For Better or For Worse (Wedding Vows)

by LeAnn Robinson

  He laughed. Good to know she still had a lot of fight in her. From all the stories he’d heard, she was going to need it.

  He gave the monitor another glance. The baby’s heartrate had gone down during the contraction, but it quickly recovered.

  And he was going to throw up.

  No, he couldn’t let that happen. He closed his eyes, telling himself over and over again that he was going to be fine. Everything was going well. Nothing to worry about. His son would be healthy and—

  “Jason, what’s wrong?”

  His eyes popped open. “Nothing.”

  “You turned pale as a piece of printer paper.”

  “Well, I…” He swallowed. “Is there going to be blood? I don’t know if I can…”

  “Your face is clammy.” She put her hand on his forehead. “Maybe you should sit down.”

  “Just nervous.”

  “Jason, I don’t want you passing out during the birth.”

  “You’re right,” he said, then worked to suppress an involuntary grin. “Maybe I should go to the waiting room.”

  Her hand tightened on his. “Just take deep breaths.”

  “I’ll try.” He sucked in lung-fulls of air and pushed them back out through pursed lips.

  “That’s enough,” she said.

  Damn it. He was hoping to hyperventilate, and then he would have a viable-looking excuse to leave the room.

  They passed another hour, nurses periodically checking on Diane’s progress. “Looking good,” they kept telling her. “Not much longer.” And then finally, “Eight centimeters.”

  He knew what that meant. Transition. A moment when women in labor became uncharacteristically grumpy. Sometimes women who had never uttered a bad word would swear like a tattoo artist. Sometimes, loving women would berate their husbands for doing this to them. He didn’t know if he wanted to find out what Diane’s brand of transition would be.

  “Oh, God,” she said as the line on the monitor started a steep climb. “I can’t do this.”

  Not like she had a choice. Well, of course she could get pain meds, but if he understood the process right, by the time they got the drugs delivered, she would be finished. So, what was the point?

  He leaned toward her. “You’re doing great. You’re almost through this.”

  “Get out, you son of a bitch!” she shouted. “Get out!”

  She didn’t have to tell him twice. He dropped her hand onto the mattress and rushed out of the room.

  He got to the waiting room, then stopped.

  “What are you doing here?” his dad said. “Shouldn’t you be with your wife?”

  CHAPTER 19

  After Jason left, everything started happening fast. The baby was crowning, then it was out, and with no dad on hand to cut the cord, the doctor took care of the business without comment. It would have been so wonderful if Jason had been there, but she wasn’t going to complain, or give him a hard time. Something was wrong, though she wasn’t certain what. And she didn’t need to add to the already oppressive load of negative messages he got.

  Once the baby was out and all the clean-up taken care of, Jason came back into the room. “Look who’s here,” he said, pointing to someone else following him.

  Carl.

  “Important day,” Carl said. “Now, are you okay, dear?”

  Diane blinked. She’d never seen Carl be solicitous toward anyone, and now he was calling her ‘dear’? Now he was worried over her well-being?

  “Wonderful,” she said. She had Jason Junior tucked in her arms, all wrapped in his receiving blanket, and sleeping contentedly. “You want to see the baby?” She lifted him toward Carl.

  “Cute little darling, isn’t he?” Carl said, but a shadow crossed his face. “I don’t know if I like the name, though.”

  Jason gave him a cool glare. “Get used to it.”

  “You know, I can still cut you off.”

  “We fulfilled our part of the bargain,” Jason said, his voice a growl. “You’d make yourself into a liar if you did that.”

  Carl returned the glare with equal chill. “I can do whatever I want.”

  “Then do it. Cut us off. And you’ll never see your grandson again.”

  Diane pulled the baby back to her chest. This was getting downright unpleasant, and she didn’t need her innocent child caught in the crossfire.

  “You think you can make it on your own?” Carl said.

  Jason nodded. “Been putting it together since you made your first demands.”

  “I see.” Carl lifted his chin, like he could just brush off the whole situation, like he didn’t care he’d lost control of everything. “Well, you do that.”

  Diane shivered. Things would be tight if they had to break their ties with the old man right now. They would probably have to sell the house, because the taxes would eat them alive, not give them any room for continued growth. Not to mention letting all the employees go. And Jason didn’t seem inclined to want to live a less extravagant lifestyle. He would spend money on things they couldn’t afford. It would be a mess.

  “I’m sure we can work something out,” she said. “Maybe we give him a nickname.”

  “We’re not calling him ‘Junior,’” Jason said.

  “We need to brainstorm ideas,” she said. “And we have plenty of time for that.”

  “I don’t like Jase,” Carl said.

  Jason shrugged. “How about Ace?”

  “Think of something else.”

  Diane rolled her eyes. “Look, you two, it’s time you tried to get along with each other.”

  They both gave her a blank expression, like this was normal, like this was getting along. Like they both thought Carl was a loving father.

  Like they didn’t even know what love was.

  “Jason, do you want to hold your son?” She lifted the baby, and Ace’s eyes popped open. Then he squinted. The light must have been too bright for him.

