by Mel Sherratt
Cathy gave a slight nod and swivelled her hips, allowing her elbow to move further to the right. Then with all her force, she swung it round towards Matt. She caught him straight in his chest.
‘Fuck!’ Matt grunted and dropped to his knees.
‘Oh my God!’ Cathy bent down to his level. ‘Are you okay? I thought I’d swing and miss you.’
Josie had a hand over her mouth. Suddenly she lost control, laughter bursting out raucously.
Matt clutched a hand to his chest, his breathing rapid. ‘Jesus, I wouldn’t like to cross you in a dark alleyway. I’m going to have a right bruise there.’
‘I’m sorry.’ Cathy tried to look concerned, but it was impossible as Josie was still laughing at the top of her voice. She felt a smile forming and gnawed at her bottom lip to try and stop it.
‘It’s a good job she didn’t catch you in the temple or the throat as we were shown next,’ Josie managed to say between sniggers. Tears were pouring down her face. ‘She could have killed you.’
‘I didn’t realise he was that close,’ Cathy hissed, embarrassment creeping in.
Matt raised a hand. ‘It was my fault,’ he explained. ‘I saw a piece of cotton on the back of your jumper. I doubt it will still be there with that force,’ he added as Cathy checked her sleeve.
‘Sorry, Matt,’ Josie said, wiping at her eyes. ‘I haven’t laughed so much in ages. It was the look on your face.’ She started to giggle again.
Matt stood up slowly. Still holding on to his chest, he spoke to Cathy. ‘You owe me one for that. I reckon you need to suck up to me big time.’
Josie burst into laughter again. Cathy blushed. Matt looked bewildered. But then his eyes began to twinkle and his mouth twitched.
‘Ah, yes, sexual favours will do nicely. Your place or mine?’
Cathy lowered her eyes from his intense stare. God, how could she get out of this one! Quick, think.
‘Coffee!’ She pointed to the door. ‘I’ll just go and make a fresh batch.’
Later that evening, Jess had gone into Becky’s room. She was trying to get Becky to come out with her but so far she’d had no luck.
‘Come on,’ she coaxed. ‘It’ll do you good to get bladdered and forget everything for a while.’
‘I got bladdered two nights ago and that didn’t help.’
Jess giggled. ‘The Pete Freeman night. Crap lay, isn’t he?’
‘Oh, have you –?’
‘Yeah. Not much to talk about there. Anyway, forget about Pete. We might bump into Austin Forrester. I know how much you fancy him. Now that you’re not, well, you know, you can enjoy yourself more, can’t you?’
‘I don’t want to.’
‘I’ll blag some vodka.’
Becky stared at herself in the tiny mirror on her dressing table. She’d do anything to get rid of this empty feeling. It was as if her life had come to a halt, a crossroads even. She didn’t know what she was going to do next.
‘It might block out your pain, make you feel better.’
‘I doubt it.’
‘Please!’ Jess pulled out a small plastic bag from her pocket. ‘You can have some of this.’
Becky eyed it warily. ‘Is that what I think it is?’
‘Yep. It’s Whizz.’
‘What does it do again?’
‘It makes you feel happy, more lively, like everyone is your friend.’
‘But aren’t all drugs dangerous?’
‘I suppose so but this is tame, really. I try to keep away from the heavier stuff.’
Becky gasped. ‘You mean you’ve tried other things?’
Jess nodded. ‘I’ve done ecstasy loads of times and coke a few times. But Whizz doesn’t make me as angry as coke. You should try them all – see which one suits you the best.’ She dipped her finger into the bag and then held it out to Becky afterwards.
‘Go on,’ she urged. ‘You’ll love it. It will make the night more interesting.’
Becky gave in. Tentatively she dipped in her index finger and copied Jess, running it over her top gums. She stood there for a moment.
‘What?’ said Jess, moments later as Becky remained rooted to the spot.
‘I don’t feel any different.’
Jess sighed. ‘Give it a chance. You’ll feel it soon.’
‘If I come out with you, can I wear your red shoes?’
‘Red shoes, no knickers,’ said Jess, grinning.
‘What?’
‘It’s a saying or something.’
