Beer-Topia

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

  In 2013, overall beer sales dropped by nearly two percent… but craft beer sales surged by 17 percent, marking a full decade of double-digit year-to-year growth for the craft sector. That year, the overall domestic beer market hit $100 billion, $14.3 billion of which came from craft beer sales.

  The top 5 bestselling American craft breweries: Boston Beer Company, Sierra Nevada, New Belgium, Spoetzel, and Magic Hat Brewing.

  The top 5 bestselling styles of craft beer in the United States: Seasonal and limited editions (like winter ale and pumpkin-flavored beers); India pale ales; other pale ales; amber ales; and amber lagers.

  Biggest Beer-Drinking Countries (Per Capita)

  1.Czech Republic, 148.6 liters

  2.Austria, 107.8 liters

  3.Germany, 106.1 liters

  4.Estonia, 102.4 liters

  5.Poland, 98.5 liters

  6.Ireland, 98.3 liters

  7.Croatia, 85.9 liters

  8.Venezuela, 85.5 liters

  9.Finland, 84.2 liters

  10.Romania, 83.2 liters

  Where do other beer-loving countries rank? The U.S. is 14th (77.1 liters), Belgium is 18th (74 liters), the U.K. is 22nd (68.5 liters), and Canada is 25th (66.9 liters).

  A CHILD’S GARDEN OF HOPS TRIVIA

  • Hops are part of the marijuana family. The Cannabaceae family of flowering plants has two genera: Cannabis, or marijuana, and Humulus. There are three species of that, including H. lupulus, or brewing hops.

  • All hops are not created equal. Brewers use aroma hops and bittering hops to fine-tune the flavor of their beer, and both varieties do pretty much exactly what you’d think. But there are tons of other varietals, like the snooty-sounding noble hops from Europe, which are used in traditional lagers and have names like Saaz, Hallertauer Mittelfrüh, Tettnanger, and Spalt.

  • Hops grown in different regions have different flavor profiles. The Germans tend to have an herbal flavor, the English have spicy or fruity overtones, and the Americans taste like citrus or pine.

  • Hops were first imported to the Americas by settlers during colonial times. At one point, New York was the biggest hops producer in the U.S., but a combination of adverse conditions—including mildew and Prohibition—brought that to an end. The next boom happened in Wisconsin, where farmers turned to hops after wheat prices tanked, but that created a bubble that eventually burst, crashing the hops market. Today, roughly 80 percent of the nation’s hops are grown in Washington’s Yakima Valley, which means that the people bottling your favorite “locally sourced” craft brew aren’t being entirely honest.

  • Only the female of the species produces the oils necessary for good drinking. In fact, most commercial farmers remove male hops from their crop fields entirely—they’re used only for pollination.

  • Hops produce phytoestrogens, the plant compounds that mimic estrogen and are occasionally claimed to cause “man boobs” in men who practice excessive consumption.

  • Bitterness isn’t the only thing hops impart during the brewing process, but it is a key component of any beer’s flavor. This is why we have a scale measured in International Bittering Units, or IBUs. Some brewers practice what’s called “extreme hopping,” loading up their beers with IBUs in the thousands—but those people are crazy, partly because after 120 IBUs or so, your taste buds can’t really tell the difference.

  • Hops aren’t just for beer. As if their contribution to the flavor and preservation of such a marvelous beverage weren’t enough, hops are used in all kinds of other products, including shampoos and lotions, and some companies even turn a profit by selling dried ones as decorative plants. Hops have also been used as a sleep aid (you can make a tea out of them), and the ancient Romans ate them like asparagus.

  HOW TO TALK LIKE A BREWER

  Some real terms used by real beermakers.

  Mash. Mixing crushed malt with hot water, thus converting grain starches to fermentable sugars. Mash is what you’re left with, along with wort.

  Wort. Before beer is beer, it’s wort—the solution that results after the malt is mashed, the hops are boiled, and everything is strained. It starts off as sweet wort, then becomes brewed wort, fermenting wort, and then, finally, beer.

  Fermentation. The magic that makes beer possible. On a chemical level, it refers to what happens while yeast converts sugars into ethyl alcohol (or “alcohol”) and carbon dioxide gas (or “bubbles.”)

  Lautering. The pre-boil step of removing sweet wort from spent grains, it allows mash to settle.

