Finding Madelyn

by Suzette Vaughn

Galen worked at the fish plant with his uncle Will after school and every chance he had. It seemed ever day he got stronger, and happier.

  If they both had time, then there would be a date. Outings to the shore, the river, or wherever they could be alone. There was dancing to the car radio with picnic lunches. Stolen kisses when no one was looking were as common as rain in spring.

  Not a soul in town said a sentence that put the two of them together to Fredric Langley. Then May took her life away as easily as December had given it.

  Mama’s screams woke her in the middle of the night and she ran into her parent’s room.

  “Run to the neighbors, call the doctor.”

  “Mama?”

  “Now.” She yelled.

  Maddy slid on her shoes and started running. The closest neighbor with a phone was the Van Horn’s. It was about a five-minute walk; she knew because they walked past every day on their way home. All that walking had done wonders for her legs. The years of running from Pa hadn’t hurt.

  She sped up, thinking of the panic on Mama’s face, then pushed harder remembering what her father looked like. His eyes rolling back in his head. One arm clasped to his chest. His skin changing colors.

  As the house came into view she tried to yell, she was too far out of breath to succeed. Instead, she pounded on the door, taking large gasps of air.

  “What in the ha . . .” Mr. Van Horn stood in the doorway with a shotgun and underwear.

  “Doctor,” Maddy spit out. “Pa needs a doctor.”

  Mr. Van Horn nodded and moved to the phone. Maddy took a few more gasps of air.

  “I need to get back.”

  “I’ll give you . . .”

  Maddy didn’t hear more of what the man had to say as she took off again. By the time she waited for him to put on pants and find his car keys, she’d be back home.

  

  Aunt Vicky looked so small holding Mama up at the funeral, the same mourning frock Maddy had seen her wear to funerals before. Mama kept her hand clasped over the cross around her neck.

  So many turned out for someone to whom most never gave the time of day. Mrs. Langley stood on the other side of the grave with Galen. Harland was at school but sent his condolences. Fredric had stayed away but Will stood by him.

  Maddy stood next to Mama wondering, much as she had for the past three days, if she could have ran faster, would it have made a difference. Even with the doctor’s assurance that there was nothing anyone could have done, she still had to question herself. The doctor said that drinking the way Pa had was too much on his body. It was that simple.

  She’d wanted to scream at him, no death was that simple. Instead, she hadn’t screamed at anyone, hadn’t even shed a tear.

  Galen’s eyes were filled with sorrow and planted on Maddy, though she didn’t return the look. There was too much pain for a man she spent most of her life avoiding. Finally, she was to the point of being numb after spending every night trying to console Mama.

  It wasn’t her first funeral. Mama took her to every church member’s memorial service. Said it was only right to give the remaining family all the spare love they had. Pa’s however was the first funeral she ever attended that was personal.

  It felt wrong to put him in the ground and leave him there, alone. For someone to be so alive, more alive than he’d been in years, one minute and gone the next. With the only thing anyone could do was bury them and move on.

  Vicky held the after service dinner. Her home was far nicer than Mama’s and could accommodate more people. They settled Mama onto the sofa in the parlor where people could talk to her and give their respects. Maddy couldn’t sit still so she walked around the house then watched from the doorway as each person kissed Mama.

  Maddy could see the physical difference in her. Dark semi-circles incased her eyes. Her hair was disheveled from having her head on someone’s shoulder for the better part of three days, mostly Maddy’s shoulder at that.

  Will leaned down by Mama and she feigned a smile. The doctor had given Mama a pill so she would be calmer for the day. Maddy had another in her pocket to ensure Mama slept that night. There were whispers exchanged and a pat on Mama’s back.

  Will was an odd man. He kept to himself, to the point that, even though he lived over the Langley’s garage, he rarely came to the main house. He was taller and lankier than Harland, with darker hair like Fredric. He’d talked to Mama now and again, as they passed each other by, but never looked at Maddy.

  He stood from Mama’s side and today he actually looked at Maddy as he tried to pass from the parlor to hallway.

  “Sorry about your pa, Madelyn.”

  “Thank you.” She tried to smile, realizing she was a broken record repeating the same monotone thank you all day.

  He stopped in the hallway and turned back toward her. “Watch over your Mama, she’s taking it real hard.”

  It wasn’t the first time that someone had said that, but none had looked at Cassie in quite that way. There was a sparkle in his eye and she wondered if that was normal. The longest she’d ever seen Will, was when he stopped the car and asked if they wanted a ride the rest of the way home.

  She tired of hearing everyone say how sorry they were. No amount of words could bring Pa back. No matter how many times she heard “sorry,” it didn’t help. She settled on the swing in Vicky’s backyard just to get away from the people.

  Galen looked much older in the suit today than at the dance. Perhaps because it was black compared to the gray. Maybe the wear of working at the plant the last six months was taking its toll.

  He knelt in front of her putting his hands on her knees. “How are you doing?”

  She shook her head. In all the time spent consoling Mama, she’d yet to cry. But with him looking at her with concern, the back of her eyes stung. She averted her eyes to the ground just past him, sliding over when he moved to sit next to her. They sat in silence for a time.