  “Yeah,” Jason said, his voice breaking, not like he was about to cry, but more like he was… nervous? He took a stiff step toward the bed.

  “Here,” she said, lifting the little bundle up to Jason’s elbow height. “He won’t bite.”

  Jason hesitated again, but finally reached out to put his hands under the baby. His eyes were wide, his skin gone pale. What was the matter with him?

  “Support his neck, like this.” She put the baby’s head into the crook of Jason’s elbow. “Perfect.”

  Jason didn’t move. He didn’t even seem to be breathing. He stared at Diane, but more at her neck than her face, a glazed look, distant and unfocused.

  “Jason?”

  Suddenly, he shoved the baby back into her arms, and then he rushed out the door.

  “There, you see?” Carl spat his words at her. “That young man is worthless!”

  She stared into the old man’s face, unmoving, solid as a rock. “Nurse,” she said without taking her eyes off Carl, “would you please take the baby out for a few minutes.” Even though she didn’t know if it would register for the baby, she didn’t want to expose her new son to a lot of vitriol.

  “Of course.”

  Once the baby was gone, Diane pointed her finger at Carl. “What is the matter with you?”

  “The matter with me? Your husband walks out on you, and you want to know my problem?”

  “Yes. I think it is your problem.”

  “You’re as bad as he.” Carl brushed his hands over the front of his gray suit. “Maybe I need to get custody of this child, so it can be raised right.”

  “Like the way you raised Jason?” Her voice was up, her anger was coming through in her tones.

  “You don’t know what it was like, trying to get that child to behave like a decent human being.”

  “I’m sure it was unimaginably hard. Because you never treated him that way.”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.” Carl balled his hands into fists, and he shook. “That young man has no redeeming qualities.”r />
  “What is going on with you?” Diane said. “Why are you so angry at him?”

  Carl’s face kept getting darker, redder, more squeezed together. “Why? You don’t know? He never told you?”

  “I want you to tell me.”

  He shook his hand, finger extended toward the door, the last direction Jason had been seen. “He killed her! Killed—” The old man’s voice broke. His hand dropped to his side, and he closed his eyes. Tears popped out and rushed down his cheeks.

  The energy drained from Diane’s body. Oh my God, she hadn’t expected this kind of revelation. “Who?” Her voice was barely audible.

  “His mother,” Carl croaked. “My dear, beautiful Cassandra.” His hands went up to wipe the moisture off his cheeks, and his thick, gold wedding ring flashed under the fluorescent lights. She’d never noticed it before.

  “You loved her a lot,” Diane said.

  “She was the joy of my life,” he answered, palsied fingers brushing under his nose, as though the crying had made it itch.

  “And how did she die?” Diane didn’t believe for a moment that Jason had taken a knife to her.

  “After the birth,” Carl said, then his face tensed. “This is too hard to talk about.”

  “You’ve never told anyone?”

  “How could I? How could I face losing her?”

  “You’ve carried this pain all these years,” Diane said.

  He creased his brows, the corners of his lips turned down in the most exaggerated frown she’d ever seen. She made it a point to stare back at him with compassion. No anger or judgementalism. Only caring.

  “She hem… hemorrhaged,” he said finally. “The doctors couldn’t stop the bleeding. They kept giving her blood, but she was losing it faster.”

  “So, she bled out?”

  “They took her into surgery, removed the uterus. After that, she seemed to be recovering, but then she got MRSA. Sepsis. It just kept getting worse. She died three days after Jason was born.”

  Diane grabbed a tissue and ran it across her eyes. Then, she held out her hand to Carl. “I’m so sorry that happened to you.”

  Carl looked at her hand, his face confused, as though no one had ever made such a gesture to him. But then he wrapped his gnarled hands around hers. His head bend forward.

  She grabbed him by the neck and pulled him toward her, until his face rested on her chest, and his soft crying turned to sobs.

  ✽✽✽

  Jason hurried into the house, ready to bolt up the stairs, but instead he met a wall of servants, question marks blinking on their faces. “Is everything well?” Henry said, as though he spoke for them all. “Baby and mother are fine?”

  “Yes,” Jason said, watching the maid’s brows notch higher with each word. “Ten fingers, ten toes.”

  One of the maids grinned and clapped her hands together. “Oh, I’m so happy. You two are such a wonderful couple!”

  He tried to smile, but it wasn’t working. “We’re just all pretty tired.”

  “Of course,” Henry said. “Shall I draw you a bath?”

  “A shower will be enough.”

  “Anything we can do for you?”

  Stop making me feel guilty about leaving her.

  He trudged up the stairs, his legs growing heavier with every step. Dad was right about him. He was worthless. Couldn’t even deal with having a child.

  Why had he reacted that way? It didn’t make any sense. Strange, not to even understand your own actions. He was just… just so terrified.

  Damn it, that couldn’t be right. He wasn’t a scaredy cat. And he couldn’t possibly be afraid of a helpless baby. So, it had to have been something else. He just wasn’t sure what.

