Nefin looked when Lightning glanced over at him

  before taking off with you. He was devastated by how heartbroken you were, Keeta. He didn't want to hurt you, I'm sure of it. It was an accident, a terrible accident. I know why it's

  affecting you like this, but try to consider forgiving him and letting g
o in time. I'm sure he'll be ready to move on when you are."

  Keeta nodded again. "I already have. And I still love him. I told him I would try to get over him, but I don't think I can. I don't want to. Why can I be sensible and practical about

  everything else but this? The hardest part of moving on will be forgetting how he looked. Desperate for her. Like he would die if he couldn't have her. I know it was fake and that he

  didn't really feel that way, but now I know he's capable of that depth of passion and it's impossible for me to imagine that he would have consciously and willingly expressing such

  longing had I been the one in his arms. Maybe Alanna had the right idea. I should get a few tips on effective love potions." She laughed weakly, and the sound stuck in her throat.

  "You're amazing, Keeta," Brin encouraged. "And I will stand by what I've said before. If Nefin has any sense, and he seems to be more sensible and intelligent by the day when it

  comes to this, then he will realize before it's too late what an honor it is that you think so highly of him. What should I tell the others?"

  "Whatever you want," Keeta said. "All of it. None of it. That I went home because I miss my family, which is true. They all know how I feel anyway. In such a closeknit group

  where we have been friends all our lives, it's hard for everyone not to know the most important details of everyone else's lives. It's the same as everyone knowing Brom has loved

  you forever, or that Var loves Zadí. I guess it would be ridiculous to expect that everything would work out for all of us as easily as it has for Will and Lena. My only request is that

  Nefin not have to deal with any trouble because of Alanna's guile. He didn't ask for her to interfere."

  Brin squeezed her friend's shoulders. "I understand, sweetie. What about on the Isle? Don't you think you'll get some concern and pointed questions there too?"

  "I might just lay low for a while. No one expects us to be back for about another month. Actually, they're all counting on us going straight to Ilirea for the Games."

  "Brom might suggest a change of plans," Brin said. "Something about having his birthday on the Isle. I hope I'll see you again before the Choosing Ceremony."

  "I don't even want to go," Keeta admitted. "It still feels like the last one just barely ended, and I had to be so involved. It was completely exhausting."

  "Maybe things will change after a few months on your own and with your family," Brin said. "But if not, I understand. Will you eat while I'm here?"

  Keeta shrugged. "Why not?"

  So they ate a silent, cheerless meal and not long after, both girls departed the Stone of Broken Eggs.

  Nefin was back by the time Brin returned to Tialdarí Hall. He immediately approached Keeta's best friend. Before he could say anything, Brin spoke.

  "She's gone, Nefin," Brin shared. "She flew home to the Isle. I know what happened. She has already forgiven you, but she didn't know how she could pretend nothing was wrong

  and she didn't want anyone to think badly of you."

  Nefin stared unseeingly at Brin. "Thanks," he muttered. "I'll tell the others so you don't have to make up a story." He finally focused his eyes on Brin's face. "Forgiven me, huh? I

  don't deserve her, Brin. She told me I'm blind to what I don't want to see just seconds before I claimed that I notice everything. But how could I not notice how amazing she is all

  these years? Because I was intentionally ignoring it, that's how. This has been a hard pill to swallow for one who has always thought his powers of perception were so keen simply

  because he's such an excellent tracker." He snorted a humorless laugh. "Serves me right. So is it too late for me, do you suppose?"

  Brin shook her head in amusement. "No, Nefin. You're right that you don't deserve her. Keep telling yourself that and believing it, and you just might get there. She really loves

  you, my friend. But she needs some time to try to forget what she saw."

  Nefin closed his eyes, his face tightening into a pained grimace. Though he'd had no conscious control over how he had acted under Alanna's enchantment, a cruel twist permitted

  him to remember his behavior with stark clarity.

  Brin sympathetically creased her brow and continued, "Her fear has always been the same, and I'm only telling you this because I know she already has. She thinks she's too small

  for you, or at least that you think she's too short. And she can't imagine that you would ever truly desire her the same way you seemed to want Alanna."

  Nefin ran a hand once through his hair then rubbed his temples in exhaustion. He had been running almost nonstop since Keeta had flown away the day before. "I know," he growled

  in frustration. "I know that's how she feels, and it's mainly because I did feel that way and must have made it abundantly clear. I'm such an idiot. Such a blasted fool. I'll try to make it up to her." He raised his eyes to Brin's. "Thank you for going and comforting her. I wish I could have, but it will be a long time before she's ready for that. If ever."

