Resisting Ryder

by Blakeley Wilde

  Patience was never a virtue of hers and she impulsively grabbed her phone and called him before she had a chance to talk herself out of it again.

  “Hello?” she heard his voice say on the other end. Her heart was pounding so hard she could feel it in her ears and her face immediately flushed.

  “Ryder?” her voice squeaked. Her attempt to sound casual had failed miserably.

  “Hello?” he yelled into the phone. Judging by the sheer loudness in the background he was at some sort of bar.

  “Who is that?” Stormy heard a woman’s voice say in the background. She sounded like she was sitting right next to him.

  “Stormy?” he yelled. “I can’t hear you.”

  This was a huge mistake, she told herself. She was absolutely mortified. He was clearly settled into his old routine back home in California and everything was back to business as usual. It was a Saturday night. Why would he not be out on a date with some gorgeous girl? She hung up the phone and slammed it down on the table before burying her face in her hands.

  A minute later her phone began to ring. It was Ryder. Her heart raced again, and her palms were sweaty as she took a deep breath and answered it.

  “Hello?” She said in her sweetest, most innocent tone.

  “Stormy,” Ryder said. It was much quieter where he was now. “Is everything okay? Are you okay?”

  She wasn’t prepared for that question. She just wanted to hear his voice. She hadn’t thought beyond that.

  “Yeah,” she said. “I just – “

  “You had me worried there for a second,” he said as he sighed into the receiver.

  “If you’re busy, we can talk another time,” Stormy offered.

  “I’m out right now, but if you need me, I’m here,” he said. “Stormy, are you okay?”

  “I just felt bad that I didn’t get to say bye to you last weekend,” she half-lied. It seemed like a legitimate reason for calling him. “I really enjoyed your company during those days. Thank you for that.”

  “Oh, is that all you wanted?” Ryder laughed. “Listen, kid. I’m out right now, but why don’t I give you a call a little later?”

  “Sure. If you want to that is,” she said.

  “If I don’t call you tonight, I promise I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said. “If anything comes up, and I mean anything, don’t hesitate to call me again.”

  “Thanks, Ryder.” Stormy hung up. Still mortified and hope fading fast, she couldn’t help but imagine him walking back to the bar and hopping back on his barstool with that redheaded vixen, Veronica.

  She hated herself for making her weekend with Ryder into something it wasn’t. Ryder was just checking on her and making sure she was okay. She was attracted to him, sure, probably because he looked exactly like Jett, but looking back, she didn’t get any kind of vibes back from him. He probably just thought of her as a naïve, kid sister. He did call her “kid” after all.

  A knock on the door startled her out of her deep thoughts as she arose to answer it.

  “Ugh, Brooklyn,” she groaned to herself. “You know I hate random visits.”

  She opened the front door only to be greeted by Hayden Goodwin, head held low and an armful of flowers.

  What the hell does he want? She thought to herself.

  “Hayden,” she said, showing an obvious lack of any kind of emotion.

  “Hi, Stormy,” he said. He held out a bouquet of gorgeous and simple, white calla lilies. “I just wanted to stop by and offer my condolences. We didn’t really get to talk much last week at the restaurant.”

  “Oh,” she said, taken aback. Maybe he was simply just doing the right thing. The son of a local doctor, he was always more of a proper sort of guy; except when he was crushing her heart into a million pieces. “You can come in if you want.”

  She widened the door and Hayden walked in, immediately removing his shoes. She motioned towards the living room, and he took a seat on the edge of the couch. He was clearly uncomfortable in her house, the house she shared with her late husband, the man she loved more than any other in the world, and the man who had dethroned Hayden in Stormy’s heart.

  “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for everything,” he said. His immense, sapphire blue eyes stared straight into hers. “Everything I did to you. All the ways I hurt you. It was wrong. I was young and immature and only thinking of myself.”

  Stormy was speechless. She perched herself on the couch arm and continued to let him speak.

