by Helen Lacey
Colleen’s inquisitive brows shot up. “You gave her a horse? That was nice of you.”
He shrugged. “She wants to learn to ride and the mare was just—”
“You don’t have to explain your reasons,” his mother said, grinning in a cat-that-got-the-canary kind of way. “I like Marissa. She’s kind and considerate and the girls obviously adore her, so I’m pleased you are both getting along.”
We’re not...
But he wasn’t going to tell her that. He knew what was going on in his mom’s head. She was matchmaking. She thought Marissa to be the ideal candidate in her plans to see him married again, and she was not being too subtle about it, either. But it was out of the question. No matter how many times he’d let it shift around in his head over the past couple of days, it always gave him the same feeling. The same unease. The same guilt.
Still, he didn’t like thinking that he’d yelled at Marissa.
“Can you watch Tina for an hour before I head into town to pick the girls up from school?” he asked his mother. “I need to run an errand.”
Colleen grinned. “You’re going to see Marissa?”
Grady shrugged lightly. “Don’t get the wrong idea.”
“I never do. You know, sometimes what you need isn’t necessarily what you think you want. Or don’t want.”
He frowned. “I have no idea what that means.”
She grinned wider. “Oh, I think you do.”
He ignored the gleam in his mother’s eyes and headed out.
It took barely ten minutes to get to Miss Violet’s house. He didn’t want to think about the place being Marissa’s. That meant permanence. Sure, she’d said she was back for good, but he figured there was too much city girl in her to turn her back on her former life forever.
Grady pulled up outside the cottage and got out of the truck. He could hear music, something loud and modern. He headed up the steps and knocked on the door. No answer. He gave up and walked around the porch to the rear of the house. Marissa was in the garden, kneeling by an overgrown flower bed. Probably the same one Earl had been grazing on a few days earlier. She wore jeans and a plaid shirt tied at her waist and her hair was hidden beneath a floppy straw hat. He watched as she dug the weeds out with a small three-pronged fork and swayed her hips in time to the blaring music. His blood spiked instantly and he shook the feeling off. He didn’t want to be stirred by Marissa. He didn’t want to think about her curves or warm chocolate eyes or soft, lush mouth.
She stopped moving, as though aware she was being observed, and turned on her knees.
Then she dropped the fork and got to her feet. She didn’t say a word as she came up the steps and walked into the house through the back door. The music stopped a few seconds later and she came back outside, two bottles of cold soda in her hands. She passed him one and their knuckles grazed. The touch was enough to heat his skin, and he quickly flipped the top off the bottle to do something with his hands.
The silence between them spoke volumes. It stretched and amplified. It mocked his determination to not think about her.
Finally, he spoke. “I’m sorry if I yelled at you this morning.”
She rested her hips on the porch railing, tilted the straw hat back and looked at him. “You came all this way to apologize?”
“We only live next door,” he reminded her. “And, yes. It was made clear to me that I was something of a jerk this morning.”
“Only this morning?” she inquired.
Grady spotted a soil mark on the side of her face. He grabbed the bandanna from his back pocket and stepped closer. “Hold still,” he instructed and quickly wiped the mark off. When he was done, he moved back and returned the cloth to his pocket. “That’s better.”
Her cheeks were pink, her eyes bright, her mouth slightly apart. He couldn’t recall her ever looking more beautiful. And in that moment he realized an irrefutable fact. The niggling irritation that had plagued him for days was due to one thing...he was attracted to Marissa. And he suddenly felt as if he was back in high school. Back thinking about taking her to prom. Back being told by Liz that Marissa wasn’t interested in him.
He’d loved Liz wholly and completely and had dismissed his teenage attraction for Marissa a long time ago. But now it felt as if it had returned with a vengeance, taunting him, making him feel like the biggest fool of all time.
“So, who’s responsible for this revelation of yours?” she asked as she took a sip of soda.
For a moment he wondered if she was reading his thoughts, but quickly realized what she meant. “Rex, my foreman. He said I yelled at you. He also said you didn’t like it.”
“He’s right on both counts. He’s a smart man.”
Shame crept up his neck. “I apologize. I didn’t mean to upset you. I was—”
“I know,” she said, cutting him off. “We always do that to one another.”
“It’s no excuse for yelling. I’m not that person...generally.”
“Only around me, you mean?”
Discomfiture snaked up his spine. “I was mad with myself this morning and I shouldn’t have taken that out on you.”
She sighed and smiled fractionally. “I probably sounded ungrateful. But I’m not. It was very nice of you to give me Ebony. I spent some time with her this afternoon and she has such a sweet nature.”
“Yeah,” he said casually. “I thought you two would get along.”
She looked at him over the bottle. “Are you saying I’m sweet, too?”
Grady backpedaled. “My mom thinks so.”
She smiled. “That’s quite an endorsement.”
“Yeah, that’s my mother. She’s likes you. And she appreciates how much you care about her grandchildren.”
“I love the girls,” she said and took a shallow breath. “And your mom has always been kind to me. She held my hand at Liz’s funeral, did you know that? She sat beside me and helped me through the service.”
