When All Is Said and Prayed

by E. N. Joy

  “I thought you was gonna be on the airplane,” Adele said.

  “I am,” Paige answered. “But remember Mommy said she wanted to spend every minute with you and your sister that she could?”

  Adele nodded.

  “Well, I meant that. So I’m going to take you guys to dance class, and Aunt Sam is going to meet us there. Then she and your grandparents are going to take care of you while I’m gone.”

  Paige led the girls into the house. They had snacks, told Paige how their day was at school, and started their school assignments. By 4:15 p.m. they were in the car and on their way to the dance studio. They encountered a traffic jam due to a broken-down vehicle, which put Paige a few minutes behind schedule. When she arrived at the studio, Samantha was already waiting for her in the lobby.

  “So sorry I’m late,” Paige said, ushering the girls into the studio.

  “Oh, no problem,” Samantha said, giving Paige a hug. “I’ve been here only a couple minutes myself.”

  “Okay, well, why don’t you come on back with me so that when you bring them yourself next Friday, you’ll know where the locker room is, their studio, the viewing room, and all that jazz?”

  “Sounds good to me,” Samantha said. “Then, after you give them their kisses good-bye and they’re off dancing, we can go transfer their stuff from your car to mine.”

  “That’s a plan,” Paige said. Paige got the girls to the locker room and all changed. “Be good girls while Mommy is gone, and I’ll bring you back something really nice, okay?”

  “Yay!” the girls cheered, jumping up and down.

  “Remind Mr. Ryan that he’s going to be our daddy after he marries you,” Adele said.

  “I will.” Paige smiled. It was an added bonus that the girls were excited about her marrying Ryan.

  “Hurry back, Mommy,” Norma said. “We’re going to miss you.”

  “Yeah, and hurry back because we want our present too,” Adele said with a straight face.

  Paige and Samantha couldn’t help but laugh.

  “I’m going to miss you girls too,” Paige said. “Mommy loves you both very much.”

  “We love you too,” the girls chorused.

  After all the hugs, kisses, and farewells, Paige got the girls to their studio to practice. Afterward, she and Samantha went out to the car and put the girls’ things in Samantha’s car.

  “Thanks, again, Sam. I truly appreciate you,” Paige said.

  “Oh, no problem. What are sisters for?” Samantha said, hugging Paige. “You all have a safe trip, and do everything I would do and then some.” She winked.

  “Girl, you already know.” Paige laughed.

  Samantha hurried back into the studio, while Paige got in the car and secured her seat belt. She did one last sweep of the car. That was when she looked down at the floor on the passenger side and saw that she’d forgotten to give Samantha the girls’ book bags. “Dang it the snap!” she shouted. She undid her seat belt, grabbed the book bags, and then got out of the car.

  She did a light jog into the studio. As soon as she walked through the door, she stopped in her tracks, only because she walked smack-dab into a dance mom who was exiting the studio.

  “I’m so sorry,” both women said at the same time, then looked at each other.

  “Lorain, I’m so sorry,” Paige said, realizing she knew the person she’d almost taken out, like she was a quarterback on a football field.

  “Paige, how are you?” Lorain asked.

  “Good.” Paige looked down at the twins, who were lagging behind their mother. Practice must have been intense. The girls looked worn out. “Hi, girls.”

  “Hi,” they said in unison.

  Paige looked at Lorain. She looked equally as worn out as the girls. “How are you?”

  “A little tired. I was up all night.”

  “With your little one?” Paige asked, assuming that was the case. “By the way, where is he?” She realized Lorain’s son wasn’t with her.

  “The baby is with my mom. I was up all night, sitting with Unique. She—”

  “Oh, Unique is back in town?” Paige asked, not meaning to cut Lorain off. She blamed it on the anxiety of wanting to make sure she caught her flight. “She moved to Atlanta, right?”

  “Yes, she’s been back a week now,” Lorain said. Her tone became somber. She leaned in and, trying to be discreet, whispered, “They gave her only about another week, you know.”