  “I don’t have any words of wisdom. I have no idea what your feeling.” He cleared his throat. “All I can do is be here and comfort you when you cry.”

  His arm went around her and his lips touched the top of her head. Snuggling into the opening, she allowed her eyes to close.

  When her eyes reopened, it was dark and she was no longer curled against him in the swing. Even though she hadn’t slept in her bed for days, she knew the feeling. She could make out the faint glow from the kitchen. Mama’s door stood open, but the house was quiet.

  She put her feet on the floor, trying hard to not make a sound.

  “She’s sound asleep.” Galen’s voice startled her.

  “What are you still doing here?”

  “Mama told Dad I was off to visit Harland. He doesn’t expect to see me ‘til tomorrow sometime. Her and Miss Vicky didn’t think the two of you needed to be alone tonight.” Following the sound of his voice, she could just make out his shape sitting in a chair in the corner of her room.

  “They weren’t concerned with you being here?”

  “Not right now, no.”

  “Did you give her that pill?”

  “After about an hour of her crying, she agreed to take it and has been asleep ever since.”

  Maddy pushed her hair out of her face. “How did you get me home?”

  “Very carefully.” He said with an underlining laugh. “I even asked if you’d taken anything from the doctor.”

  She didn’t return the laugh. “I haven’t been sleeping well. Guess it caught up.”

  “You might as well go back to sleep, too.”

  “Need to change out of this dress. It’s not very comfortable to sleep in.”

  “You don’t have to ask my permission.”

  She walked over to the dresser and pulled out two pieces of clothing, then past him to the bathroom. It didn’t matter how tired she was, there was no way she would change in front of him.

  The shirt and shorts looked horrible but there wasn’t anything else to sleep in. With the light in t
he kitchen, she could see Mama dozing peacefully and hoped that after the pill wore off tomorrow she wouldn’t cry as much. It was slowly weighing Maddy down and there was nothing she could do.

  As her eyes adjusted, she saw Galen still sitting in the chair, the front legs of which were just off the floor. She couldn’t let him sleep in the chair, not that the sofa was any better.

  She sat on the bed, looking across at him. “It was nice of you to come over.”

  “Madelyn, you don’t—?”

  “Do you plan to sleep in that chair?” She interrupted.

  “If I need to, I can take the couch. You just looked so beautiful, I didn’t want to sleep.”

  She thought how safe she felt on the swing. “Why don’t you sleep with me?”

  The legs of the chair hit the floor and echoed through the house. Mama let out a snore but that was all.

  “You understand I mean in the bed with me. Not…” She hoped he couldn’t see the smile.

  “I get that.” He whispered. “I also think your mama would have a fit in the morning.”

  “I don’t think she will wake before us and if anyone would understand…she would. Fully dressed, of course, won’t hurt.”

  He laughed at that. The first laugh in the house in three days, it sounded better than rain during a drought. The chair slid back a little across the floor when he stood. His feet didn’t make a sound as he walked to the other side of the bed. The bed dipped as he lay behind her.

  His hand was warm along her shoulder. She settled into his arms with the same feeling as the swing moving over her. Safe and secure, nothing could go wrong with them together.

  Together they wiggled a little, trying to find the best way to lay. With him there, she didn’t find sleep as simple as on the swing. Her mind didn’t want to slow down. She kept viewing the day on a repeat with surreal motions. It started with Pa staring out of his coffin and ended with Mama’s scream pulling her back from sleep.

  Each time she jerked awake, Galen would kiss just above her ear and whisper, “I’m here.”

  She would slip back asleep only to do it again. Until the scene ended with Pa screaming instead. Then she woke with a slight scream and the jolt.

  “Madelyn, I’m still here.” Galen’s voice was deeper. He’d been asleep that time.

  “I’m fine.”

  She patted his arm where it was slung over her. He held tighter, pulling her full against him.

  The tear fell with a simple thought. It snuck up and forced the tear. Mama would never be held like this, Pa was no longer there to do it.

  Her body shuttered. Mama’s screams echoed back through her head. The tears fell free, she was no longer able to contain them.

  Galen stirred, kissed behind her ear, and squeezed. She tried to breath.

  “Madelyn?”

  She shook her head, unable to speak. He held tighter.

  She had avoided Donald Murphy. Now she missed him. She had refused to let him see her cry; now she cried for him.

  “It’s healthy to cry, I can’t make the tears stop, I can’t fix the pain, but I’m here if you need anything.”

  She clutched tighter to his arms and he did the same.

  “If you turn around there is more of me to hold.”

  She let go of his arms and bounced to her other side, grasping on to him as soon as she could. Still she saw the look of pain on his face. He hurt for her.

  Time does heal. Life does move on. Perhaps not the exact same as it had been. Mama smiled less. Galen visited more and spirited her off less. She and Mama worked more since there wasn’t anyone for Mama to rush home to.

  They even worked later at the Langley’s. At least once a week, she’d watch Galen come in looking beat and smelling like fish. Once his eyes connected with hers he perked up, he still smelled but he looked like Galen. Mama was sure, when that happened, they were gone before he was out of the shower.

