The Totally Sweet ’90s: From Clear Cola to Furby, and Grunge to “Whatever,” the Toys, Tastes, and Trends That Defined a Decade

by Gael Fashingbauer Cooper

  The fact that it had a nearly microscopic nine-inch, black-and-white screen was beside the point. We had Apples in our eyes, and could taste the juicy, gadget-filled future.

  STATUS: It birthed a generation of Apple devotees, who gobbled up everything else the iCompany ever iMade.

  FUN FACT: When the Mac Classic II crashed, it played the infamous “chimes of death,” and showed an image of the “sad Mac,” with Xs for eyes and a frowny face.

  “Macarena”

  Trying to remember exactly how long Aunt Julie and Uncle Steve have been married? If you remember doing the Macarena at their wedding, they almost certainly wed in 1995 or 1996, when the loopiest dance this side of the Hokey Pokey held America in its thrall. Part country line dance, part calisthenics, and a little bit follow-the-leader, the dance and its thudding earworm of a song were as ubiquitous at mid-’90s nuptials as Jordan almonds and drunk cousins.

  Nobody ever knew the words and half of them were in Spanish anyway. It didn’t matter. All you did was stand next to Grandma Bev and try to follow along, hopping here, slapping your palm out there, grabbing your neck when everyone else did, and randomly chiming in on “Hey! Macarena!” The smart dancers would time their hopping and twisting to get them over closer to the bar to grab a G&T and a chair before “Achy Breaky Heart” started up.

  STATUS: You can still dig up recordings of the song of course, but it’s not a wedding-reception staple anymore. Dearly beloved, we are awfully thankful for that.

  FUN FACT: Matthew Wilkening of AOL Radio offered these simple instructions on how to Macarena: “First: Place your arm straight out in front of you at shoulder height, palm facing down. Then: Punch the DJ.”

  Magic Eye Pictures

  Oh, the ’90s—what other decade could have launched a craze where you just stand there and stare? Magic Eye images were everywhere—from books to mousepads to neckties. With so many people contorting their eyeballs, it’s a wonder Visine’s stock didn’t go through the roof.

  Magic Eye was 3-D without red-and-blue glasses—all you had to do was relax your eyes and look “through” the image, and all of a sudden it’d come into focus: A jumble of stars would melt away and reveal a hidden picture of Saturn. Or a bunch of cereal logos would turn into a dinosaur (yes, this really happened—on the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios).

  Hit any mall in the early ’90s, and you’d see groups of people from all walks of life huddled around a poster kiosk, staring at a picture in slack-jawed silence. Eventually, someone would exclaim, “I see it!” like they won the eyeball lottery and then stand there smugly gloating. (“He can’t see it. Can you believe it? What a tool.”) Eventually, most people would get it. But there was always that one kid who couldn’t see the picture, no matter how hard he strained. And after his friends had all seen the hidden sailboat and were getting antsy to go to Orange Julius, he suddenly lied and exclaimed, “Oh, there it is.” It was obvious he still couldn’t get it, but everybody just believed him, because hey, Orange Julius.

  STATUS: A Magic Eye 3-D puzzle still runs in newspaper comic sections across the country.

  FUN FACT: In 1995’s Mallrats, Ethan Suplee’s character spends a good portion of the movie struggling to see a sailboat in a Magic Eye poster.

  Magic Middles Cookies

  The Keebler Elves seem awfully industrious for tiny critters who live in a tree. In the late 1980s and early 1990s, they came up with one of their best inventions yet, the short-lived Magic Middles cookies. Why frost a cookie in the normal spot, the top, when you can shake things up by cramming the frosting inside instead? These shortbread cookies looked boring and plain on the outside, but one chomp bathed your tastebuds in icing heaven.

  In the commercial, an Einstein-looking mad scientist elf danced around yelling about what “genius” the cookies were. And he was right, but like many acts of genius, the Magic Middles weren’t appreciated in their own time. They fell off the Keebler tree for good by the middle of the decade. Only an IV hooked up between your mouth and a can of frosting could replace their gooeyliciousness now.

  STATUS: They’re all gone. But Pepperidge Farm Milano Melts are similar, if way more expensive, and not elf-baked.