‘I thought that was fur coat, no knickers.’
‘Oh, yes. I think you’re right.’
Becky smiled.
‘So you’ll come out then?’
Half an hour later, they headed for Vincent Square and joined the throng of kids huddled around Shop&Save car park. Becky became louder and louder as the night wore on. She laughed, she danced and she drank whatever she could scrounge.
Danny, Austin and Parksy strolled up an hour later. Becky was singing an Adele song at the top of her voice. She stopped as they walked past, noticing Austin looking at her. She couldn’t work out if he was pleased to see her or sick of the sight of her so she turned her attention to Danny instead.
‘Hey, Dan,’ she smiled seductively. ‘Do you fancy a little bit of hanky panky?’
As Danny turned back with a grin, Jess nudged Becky sharply. ‘Oy! Behave yourself, slag.’
‘Piss off. I can have whoever I want. It’s not up to you.’
‘Back off, Becks, or –’
‘Ooh,’ said Danny, thrilled at the attention. ‘There’s a fight brewing, lads.’
‘Shut up,’ said Jess.
‘Chill out, woman. I’m stocking up on booze and then going for a drive. Want to come?’
‘Did you hear about Pete Freeman?’ Danny asked later when the five of them were driving around the estate in his car. Austin had taken the passenger seat again. Becky and Jess were squashed in the back with Parksy.
‘No, what happened?’
‘He got beat up. He’s in hospital. Broken nose, broken arm. His ankle had been stamped on so much that it needed plating.’
Jess and Becky looked at each other and started to giggle.
‘Did they catch who did it?’ Jess eventually asked after they remembered that the matter didn’t warrant their laughter.
‘He never saw who it was. He said he came out of the pub and was ambushed.’
‘Ambushed.’ Jess and Becky giggled again.
Austin looked back with a smirk. ‘You two pissed already? Or are you on something else?’
‘Us?’ Jess feigned disgust. ‘Becky and I would never partake of such a thing!’
‘Yeah, right. And my dick is two inches long.’
‘Two inches!’ Jess shrieked. ‘I bleeding hope it’s longer than that.’ She nudged him. ‘Fancy showing me later?’
‘In your dreams, wild one.’
Jess pretended to swoon. She nudged Danny. ‘I prefer to dream about you, though.’
Becky bit down hard on her bottom lip. She had to remain calm, make sure she didn’t spit out her secret while she was loaded. She also prayed that Danny and Austin wouldn’t let it slip either. Luckily they didn’t. Danny pushed Jess’s hand away as she leaned forward.
‘How about you, Becks?’ Parksy joined in. He grinned lasciviously and pressed his hand to his crotch. ‘Who do you dream about?’
‘Not you, that’s for certain.’ She heard Austin snigger. Then he turned around and looked at her.
‘Do you dream about me, Becks?’
‘Would you like me to?’ she dared to say.
Austin ignored her question. ‘Do you?’
‘I might do.’
‘I wouldn’t blame you. I am worth dreaming about.’
Their eyes stayed locked together as if no one else was in the car, as if time had stood still and there were only the two of them.
‘Oy!’ Danny turned to Austin with a scowl. ‘Sloppy seconds your style, then?’
>
Austin turned towards him, very slowly. ‘Shut the fuck up, Bradley.’
Jess looked on in confusion. ‘What does he mean by sloppy seconds, Becks?’
The next evening, Cathy was finishing off her coffee, wondering whether to stay up or go to bed. It was past midnight and Becky was late home. Jess had come in at eleven, saying that she’d left Becky with some lad or other. She’d stormed off to bed in a huff after Cathy had tried to question her more.
She washed out her mug and left it to drain while she wondered what to do next. Would Becky simply wear herself out in a matter of weeks and then get back to normal? Or was this going to be the start of a life of drunken antics, followed by the harder stuff? She prayed she wouldn’t end up hooked like Cheryl.
Yet what could she do about it? Leave her to make her own mistakes or try and talk to her, calm her down, show her that she would burn out if she weren’t careful. It was a tough decision.