  Paige threw her hand over her mouth. “Oh, Jesus, Lorain. I’m so sorry. I had no idea that Unique was even sick.” Paige looked down at her watch. “I feel so bad that I can’t stay and talk. I have a flight to catch, but I’m so sorry.” Paige hugged Lorain tightly. “I’ll definitely be praying for her, though.”

  “Oh, no. Unique is not sick,” Lorain said upon being released from Paige’s hug. Once again she whispered. “It’s Tamarra. Unique stays at her bedside until she falls off to sleep,” Lorain explained. “You know, when she first found out and got sick, she never really told anybody. I don’t blame her, not with such a stigma being attached to the disease. Since she was self-employed and a small business owner, the insurance benefits weren’t the best. Her bills pretty much bankrupted her. Her home is in foreclosure. She was able to sell the catering business, but she even depleted those funds.

  “You know she left New Day years ago. She kept in touch only with Unique, and then, when Unique moved away, Tamarra no longer had a connection to New Day. Last week Pastor Margie just happened to be visiting someone else in the hospital when she walked by a room that had Tamarra’s name on the door. Pastor Margie peeked in, and lo and behold it was our Tamarra.” Lorain’s eyes filled with tears. “Unique told me that Pastor said when Tamarra saw her, she just burst into tears.”

  Lorain sniffed. “Just to think she’s been fighting the disease alone all these years. Even when she first got sick, Unique was working for her in West Virginia. She asked her to come back to Malvonia and run the business for her. She told Unique she wasn’t well but never told her that she . . . you know . . . had it.”

  Anyone walking by would have mistakenly believed that Paige was either in a Lamaze class or was going into labor. Her breathing in and out was becoming heavier and heavier.

  Lorain put her hand on Paige’s shoulder. “You okay?”

  Paige couldn’t respond. She couldn’t talk. She couldn’t breathe. Lorain had been talking; she’d been talking a lot. She had been saying so much that Paige could barely take it all in. Tamarra was sick. The woman who had been her best friend once upon a time was sick. She’d been sick for a while. She wasn’t just sick. She was on her deathbed. She’d been given a week to live.

  “How could this . . . what . . . I mean . . .” Paige’s world was spinning. The words were whirling around in her head. It was like a tornado. She was in the eye of the storm. She didn’t know how to process everything that Lorain had just said. She wobbled, slightly losing her balance.

  “Paige!” Lorain grabbed Paige. “Come sit down.” She escorted her over to a bench by the door.

  “Is everything okay?” the receptionist asked.

  “Uh, yeah, yeah . . . I think,” Lorain replied, then turned and faced Paige. “Are you okay? Do you need me to call someone?”

  Paige tucked her lips in to help hold back the yelp she wanted to let out. Her lips trembled like they were levies trying to hold back an explosion of water.

  “Paige, breathe.” Lorain sat down next to her. “Can you breathe? Nod or something, or I’m going to have Rebecca call nine-one-one.” Lorain nodded toward the receptionist.

  Once again Paige began to breathe in and out heavily. “Where is she?” was what Paige finally managed to force out.

  “Huh?” Lorain said, not catching what Paige had asked.

  “Where is she now? Tamarra?”

  “She’s home now. At her house. It’s in foreclosure, but they haven’t sent the sheriff to put her out or anything. They’re trying to do a quick sale or som
ething like that. I heard the church she now belongs to took up a collection, but it wasn’t enough to pay off all her debts. They were able to put a dent in her medical bills, though. She worked hard all her life, building that business. They wanted her to die with as much dignity as she could. I even got together with my doctors’ wives’ club, and we donated and raised money. The bills keep piling up, though. At least she doesn’t have any children, a husband, or anyone who will have to worry about her debt falling on their shoulders. It’s just a shame. At the very least, a person wants to die with a good name, you know.”

  Paige nodded. “Yes, I know.”

  Lorain rubbed Paige’s back. “I’m sorry I had to be the one to tell you this. I know you two had a falling-out some time ago. I just knew you two would have patched things up by now.” Lorain chuckled. “You two were as thick as thieves.”