  FUN FACT: The late Danny Dark, whose distinctive voiceover is heard in Keebler commercials, also provided the voice of Superman in Hanna-Barbera’s Super Friends.

  Martha Stewart

  There is nothing simple that Martha Stewart cannot make headache-inducingly complicated. The rest of us squash together a s’more from store-bought supplies; Martha crafts homemade marshmallows and chocolate and hand whittles a stick. The rest of us order a pizza; Martha cures her own pepperoni and whips up artisan cheese.

  Want to know just how removed Martha was from the rest of us? Check out her monthly calendar in Martha Stewart Living magazine. You might think you were doing well if you remembered to make a dental appointment or walk the dog, but Martha’s calendar included items such as “Have beehives inspected” and “Replace winter doormats.”

  But her perfection hypnotized us. From her magazine to her TV show to her Kmart (Kmart!) products, the 1990s were Martha’s era. Few thought they could match her, with her eight-page cake recipes and her hazelnut brittle wrapped in gold leaf, but it was tough not to admire her. You might not want to be her, but you sure wouldn’t mind being invited to one of her parties.

  STATUS: Martha now runs several empires, from media to furniture.

  FUN FACT: Martha told Howard Stern that she broke up with Sir Anthony Hopkins because she couldn’t stop thinking of him as Hannibal Lecter. Too bad. We’re guessing she could have whipped up something pretty spectacular with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

  MC Hammer

  Just when we thought the national nightmare known as parachute pants was tucked back into our collective bottom drawer, in shuffled MC Hammer. Decked out in a wispy ’stache and chemistry-teacher glasses, the rapper became an instant pop-culture phenomenon with his 1990 smash hit “U Can’t Touch This,” which combined the hook from Rick James’s “Super Freak” with sideways-shuffling dance moves and those infamous baggy drawers. He looked like a pop-rap crab.

  Hammer’s clean-cut image sparked backlash from more hard-core rappers, but they couldn’t touch his ability to connect with the masses, who clamored for Hammer dolls, school supplies, even a Saturday-morning cartoon. And the pants. Oh, the pants! Cinched on the top and bottom, his low-crotched, billowy trousers were part giant garbage bag, part genie outfit. The pants were perfect for granting someone three wishes or—with their gigantic pockets—stealing shrimp from a buffet. Maybe because his legs were scuttling so fast in the video, we didn’t understand just how ridiculous the outfit looked at the time. We do now.

  STATUS: Hammer—real name: Stanley Burrell—is apparently too legit to quit: After declaring bankruptcy in 1996, he appeared on the first season of The Surreal Life in 2003, and officiated at Corey Feldman’s wedding. Today, Hammer is a web mogul who manages mixed–martial arts fighters and has more than 2.5 million Twitter followers.

  FUN FACT: He reportedly earned the nickname Hammer from baseball star Reggie Jackson after spending years working as a batboy for the Oakland A’s. Mr. October thought he looked like Hammerin’ Hank Aaron.

  McRib

  What is it with McDonald’s and limited-edition menu items? Does Ronald think he’s running the Franklin Mint? At least the Shamrock Shake’s seasonal availability makes sense, as the minty green drink is only available around St. Patrick’s Day. But nothing explains the McRib. It’s not like it only comes out for St. Porky’s Day.

  The weirdly shaped sandwich actually got its start in the 1980s, didn’t do well, then returned and ruled in the 1990s. It was whisked away again in 2005 and now returns periodically, like a sauce-soaked Halley’s Comet, to the delight of fans and the horror of foodies.

  Even more than most McDonald’s items, the McRib doesn’t particularly seem to resemble food. Smashed into a boneless patty whose shape mimi
cs a slab of ribs, then drenched in sauce and pickles and onions, its cult following boggles the mind. Perhaps it’s made of pigs who were fed only crack doused in heroin gravy. Maybe one sandwich contains a magical golden chocolate-factory ticket. Those of us who refuse to try one may never know.

  STATUS: The McRib gives McDonald’s a sweet little limited-edition sales buzz every time they bring it back, so it will surely keep returning for periodic sauce-slopping visits.

  FUN FACT: In a Simpsons episode, Homer becomes addicted to Krusty Burger’s Ribwich. When someone asks if the meat comes from a pig, Krusty the Clown responds, “Think smaller, and more legs.”