  “You were the best girlfriend a guy could ever want,” he said. “I threw it all away because I thought I could do better. And then I realized, there’s no one better than you.”

  She was melting on the inside, but she refused to let him see it. She bit her lip as she waited to hear more. Her feelings for him had faded into oblivion months ago, but everything he was saying was everything she had waited years to hear him say.

  “When I heard you were getting married last year,” he said as he swallowed the lump in his throat. “It changed everything for me. It put everything into perspective. I saw my entire future go down the drain, just like that. After everything we’d been through, I always thought you and I would end up together one way or another.”

  Stormy slid down off the couch arm and onto the couch cushion next to him. He reached out and took her soft hand into his and squeezed it.

  “I was such an idiot,” he said as he ran his fingers through his wavy auburn hair. “I’ve been kicking myself for months.”

  Stormy sat in pure bewilderment at Hayden’s revelations. She was shocked to hear what he was saying, but even more shocked that he had the guts to say it so soon after Jett’s passing. She didn’t know whether to kiss him, hug him, or punch him after everything he’d put her through.

  “I have a bit of a confession to make,” he said. His eyes shifted nervously from hers to the floor and back. “I sort of purposely got expelled from Vanderbilt. I wanted to come back here. I wanted to be around you. I wanted to see if it could work.”

  “But you knew I was with Jett,” Stormy said, confused. “Married.”

  “By the time my grades had slipped, it was too late,” he said. “But when I heard about Jett’s passing, I thought maybe there was a chance. And when I saw you at the bar a couple weeks ago and at the restaurant last week, I knew there was a reason we kept crossing paths.”

  “You’re just reading into things,” Stormy insisted. “Coleville is a small town.”

  “I get it,” he said. “I hurt you pretty bad. I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just want you to know that I’m sorry. And I want you to know that I still love you more than anything.”

  Hayden appeared to be teary eyed, but Stormy couldn’t quite tell for sure because he got up quickly and trampled to the door to put his shoes back on.

  “Hayden,” she called out. “Wait.”

  He turned back towards her, and he was definitely teary eyed. In all their years together, she had never seen him cry about anything, ever. She had never heard him open up. She had never seen him so vulnerable.

  “Don’t go yet,” she said. “Come back here.”

  He came back and took a seat next to her on the couch, only this time he was even closer to her.

  “I’ve missed you so much, Stormy,” he said as he buried his face in her chest and sobbed.

  This is a first, she thought to herself as she reluctantly put her arms around him. She ran her fingers through his thick, messy, auburn hair and tried to calm him down and comfort him.

  “I messed up so bad,” he cried. “I just want you. I just want to be with you.”

  “Hayden,” she said. She wanted to break it to him gently. “I’m in a really weird place right now. Everything is so complicated. I don’t know if this is a good time for us to revisit anything.”

  Hayden sat up and dried his eyes with his hands. He seemed a little embarrassed. He wasn’t usually one to open up emotionally to anyone. He was a star quarterback, former med school student,
son of a prominent Coleville doctor. He wasn’t supposed to let his guard down or act like his life was anything other than perfectly put together.

  “Thanks for the flowers,” Stormy said as she tried to break the awkward silence between them. “They’re very pretty.”

  Hayden smiled and nodded as he avoided eye contact with her. He inched a little bit away from her on the couch.

  “I should probably take off,” he said as he slapped his hands on his thighs and stood up.

  “You literally just got here,” she protested.

  “Yeah, and I poured my heart out to you and you pushed me away,” he retorted. “You clearly have no place for me in your life.”

  “That’s not true at all,” she said as she stood up next to him. “Can’t we be friends? After everything we’ve been through together?”

  “I can’t be friends with you, Stormy,” he said as he turned to face her. “I love you too much.”