People thought her ‘job’ watching over these girls was easy but no one really understood the true heartache she faced. The decisions that she made – had she a right to make them? Really she should tell Becky that if she had one more week like the last one, she was out. But where would she go? Cathy wouldn’t give up on her after a couple of months, no matter what her rules said.
And why should Becky listen to her? Why should she do anything that Cathy asked of her? She couldn’t help everyone to alleviate her own guilt, to wipe out her own mistake. It didn’t work like that.
She heard a key in the front door. She stayed very still as Becky came in, making such a noise while telling herself to be quiet.
There was a bang and a groan. Becky must have bumped into the hall table – which meant that she was drunk again.
‘Where have you been until now?’ Cathy went out to her.
‘Frigging hell!’ Becky was bending down pulling off a shoe. Unbalanced, she staggered towards her. ‘You shouldn’t creep about like that.’
‘I’m not creeping around. I’m waiting up for you. You’re late.’ Cathy sniffed. ‘And you’re as drunk as a skunk again.’
‘So?’
‘So you’re not going to drink away your pain. It doesn’t work like that.’
Becky pulled off the other shoe and threw them both to the floor. ‘I’m not in pain,’ she slurred.
‘And where the hell did you find the money to get drunk? Is it from Danny Bradley?’
‘No.’ Becky laughed. ‘I don’t need money to pay for anything.’
‘What do you mean?’ Cathy paled. Surely she couldn’t be talking about sex?
‘Leave me alone.’ Becky pushed past her forcefully. ‘I can look after myself. I’m sixteen, not six.’
‘But you have to be careful after a miscarriage. You could easily become infected.’
‘I said leave me alone!’
‘Someone needs to care about you as you certainly don’t care about yourself. You don’t have to be a sheep and follow behind every low life on the estate.’
Becky frowned, trying to understand.
‘If you’re not careful, you’ll end up like most of the girls around here – used and abused. I don’t want that to happen to you.’
‘It’s a bit late for that,’ Becky snapped, tears in her eyes. ‘I’ve already been used and abused.’
‘I wasn’t referring –’
‘I want the pain to go away.’
Becky turned towards Cathy with such a sorrowful look that she almost felt her heart lurch towards her.
‘I hate my life,’ she continued. ‘The only thing I had to look forward to has been taken away. What am I supposed to do now?’
‘Let me help you.’
‘You can’t help me. No one can help me.’
Cathy watched her go up the stairs and into the bathroom. She sat on the bottom step for a moment. Running a hand through her hair, she let out a huge sigh. Not so strong now, am I, Rich, she thought, imagining him laughing at her. Only he had seen the real Cathy: tough on the outside, susceptible on the inside. If he were here, he’d tell her she was being a soft old bird. But she couldn’t help worrying about them. It hadn’t been two weeks since Becky had lost her baby. The chatter that she’d overheard confirmed the rumours that they were still hanging around with Danny Bradley and that Austin fella but what could she do about it?
A thought crossed her mind. Was Becky grieving so much for the loss of her baby that she’d get herself pregnant again? Cathy hoped not. Not so soon after she’d miscarried and definitely not with Danny Bradley. Danny Bradley was a thug, a well-known thief on the estate and a no-good layabout. If Becky got mixed up with the likes of him, then Cathy wouldn’t be able to stop her getting in deeper and deeper. She was certain it was Danny that had got Cheryl hooked on drugs – she hadn’t come home for two weeks either. Still, it was no use worrying about her too. There was only so much of Cathy’s mind that she could occupy with other people.
Minutes later, she heard a door upstairs open and close. Sighing loudly, she made her way to bed. Maybe, just maybe, she could get through a night without being dragged out of it again.
At the top of the stairs, she could see Becky’s bedroom door slightly ajar. She crept up and pushed it open. Already Becky was gently snoring. She listened for a while before closing the door softly behind her. Then she stood in the silence for a moment.
Her chest began to rise and fall rapidly. She placed a hand on her heart, felt its thump-thumpety-thump, the panic building up inside her as she gasped for air.
Sometimes the responsibility of it all was too much for her to bear.
After a thankfully uneventful morning at the community house, Cathy had hardly set foot on the driveway before Jess and Becky were out of the front door and running towards her.
