On the Hooves of Horses

by Emma Taylor

  “Three doors down.” I smiled across at him through the amber peaks as they danced around.

  “Bit of a fan.” He added into the song, but at the same time, I felt it was only for me. I listened carefully to the words. They seemed so much more poignant now. “You’re getting closer, to pushing me off life’s little edge, cos I’m a loser.”

  “You might wanna lighten things up there Lucas.” Reed called over me, above me. Lucas’s ice blue eyes rested on mine.

  “Oh, yeah, sure thing.” What is with you, Reed?

  “What Reed? Why are you being so-Oh! I love this song! Haylie and I use to dance around in our underwear with our hairbrushes as microphones, music absolutely blaring. Mum use to barge in on us, then one day, Dad did. I don’t remember who was more embarrassed, him or us. Really, Dad’s shouldn’t see their daughters in underwear!” I blurted out a very strong memory. I giggled to myself, remembering Dad’s embarrassment. Grace tapped Lucas on the arm, stopping his version of Powderfinger’s ‘Baby I’ve got you on my mind’.

  “I thought you were an only child?” Grace asked bewilded. I spun my head around to see Reed, who was looking straight at me, sympathy in his eyes. My mouth dropped open. I turned slowly to confront the sea of faces that were glancing at me. How could I be so stupid!?! Why did I let my guard down? Who’s the loser now?

  “Haylie was my sister. She’s dead.” There. I said it.

  “Oh, oh, I’m, I’m sorry.” Grace faded. There was silence.

  “How long ago did she die?” Paxton asked gently.

  “Six, ah seven months ago now.” I looked at the ground.

  “How old was she?” Megs asked. My head whipped up.

  “18 at the time. She was my twin.” I heard my voice quiver. Reed placed his hand on my shoulder and even though I was still a little annoyed with him, I let him touch me because it instantly made me feel like I wasn’t alone and that it was ok to talk about Haylie.

  “How?” Lucas asked solemnly. I hesitated. Drawing in oxygen or courage or both, I breathed out calmly.

  “She killed herself.” No one ran away from me in shame. No one looked down upon me for fear of the weak. My parents were wrong. Instead, everyone turned their focus to Lucas. Were they angry that he had asked the question that they all clearly wanted to ask, but didn’t? Lucas looked directly at me, his face softened.

  “My brother committed suicide three years ago. He jumped off the Tasman Bridge into the Derwent River. Into the water, into-”

  “Into the big, black infinite hole.” I finished.

  “Big, black infinite hole.” He nodded in understanding. I felt an instant connection with Lucas. He felt it too. No one else could empathise with us. No one else knew what it was like.

  NINE

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come back on my Dad’s boat?” Reed asked for the fourth time that morning.

  “Really. I came over with the girls so I should leave with the girls.”

  “Alright. Just don’t let Andrea get to you. Ok? She’s not worth your time or effort.”

  “Sure. I will give you a ring later, tonight?”

  “Please. We have a big job starting next week, so I may not get much chance to see you during the days.” He kissed me goodbye and I breathed him in. Will I ever tire of his scent?

  * * *

  “Come on, you two, catch up would you?” Grace laughed. We were probably on the better side of half way on the return trip down to the dock. The guys had left via the side access that they came by. I was beginning to think that might have been a better idea. The ‘tourist’ route, while it had its advantages, like the scenery, the disadvantages were coming in thick and fast. The foliage was dense and unpredictable. The man made path was basic and a quarter of our group was painful.

  “I really don’t know why I’m struggling with this. I thought I was quite fit.” I said to Andrea, the painful quarter, was also finding the return trip just as awkward as me. “Suck it up princess.” She said charging past me. Oh, great, back to that are we?

  “Why are you such a bully, Andrea?” I asked.

  “Look, little Miss Sunshine, just because your sister killed herself, don’t expect any sympathy from me. I know your type. Oh, poor me, everybody, help me. Please, we have all had shit happen to us. You’re no one special, Jayde.” I felt all the air in my lungs expel as my body began to cave in on itself. My eyes started to prickle and I could do nothing to stop the tears from forming. I thought this move to Tasmania was going to be a new start, a fresh beginning. Somewhere where no one knew about Haylie, but I had to ruin it all by getting stoned. I HATE YOU!! I screamed at myself. At Andrea. At Haylie.