  Brin raised her hand to his shoulder and squeezed reassuringly. "Go eat, Nefin. You look like you're ready to pass out."

  Nefin acknowledged her words with a distracted look and turned to head for the kitchens.

  At dinner that evening, Nefin kept his word and told the others what had happened in an emotionless, detached way. He was keenly aware, however, of Gerik's thinlipped reaction.

  Apparently it was the first clue Gerik had that Nefin was the person Keeta cared for. And Nefin felt he fully deserved the cold look of disapproval the dwarf gave him. The others

  simply regarded Nefin pityingly, more fully understanding his predicament since they had more experience with and knowledge of magic and its related uses, such as Alanna's magically enhanced love potion.

  By this time, their stay in Ellesméra had lasted nearly a month. All of the young Riders had their weapons forged except Nefin—whose turn was scheduled to happen next—Keeta,

  and Gerik. The dwarves had agreed to go last, since they assumed they wouldn't be able to serve as Rhunön's proxy in the crafting of their axes. They wanted whoever did it for

  them to have plenty of time to recover from crafting their own weapon.

  Brom broke the uncomfortable silence that hung in the air after Nefin's confession by saying, "We should finish our time here soon. I would like to be on the Isle by my birthday in

  three weeks, since Angela told me I should expect a gift this year. I feel like I need to be home for that. Nefin, your turn with Rhunön is next. Brin told Keeta she would help

  crafting her axe. And I'm happy to stand in for Gerik—"

  "I'll do it," Nefin cut in. "I want to help Rhunön with Keeta's axe. I can even do Gerik's. We should do his first, then you all can go on back to the Isle while I stay to do my weapon

  and Keeta's. I want to be alone. I know none of you really blame me for what happened, but I still feel horrible and responsible and know everyone will be walking on eggshells

  around me anyway."

  Brom stared at him for a few moments without speaking. Then he shrugged and said, "If that's what you want. I'm not fond of the idea of members of our group traveling by

  themselves, but Keeta has already gone. Does anyone object to Nefin's proposal? Gerik?"

  The dwarf sat rigidly in his chair. "I'm not sure," he said. "I don't particularly care for the idea of Nefin making my axe, but maybe I need to hear his reason for offering before

  completely denying it." He fell silent for a brief moment then added, "But not now. May I excuse myself, please?"

  "Certainly," Brom said. "Good evening."

  Gerik stood and left without saying another word.

  Nefin stared at the table while Gerik departed. "I'm going too," he finally muttered. "Didn't sleep at all last night. I'll go to Rhunön's right after breakfast tomorrow. Maybe I should

  try to talk to Gerik alone. If he still doesn't want my help—and I wouldn't blame h
im at all—I'll let you know, Brom. Contact your mind."

  Brom nodded as Nefin rose. Nefin felt the weight of their combined stare on him as he left the dining hall and headed for his room.

  Breakfast the next morning was nothing like the usual lively affair the group was used to. After he finished eating, Nefin stood and asked Gerik if he would walk with him to

  Rhunön's.

  Gerik reluctantly agreed, joining Nefin after clearing his place at the table. Nefin didn't waste any time, for he was sure Gerik wouldn't appreciate walking in silence next to him.

  "Gerik," he began, "I'm really sorry about what happened with Keeta. I accept full responsibility. I know how much you care for her and that you're just as worried about her being

  alone as I am." He sighed and glanced down at the dwarf, who stared stonily ahead.

  Then Nefin continued, "I have no clue why she started fancying me."

  Gerik snorted. "Because you're as pretty as every other elf," he bitterly ventured.

  Nefin grimaced. "I can't help the way I look. Well, I could, but unlike some elves, I haven't done anything to change my appearance. Besides, I don't know if that's it. Keeta has told me she thinks I'm handsome, but we have been friends our whole lives, much like you. I'm sure that opinion only developed more recently. Why would it have mattered when we

  were younger?"

  Gerik muttered something unintelligible, which made Nefin think it really wasn't a coherent word, otherwise he would have heard with his elven ears. Nefin carried on with his

  previous train of thought, "I really don't know what she sees in me, Gerik. Up until last year, I tried to ignore all evidence that suggested she was coming to care for me as more

  than a friend. Which is why I feel more than ever before how little I really deserve her."

  "Got that right," Gerik darkly stated.

  "I couldn't agree more," Nefin patiently said. "But in Tronjheim I . . . I don't know how to say it and it really isn't important anyway. I changed my mind, I guess. And started to