  Sparge. The stage of the brewing process in which the brewer rinses the grains with hot water in order to remove the leftover liquid malt sugar and extracts from the grain husks.

  Pitch. The act of adding yeast to the wort after it’s been allowed to cool.

  Kräeusen. Release the kräeusen! It’s the head of foam that develops on top of the wort. “Kräeusening” is also the name of a secondary fermentation technique, in which unfermented or partially fermented wort is added to a fully fermented beer.

  Alpha acids. Resins derived from hops. During the boiling process, they’re converted to iso-alpha acids, which are responsible for much of a beer’s bitterness.

  Noble hops. The distinguished title bequeathed upon several beloved strains of hops, hailing from four regions in Europe: Hallertau (Bavaria, Germany); Saaz (Zatec, Czech Republic); Spalt (Spalter, Germany); and Tettnang (Lake Constance, Germany).

  Dry hopping. Adding dried hops to brewing beer. It takes place late in the process in order to maximize hoppy aroma without imparting bitterness.

  Wet hopping. The act of adding freshly harvested hops to the brew before they’ve been dried, which gives the beer a cleaner, more vibrant flavor.

  Beta acids. Another hop-derived acid, they preserve the brew.

  Adjunct. A fermentable substitute for traditional grains typically added to make a beer lighter or cheaper to produce.

  All-malt. A beer made without adjuncts.

  Priming. Adding sugar to a maturing brew to induce secondary fermentation.

  Secondary fermentation. Fermentation that occurs in bottles or casks over a period of weeks or months.

  Malt extract. A syrup or powder used by brewers to reconstitute wort for fermentation, consisting of condensed wort that contains maltose, dextrins, and other dissolved solids.

  Flocculation. How suspended particles tend to clump together during the brewing process, including yeast, proteins, and tannins.

  Trub. A layer of sediment that collects at the bottom of the fermentation vessel. It contains heavy fats, proteins, hop oils, inactive yeast, and tannins.

  Esters. Yet another flavor compound, esters appear during fermentation and lend beer a fruity, flowery, or spicy taste.

  Phenols. One of many chemical compounds that make their way into the brewing process. Like a lot of them, phenols can be useful in certain amounts (smoke beers or German-style wheat beers, for instance), but don’t go too far; if you let too many phenols elbow their way in, you’re left with a brew that tastes like Band-Aids.

  Dextrin. A by-product of the enzymes in the barley during fermentation, dextrin is an unfermentable carbohydrate that imparts mouthfeel, flavor, and body. Taste malt or sweetness in your beer? That’s dextrin.

  Diacetyl. A compound created during the brewing process that’s said to add a butterscotch flavor to the beer. It’s desirable at low levels in some beer—if you’ve had an English or Scottish ale, you’ve tasted diacetyl.

  Dimethyl sulfide (DMS). Like diacetyl, only instead of butterscotch, the flavor is a general sweetness…except at higher levels, when it’s said to taste like cooked corn or celery.

  Bung. A wooden stopper that fills a hole in a keg or cask—the bung hole. Why don’t they just call it a stopper? Well, because “bung” is more fun to say; also, it’s from the Dutch word bonghe, or hole.

  Balling degrees. Devised by 19th-century Czechoslovakian brewing genius C. J. N. Balling, this is a scale used to measure the densit
y of sugars in wort, which helps determine a beer’s gravity.

  Zymurgy. The science of fermentation (and the name of a magazine published by the American Homebrewers Association).

  FOR YOUR HEALTH!

  Real print advertisements for beer from the early 20th century, with some very dubious health claims.

  “Every doctor knows how Beer benefits. If you need more strength or vitality, he will prescribe it. For run-down, nervous people, there is no better tonic and nutrient than a glass of good Primo Beer with meals. For well people, nothing is so conducive to good health.” (Primo Beer)

  “Beer is good, because everything in it is good. Beer is as pure as Nature and hygienic brewing can make it. It contains all the nutriment of rich malt, the tang of hops, and clear sparkling water. Nothing but the very best of these are used in beer from the breweries of your own State. Serve beer in your home at any time. Enjoy it regularly and benefit from its goodness. Drink more beer. It’s good for you!” (Resch’s Beer)

  “A case of Blatz Beer in your home means much to the young mother, and obviously baby participates in its benefits. The malt in the beer supplies nourishing qualities that are essential at this time and the hops act as an appetizing, stimulating tonic.” (Blatz Beer)

  “People who drink plenty of beer are always strong and healthy. Prof. Dr. O. Bauer, Berlin, Germany, says:

  ‘Of the 75 employees of Haase’s Brewery, each of whom drinks daily over a gallon of beer, 56 have stood the rigid physical examination for enrollment in the army and are soldiers. Of the remaining 18, eight are minors, three were found too small in stature, and four were rejected for defects suffered by accident.’