  Just keep going, just get home. I wiped away any trace of sadness from my face and powered up the hill.

  “Glad you could join us.” Andrea hissed. I looked around, but Grace and Megs were already on the landing below, waving up to us with smiles on their faces.

  “Us, Andrea? Seems to me like it’s only you.” I said trying to gain some distance on her.

  “Smartarse.” She said bounding straight into me and pushing me sideways towards the cliff edge. I instinctively started flailing my arms about to try and balance my body. I could feel my back arching. The look on Andrea’s face told me the story. I was about to fall!

  “Jayde!!” I heard Megs scream. I looked up to the sky. Everything was peaceful, everything calm. I watched a seagull fly above me, flapping its wings in slow motion. I closed my eyes and let my body go limp. It was then that I felt a cold, hard force propelling me back up onto the dusty track. My eyelids blasted open as I launched my attack.

  “Push me again you fucking moron and I will throw you off this fucking cliff myself! And while we’re at it, stop being such a bitch, in fact, you come anywhere near me from now on and I will hunt you down and fuck you up. Got it?!” My face was on fire. My body was tight and tense. But I felt exhilarated. I stood up to Andrea. And I was alive. I still had my hands wrapped around Andrea’s shoulders when Grace and Megs arrived.

  “Jayde!” Grace exclaimed.

  “How on earth?” She said incredulously. “You.”

  “You were almost horizontal.” Megs was dumb founded too.

  “You’re twisted.” Andrea said, breaking free from my clutches.

  “Twisted? Why? Cos I finally told you off? What the fuck Andrea? You almost killed me!” I shouted.

  “You’re a fucking crazy bitch. Fucking possessed or some shit.” She said making haste on the track.

  “What the hell were you thinking Andrea?” Megs chased after her.

  “Her eyes man. They changed colour.”

  “What are you talking about Andrea? No more home brew for you. You have one serious hangover.” I heard her say.

  “No! Her eyes changed colour. They were blue. They were bright blue. She’s a fucking nutcase.”

  * * *

  I was relieved to be home. I closed my bedroom blind and curled up in bed. My mind was racing, trying to figure out what had happened today. I closed my eyes, hoping for sleep. My body tossed and turned waiting for day break. I didn’t sleep very well. Not because I dreamt of Haylie. Since starting the medication, I haven’t had one dream. You would think with the uphill battle I had over the weekend, my body would scream rest, but that was actually the problem. Andrea. I’m not afraid of her anymore, but it was what she said to Megs. I heard her say that my eyes changed blue. I don’t understand. What’s more, there wasn’t a breath of air on the peak of Bishop and Clerk that afternoon. I was falling, but something pushed me back. My mind raced all night, but I’m no closer to an explanation than when it had happened.

  “I’m going into the main street, honey. Do you want to come for a drive?” Mum said poking her head into the bathroom. She looked pretty today. She had let her hair fall naturally, bouncing on her shoulders.

  “Yeah, that would great. I might grab a real coffee from the cafe.” My mouth watered at the sound of that. “I’ll be down in a minute
.”

  Mum was glad to see that I had returned from the Maria Island camping expedition in one piece. I didn’t dare mention my near death experience or the sudden rush of confidence I now carry with me.

  “You be right for a while honey? I have to head into Service Tasmania to sort out a few documents. I could be a bit.” She said, biting her lip and twirling her hair around her fingers. At times she appears to be so well put together, so immaculate, yet she can just as easily flip to nervous and unsure.

  “No worries, Mum. Really. I think I might grab a coffee and stroll around, explore our little home town.” I smiled.

  “Great. See you soon.” Off she went, clicking down the street in her patent black shoes.

  The café was busy again this morning. It was a bustle of people coming in and going out at equal intervals. After ordering my coffee, I decided I would soak up some of the day on the cafe porch as I waited for my caffeine hit. Guess I wasn’t the only one with that idea. Landing flat on my face, I turned to see what I had tripped over. A beautiful floppy eared dog raised its head, rather reluctantly. He stared up at me, silently nodded and returned to his peaceful basking in the sun.

