Being Mary Bennet Blows

by Mary Strand

  “The sheet explains everything. The cost of the tickets you bought me for the Log Chute and Orange Streak, plus the Diet Coke, although I didn’t know where you found it. All the places I checked just sold Pepsi.” I stared at him, wondering if he had gotten that Diet Coke especially for me—no way—but he didn’t blink. “Anyway, it’s close. Since I made that whole day suck for you—” Almost as much as it had sucked for me. “I figured at least I should pay you back.”

  From the look on his face, I just did.

  And then I walked out of the cafeteria, leaving Josh behind. Where he belonged.

  Chapter 7

  Mary, however, continued to console herself with such kind of moral extractions from the evil before them.

  — Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice, Volume III, Chapter Five

  Boy, had I dodged a bullet named Josh.

  Or so I told myself. As in, repeatedly over the next two weeks, especially as I watched Jane falling for Charlie—even after he dumped her for all those months, which she conveniently seemed to forget—and then Liz starting to fall for that stuck-up Alex Darcy.

  We didn’t hear anything from Lydia, which was a surprise only to Mom, although Dad had gotten so nervous that he jumped three feet in the air every time the phone rang.

  I also didn’t hear anything from Josh—even though we had three classes together, everyone in our Physics class seemed to be hanging out at the Mall of America looking at or riding on the roller coasters, and I’d given Josh sixteen dollars in cold hard cash.

  Of course, I’d also basically told him to go away. Leave it to me to find the one guy in the world who actually did what you told him to do.

  I finished reading Demian and wrote a kick-ass book analysis that stunned Mr. Skamser, who gave me an “A” on it. I aced everything I did in Calculus, Economics, and Spanish. I hung in there in Gym class, but maybe because Ms. Gonzalez had taken pity on me since the locker-room incident with Chrissie.

  Mr. Gilbertson even quit demanding that I find a Physics partner after the only other kid who didn’t have a partner—a girl named Penelope—seemed to drop off the face of the earth, probably to avoid having me as a partner. I’d design the stupid roller coaster by myself, and I told myself it’d be more fun this way. After all, I wouldn’t have to deal with a pain-in-the-butt partner who made me ride a roller coaster in order to figure out how to design one. Not in this lifetime.

  I also quit practicing piano, but Mom didn’t seem to notice or care, since all she ever talked about was Jane and, sometimes, Liz. Mom’s hysterics over Jane’s forbidden romance seemed to help her forget that Lydia wasn’t here.

  So, basically, my life was as good as it got. Good grades. No hassles, piano or otherwise, at home. No guys to set me up for a lifetime of misery.

  But no friends.

  I perched on my bed on Sunday afternoon, a couple of weeks after I blew off Josh, telling myself I didn’t care. I had my Calculus textbook propped open in front of me, even though the numbers swam in front of my eyes, and my iPod was shuffling through Liz’s collection of rock bands. Okay, it was Liz’s iPod, but since she came home buzzing after a ridiculously long walk with Alex this morning, I didn’t think she’d notice.

  The door to my room swung open, startling Boris into hissing from his position on top of my desk. I sucked in a breath. Maybe Liz had noticed. My breath whooshed out when I saw Jane, who glanced at the iPod and raised an eyebrow.

  Yep, definitely not Liz. Liz would’ve killed me.

  “Busy studying?”

  I pulled the earbuds out of my ears. “Trying to work on Calculus, but . . .”

  “But it’s not as much fun as whatever Liz has on her iPod.” Jane winked at me. Jane! Her rediscovered romance with Charlie was obviously doing a number on her personality. Not that Jane isn’t nice, but she’s never really had time for anyone but Liz. And now Charlie.

  I tried to think of what I could say without admitting that I’d stolen Liz’s iPod right out of their room, but my mind went blank.

  Jane waved a hand. “No worries. I’ve stolen it from her a few times myself.”

  “But don’t you—”

  “—have my own?” Jane nodded. “On my phone, yes. It’s just that Liz and I have very different taste in music, and more than once this year I’ve wanted more of Liz’s rock bands and less of my so-called comfort music.”

