Wanting to Remember, Trying to Forget (Meet the Shepards #1)

by Jacqueline Francis

  “Now, Jordan Alberta,” his mother reprimanded, “enough of that. I have five children and I love all of you equally. I don’t have a favorite.”

  “Except Kevin,” Jordan and Max chanted together.

  “Well…yes,” she admitted sheepishly. “Except Kevin.”

  “Who’s the stiff in the suit?” Max asked, pointing his thumb towards the living room. “Looks like it’s gonna come to blows with him and Makayla. The argument seemed pretty intense when I saw them.”

  Jordan’s bluish-gray eyes widened behind her glasses. “What? She’s only three years old, Max. Why didn’t you do something?”

  “’Cause my money’s on her.”

  “I’ll go check on them,” his mother offered and left the kitchen.

  “So where’s Danny?” Jordan asked once they were alone.

  Max nipped his lower lip. “I didn’t want her meeting everyone at a time like this. Who’s the guy in the suit?”

  “You’re lying! Why didn’t you bring her?”

  “It’s complicated, Jo-jo. Who’s the guy in the suit? Is he the one you were obsessing over?”

  “You tell me then I’ll tell you.”

  “There’s nothing to tell.”

  “Bullshit! You and Danny are attached at the hip. So where is she?”

  Max walked to the other side of the kitchen and began preparing two cups of coffee. “You first.”

  “Fine. Tyler’s my boss.”

  “And?”

  “And…we’ve…made out.”

  Disgust wrinkled his face. “Didn’t need to know that part.”

  “He’s weird and I think slightly crazy. He thinks I’m…tall and that’s about the only concrete thing I can get out of him. He just got out of a long term relationship so I’m not sure what’s going on, but whatever it is, it’s nothing serious. Now you.”

  Max exhaled slowly. “So you know what happened with Danny, right? And I may have told her a small white lie.” He paused, nervous to reveal his secret. “I stretched the truth a bit and now…and now we’re kinda…dating.”

  Her eyes were so wide it looked like they were going to pop out of her head. “What? Max, this is…not good. Is that why you don’t let mom talk to her? This is seriously a bad idea.”

  “I know that. I didn’t even want to do it, but then Charlie—”

  “Charlie?” she shouted. “You took dating advice from Charlie? The same guy who jerks off to CGI characters?”

  He handed her a cup of coffee and they sat down at the wooden table. “It was stupid, Jo-jo, and now I’m stuck in this lie and I can’t get out of it. It seemed like a good idea at the time, but I didn’t think…it would get so out of hand.”

  “Oh, my God.” She covered her mouth with her hand when she saw something he hadn’t realized he had put on show. “Oh, my God. You slept with her. What’re you? Insane? What were you thinking, Max?”

  “I wasn’t thinking. It’s just…how…how could I say no to the idea? It’s what I’ve always wanted. I’ll tell her the truth, Jo-jo. I will, just not now.”

  “I hope you know what you’re doing.” Her concern was evident in the weighted breath she let out. “Now enough about me and enough about you. How’s Kevin?”

  Max shrugged. “He’s…Kevin.”

  “You need to talk to him.”

  He turned his cup idly on the table as he threw one arm over the backrest of the wooden chair. “I was just in there. All he did was play video games. He doesn’t want to talk, Jo-jo.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “You’re telling me that you’ve been here since yesterday and all you did was play video games? Geez, Max! Get back in there and do…I don’t know…just do something.”

  “What do you want me to do? You know how he gets. He wants to be alone.”

  “Well, Bink shouldn’t be alone right now. He’ll do something stupid.”

  “Then you go talk to him.”

  “Me?” She stopped sipping her coffee and glared at him. “Max, we both know that I am worst person to be around in a time of crisis. You remember what I said after Penny the Parrot died. Shane cried for two days. I didn’t even send you a message on your birthday because of what happened to Danny. I always end up saying the wrong thing. I think it’s better if you go.”

  “No, you.”

  “No! You!”

