On the Hooves of Horses

by Emma Taylor

  “I was just asking Reed to fix that annoying squeak in the steps. Your father flies out on Wednesday and probably won’t get a chance to get around to it. You have been so pre-occupied though lately, you probably didn’t even notice it.” Really? Pretty sure I’ve mentioned it like 50 bloody times!

  “Oh Mum, can you stop with the sarcasm? I am not pre-occupied, I have noticed it and I have mentioned it.” I spat. Reed put his hand on mine. “It’s ok. Your mum just asked me to help. C’mon, let’s go eat.”

  “I can’t. I have to get ‘Miss bush pig princess’ out there a drink.”

  Reed laughed. “I like your description of her. Fits her like a glove. I personally wouldn’t go as far as having princess in the same sentence though.”

  I smiled as he wrapped his arm around my waist and led me outside to our first cold outdoor BBQ in Tasmania. Despite the fact that it is Tasmania and it is almost Winter, the days have been beautiful. After around 10 or eleven o’clock, once the frost has disappeared, that is. Perhaps that’s the secret. Not venturing out until then.

  * * *

  I woke with a bit of a headache on Monday morning. No nightmares, though. Two days in a row. The dull head sensation must’ve been from the beer I had at the BBQ. I’m not meant to drink alcohol on the medication, but I figured two beers would’ve been okay. I guess I know now why they warn against it. What started as I mild thud across the front of my head soon turned into an explosive time bomb, threatening to erupt at any time. I wish it had detonated, maybe then it would’ve released some of the pressure in my head, but no. Instead, it just tightened its clutches and forced me to bury myself deep into the hole I called bed.

  That day rolled around in a blur for me. I was in and out of consciousness for most of it. The pain I experienced was only dealt with by sleeping. I can honestly say that I will never drink again. At least while I’m on meds anyway.

  The next day was Tuesday and I was keen to spend some time with dad before he flew out on Wednesday. I missed him when he goes to the mines. We decided on a day trip out to a place called Oakhampton. Tasmania has some beautiful beaches, but it’s just so damn cold. At least we had it all to ourselves though. If this beach was in Queensland, it would be overcrowded and over developed. That’s one thing I will give credit to how untouched nature is here. As much as I wanted to spend time with Dad, he could see how eager I was to work. I’m really going to have to put Mr. Harper’s blue room to good use. I already have a tonne of film to develop, I’m sure today’s adventure will only add to that. I should call Daniel. I will call Daniel. I know he’s been busy with his new clients, but I’m sure he will be stoked to know that my creativity block has been lifted.

  I waited until Dad had left for work on Wednesday morning before I called Daniel’s office.

  “Hi Janine…it’s Jayde…I need to speak to Daniel, is he around?”

  “Jayde. How are you going, honey?”

  “Yeah good thanks. Great, actually I’ve been working. That’s why I’m calling. I haven’t been able to reach Daniel on his mobile. I wanted to send up some samples. I think I could get a collection together from what I have here, perhaps ready for a show?”

  “Oh, sure. Look he’s been busy. Things are really going off for him here. I’m sure he will return your calls when he gets a chance.”

  “Well that’s just the thing. I’ve left messages on his voicemail already.”

  “Ok sweetie. Listen I have got another call coming in, but I will let him know you called and you take care now. Ok? Bye Jayde.”

  “Ah…um…yeah, ok. Bye Janine.”

  Wow, that was pretty obvious. Great, first Haylie, then my friends, even dad for three weeks and now my agent has deserted me, too. I grabbed the bag of camera rolls from my chest of drawers. There is an inconvenience of still using old school equipment, compared to digital, but the prints were so much more alive, more thought out. Authentic. Then again, there really wasn’t that much inconvenience of developing the film at Reed’s house, quite the opposite, actually. I walked downstairs with my rolls of film. There was laughter coming from the kitchen. “I thought I heard voices.” I said.

  “Hey babe.” Reed said, leaning in for a kiss.

  “I was just on my way over to your house. Got some film.” I said holding up the small bag of film rolls. “Not that I’m in any mad dash for them, though.”

  “Why honey?” Mum asked, pouring me a fresh cup of coffee.