  Confused, I frowned. Jane hadn’t come in to ask me for anything, not yet anyway, and she was basically admitting how much this year sucked after Charlie blew her off.

  But I can’t be sure, because I’ve never had talks like this with anyone. Not even Jane.

  “Maybe that’s why I took it.” Other than the fact that I didn’t own an iPod—because I’d never wanted to spend my own money on anything beyond my bare-bones cell phone—and Liz’s was available. But I had to admit I liked the way hard rock didn’t let you think. Thinking was overrated.

  “How’s that guy?”

  I slammed my Calculus book shut. “What guy?”

  Jane smiled. “Wasn’t his name Josh? The guy Cat accused you of being on a date with at the Mall of America. I know, I know; you said you were doing homework.”

  “On the roller coaster.”

  “That’s right. On the roller coaster. For Physics.”

  “We were doing homework.” If it were anyone but Jane, I’d cut her off right now before I admitted that Josh and I and roller coasters and even Physics were no longer part of the same equation. But it was Jane, and Jane is nice. At least, nicer than anyone else in this household.

  She plunked down on the foot of my bed, and I curled up my legs to make room for her. “I believe you. But you’re not out studying roller coasters for Physics today, and as far as I can tell, you haven’t since that day.”

  “I’ve been busy?”

  “So have I.” Jane smiled, practically glowing over Charlie. “But I’m not too busy to notice that you’re not playing piano anymore, or that you’re not leaving the house. At all.”

  Even though Jane was being really sweet for reasons I couldn’t fathom, I bristled. “I’m surprised you notice anything when Charlie is around.” Which he always was these days, but pointing it out seemed a bit redundant.

  Jane flinched, then glanced at the door. I thought for a moment she might leave. But . . . no. “I like Charlie. Is there something wrong with that?”

  “Not if you don’t mind getting hurt. Charlie hurt you. That’s what guys do.”

  “He didn’t—” Jane pressed her lips together, and she looked even more ready to run. Why I kept trying so hard to push her away, I have no idea. “Okay, he did. Yes, sometimes guys do that, just like sometimes girls hurt guys.”

  I held up a hand. “No. I mean, guys—”

  “—are worth taking a few chances on.” Jane looked at me cautiously. “Is that what’s going on? That boy—Josh—hurt you?”

  “I didn’t say that.”

  “You didn’t have to.” Jane inched backward on my bed to lean against the wall. “I’ve been there, as you just pointed out.”

  I shrugged, feeling like a jerk. “Sorry.”

  “And I’m guessing that you look at Lydia and worry that a guy did that to her.”

  “Not just some guy. Justin. The guy she liked.”

  “Lydia likes a lot of guys.” Jane scrunched her nose. “But Justin didn’t put her in that situation—or if he did, she was a very willing participant. That’s Lydia. It’s not you, and it’s not me. Or any other girl I know.”

  “Not even Cat?”

  “I think Cat would follow Lydia only so far. Probably like the rest of Lydia’s friends.”

  I leaned back against my headboard and clutched my pillow to my stomach as I tried not to think about Lydia. In reform school or in a strip bar or in bed with Justin. Ew.

  “It’s not going to happen to you.”

  I frowned at Jane. “Why? Because guys aren’t interested in me?”

  Why was that, anyw
ay? Because I happened to be named after the Mary Bennet in The Book? Because I wore my hair in a ponytail 24/7, and a droopy one at that? Because I wore overalls and big shirts so I didn’t show any skin or curves?

  And why should I have to show anything just to get a guy?

  Jane reached forward and patted my hand. “I have a feeling that Josh was interested.”

  “Right. He wanted me for his Physics partner, just because I’m smart, but not after I barfed—”

  I clapped my hand over my mouth, which is what I should’ve done on the ride at the Mall of America instead of letting it fly all over Josh.

  “You didn’t.” Jane’s jaw dropped a second before she tried to cover it up. “You threw up? That day with Josh?”

  I rolled my eyes. Now everyone would know. No, come to think of it, Jane didn’t blab. But she’d give me that pitying look that she was giving me now, and it was almost as bad.