‘We’ve been robbed,’ Jess told her.
Cathy’s heart sank. She rushed into the house expecting to see a mess but nothing seemed to be out of place.
‘I thought you said –’
‘Nothing’s been touched downstairs except the photo of you and Rich.’ Jess handed her the photograph in the frame. The glass was broken, the corner of the frame hanging together by a small tack. ‘And the tin that you keep all your notes in.’
Cathy frowned. ‘How did you know about that?’
‘I’ve always known about it, since I moved in.’
‘Ever taken anything from it?’
‘No!’ Jess fibbed indignantly.
‘Me neither,’ added Becky quickly, telling the truth. ‘But it’s empty now.’
Cathy went through into the kitchen. The drawers on the unit were all open, the contents thrown across the floor. She stepped carefully over to the tin. Lifting the lid, she saw it was empty.
‘Damn and blast!’
‘It’s that bloody cow, Cheryl, isn’t it?’ Jess answered herself with the nod of her head.
‘Don’t call her names, Jess. She’s ill and desperate.’
Cathy hurried upstairs, only to find the room she’d given to Cheryl had been trashed again. She swore under her breath. This wasn’t the first time Cheryl had roughed everything up. The covers had been stripped from the bed, the mattress heaved to the floor. Drawers from the dresser were thrown on top of them. Pages from magazines had been torn and scattered like rose petals awaiting a bride on her wedding day.
‘Jeez, what a smell.’ Jess covered her mouth and nose with her hand. ‘Has someone died in there?’
‘Shut up,’ said Cathy. ‘Have you both checked your rooms?’
‘I’ve got eighty quid missing,’ Jess said quickly.
Cathy rolled her eyes. ‘Nice try, but you’re not getting that from me. Besides, where would you get eighty quid from? And what about you, Becky?’
‘No. But I’ve got nothing to take really.’
‘What about Liz’s room?’
‘It’s locked. There’s a muddy footprint on the door. Well, a bit of one anyway.’
Cathy thanked the Lord for small mercies a
nd rushed into her own room. But nothing had been touched there either. She picked up the huge toy rabbit that sat on the bed. Rich had bought her that. To everyone else, Roger the Rabbit was a stuffed toy: to Cathy, Roger the Rabbit was where she stashed her rainy day fund. She had four hundred pounds tucked away in the pocket of his blue corduroy trousers. Luckily, no one had found that hiding place yet.
‘I hope you give her a good leathering when you next see her,’ Jess moaned behind her. ‘It’s because you let her get away with things that she thinks she can do what she likes.’
‘Sounds like someone else I know.’
Jess tutted.
Cathy went back downstairs. ‘Come and give me a hand,’ she shouted to them. ‘Help me clear up this mess.’
‘Oh, no.’ Jess put her arm out in front of Becky. ‘You and me aren’t setting foot in the kitchen until the plods are called. Our DNA will be over everything and then who will she blame?’
Becky stopped in mid step. She wasn’t sure why.
‘You’ve been watching too much television.’ Cathy shook her head and picked up a pile of papers from the floor.
‘Aren’t you reporting it?’ Jess sounded bewildered.
‘No.’
‘But she’ll do it again and again.’
‘And I’ll cover for her again and again.’ Cathy looked up at Jess. ‘Like I would do for you, until I’ve had enough and can’t take any more. But that has to be my decision.’
Jess turned on her heels. ‘Mad, the lot of you. But if you think I’m going to clean up after some junkie… anyway, we’re off out, aren’t we Becks?’
Two days later as Cathy and Liz were on their way home from the community house, Liz dropped a bombshell.
‘Moving out?’ said Cathy. ‘Aren’t you happy staying with me?’
‘Yes, of course,’ said Liz. ‘I just think it would be good for Chloe to settle down somewhere now.’
‘I know, but –’
‘She needs her own room, her own space.’ Liz looked on with pleading eyes, willing Cathy to understand. ‘She can’t have that at your house.’
‘But what about Kevin?’ Cathy thought back to the last time they’d seen him. ‘I’m sorry if I was sharp with you. I just didn’t want him to get the upper hand. I don’t want you to leave because of it, though.’