  “It seems these days Mr. Roseland is too busy for the crazy chick’s work. He won’t answer my calls or return them.”

  “Do you think you might be over reacting? Why don’t you call the office?”

  “Just did that. Janine did her best to soften the blow. But I guess this artist is on the lookout for a new agent.”

  “Well, let’s look at this in a different light. Perhaps it’s meant to be. How about you go develop some of those reels and I will fix up these stairs as promised and I will help you out in regards to an agent. Maybe.” Reed handed me his house keys.

  “Really?” I asked. Could this guy get any better?

  “Sure. I will need some samples though. Head over to my house now and I will swing by after I have finished here.”

  It’s all too easy. Meds are working, nightmares have ceased, awesome boyfriend, is he my boyfriend? Can I call him my boyfriend? Life is going ok for me, yet I still have this dark shadow over my head. It’s not threatening, but it is sitting and waiting patiently, which is worse. I took mum’s car over today. It turned up last week from the delivery company. The last of our things to arrive. It was too far to run to Reed’s house. Achievable, but still too far. Mum didn’t mind because she wasn’t really going anywhere today. Dad had taken his car to the airport early this morning. It pretty much works out to be the same cost if he leaves his car in the airport car park for the days he’ll be away as to what the cost of petrol for mum to drive dad down and back. Normally she likes to drive him, but his was flight was too early for her. I guess she is still getting use to the cold mornings, too. As I don’t have a major use for a car, considering my busy life and all, mum’s Subaru Forester was fine for the both of us.

  The sleek black secure gates were open when I reached the start of Reed’s driveway. Ross was in the yard trimming the bottoms of some native trees. The electric saw was loud and crackling as it dove into the trees like a hot knife into butter. He made it look effortless, but I could see sweat soaking through his green shirt. No one perspires in 10 degree weather unless they’re working hard. He motioned to me, but I didn’t want to interrupt his momentum. I nodded and smiled, but kept on the long drive. Besides, I still hadn’t worked up the courage to face the harsh cold outside the heated seat warmers of Mum’s car interior. Unfortunately, I didn’t come here to sit in the driveway. I had photos to develop and braving the cold was the first process of that. I took a deep breath in and grabbed the keys Reed had leant me. I leaped from the driver’s side like a cat on a hot tin roof-Ha! If only… I parked as close to the front door as possible. It really was a particularly cold day, especially for this Queenslander. I wonder when I will stop being a Queenslander? Perhaps when this weather is no longer an issue for me. Will the weather ever not be an issue for me? The icy winds. The dark clouds. Hmmm.

  “Damn it.” I said out loud as I fumbled with the door keys. Were my hands that cold that they weren’t working properly? Nope. The keys weren’t working because they were the wrong ones!

  “Reed.” I scolded loudly. A quick glance around saw that my best chances were to run to Vi’s cottage instead of making a run for Ross. Sure I could go to him in the car, however, I would then have to conjure up more courage to depart the warmth of the car to go to him, then considering he is a gentlemen, he wouldn’t think of hoping into the car with his dirty work clothes on, so I would only have to wait longer and have to find the courage again to exit the car for the last and final time. Perhaps he wouldn’t have the keys on him and only end up having to go to Vi a
nyway. All this time, I’m still standing in the cold, icy wind. Run to Vi! Like the thought just occurred to me. Brilliant, Jayde.

  KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK.

  “Jayde, honey. Whatever are you doing out in the cold? Come in, come in. You know I keep telling Ross, you shouldn’t be out in this weather. He should be in here with me, right by the fire. But I guess he doesn’t want to listen to two old women ramble on about things.” What was that about ramble?

  “Oh listen to you Vi, you are rambling.” Another elderly lady chuckled as she winked at me. She looked like Vi, but a smaller version. Her grey, wiry hair was half over her face, half tucked behind her left ear. It had a natural wave that descended over her left eye.

  “Rose, this is Reed’s friend, Jayde.” Vi announced me.