  I shrugged. “I hadn’t been on a roller coaster since I was ten, that time I went with Dad and—”

  “—and you threw up everything you’d eaten that day.” Jane cringed. “I remember.”

  “I tried to warn Josh that roller coasters were a bad idea.”

  “But being a guy, he talked you into it.”

  I felt myself flushing. “Something like that.”

  “So what happened?”

  “Like I said. I barfed.” I glanced down at my hands, still clutching the pillow, but now my knuckles were turning white. “All over him.”

  “Oh!” Jane sucked in a breath. “What did he say?”

  “What could he say? Nothing. He walked away, practically ran, and the next day he had a new Physics partner.”

  “No way.” Jane frowned, staring at me. “There must be something more to it.”

  I shook my head. “That’s it. He doesn’t speak to me anymore, and everyone in school laughs at me.” Looking away, I held my breath a few beats and tried to pretend it didn’t matter. “Not that it’s any big change. I mean, look at me. A total joke.”

  “You are not a joke.”

  Obviously, she was being nice. “Tell that to everyone at Woodbury High. Or ask Cat.”

  Jane jumped off my bed and shot to her feet, making Boris hiss again. “I’m not about to ask Cat anything, but I do know what to do.”

  “Thanks, but there’s nothing you can do. It’s been like this my whole life.” As if Jane didn’t know. “And it’s only worse after everything with Josh.”

  “Then it’s past time we fixed things. First with Josh, and then with everyone else.” She reached for my hand and pulled me to a standing position. “C’mon. Let’s grab Liz and go shopping. She needs some clothes, too.”

  “Don’t tell me. Alex?”

  “What can I say? Stranger things have happened.”

  “Yeah. Like Josh asking me to be his Physics partner.” I dragged my feet, literally. Even if Jane didn’t realize it, whatever shopping she planned was pointless. I was hopeless. I also didn’t exactly see Jane shopping at Ragstock.

  “Before he reneged on it.” Jane made a tsking sound, a lot like Mom, only not annoying. “We’ll make sure you get your revenge.”

  I groaned. Only Jane could look at me and actually be optimistic. “What makes you so sure?”

  She paused at the door and turned back to me. “Haven’t you heard? The best revenge is looking good.”

  I groaned even louder at the pathetic cliché. “Whatever happened to having a brain?”

  Jane tapped the side of her head just as Liz came down the hall, yelling about her iPod going missing. “We already know you have a brain, and Josh must, too. Now let’s hit him with your good looks.”

  I tried to shut the door to my room a moment too late, just as Liz spied her iPod on my bed, cursed loudly, and threatened to dismember me.

  Ignoring Liz, or trying to, I murmured in Jane’s ear. “Wouldn’t a baseball bat be simpler?”

  Jane laughed as she steered Liz away from me and led us both downstairs. “I’ll leave the baseball bats to Liz. For now, just be thankful she doesn’t have one.”

  “I really don’t see the point of this.”

  I planted my feet and stared up at the Gap sign. Liz was already inside, grumbling loudly about Jane needing to mind her own business. Jane just stood there, smiling benignly—or with a touch of evil, as the case may be—at both of us.

  She grabbed me by the elbow and tugged me closer to the store, obviously not giving a rip that I had no intention of buying anything. I’d already bought two pairs of brand-new, perfectly nice socks, and what had they done for me?

  “They have great clothes, cute but casual. You like the way Liz dresses, don’t you?”

  “Depends.” I studied the clothing displays in the store windows. Cute. Not like me. “Not so much when she’s trying to look hot for Alex.”

  I remembered with mild disgust the tight shirt Liz had worn a couple of weeks ago when Alex showed up at our house, including a bra that was padded from here to the moon.

  Jane grinned as she steered me inside the store. “Okay, I meant Liz the way she normally looks. She’s built somewhat like you.”

  “Except for the fact that she’s athletic and doesn’t have any hips and is at least two inches taller.”

  “So she’s tall. But athletic is sometimes a state of mind.”

  “I don’t think so. Just look at my grades in Gym class.”

  “You’re missing my point. You don’t have much in the way of hips, either, and you’re nearly as lean as Liz.” Jane put an arm around my shoulder, surprising both of us. “And that’s a good thing.”