  “Let’s settle this the democratic way,” he said, leaning forward. “Rock, paper, scissors.”

  She rolled her eyes but leaned forward anyway. “One…two…three.”

  She threw out a flat hand but Max threw out a fist with his index finger pointed out.

  “What’s that?” she asked.

  “It’s a stick of dynamite and…”

  “It doesn’t work like that.”

  “…it can blow up rock, paper or scissors…”

  “You’re being ridiculous!”

  “…so I guess that means I win…”

  “Just when I thought you couldn’t be a bigger moron.”

  “…and you’re going in there.”

  Her face dropped with dread. “Max, please.”

  “Jordan, it’s up to you now. Who knows what will happen if I go back in there? We could get all emotional and then our dicks will fall off and then we’ll start listening to boy bands and you don’t want that for your brothers, right?”

  “I can’t believe you would use my own words against me.”

  “You should always watch what you say to me. It may come back to bite you when you least expect it.”

  She groaned her irritation. “I hate you!” She finished her coffee and stood up. “Fine, I’ll go talk to Bink but you’re on Tyler duty. Just make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble.”

  Max watched her leave the kitchen and stood up, feeling very proud of himself. That dynamite trick worked every time.

  He walked back to living room and stood at the entrance, watching the tall, brown-haired man his sister was apparently obsessing over. He was, in fact, very weird. Still arguing with Makayla but for something different now.

  “I don’t know how you watch this,” Tyler said, pointing to the talking ducks and mice on the screen. “I, for one, have spotted several loopholes already.”

  “What’s a loophole?” his niece asked innocently.

  “Like how does that thing know exactly which tools to have every episode?”

  “Because he knows,” Makayla responded simply.

  Yep, Tyler was strange, alright. But that probably meant he was perfect for Jordan. Max groaned inwardly as he walked to the sofa. This was going to be painful.

  “Hi,” he greeted, extending his hand. “Max.”

  “Tyler.”

  They shook hands and Max sat beside him.

  “You’re pretty passionate about cartoons,” Max said.

  “I dare you to find any sort of logic in it.”

  It took less than ten seconds before his nieces swarmed around him. First kisses, then excited giggles, then the make-up and glitter came out.

  Max sighed his submission as his three nieces started with their make-over. Protesting was useless so he just sat there as they attacked him with all shades of pink. Makayla (3) on hair, Mackenzie (5) on eye-shadow, and Madison (7) on lipstick.

  “Where’s Danny, Uncle Max?” Madison asked, smearing the pasty cream outside the lines of his mouth.

  The question made him realize how much he missed her. “She’s back in LA. Promise I’ll bring her next time.”

  He waited for the girls to finish before he looked over at Tyler. “You want a beer? Make all of this a little more…manly?”

  “Sure. Pink is definitely your color, by the way.”

  Max laughed. “Don’t think you’re safe,” he warned, leaving the living room.

  When he returned, Tyler’s hair was also untidily tied with pink ribbons and glitter eye-shadow coated his eyes. His nieces were scattered around now, building puzzles on the floor, while his nephews crashed cars into each other near the firepla
ce.

  Max handed him a cold beer. “Told you.”

  He sat down beside Tyler again, taking in his expensive suit. Max already knew he was filthy rich. Jordan was the group financial manager at Diamond Properties, the largest property company on the west coast, and Tyler was the majority stockholder. However, wealth did not automatically make him good enough. “So what exactly are your intentions with my sister?”

  “Nothing,” he replied instantly. “We don’t have that boss-accountant sort of relationship.”

  Max was going to continue probing, but his older brothers entered the living room and interrupted the conversation. Dominic said nothing about the pink ribbons and eye-shadow because he recognized the work of his daughters.

  “Nice hair-do,” Shane said, shaking Tyler’s hand.

  They exchanged greetings and introduced themselves before his brothers sat down on the opposite sofa.

  “Kevin still in his room?” Shane asked.

  “Yep.” Max replied. “Don’t think he’s gonna come out anytime soon. Jo-jo’s with him, though.”