  “This is my sister, Rose.” Rose swung her hair back from her face and extended her hand out to me. “Hi, nice to meet you.” I said politely. Rose stared at me, holding my hand, for what seemed to be too long. I gently tugged my hand back to its rightful owner. She glared at me, without blinking. “Dear child, so much pain.”

  “I beg your pardon?” I asked a little bewilded.

  “Rose.” Vi commanded.

  “You must face your demons, Jayde. Overcome your fears.”

  “Excuse me? What are you talking about? Vi?” I looked to Vi for clarification.

  “Rose, that’s enough. What can I do you for Jayde?” Vi asked, steering me away from her sister.

  “Ah, Reed said I could use the dark room and he gave me some keys, but obviously not the right ones.”

  “Let me see. No they are the ones to the dark room, but I guess he forgot to give you the front door key.” She laughed.

  “It kind of helps.” I added.

  “Sure, here, use mine.”

  “What was that in there with your sister?”

  “Oh, don’t worry about Rose, she’s getting a little senile in her old age.” Vi said, hurrying me along.

  “Old age? I heard that Vi. You are only two years younger than me, but I am two years wiser than you.” She said coming back into view.

  “Don’t be alarmed Jayde. The bond between sisters is very strong. We only want the truth to be told.” Rose glared at me once again, almost trance like. “You make me nervous Rose.” I said out loud.

  “Nervous, no, you’re much stronger than that. I’m just a crazy old women.” She said smiling.

  “Here’s the keys sweetie. Give me a yell if you need anything else.” Vi said closing the door behind me. I stepped back out into the cold, but it felt more normal than inside the cottage with Rose. Weird, weird, weird. Just plain weird.

  Rosco Aldino’s work room. It was such a bizarre and exhilarating feeling. I am standing here, in his house, in his blue room. My blue room. I don’t know how long I worked for, once I began, it just flowed. I don’t even remember closing my eyes.

  “Jayde,” I heard Reed whisper softly. “Jayde.”

  “Huh?” I yawned.

  “Hi sleepyhead. You felt like a nanna nap?”

  “Hmmm. Pretty tired these days.” I yawned.

  “I blame the Antarctic temperatures.”

  “Or maybe it’s just your body getting used to a peaceful, restful night’s sleep again. You owe your body lots of payback.” He said carefully placing his backpack in the corner of the darkroom.

  “Maybe it’s the meds…” I said trailing off.

  “Hey, these are really good…awesome.” Reed looked up at me, but I was still thinking of the medication that my mum routinely left on my bedside table.

  “You need those at the moment Jayde.” He said gently.

  “Perhaps, but I just can’t seem to shake the feeling that something’s missing.”

  Reed walked over to focus on me. He lifted his manly hands from his side to rest on my shoulders. He squeezed them just as softly as he spoke. “Jayde, Haylie is missing. She’s gone. It’s just going to take a while for you to adjust.”

  “The bond between sisters is very strong. We only want the truth to be told.” I felt myself reciting what crazy old Rose had said earlier.

  “Yeah, what? Perhaps too much sleep.” Reed said laughing as he playfully wrestled with me.

  EIGHT

  Grace was paying no attention to the amount of jars of medication that she had piled on the bench at the local chemist. She was too busy in her plans, that clearly involved me.

  “So next weekend, I have off and I am hell keen on getting away from here. It will be my first weekend off in 3 months. A full weekend, Jayde!” She was excited.

  “Samual’s sick. Flu.” She said, I think to the assistant, but I really couldn’t be sure.

  “And you can sure as hell bet that the rest of us get it. He’s so filthy. Yuk. He leaves his disgusting snot rags lying all over the floor.” She said in a hush tone, this time, definitely to me.

  “The chemist is closed over the weekends, so best to stock up now.” She smiled at the elderly assistant who was looking down her spectacles at us.

  “Better to be safe than sorry.” Grace chimed, completely oblivious to any scepticism.

  “George?” The assistant called to the pharmacist.

  “What? Oh Jesus Christ, Rowena, it’s for Samual… He has the flu. The rest of my family can’t afford to get sick. Remember last year?” Grace fired up. George waved Rowena off.

  “I think Mrs. Roberts needs a hand over there.” He said, steering his assistant away from a potential Grace collision.