  “You’re the same.” When she frowned, I pointed at her. Jane was at least as slim as either Liz or me. “Lean, I mean. If we’re not allowed to say skinny.”

  Jane laughed. “True, although I do think there’s much more similarity between the two of you than either of you would ever admit. And you like Ragstock, which is pretty casual. I’m just trying to move you up a notch, not jet-propel you into a wardrobe that feels too preppy or dressy or flamboyant.”

  I gazed around at the stacks and racks of clothes, all of which looked way too snug or shiny or cute. I didn’t do cute. “Preppy? I think we’re already there.”

  Liz was way ahead of us by now, the back of her head disappearing in the direction of the far corner of the store.

  Jane tugged on my arm again. “Come on. Some of their stuff is dressier, some is more casual. If I know Liz, she’s found the casual stuff.”

  “Even for Alex?” I snorted.

  “I’m not sure exactly what’s up with Alex, but yes. I don’t see Liz changing completely just for a guy, even if the guy does turn out to be Alex.”

  We both looked at each other, neither of us quite believing it, but I had to admit that the Liz I’d known until a few weeks ago would never transform herself into something she wasn’t just to hook a guy.

  And neither would I.

  I crossed my arms. “I don’t need to change, either, and there’s not even a guy in the picture.”

  “Right.” Jane lifted one perfectly arched brow. Really, everything about Jane was perfect, which made it even weirder that she was trying to help me. “You’re not interested in Josh? Fine. But he asked you to be his Physics partner, and then he asked someone else instead? So we won’t turn you into a fashion plate to snare him. For one thing, you wouldn’t want someone who’d do that to you.”

  I could pretty much say the same about Charlie, and look who was going out with him again. “If we’re not going to turn me into a fashion plate—which would be impossible, in case you hadn’t noticed—why are we here? I usually buy my clothes at Ragstock.”

  “No, you always buy your clothes at Ragstock. Not that there’s anything wrong with buying them there.” The way she wrinkled her nose told me her real opinion. “And you don’t have to dress to impress a guy. Just try on a few things and see what you think.”

  “I already know what I think.”

>   “Good.” Jane’s eyes twinkled. “That makes two of us.”

  We joined Liz in the back of the store, where she was scooping up jeans and short skirts and tops that looked almost as clingy as that one she’d obviously worn for Alex that time. They were casual, yes, maybe except for the short skirts, but the word “cute” kept playing over and over in my mind. And not in a good way.

  As I stood there, arms crossed, trying not to watch Liz turn herself into a slutty train wreck, I only half-noticed Jane plucking a few items off racks and tables. Ten minutes later, she thrust a pile of clothes into my arms and gave me a not-so-gentle nudge in the direction of the dressing rooms.

  “What’s this?”

  “A favor.” Jane nodded at the clothes in my hands. “You’re going to do me a favor by trying on a few things, just to see what you think.”

  My feet didn’t move. “And why am I doing you this favor?”

  “So I’ll talk Dad into buying you an iPod for Christmas, and I’ll talk Liz into downloading some hard rock into it when she downloads some into my phone. Oh, and I’ll also talk Liz into not killing you for stealing her iPod.”

  “Am I supposed to be grateful?”

  Jane tapped the pile of clothes in my arms. “When Josh sees you in this, yes, I have a feeling you’ll be grateful.”

  I started trudging toward the dressing rooms, if only to escape Jane’s scheming. “I’m not trying to hook Josh.”

  “That’s right. You’re trying to annoy him.” Jane’s smile looked positively wicked. Especially for Jane. “Believe me, this should do the trick.”

  I stared in the dressing-room mirror at myself, unable to breathe. I could look like this?

  Of course, I still didn’t know if I wanted to. Glancing again at the mirror, a girl in a scoop-necked top and slim jeans looked shyly back at me. I almost did look a bit like Liz—well, except for the shy part. Around everyone but Alex, Liz didn’t do shy. Liz also didn’t wear her hair in a messy ponytail, like I’d worn mine every day since seventh grade. I hadn’t known what to do with it. For that matter, I still didn’t.