  Paige just sat there rocking back and forth.

  “I’m surprised Pastor Margie didn’t say anything to you about it.”

  A light bulb immediately went off in Paige’s head. She’d missed church last Sunday. She’d attended Ryan’s mother and father’s church, taking them up on their invite. Pastor Margie had called and left her a message while she was in the shop with her mother, buying her wedding dress. She’d forgotten to return the call, though. Paige couldn’t remember the last time she’d checked her messages.

  “I uh, missed church last Sunday,” Paige said in Pastor Margie’s defense. “Pastor called me, but I had no idea. . . .” Paige’s words trailed off. She shook her head, still in disbelief.

  “Well, I’m just glad I ran into you and was able to let you know,” Lorain said. “I don’t know exactly what happened between the two of you. But one thing I have learned in my own life is that the last thing you want to do is let time pass without saying what is truly on your heart. Good or bad, release it.”

  Paige heard everything Lorain was saying, but hearing this devastating news about Tamarra had taken her heart and mind to places they hadn’t been in a long time. She’d prayed for her enemies. She’d forgiven them. She’d told Tamarra to her face that she’d forgiven her, and she’d meant it. But on the same day she’d forgiven Tamarra, she’d walked away from both her and their friendship.

  The Bible said that one must forgive. It didn’t say that one still had to associate with someone or entertain him or her after forgiveness had taken place. Tamarra represented a time in Paige’s life that was dark. She’d been intimate with her husband, and this had formed a connection between the three of them that Paige didn’t want to deal with every time she saw Tamarra. That was when a thought occurred to Paige.

  “Disease. You said Tamarra has a disease,” Paige said, turning to Lorain. “What . . . what is it?” Paige was almost afraid to ask, which was why she stammered.

  Lorain said softly, “She’s having complications from AIDS.”

  Paige threw her head back. Thank God there was a wall behind her, or else she would have fallen right off that bench. Still, the wind felt like it had been punched out of Paige. All the dots were beginning to connect. Blake might have not discovered that he was HIV positive until he was in jail, but clearly, he’d contracted the deadly disease long before ever going to jail. Blake had a pretty colorful sexual history. Tamarra had claimed that he was a womanizer, that he used women for whatever he wanted and then tossed them aside like trash. His sexual past had caught up with him, and Tamarra had been caught in the cross fire.

  “Are you sure I can’t call someone for you?” Lorain asked. “Did you say you had a plane or something to catch?”

  “Ryan,” Paige said out loud. She’d truly forgotten all about the fact that she was supposed to go meet at the airport the man who she was marrying and with whom she planned on spending the rest of her life. She looked down at her watch. The plane was scheduled to leave in less than ninety minutes. That meant that everyone was surely waiting at the airport for her. Time had truly gotten away from Paige. “I’ve gotta go.” Paige jumped up.

  Lorain stood up. “Are you sure you’re okay to drive? I can take you where you need to be or call you a cab or something.”

  “No, no. I’m fine,” Paige said. She pulled Lorain in for a hug. “Thank you so much.”

  “Oh, no problem. You take care of yourself.”

  “Yes, I will. You too.” Paige headed for the door.

  “Wait, Paige. I think you left these.”

  Paige turned around to see Lorain standing there, holding the girls’ book bags.

  Paige sighed but then had an idea. “The girls’ aunt Samantha. Blond hair. Tall. Thin. She’s in the viewing room for studio two. Will you give them to her please?” Paige had one foot out the door as she backpedaled out of the building.

  “Yes, sure. You go ahead,” Lorain said.

  “Thank you. Thank you so much. For everything.” Paige darted out the door and raced to her car. She got in the car and started it. She looked in the rearview mirror before she backed out of her parking space. She locked eyes with herself in the mirror and prayed that within the next five minutes she could come up with the answer to the question her eyes were asking her.

  Where are you going?

  Paige could give only one of two answers: to the airport, to be with the man she wanted to spend the rest of her years with, or to the house where her former best friend didn’t have years to live but only a matter of days.