  “Good,” Dominic sat back and threw his arm over the backrest. “He shouldn’t be alone right now. I just hope she doesn’t say something stupid like she always does or she might get another nail in her log, but rather her than us, right?” Dominic turned his attention to Tyler. “So are you Jordan’s boyfriend?”

  “I was just asking him the same thing, Dom,” Max said.

  Tyler appeared nervous. It was understandable. Three over-protective brothers would make any man shake in his shoes. His brothers were just as curious to find out why Jordan would bring him along. She had never brought a guy home before.

  “We’re not…together,” Tyler responded after some time.

  Dominic stood up, took the beer from Max’s hand, and sat down again. “It’s better you keep it that way, but just in case you change your mind, don’t say we didn’t give you a fair warning. If you hurt our sister, we’ll cut your balls off!”

  Tyler’s brown eyes widened at the threat.

  “Dad has some shears in the shed we could use,” Shane chimed in to drive it home.

  “You got that, Tyler?” Max said. “That’s the message we’re gonna leave you with. Balls and shears.”

  * * *

  Max stepped out of the shower the next morning and pulled on a black suit pants. He didn’t bother with the shirt just yet because the bathroom was unbearably hot for him to consider wearing any more clothes.

  Today was Perry’s funeral and it was going to be a hard day to get through for all of them. All he wanted was to have Danny at his side. She always made everything a little easier. But he had to accept that it was his fault that she was hundreds of miles away. Christmas would come soon enough and there was no way he would be able to avoid bringing her home so he gave himself a deadline. If she still didn’t remember anything by December, he would tell her the truth instead of asking his family to lie for him.

  He walked out of the bathroom and saw the darndest thing. A few feet down the corridor, Tyler tip-toed out of Jordan’s bedroom and quietly closed the door.

  Tyler froze when he looked up and saw him. “It’s not what it looks like,” he said quickly.

  “It looks like you just spent the night in my sister’s room and you’re sneaking out before my parents catch you.”

  He pulled his lips in and nodded. “Mmm. Then I suppose…it is what it looks like. But I assure you, nothing happened.”

  Max shrugged but said nothing because he actually liked watching him squirm.

  “Please don’t tell your brothers.”

  “Balls and shears, Tyler.” Max gave him a quick tap on the shoulder as he walked past. “Balls and shears.”

  The melancholy that filled the house made it feel like it wasn’t the same house. Max wanted to get out of there but escaping it was impossible. It was everywhere, in everyone. Max walked down the front stairs, waved a greeting to Shane who was parked in the driveway, and hopped into the back seat of his mother’s Land Rover. She sat in front of him in the passenger seat and his dad was behind the wheel. No-one said anything, but Max could hear the mournful sniffles from the front seat. He reached over and gave his mother’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. She placed her hand over his and squeezed back.

  A few minutes later, Tyler and Jordan walked out, both dressed in black and she shut the door behind her.

  “Where’s Kevin?” Max asked when they reached the car.

  “He’s not coming.” She turned and shouted the same thing to Shane.

  “What do you mean he’s not coming? This is a mistake, Jo-jo, and you know it. He’s gonna—”

  “Bink’s a big boy now,” she said softly, climbing in beside him. “He can make his own decisions.”

  The space between them got smaller when Tyler climbed in, his broad body dominating most of the backseat as he shut the car door.

  Max quietened even though he knew that Kevin would forever regret not saying goodbye to his best friend. He didn’t argue with Jordan because she had been with Kevin all day yesterday and she probably understood his reasoning.

  The drive to the church was morbid. The eulogies and the prayers even more so. Momma B was edgy, constantly looking around the church, her eyes searching for the son who was still alive. Her brown skin had darkened substantially, looking tired and overused because it was the only thing holding her together. She looked older too, desolate, inconsolable and all she wanted to see was the face of her other boy, but Kevin had made his choice.