  Stormy didn’t know whether it was the rollercoaster of emotions coursing through her body at any given second, her gut wrenching loneliness, Hayden’s words or a combination of all three, but something came over her in that moment. She placed her hands at his hips and leaned in towards him. The air between them was charged, and she knew what was about to happen.

  She nudged her face up towards him as her lips met his. He kissed her back, softly and gently at first and then passionately. He cupped the back of her head with his big hands as his fingers tangled through her long, dark, curly hair.

  What am I doing? She thought to herself.

  She knew she didn’t love him. She could never love Hayden the way she loved Jett. Hayden was sort of a placeholder for her. He was filling the vast, empty void. He was filling the giant, gaping hole in her constantly aching heart.

  There was something comforting about kissing Hayden. Never mind that he dumped her like a sack of potatoes year ago. Never mind that he was always running hot and cold around her. He felt safe for a brief moment. She didn’t care if he walked out the door and never came back. She didn’t care if he kept pining for her and chasing after her. None of it meant anything, and maybe that’s why she wanted to kiss him.

  She just wanted to feel something, anything. As Hayden’s lips pressed against hers and his hands held her body close to his, Ryder’s face immediately flashed before her. She wasn’t expecting it. It just sort of happened, and in that moment kissing Hayden felt like kissing sandpaper. He had lost all appeal. And then she pulled away.

  “What? What’s wrong?” Hayden asked, breathless.

  “We shouldn’t do this,” she sighed.

  “You kissed me,” he reminded her as he leaned in for more.

  “I know, I know. I’m sorry,” she said as she leaned away. “I told you, I’m in a weird place right now.”

  Hayden took a deep breath and a step back. “I should go.”

  Stormy nodded in agreement and said nothing.

  She watched as he went back to the front door to put his shoes back on, and she walked him just outside the front door. He hugged her goodbye and then strutted back to his car. The moment he got inside, he stared at her and smiled. The smile was a mixture of pity and hope. Hayden was probably just as confused as Stormy was about the whole thing, but she had clearly given him an ounce of hope that he didn’t have before.

  CHAPTER 8

  Stormy checked her cell phone the next morning as soon as she got up. She had been leaving it off for the last two weeks, but decided to leave it on so she wouldn’t miss Ryder’s call. The thought of hearing his voice sent butterflies whirling around in her stomach followed by instant pangs of guilt and confusion.

  She heated some water in the kettle on the stove and got out a mug and some tea. She toasted some wheat bread with butter and sat at her kitchen table. The silence of the house was almost deafening, but she was quickly becoming used to it. This was going to be her life from now on unless she did something about it.

  As she chewed her final bite of toast, her phone began to light up and buzz. It was Ryder. She washed her food down with a couple gulps of hot tea, nearly scalding her throat, and took a deep breath.

  “Hello?” she said in her sweetest, most casual voice.

  “Stormy,” Ryder replied. “Good morning, sunshine.”

  She didn’t know what to say next, so she sort of lingered there in silence.

  “So, did you need something last night?” he asked.

  “Oh, no,” she said, embarrassed. “Like I said, I just didn’t get to say goodbye to you when you left last week. I just wanted to see how you were doing and what you were up to.”

  “Ah, I see. Well that’s very thoughtful of you,” he said. “I’m doing pretty well. What about you?”

  “As good as can be expected, I guess,” she said. “I’ve been trying to get out of the house more and spend more time with friends.”

  Her mind instantly flashed to the night before. She cringed as she thought about her kiss with Hayden. She was filled with immediate regret and disgust.

  “That’s great,” Ryder said. “I’m glad to hear that.”

  “How’s work going?” she said as she tried to make conversation.

  “As good as can be expected,” he laughed. “I was actually out with Veronica and the group last night.”

  “I wondered if that’s who that was in the background,” Stormy remarked.

  “We were supposed to discuss work things and have some beers, but she was trying to make it into a date type of thing,” he said, annoyed. “I had to end the night early. She just doesn’t get it.”