  “Well, it was peaceful until I came along.” I said, ruffling the top of his warm head.

  “She talks to the animals.” I heard a familiar, friendly voice from behind.

  “Lucas. Hi.”

  “Here, let me help you up, Miss Queensland.” He offered his hand down to me.

  “Thanks. What a great day.”

  “It’s superb. You can’t beat Monday mornings in Orford with the sun beating down. I love it because the shackies have all gone back to their busy lives in the city and things return to normal round here.”

  “Don’t you live in the city?” I queried.

  “Well, technically, yes. But, my pares have owned their place up here long enough, that we’re considered locals.”

  “By the locals or by you?” I laughed. Lucas laughed with me, playfully punching me on the arm.

  “I guess you’re pretty much a local now.” He stated.

  “Does that mean you will stop calling me Miss Queensland, then?”

  “Oh, never! You got that for life, babe!” He laughed.

  “So, why are you still here? I thought you head back to town after the weekends.”

  “It really depends on what’s happening. There and here. I’m not back at uni until Wednesday this week and I knew the weather was going to be great, so thought I would just kick around here for a bit. We won’t have much more of this sunshine, so gotta make the most of it.”

  “Oh, really? I thought I had seen the worst of the weather.”

  “Nah, not even close. Wait till the winds come. But it shouldn’t last long. Just when you think you can’t handle it anymore, it eases.”

  “Flat white to go?” The waitress called in my direction.

  “Hi Lucas.” She beamed. Her cheeks flushed and her eyelids fluttered. I think she forgot why she had come out here in the first place. I reached for my coffee and took it from her hands. Her eyes not leaving Lucas.

  “Hi Arabelle. Reckon I could grab the usual?” He smiled at her.

  “Sure. No problem. I won’t be a sec. Black coffee and a lentil burger?” She asked. Something gave me the idea however, that she didn’t need to ask, but she just wanted to talk to Lucas that little bit longer.

  “You’re a gem.” He said, handing her some money and holding her hand whilst doing so. Arabelle left in a blur of admiration for Lucas.

  “Lucas.” I scolded.

  “What?” He said, taking a seat next to me. I looked at him, mouth gaping. “You were flirting with her!”

  “No.” He defended, but not really pleading his case.

  “You were so. You use your looks to influence girls.”

  “Do I influence you? Do I make you nervous? Am I flirting with you right now?” He said, through his brilliant white teeth.

  “No. Sometimes. And no.” I answered his three questions bluntly.

  “How do you know I’m not flirting with you now?” He asked mischievously.

  “Because you haven’t pinched me on the arse.” We both laughed loud enough to wake the sleeping dog again.

  “Here’s your order Lucas. Don’t worry, it’s on the house.” Arabelle smiled brightly, handing back his money.

  “Thank-you so much, Arabelle. That’s very kind of you.” He said, rising to give her a peck on the cheek. The girl began to blush and quickly turned for the safety on the cafe. “See you next time!” He called out to her. But she was already giggling to the other young waitress inside.

  “You should be ashamed, Lucas Smith!”

  “Hey, you gotta do what you can. Life as an amateur rock star doesn’t pay well, so I have to use it to my full advantage.” He tried to reason.

  “Flirt.” I smiled. “So what’s up with you and Grace, anyway?”

  “Hey, you wanna stroll around?” He asked, leaping to his feet.

  “Ah, sure, yeah.” But he wasn’t waiting for my reply.

  “Wanna bite?” He offered as I caught up to him.

  “Of lentils and tofu?” I screwed my face.

  “Oh, it’s the best man. I reckon it would hands down be the best vegan dish in Southern Tasmania.”

  “And considering you didn’t pay for it, even better.” I quipped.

  “It’s really good.” He said with a mouthful, offering once more.

  “Thanks, but you look like you’re enjoying it too much. Are you a vegetarian?”