  Pure, well-aged beer, like Gerst Beer is a tonic, an appetizer, and a food that is nourishing and strengthening. Solid foods often remain in the stomach a long time and retard digestion. Liquid foods, like Gerst Beer, are an aid to digestion.” (Gerst Beer)

  STRANGE BEER FLAVORS

  Frankincense and myrrh. Plenty of—if not most—craft breweries offer seasonal beer at Christmastime, but this is the only one that looks to the Three Wise Men for inspiration. Gift of the Magi, dreamed up by the California-based Lost Abbey Brewery, is what the company calls “a massive Golden Ale fit for a king (or queen)”—or the King of Kings. This 9.5% ABV is made with the bark of frankincense and a hint of myrrh (no gold though).

  Marijuana. This joint collaboration between Washington State brewers Redhook and Hilliard is a “dubious collaboration between two buds.” Poured from a tap handle shaped like a bong, this beer was inspired by the legalization of marijuana in Washington, and contains hemp seeds. Sip a glass of Joint Effort and you can expect “a dank, resinous hop aroma balanced by nutty earthiness,” as well as an increased desire to play hacky sack and listen to Widespread Panic.

  Bull testicles. You know the saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?” We wonder why you’d buy the beer when it’s made from a recipe that calls for “25 pounds of freshly sliced and roasted bull testicles.” But clearly not everyone feels that way: Weighing in at 7.5% ABV and 3 BPBs (balls per barrel), this “meaty foreign-style stout” from Wynkoop became a cult favorite in the Denver area, where it drew raves at the 2012 Great American Beer Festival and was amusingly distributed in canned two-packs. “Overall I can’t say that I can taste the testicles that are brewed into this beer,” reads one review, “but it’s still a pretty good stout.”

  Habañero. San Diego’s Ballast Point does a lot of fun stuff with their beer, emblemized by their Sculpin, a line of IPAs brewed with hops at five separate stages. Sculpin, named after a spiny, bottom-dwelling fish, comes in more than one eyebrow-raising flavor—you can also get it in Grapefruit—but the boldest of them all is Habañero, which adds an extra layer of heat to IPA’s traditional citrusy hops.

  Pickle. Any weird beer enthusiast worth his suds will eventually delve into the American wild ale, a variety brewed using nontraditional yeasts and one whose overriding flavor characteristic is often described as “funky.” That’s as good a starting point as any for discussion of Slippery Pig’s Pickle Sour, which holds true to the Washington-based brewery’s M.O. They stick to local ingredients for their beer, including pickles. It definitely isn’t something you’d want to serve to your Bud Light–loving friends, but if ever there was a beer you’d want to use for fried pickle batter at the state fair, this is it.

  Pizza. Pizza and beer have been best friends for decades, so why not stuff ’em together in the same bottle? Brewers Tom and Athena Seefurth use a recipe that includes “a surplus of tomatoes, a bag of garlic, and an idea.” Unlike some oddly flavored brews that use only a dash of this or that weird ingredient, Mamma Mia! Pizza Beer goes all in: The brewing process includes a margarita pizza that’s dropped into the mash and “steeped like a tea bag.”

  Crème brûlée. Beer for dessert? Hey, why not? Southern Tier Brewery of New Jersey makes this treat. Proof that a beer can pack a wallop (this one weighs in at 9.6% ABV) and still be surprisingly sweet, this imperial milk stout lives up to its name with a scent and flavor that has more in common with custard than it probably has any right to. And yet it balances all that sugary goodness with plenty of old-fashioned stouty heft.