Grady’s chest constricted. “Like you helped me in the kitchen once everyone had left?”
She sucked in a sharp breath. “You remember that?”
“Of course,” he replied. “As for my mom, no, I didn’t know that.”
“I think she must have realized how alone I felt without much family...and knowing how much I cared about Liz. I’ll always be grateful for her support that day.”
It sounded like something his mother would do. “She’s a good person.”
Marissa nodded. “You’re lucky to have her.”
“I know,” he said and smiled ruefully. “Even if she’s on a mission at the moment.”
“A mission?”
“To see me...you know...with someone.”
She grinned. “You mean married?”
“Precisely.”
“And is that what you want?” she asked.
Grady drank some soda and shrugged loosely. “I don’t know.”
“Because you still feel married to Liz?”
It was the first time anyone had asked him the question he figured should have seemed obvious. But Marissa seemed to get it. And she wasn’t worried about asking. Then again, she’d been there from the beginning...from their wedding to each of the girls being born and then when Liz had died. Marissa probably knew his feelings better than anyone because she’d also loved Liz. It was a bond they would always share. One that drew them together as much as it pulled them apart.
“People can’t just turn off feelings.”
She stared at him, her eyes wide. “You’re right about that.”
He wondered if she was thinking about her ex-husband. She’d said she didn’t love him now, but Grady wasn’t entirely convinced. It would certainly explain the lost, almost haunted look in her eyes at times. He didn’t like how the notion rattled him. “So, am
I forgiven?”
She nodded. “Sure. Liz wouldn’t want us to be at odds with one another.”
“That’s true. Your friendship was very important to her. And it is to me, too, Marissa. Liz knew...” His words trailed off for a moment. “She knew how important you would be to the girls once she was gone.”
He met her gaze and saw the shine in her eyes. “I’ll always be there for them.”
“I know.”
Liz had known it, too. There were two things she’d asked of him before she died—to keep Marissa in their lives and for him to be happy.
They were Liz’s last words. And he’d made a promise that day. A promise he hadn’t quite fulfilled. Because he was content, not happy. He had his kids, his ranch, his family and friends... He had a lot to be grateful for. Expecting more seemed churlish. Greedy. Arrogant.
“Well...I should get going and let you return to your gardening.”
“Sure. Actually, I’m heading off to see Aunt Violet soon.”
Grady nodded. “How long before she comes home?”
Marissa lifted one shoulder. “If she comes home. She’s talking about moving into a retirement complex, like those new ones near the hospice where your uncle lives.”
Grady’s uncle Joe had lived at the Veterans home for a number of years, and the newly developed retirement complex was a couple of blocks down the street. “Will you stay here if she does?”
“I told you I was back for good. And I could buy this place off Aunt Violet. I have enough in savings and from my divorce settlement. All those greenhouses my great-uncle built years ago are going to waste, so I could try my hand at growing organic vegetables.”
Marissa Ellis as a farmer? Not what he expected to hear. “Do you know anything about organic vegetables?”
“Not a thing,” she replied. “But since there’s little call for New York marketing executives in Cedar River, and I have to do something, I thought it might be worth looking into. Besides, I’m a fast learner.”
Grady didn’t doubt that. “I hope it works out for you.”
She groaned. “Honestly, Grady, sometimes you can be so condescending.”
“Part of my charm,” he said and grinned. “But what about turning one of them into a studio?”
She stilled. “I don’t know. I haven’t touched a pottery wheel for years.”
Grady knew that. She’d left for college on an art scholarship and switched majors after two terms. Liz said she’d wanted something more reliable than the dream of opening up her own store to showcase her wares.
“Maybe it’s time to pick it back up? There are several gift stores in town now that cater to the tourists. Those fancy mugs you used to make would probably go over really well with that crowd.”
She shrugged. “Maybe.”
“And speaking of learning new things, you get your first riding lesson on Saturday morning. I’ll let you know what time.”
Her expression brightened. “Oh, okay.”
“I’d better be off. I have to pick Breanna and Milly up from school.” He propped the empty soda bottle on the small table by the door, then looked at her. “You can drop by and see the girls anytime. You know that, right?”
“I know,” she said and nodded. “Goodbye, Grady.”
He tilted his hat and walked around the porch.
But damn if he couldn’t help thinking that he wanted to stay and talk with her just a little longer. And that, he figured as he drove off, meant he was in deep, serious trouble.
* * *
People can’t just turn off feelings...
Marissa was thinking about Grady’s confession for days afterward.
And wondering why he’d come to see her when a telephone call would have sufficed. It wasn’t as if they were friends...not really. They were connected because of Liz. They both knew that. She was pleased they’d cleared the air, but his suggestion about setting up a studio had made her think about what she’d given up. Marissa had abandoned her dreams of making a living from her craft a long time ago. She’d studied business and marketing and potted only as a hobby. Then she met Simon and her hobby became a distant memory. Toward the end of their marriage and in one of his rages he’d smashed most of her pieces, and since then she’d lost the urge to create and get her hands into the clay.