  She’d even said one day, “No woman will kiss a man that smells like fish.”

  They’d laughed but she was half right.

  “Why not?”

  Maddy was walking to the garage to put away the washbasin when Will’s voice stopped her dead. It wasn’t his voice but the tone of it. A slight shiver up her back.

  “I’m not ready. Not sure I ever will be.” Cassie responded sorrowfully as was now normal.

  “I don’t understand why you even stayed married to him, let alone why you won’t move on.”

  “Because I loved him.” Mama’s voice grew with anger.

  Maddy heard the footsteps and stepped to the side of the garage. Mama was shaking her head when she passed the corner where Maddy could just see around the building. She leaned further into the garage door, trying to not be spotted.

  What had they been discussing?

  Will left the garage, up the stairs to his rooms above, and she put away the tub. She barely walked in the house when Mama insisted they go. They walked in relative silence with Maddy’s conscience bugging her. Yet, she kept the questions that were running rampant in her brain until they were out of town.

  Then she opened the best she could. “Mama, what were you and Will talking about in the garage?”

  “What were you doing listening?” Mama wasn’t happy but not nearly as mad as the last sentence she’d said to Will.

  “I was trying to put away the washtub.” The defensiveness of the statement came across.

  “It was an adult conversation.”

  Maddy stopped and stared at her with eyebrows raised.

  Cassie rolled her eyes. “Will has—on occasion—asked me to go out with him.”

  “He what?”

  It was Cassie’s turn to look at her like she was dumb. “Is it so hard to believe?”

  “I don’t mean it like that Mama, but Will?” Not that he was a bad looking man, she’d just never seen a hint of his actions. Never saw anything that indicated that he wanted anything to do with her family.

  “He liked me when we were younger. I however fell in love . . .” Cassie cleared her throat.

  “So why don’t you?” Maddy didn’t want her to have to finish the sentence.

  “It’s just too soon.” Mama’s voice still cracked.

  Maddy put her arm around her mother’s shoulder and thought of her mama being alone when she left the house. “Maybe someday.”

  Cassie put her head on Maddy’s shoulder. “Maybe baby, but I’m fine living the way it is.”

  Cassie Murphy disappeared two months later.

  Eleven

  When Maddy had left Washington, she’d wandered for a while, trying to not turn around and run back. Somewhere in Nebraska, she’d decided there was no turning back. Actually, she figured she could never go back. Innately she’d continued east. New York City was a shock to her system. So many people and yet she felt alone, empty, and isolated from them all.

  There was no doubt that she was different. The people in the city knew where they were going and she was just walking around. They were dressed in nicer clothing but she wasn’t going to spend money to look like them.

  There it would be simple to blend in, really get lost in the crowd. Even if someone came looking for her and figured out she’d stopped in New York, there were too many people for them to easily track her down from the masses. It only took a few hours to toss that plan.

  She’d walked through the streets still heading east but the moment she spotted water there was an actual spark in her. Just because she hit water didn’t mean she had to stop. After a few hours of asking and following directions, she found what she was looking for and went to the ticket counter.

  “I want a ticket to Europe.” She said to the lady on the other side.

  She received a hearty laugh back before the woman even looked at her. “Oh honey, you’re serious. There are no boats going across.”

  “What about planes?”

  “Don’t you know there’s a war going on?”

  “Everyone knows there’s a war. I’m willi
ng to pay well for a way there.”

  “You don’t really want to go over there and the only people going are military and doctors.”

  Madelyn picked up her bag cursing under her breath. She didn’t stop there. Every boat told her the same thing, though. Even if they were going east, they couldn’t and wouldn’t take her.

  She continued along the coast heading north, asking at every dock, asking every ship. When she’d found North Perry something new sparked. It was a smaller town, with a fishing industry that she was used to. It was on the water with friendly enough people. It was almost as far northeast as she could go and stay in the States. She could have continued to Canada and found something a little farther east but this would do nicely.

  And the dock that she was now sitting on had been the final piece to make her stay. It jutted out a good bit from the shore giving her an unblocked view of the water, and the sun rising, and if she could see beyond her limited eye sight all the way to Europe. It was as close as she could get to Europe and still be away from the fighting.

  It was as close as she could get to Galen. The first time she’d realized that, she cried for three days, sitting on this dock. Instinctively she’d done it. She’d gone as far as she could to get to him. This dock was her final resting place since she was sure he’d die fighting across the sea that separated them.

  Even with part of her dying, she’d started working at the diner. She’d bought the cottage knowing he’d be proud of her. Her Mama would have been proud too.

  

  The leaves rustled behind her but the wind wasn’t blowing that hard. She half hoped it was Frank so she didn’t have to talk to Galen, yet. The other half of her went the other way.

  “It’s beautiful, Madelyn.”

  “I can second that.”

  The sun was just cresting over the ocean creating a vision by which to live one’s life.

  “The whole property, but that view is spectacular.” Galen sat down putting his back to the next pole down from her.

  “Do you mind if we stay out here and talk?”

  “I’m fine with that.” His tone stayed soft.

  She pulled her quilt tighter, trying to figure out where to start.