  “My whole family is vegetarian. I’ve never had meat. My pares raised us like that. They always gave us the choice to decide, but it was just logical for my brother and me to be like mum and dad. I took it to the next level about four years ago. Full vegan. No animal product at all. I miss the taste of real cheese sometimes. There are a few variants on the market, but to be honest they taste like plastic! The thought of eggs cooking completely grosses me out and everything else is pretty easy.”

  Lucas intrigued me. He surprised me. He had so much confidence, especially when he was on stage, even now just walking along the path, he had seemed to bounce and glide at the same time. When it came to Grace, however, he had no confidence at all. He wilts quicker than a bunch of flowers left without water.

  “Grace.” I playfully reminded him.

  “Hey! Have you checked out this place yet?” Again, he evaded my query. “Lucas.” But then I saw the enthusiasm in his face.

  “You appreciate nature and art and all that stuff. You gotta check out Landscape.”

  Of course! He was talking about the woodwork shop that I spotted on the first day I arrived in Tasmania. I was interested then, but with so much happening, it just wasn’t on my immediate list of to do things.

  “Absolutely! I would love to explore that shop.”

  “No time like the present Miss Queensland.” He said opening the front door for me. It hit me instantly. The distinct warm, rich and rounded smell of nature’s core. I inhaled blissfully. This could be a shop to disappear into.

  “This is my favourite piece. It’s been here since I was a child. It was made out of Huon Pine by an old fisherman when I was just a boy. He was a bit of a legend round here. It sat here for years, with a big price tag on it. After he died, it apparently sold, but the buyer chose to leave it in the store.”

  It was spectacular. The couch/chair had been carved from the tree and designed so that 3 people can sit on it, but no one is actually next to each other. Almost an S shape, but with another bit coming off to segregate the occupants. I had never seen anything like it. The crushed port wine velvet padding encapsulated each little compartment. I could only imagine curling up inside and it feeling like I was being hugged and protected.

  “Beautiful isn’t it?” A familiar voice, yet I couldn’t quite understand why, said from behind me. “You can sit for a while.” She added. Rose!

  “Awesome.” Lucas promptly devoured the last of his burger and wiped h
is hands clean on his jeans. He eased himself down and vanished into the safety of the chair’s cocoon. I smiled awkwardly at Rose. “Thanks, just want to have a bit of a look around.” I said in a small voice. Rose’s left hand found its way onto my forearm.

  “It will be ok, Jayde. You just have to see things for what they are.” Oh great, here we go again. Rose talking in riddles.

  “Yeah, dude, it’s just a chair.” Lucas piped from his perch.

  “No worries, going to check out all the other talented pieces in here first.” I said, pulling my arm back from Rose. I find her very unnerving, the way she talks to me, almost like she’s talking through me, yet Rose also has a very calming, hypnotic presence, especially when she touches me. I began to study the pieces of woodwork on display. Each piece had a plaque explaining its origin, the inspiration, the artist’s name and the price. Lucas might love the biggest and grandest piece here and the chair was really beautiful, even if it did look like it had eaten him, but I instantly fell in love with the smallest piece. It was so delicate, floating inside a tiny glass box.

  “Sasafrass.” Rose said.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  “The key to Pandora’s box.”

  “But Pandora didn’t have a key, she just lifted the lid.” I remarked.

  “Yes, child, but there is no lid to this box. See, the key is suspended inside the glass box without a lid.”

  “How? Why? What does it mean?”

  “Do you remember the one thing that didn’t escape when Pandora lifted the lid?”

  “Hope.” I answered, proud that I could remember my 9th grade history so well. Rose smiled at me.

  “Hope. This key symbolizes hope.”

  “But how do you get it out?” Lucas joined our lesson.

  “You don’t, Lucas. It’s saying that you don’t have to lift the lid to let the evil out, it’s saying to keep the good in.” I informed him.

  “Absolutely!” Rose roared, arms flying in the air. “The key in your heart, that’s hope. Evil is always out there, but it’s up to you to keep it out and keep the hope locked inside.”

  “Oh, Rose, I love it!” I said, tears welling. She smiled at me. “Yours my dear.” She said, handing me the piece. I began to shake my head. “No, I couldn’t.” I looked at the price tag. Oh, no I definitely couldn’t!