  Algae. If you’ve ever been to a smoothie stand or set foot in a health-food shop, you’ve probably heard of spirulina, a blue-green algae that the Aztecs ate hundreds of years before it became a trendy “superfood” additive for people who enjoy stuffing their meals and beverages with added vitamins…or people who feel like giving a sweet-smelling, green-tinted beer a whirl. A seasonal brew that tends to surface at the tap around St. Patrick’s Day (get it?), Freetail’s Spirulina Wit may not be quite as healthy as a glass full of yogurt and kale, but if you’re looking to replenish your electrolytes after running a few miles or a round of racquetball, it’s probably better than a Gatorade.

  Beard. A litmus test for the level of weirdness a beer drinker is willing to tolerate, Rogue’s Beard beer is brewed using yeast grown in strands of master brewer John Maier’s facial hair. This isn’t quite as gross as it may sound—it isn’t as though you’re going to take a deep swig and end up picking something curly out from between your teeth. Still, while it’s definitely weird in concept, it also reflects Rogue’s belief in brewing using homegrown stuff; they harvest their own barley and hops, and they turned to Maier’s beard during a lengthy search for an exclusive yeast.

  Scorpions. Aside from packing an eyebrow-raising list of ingredients, this imperial Mexican-style lager from Charlotte’s Unknown Brewing Company also boasts what might be the longest name of any beer on the market: La Jordana del Escorpion en Fuego Hacia la Casa del Chupacabra Muerto, which translates to “The Path of the Fiery Scorpion through the House of the Dead Chupacabra.” As you might suspect, this brew isn’t messing around: Its 10.1% ABV is the end result of a brewing process that includes agave nectar and serrano peppers, aging on tequila oak staves—and 99 scorpions. Asked what that could possibly do for the beer’s flavor, head brewer Brad Shell shrugged and offered the best possible answer, saying, “I’m not sure, that’s not the point. The point is this beer needs scorpions. Some things just have to happen.”

  TOTALLY NECESSARY BEER GADGETS

  Gadget: eCool

  What it Does: Developed by a group of geniuses from Mors, an island in northern Denmark, the eCool is a subterranean Rube Goldberg–style cooler. It uses a long paddle wheel rigged up to a handle in order to store beer underground, keeping it perfectly chilled year-round without the aid of electricity, ice, or toxic coolants. Any time you want a beer, just pop off the lid, turn the handle, and grab a brew; add a new one to replace the one you took, and repeat as necessary.

  Getting it set up requires some manual labor (the eCool website says “it’s advised to use a garden drill, but can be installed with a shovel as well, if you’re a real man”), but that just gives you an excuse to drink up the burned calories.

  Gadget: The Chillsner

&n
bsp; What it Does: You’ve probably experienced the bitter disappointment of finishing a beer after it’s gotten a little too warm. Enter the Chillsner, a slender cooling tube (stainless steel on the outside, space-age gel on the inside) that drops into your bottle and keeps room temperature at bay. It even attaches to its own lid, meaning you don’t have to fish around in your empty bottle to get it out. And the lid has vents, so you don’t even have to take it out to enjoy your brew.

  Gadget: The Growler Saver

  What it Does: Growlers are great for bringing beer home from your local brewery, but they aren’t so hot when it comes to storage—opening one accelerates the inexorable decarbonation process. There are all kinds of solutions to this problem, including a whole line of space-age, airtight jugs that will set you back hundreds of dollars. But if you want to spend a little less, you can order a Growler Saver: a cap with a built-in nozzle for periodically injecting enough CO2 to keep your beer good and fizzy indefinitely.

  Gadget: BeerBug

  What it Does: The BeerBug is the first in what will likely be a wave of “smart” gadgets designed to make life simpler for the home brewer. Essentially a fermentation babysitter with Wi-Fi or Bluetooth capability built in, it monitors a whole bunch of stuff about your brew, including temperature and alcohol content, and reports back to you via text or email.

  Gadget: The GrabOpener

  What it Does: There are a million bottle openers out there, and although none of them has ever really improved on the elegance of this timeless gadget’s simple design, a few do make decent conversation starters (like the ones built into the bottom of a glass or the back of an iPhone case) or make opening a bottle possible under less-than-ideal circumstances. Take, for example, the GrabOpener, a sharp-looking doohickey that uses leverage to let you open a bottle with one hand. Brace the neck with your thumb, hook the GrabOpener to the cap, push down on the other end with your fingers, and voilà!