  Chapter 28

  As Paige pulled out of the dance studio parking lot, her phone rang. She looked down at the center console, where she’d left the phone while she’d taken the girls inside. She picked the phone up. Ryan’s name flashed across the caller ID, along with a picture of him with his boys smiling next to him. It was a picture she’d taken of them with her phone when they came to her house for dinner.

  A loud horn blowing tore Paige’s eyes away from the phone. She’d almost hit the car coming into the parking lot. She hurriedly swerved over to the right to keep from nicking the front end of it and causing a fender bender. The phone fell from her hand when she grabbed the steering wheel with both hands.

  “Sorry,” she said, waving an apologetic hand at the other driver. Paige put the car in park and reached down to pick up her phone. She felt around until she could grasp it with her fingertips. By the time she got control of the phone and had it up to her ear, the call had already gone to voice mail.

  Paige sat and thought for a minute while she looked at the phone, noticing that she had four missed calls and a couple text messages and that the voice mail symbol was displayed.

  “Lord, guide me,” was all Paige said as she exited the parking lot.

  Fifteen minutes later Paige was pulling up to her destination. She parked and sat in her car for a few seconds. The clock was ticking. While driving for the past fifteen minutes, she had weighed all her options. The pros and cons of getting on the plane. The pros and cons of not getting on the plane. This was one of the hardest choices Paige had had to make in a long time. But for some reason, she felt as though the choice really wasn’t hers to make. It felt more like a no-brainer. Like a given. God wasn’t wavering on what He’d put in Paige’s heart to do. It was her flesh that was doing all the wavering as it fought against what her head kept urging her to do.

  Paige put the car in park. She turned off the engine and pulled the key out of the ignition. She leaned her head back against the headrest, closed her eyes, and asked for the Holy Spirit to continue directing her path, ordering both her steps and her words. She did not want to stray and change the course of her entire life, although she felt with the decision she was making, that was exactly what was about to happen. With that final thought, Paige got out of the car and made her way inside the airport.

  She looked down at the boarding passes she’d retrieved from her laptop bag. She double-checked the airline, then looked up to find their counter. She figured she would find her family nearby. She hadn’t even made it to the designated ticket counter before she heard her name being ca
lled.

  “Paige, right here.”

  She spotted Ryan waving and walking toward her. His fast-paced walk turned into a light jog before he caught up with her.

  “Honey, where were you?” Ryan pulled Paige into a hug and kissed her on the side of her head.

  Paige didn’t say anything.

  “We all just checked our luggage,” Ryan told Paige, coming out of the hug. “I had our parents go on through security and head back to the gate.” He looked down at Paige, noticing she didn’t have any luggage. Just her purse. “Where’s your luggage? Did you do curbside check-in?”

  Still, Paige remained silent. All she could do was look into the eyes of the man who expected her to board a plane, get married in two days, then honeymoon for five before returning to the States to combine their lives and the lives of their children. In his eyes she saw it all taking place. A dream come true. Well, she was about to wake him up out of that dream.

  “Ryan, there is something I have to tell you.” Paige cast her tear-filled eyes downward.

  Ryan stared at Paige for a moment before he started shaking his head. “Don’t do this to me, Paige. Don’t get cold feet on me now.” He pointed toward the security gate. “Our parents are already waiting on us to—”

  “Ryan, please,” Paige interrupted him. “I do not have cold feet. I want to marry you now more than ever,” she said.

  Ryan exhaled. The gust of air that came from his lungs could have knocked her over. “Thank you, God,” he said, hugging Paige again.

  “But I can’t.”

  Paige’s words stung Ryan. They paralyzed him. He couldn’t move as he held Paige in his arms.

  After more seconds of silence than Paige could stand to suffocate in, she spoke. “Not like we planned to.”

  Ryan slowly pulled away from Paige. “What are you saying?”

  “I just got some really horrific news,” Paige said.

  A look of concern filled Ryan’s eyes.

  “It’s Tamarra.”

  Ryan’s look went from concern to confusion. What in the world could Tamarra have to do with why Paige couldn’t marry him?