  “Grace. How are you? How’s the family? Samual’s not well, hey?” George began to chit chat.

  “Hence all this.” Grace sounded annoyed. It was really an awkward situation for everyone. I felt the discomfort starting to encroach upon me, so I began my descent. I didn’t get far though, ploughing straight into a display of information cards and booklets. Oh, Jayde, never the graceful. I had heard that before. A few times actually! I tried ballet classes when I was seven years old. That only lasted long enough for the teacher’s pity to run out. That was the first time I heard “Not really graceful, a little uncoordinated. I’m afraid the girl has two left feet.” After that I tried gymnastics and that was worse because I actually thought I was good at it. But once again, my lack of personal balance was much more obvious to everyone else around me. That’s when I discovered running. There’s no right or wrong way to run. I can run as fast or as slow as I want. I’m not letting anyone down by technique, I can just run. What’s better than that is, I’m good at it. Well, now I just do it for fun and relaxation, but in school, I won both girl’s junior and senior state champions for long distance four years in a row. The last year of high school I got pipped by my nemesis Nicola Puma. Who could beat a girl with a surname like that? Running is her birth right. I came down with glandular fever the next day after the meet and Haylie kept reminding me that Nicola had been chasing that title from me for years and that her win didn’t count because of my impending illness. She always did try to pick me up. I fumbled around on the floor, trying to restack the booklets.

  “Just leave it love. I’ll have Rowena sort it out.” George said smiling. I blushed nervously. “Sorry.”

  “You ready?” Grace asked like she had been waiting for me all this time.

  “Yeah, yeah, let’s go.” I said sheepishly. I still had a brochure in my hand but shoved it in my handbag as Grace was already bustling out the door.

  “Hey, what was that all about in there?” I said once I had caught up to her.

  “Look sorry about that. That was probably not necessary.”

  “Do you want to offer any more information than that?”

  “Apart from the fact that my brother is a slob, last year he did the same thing, leaving all his crappy, disease, ridden rags everywhere. Well, anyway, Libby ended up getting the flu too, but hers turned into pneumonia. She was in hospital for a week, she was so sick. It was awful to see her like that.”

  “Well why on earth did that Rowena chick have a problem with you buyi
ng so much medication? Did she know what happened to your little sister?”

  “That’s the point. Too many people know everything.”

  “I don’t think I understand. I’m a bit lost.”

  “My oldest brother, William? He’s a drug addict. Recovered. Recovering. Drug. Addict.” She said each word slowly.

  “And she thought you were buying cold and flu medication for him?” The idea of that to me sounded like madness. I guess it did to Grace too, or maybe the idea of people thinking that her brother had fallen off the wagon just made her plain mad.

  “Next weekend?” I began, trying to take her mind off her annoyance.

  “Huh? Oh, yeah!” My friend was back.

  “How would you feel about a camping trip to Maria Island?”

  Was she serious?

  “Grace, are you serious? It’s the middle of Winter!”

  There was no reaction from Grace at my spontaneous outburst.

  “Oh my God, you are serious.” I said in disbelief.

  “Oh come on. It’s only May. It is a little nippy in the morning, but the days are beautiful.” She sang. She was right about the beautiful days but nippy? Not the adjective I would summon to describe frosty, icy, bitterly cold mornings. “Camping? As in tents?” I hesitated.

  “No silly. They have cabins over there. Real rustic log cabins. As if I would take my new unacclimatised friend for a night in the elements.”

  * * *

  Mum argued all week about the planned trip to Maria.

  “I’m not particularly happy about this situation Jayde. What if you forget to take your medication?”

  “I’m not going to forget to take my medication, Mum.” Usually when we disagreed, we had dad as our mediator, but at the moment, he was about 12,000 ft down in an underground mine and certainly didn’t need to be pulled out to make a decision for us. I put both my hands on my mum’s aging face. Her skin soft and fragile. Almost translucent in her middle age.

  “At the end of the day Mum, I am an adult.” I said gently. I was going on this trip, no matter what she said, it would just be nicer if we left on good terms. She closed her eyes in defeat. “At the end of the day, you’re still my baby girl.”