  Melrose Place

  When Melrose Place spun off from Beverly Hills, 90210 in 1992, it was a completely standard drama. The plotlines surrounding a bunch of good-looking twentysomethings living together in an L.A. apartment complex were boring and trite (Jane loses her wedding ring!) and always wrapped up in sixty minutes.

  Enter Special Guest Star for Life Heather Locklear, who bought the building and proceeded to make more than one cast member’s life hell. Finally, the writers realized Melrose wasn’t an After-School Special, it was a nighttime soap, and the catfights started to fly. Kimberly ripping off her wig to reveal a horribly scarred head became one of the most shocking moments of 1990s television.

  From then on, it was all stolen babies, stalkers, canceled weddings, and eventually the entire apartment building being blown up. Turns out you don’t need to have Dynasty-sized shoulder pads or Dallas oil money to board an E-ticket tide to Crazyland.

  STATUS: After being canceled in 1999, Melrose Place was brought back on the CW network in 2009, but was yanked after one season.

  FUN FACT: The El Pueblo Apartments in the Los Feliz neighborhood of Los Angeles stood in for the exterior of the Melrose Place apartment building, but the real apartments had no pool—that was built on a soundstage.

  Mentos

  What in blazes do they put in Mentos anyway? Insane problem-solving powder?

  The commercials for the tubes of tasty mints all set up some weirdly minor dilemma and created equally bizarre homespun solutions. The woman whose car was hemmed in popped a Mentos and magically conjured up four hunky, overall-clad workmen who lifted the car out of its cramped parking space. The guy who sat on a freshly painted bench rolled around to pinstripe his whole suit. The woman who broke a heel on her shoe snapped off the other heel to even out the pair.

  Not only were the skits strange, but the overwhelmingly happy actors appeared to have been plucked from the reject bin at a community-college theater department. Even the theme song didn’t make sense. “Fresh goes better!” Fresh what? Where is it going? Is this even a place we want to go to?

  And then, things became clear. “Men-tos! The fresh-maker!” crowed an unidentifiable-yet-definitely accented voice. So…these little skits were high comedy to people in Europe? New Zealand? South Africa? There was definitely some cultural chasm that we were incapable of crossing here, but the ads’ campiness did its job. As far as poppable candy went, we may have preferred Life Savers, but everyone we know sampled a Mentos at least once. And yet our random parking and wardrobe problems remained unsolved. Who do we sue for false advertising?

  STATUS: Available everywhere.

  FUN FACT: In 1999, a chemistry professor demonstrated how dropping Mentos into carbonated soda creates an Old Faithful–like geyser effect, and bored people with video cameras have been YouTubing the results ever since.

  Micro Machines

  Ever try to find a needle in a haystack? How about a Micro Machine dropped into your living room’s shag carpet? Tracking down the teeny car was next to impossible—half the size of Hot Wheels, the ultra-miniature vehicles were extremely detailed, but you almost needed a jeweler’s loupe or an electron microscope to play with them.

  When we were able to see them, though, they were awesome. From planes, trains, and automobiles to campers, snowmobiles, and farm equipment (not to mention Star Wars, Star Trek, and Babylon 5 spaceships), Micro Machines and their working wheels let kids play benevolent transit god, crafting gigantic cities where the miniscule cars could vroom up and down ramps to their tiny hearts’ content. The popular play sets doubled as storage bins, which was a good thing, since the vehicles were so small, we probably breathed in a few loose ones.

  STATUS: The Micro Machines brand ran out of gas after Hasbro bought it in 1999, but the tiny-vehicle concept remains wildly popular, from microscopic Star Wars spaceships to pint-sized Captain America motorcycles.

  FUN FACT: The guy in the TV commercials, John Moschitta Jr., was in the Guinness Book of World Records as the world’s fastest talker. (“ThisistheMicroMachineManpresentingthemostmidgetminiaturemotorcadeofMicroMachines.”)

  Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

  Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was the story of five teenagers who lived in California, but always seemed to fight their battles in Japan. No wonder, since the show used a Zord-load of footage that had already aired in Asia. Didn’t matter, though. American kids couldn’t get enough of watching the Rangers leap and flip through the air like color-coordinated Mary Lou Rettons, kicking at the Putty Patrol, clay-faced baddies who scarily resembled the Sleestaks from Land of the Lost days.

  When they slipped into their brightly hued tights and helmets—which, for some reason, had unsettling plastic lips—the Rangers couldn’t go two seconds without making exaggerated arm movements and striking poses like Madonna on the cover of Vogue. Yeah, they were agile and flippy, but their coolest ability was being able to pilot their Dinozords, robot vehicles modeled after prehistoric animals. When giant monsters showed up, which was always, the Power Rangers could combine their Zords into a humongous Megazord. Go, go, Power Rangers! Not so cool: They ended up making the Asian girl the Yellow Ranger and the black guy the Black Ranger. Color this show a little bit racist.

  STATUS: The show transformed into two movies, and the franchise keeps on morphin’ into new series. The original Rangers are now in their forties.

  FUN FACT: The Power Rangers were such a phenomenon that celebrities like Mike Myers and Gene Simmons from Kiss would stop by the set.

  Milli Vanilli

  Girl, you know it’s true: Milli Vanilli was one of the most popular musical acts of the ’90s—with an accent on the “act.” With their slightly vacant expressions, spandex outfits, humongous shoulder pads, and tightly woven dreadlocks, Fab Morvan and Rob Pilatus shot to international stardom, taking home the Grammy for Best New Artist in 1990.

  They probably should have won an Oscar too, because it soon came out that the photogenic duo didn’t actually sing a note on their album. Like Greg Brady’s Johnny Bravo, they fit the suits. Everybody involved rushed to point fingers, and media, audiences, and their record label revolted. Who was really at fault for the Milli Vanilli scandal? Blame it on the rain.

  Say what you will about their lip-synching—and truth-telling—abilities, but you’ve got to admit the model-slash-dancers were the pioneers of some very specific sweet moves, including the slow-motion-hair-spin, the in-air-chest-bump, and the run-in-place. In 1993, Rob and Fab released an album that they did actually sing on, but it flopped. Buh-ba-ba-bye, baby.

  STATUS: Milli Vanilli is no more—Pilatus died of a suspected drug overdose in 2008—but talk of a big-screen biopic persists.

  FUN FACT: At least they had a sense of humor about their downfall. Rob and Fab starred in a 1991 commercial for Carefree sugarless gum. The concept was that the gum’s flavor would last until the two actually sang for themselves.

  “MMMBop”

  Everybody’s ears perked up the first time they heard “MMMBop,” the jaunty, jangly 1997 tune by Hanson, the family band made up of two brothers and their cute sister. What, Taylor was actually a boy? Well, by that point, who cared? The song and its nonsense chorus was everywhere—a blond-headed earworm. It hit number one in twenty-seven countries and was so sugary, it surely caused thousands of cavities. The lyrics gave the
world deep thoughts to ponder, like “Mmmbop, ba duba dop, ba du bop…Yeah.”

  “MMMBop” backlash reached a fever pitch in 2005 when a high school in Pennsylvania used it to raise money for the victims of Hurricane Katrina, playing it on the school loudspeaker until students and teachers kicked in three thousand dollars. The “Stop the Bop” fund-raiser quickly hit its goal, and Hanson ended up matching the funds. The fact that Isaac, Zac, and Taylor were in on the joke and even today aren’t taking great pains to distance themselves from their biggest hit makes us dig them even more. The capper: In 2011, they announced plans to release a beer called…wait for it…MMMhop. Sounds like the eternally preteen (in our minds, anyway) brothers finally found a way to get into bars.

  STATUS: Still MMMBopping along. Hansen launched a well-received album in 2010, and continues to tour all over the world, performing “MMMBop” in a lower key—now that they finally made it through puberty.

  FUN FACT: Rolling Stone named “MMMBop” the sixth-worst song of the ’90s.

  Movie Rental Stores

  In the early days, your parents had to leave a ginormous deposit in order to lug an equally ginormous VCR home, because no one actually owned one. Then they had to wrangle with the cords and somehow hook it up to your TV, all to rent something lame like Savannah Smiles for your tenth birthday party.