  As they carried the coffin out of the church to the hearse, Max felt the memories sweep through his mind. Playing catch in the back yard. Hide and seek. All the birthday parties. And somehow Kevin not coming actually started to make sense. He wanted to save himself from this. Max could only feel pity for his little brother. If he was feeling so torn, then Kevin was absolutely shattered.

  He felt the tears roll down his cheeks and wiped them away with one hand. Jordan took hold of his other hand and rested her head on his shoulder. She was crying, too, sobbing harder when Momma B’s grief-stricken wails echoed through the church. He put his arm around her and even though he found solace beside his sister, no one was a substitute for Danny right now. He wanted her there. He wanted to hold her, hear her voice telling him that it was going to be okay.

  Lie or no lie, best friends were for life. Lie or no lie, best friends were irreplaceable.

  * * *

  Danny started grating cheese. Max would be home any minute now and she wanted to have a hot meal waiting for him. She had attempted a beef stew but it tasted like rubberized meat boiled in sea-water…with a hint of parsley. So they were going to have grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner again.

  She dropped everything when she heard the front door open. She raced out of the kitchen and threw her arms around him. “Hey, there, Sugarpie.”

  He released a deep sigh, as if a weight had been taken off his shoulders, and hugged her tight. “I missed you,” he whispered against her neck.

  “I missed you, too.” Sensing his need for comfort, she pulled him closer. “It’s gonna be okay.”

  His fingers pressed harder into her back as she spoke. “You make everything okay.”

  When he finally pulled away a few minutes later, he smiled but the sadness showed in his eyes. He sniffed, looking strangely around the apartment. “What’s that smell?”

  She toyed with her fingers and tried to hide her embarrassment. “Um…I tried to cook again.”

  The smile reached his eyes now, seeming more genuine. “You know they say that if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again. Yeah, you shouldn’t listen to that advice. You should just…just stop. Quit while you’re ahead, that’s the advice you should take.”

  She hit his shoulder and giggled. “Stop being mean! I just wanted you to have a nice, hot meal when you got home.”

  He pulled her into his arms again and kissed the side of her head. “The only thing I want right now…is y
ou.”

  * * *

  Danny was pissed. Max! Sentimental Max! Make-a-big-deal-about-everything Max, had forgotten her birthday.

  Jumping into her car, she turned down a narrow street, heading straight for the beach. The beach was in walking distance but she was taking advantage of the fact that she could drive now. Well, kinda.

  She rode the clutch a bit too much and the car jerked and screeched. She heard Max’s voice shouting in her head: Clutch in, Danny! Release it slowly.

  It took a little getting used to, but learning to drive again was not as bad as she had originally anticipated and she loved having some sort of independence.

  Only a few blocks and she would be there. She needed a little time to herself before he got home. The sound of the waves and feel of the sand was calling her, promising to set her mind at ease. She wasn’t angry so much as she was hurt. Max was still grieving so it was understandable that it slipped his mind yet still it hurt. It was not about big gestures or expensive gifts. That wasn’t what she wanted. All she wanted was acknowledgement, a small Happy Birthday, Danny.

  It was the first birthday she remembered in the last ten years and she had wanted it to be special, like all her other memories with Max. Lauren had called. Amber had called. Even Charlie!

  Max had snuck off early this morning and the first thing she felt when she woke up was disappointment. She had waited with her phone beside her and nothing. Lunch and a meeting with another client and still nothing, not even a text message. As the day progressed, she had become more disheartened.

  All she needed was some time to rearrange her thoughts, to stop thinking about herself. Max needed her support during this hard time and a few minutes with sea and sand would help shift her focus. One part of her felt selfish while the other part kept reminding her that a simple birthday wish was not asking for too much.

  She took a deep breath and tried to calm her emotions as she parked her car and climbed out. Salty air filled her nostrils and she was beginning to feel better already. Tossing off her shoes, she buried her feet in the soft sand, allowing it to collect between her toes.

  She walked a little further and spotted a boulder. A vague memory came to mind—Jake lifting her up onto that rock when she was a little girl—and she was instantly drawn to it.