But maybe Grady was right. Maybe one of the greenhouses would make an ideal studio.
The week flew by, with several visits to Aunt Violet, who confirmed that she’d decided to stay in town after her rehab. She gave Marissa the opportunity to buy the small ranch. She had planned on living with Aunt Violet, and certainly had enough money from her savings and the divorce settlement to buy the place outright, and invest some significant dollars into the farm. But she wasn’t sure. She needed time to think about what she truly wanted to do now that she was back.
On Thursday afternoon she returned home around five o’clock and was just about to start packing some of her aunt’s things into boxes when her cell rang.
It was Grady.
“Marissa,” he said quickly, his voice raspier than usual. “My brother has been in an accident and I need to get to the hospital. My mother is out of town and I was wondering if you would be able to watch the girls for me.”
“Of course. I’ll be right there.”
Twelve minutes later she pulled up outside Grady’s ranch house. He was on the porch, pacing, car keys in his hand. He took the steps and met her by her Volvo.
“Thank you,” he said and sighed heavily. “Rex is out mending fences. Otherwise I would have asked him.”
Marissa clutched his arm. “Is your brother seriously hurt?”
He shrugged and tapped her hand. “I’m not sure. The hospital called to say he fell off his motorbike. I’ll ring you when I know more. Breanna and Milly are in their rooms reading and Tina is playing in the nursery.”
“You go,” she said and ushered him off. “We’ll be fine.”
By the time Marissa grabbed her tote and climbed the steps, all she could see was the dust from the wheels of his pickup. She headed inside and checked in on Tina. The littlest Parker was playing with blocks in her room and was instantly distracted when Marissa walked across the threshold. Tina was in her arms in seconds and she walked up the hall to see the older girls. Breanna and Milly were clearly delighted to see her, and she sat with them for a few minutes while they read from their books in turn. Once they’d finished, she settled Tina in the playpen and then made her way to the kitchen to make coffee.
The huge kitchen was in the center of the house and overlooked the pool and gardens. Marissa could recall the countless times she’d sat with Liz at the huge square table, sharing coffee and conversation and dreams for the future. It was where her friend had told her she was expecting her first baby, and Marissa remembered it as if it was yesterday. Liz had been so happy that day. Glowing and in love with Grady and filled with happiness.
She sighed heavily. She missed her friend. She missed having someone to talk to, to confide in. Sure, she’d had friends in New York, but none whom she trusted enough to share her innermost thoughts. When she’d learned about Simon’s infidelity, she’d longed for her friend. When her ex-husband had repeatedly yelled at her and called her boring and cold and as passionless as an ice cube, she’d wished she had someone to tell. And on that last day, when Simon had been so enraged he’d struck her and grabbed her by the throat, she’d gone to the police alone, so ashamed that she hadn’t been able to see the man she believed she’d loved for what he was—a violent, womanizing brute. Of course, the charges hadn’t stuck. Simon was too influential, too charming. But she’d tried to defend herself and sought some comfort in that.
But told no one. Not even Aunt Violet. Over the past twelve months, she’d longed for a family more than ever before. For brothers and sisters. For
a mother. For a dad. Someone who could be her champion. But there was no one. So, after living alone for a year, when Grady had called to say her aunt needed her, she’d finally packed up her life and headed home.
Marissa took a deep, steadying breath and made coffee, then looked through the refrigerator and considered what she could give the girls for dinner. She found a casserole in the freezer, considered how long it would take to defrost and then decided on toasted cheese sandwiches.
Rex tapped on the back door half an hour later and walked into the kitchen, hat in his hands. “Evening, Miss Ellis,” he said quietly.
“Please, call me Marissa,” she insisted. “Did Grady get a hold of you?”
“Yes. I was down at Flat Rock with Pete for most of the afternoon and don’t get good cell reception there. But he left a message.” He shifted on his feet. “Is there anything you need, Miss Ellis?”
“Marissa,” she said again and smiled. There was a kindness about Rex that put her at ease. He wasn’t as old as he looked, she was sure. Maybe midfifties. His face was weathered, as if he’d spent one too many summers out in the sun, but he was still quite handsome. And there was something about his brown eyes...something that told her he was a man of deep integrity. “And I’m fine. But thank you for checking, I appreciate it.”
His cheeks immediately flushed. “No problem, ma’am... I mean, Marissa.”
The way he said her name gave her an unexpected comfort. “Would you like to stay for dinner?”
“No,” he said quickly. “I’ve still got a couple of horses to bed down. Take care, ma’am.”
He left as quietly as he’d arrived and Marissa returned to the meal she was preparing. By the time she was done, Tina was ready for her bath and the older girls had their pajamas ready. Once all the kids were bathed and changed, Marissa ushered everyone to the kitchen.
Dinner was a fun affair with lots of spillage and laughter. Afterward she got the girls to brush their teeth and allowed them to watch television for an hour before she put them to bed with another story. Tina stayed up a little later, curled up with Marissa on the sofa in the lounge room. She fell asleep around eight, and Marissa was just contemplating putting the toddler back in her room when she got a text from Grady saying he would soon be on his way home.