  “How annoying,” Stormy lamented, half-relieved. “My ex, you know the one from the restaurant that one night? He stopped by last night with a bouquet of flowers. Said he was sorry about everything and that he loved me and wanted me back.”

  “Really?” Ryder’s interest seemed piqued all of a sudden. “And what did you say to him?”

  Stormy was both taken aback and thrilled by Ryder’s interest.

  “He kissed me,” she lied. She would never in a million years tell him that she initiated it. “I pushed him away and told him I wasn’t ready to revisit anything with him.”

  “Good, good,” Ryder said. “Do you still have feelings for him?”

  “I don’t think I could ever love him the way I loved Jett,” she said. “I don’t think there’s a future for me and Hayden.”

  “Hm,” Ryder said. She could hear the disdain in his voice. “That didn’t sound too convincing.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “The way you said there wasn’t a future for you and Hayden,” he said. “If you stay in Coleville, I guarantee you you’ll end up with that douche.”

  Stormy smiled and was thankful he couldn’t see it in that moment. She loved how protective Ryder was over her, and she knew he had a good point. She probably would end up with Hayden if she stuck around.

  “I’ve been thinking more about your open invitation to California,” she said.

  “Oh, yeah?” Ryder said in a cheerful tone. “And?”

  “I think I’ll take you up on it,” she said. “It’d be good for me to get out of Coleville for a bit.”

  “I couldn’t agree more,” Ryder said. “Do you want to come out next weekend? I can get your plane tickets and pick you up. You’ll stay with me of course. You won’t have to worry about a thing.”

  “Are you sure?” Stormy winced. She couldn’t help but feel it was totally obvious that she was inviting herself out.

  “Stormy, you’re coming,” he said. “I’ll book the tickets as soon as we hang up and email you the info.”

  “Thanks, Ryder,” she said. “I can’t wait.”

  She hung up the phone and flung herself across the couch as she dreamed about the sunny skies and swaying palm trees that awaited her in California. She thought about the moment she’d see Ryder at the airport and how she’d throw her arms around him and give him a giant hug. Then she thought about all the plastic lo
oking women out there and how she’d probably stick out like a sore thumb. For a split second she debated calling the whole thing off before he had a chance to buy the tickets.

  The email alert on her phone dinged several minutes later, and she had a forwarded email from Ryder. She was going to leave Friday morning at eight from the Kansas City airport and land at LAX by noon. She’d fly back home Sunday night.

  Stormy remembered she had never flown anywhere by herself before. Her family had flown to New Hampshire once when she was a little girl to visit family, but that was over a decade ago. Her hands became clammy as her nerves got the best of her.

  It was time for her to grow up and become an independent woman, she told herself. She was going to have to get over her fear of the unknown, the same fear that had kept her from ever leaving decaying Coleville. Jett had protected her from the real world for years, since she was a teenager, and she knew she’d have to branch out sooner or later.

  The rest of the week ticked by as slow as molasses as she waited for Friday morning to arrive. She had packed her bag the night before and tossed and turned until her alarm went off at five a.m. She threw on a pair of skinny jeans fresh out of the dryer. They were the only thing that fit her anymore considering her loss of appetite lately. She slipped on some sneakers and a cream tank top. She pulled her long, dark hair into a low chignon and massaged in some moisturizer on her face. She decided to wait until the plane was about to land before putting on any makeup. She wanted to look presentable for him, even though it felt wrong. It felt wrong on so many levels to want her dead husband’s brother to find her attractive. She couldn’t understand it, but she didn’t try to fight it. She just went with it.

  Several hours later, she was LA-bound and her plane was beginning to descend to LAX. The captain turned on the seatbelt sign as the plane slowed down. Her ears popped and her stomach churned. Her heart raced, and she knew she’d be seeing Ryder very soon. She dug around in her purse for her makeup and began applying powder, blush, mascara, and lip gloss as best she could during the bumpy, turbulent landing.