  He got to the bedroom, then realized this was all wrong. He couldn’t stay here, couldn’t sleep in the same bed he’d shared with Diane. Not after the cowardly thing he’d done. He still remembered her face, so confused, and yet so concerned, and he just walked out on her. Left her there, alone. Didn’t even say good-bye.

  He grabbed some clothes, then retreated to the bedroom he’d been using before they’d finally admitted they could have sex with each other. He closed the door. This wasn’t going to work, either. Not once Diane and Ace got home. She would still want him to hold the baby, and even thinking about that made his skin feel like ants were crawling all over him. Just the idea made him dizzy, nauseated.

  He clutched his stomach. He had to disappear. Had to move out. Get his own apartment. Out of town.

  Visitation? That would probably never happen.

  But didn’t a boy need his father? Wasn’t the male role model important to a growing young man? He shook his head. The whole idea was terrifying.

  His phone beeped. It was a message from his dad. “Diane doesn’t deserve this,” it said. “Come back to the hospital now, or you are cut off.”

  Back to the hospital. Yes, that was what he needed to do. Maybe he could take a bottle of whiskey with him, then down some after he’d arrived, to give him the courage he needed. Trouble was, he would have to wait for it to wear off before he could drive himself home.

  That was the solution.

  It would be even better if he had some hard-core anti-anxiety drugs, valium or something like that. Then, he could deal with the whole thing as though nothing bothered him.

  Not the way he wanted to live the rest of his life. But better than having to go out and survive on his own.

  He grabbed a bottle of his favorite scotch on his way out, then drove back to the hospital. Once he was in the parking lot, he unscrewed the cap, and brought the bottle to his mouth.

  Dad wasn’t going to be pleased about his son stumbling into the room, alcohol on his breath, slurring his words. Jason knew his dad like he knew the controls to his little sports car. He knew what the man would do. Dad was going to say this didn’t count, being drunk was unbecoming, and probably a dozen other complaints that would make Jason be in the wrong.

  Damn. Why did this have to be so hard?

  Well, he couldn’t drive around with an opened liquor bottle in his car. He put the offending object in his trunk, then drove back home again. Maybe he could make it on his own. He was going to try, that was certain.

  When Jason got to his room, he sat on the bed, and tiredness washed over him. Okay, he said to himself. He would figure this all out tomorrow. Then he pulled back the covers and fell into a fitful sleep.

  CHAPTER 20

  Diane called Jason’s mobile phone but got his voicemail. “Jason?” she said to the recording. “Please call me.”

  When that call wasn’t returned, she tried again. “I’m not angry at you,” she amended the first message. “I just want to see you again.”

  That should get a response. Any hint that she cared for him always got Jason’s attention.

  She leaned back in her bed to wait. Ace had recently been fed and changed and was sleeping soundly. She fingered the remote to the television, but then the door opened. She clenched her fists in excitement, expecting to see Jason walk through. But no. It was Carl.

  “Did you see Jason?” she blurted.

  His brows creased. “Why would you think that?”

  She set the remote back on her side table. “When you went home last night…”

  “I’m staying at a hotel,” he said. “I thought you didn’t want me around Jason.”

  That was true. But now, she needed to know what was going on. She picked up the phone and dialed again. No answer. She left no message. Then, feeling desperate, she called Henry, and asked for an update.

  “He was here last night,” Henry reported. “Gone now, but he didn’t say where. I thought he was going to see you.”

  “Oh. How long ago did he leave?”

  “Four hours.”

  She didn’t know what to say to that. It took less than fifteen minutes to get from their house to the hospital, even with traffic. He should have been here a long time ago.

  “Well, thank you for the informatio
n,” she said.

  “If you wish, I will investigate further,” Henry said.

  “No need.” She ended the call, then closed her eyes. A pair of tears popped from them and slipped down the sides of her face, right into her ears. Carl grabbed a tissue and handed it to her.

  “You miss him, don’t you?”

  She gazed directly into the old man’s eyes, and for a second it was Jason staring back at her, all the care and sincerity, and now she didn’t know what she had done wrong. “Why did he leave?” she said.

  “I’m sorry,” Carl said, shaking his head. “I’ve never understood him.”

  She gave the old man a sideways glance. “You never got to know him, from what I heard.”

  “True.” He looked away. “I don’t think I was a good father.”

  “We all make mistakes,” Diane said. “We just need to…” She let the words hang in the air for a moment. “I don’t know what we need to do.” Her incredible wedding ring weighed heavily on her finger. Was it a symbol of his love, or just another attempt at being ostentatious? And how the hell did she feel about him?

  She missed him terribly.

  Like a part of her had been wrenched away, like she was empty without him, or at least supporting her, being a part of her life. Like she had been set adrift on an endless ocean, on a small, empty raft, with no provisions, and no means of propulsion.

  “Look,” Carl said, patting her hand, “I know he’s done a lot of… undesirable things in the past, but I think he’ll come through for you.”

  “You think?”

  “Just hang in there, dear. Let him sort out whatever’s bothering him, and he’ll be back.”

  Diane nodded and thanked Carl for the advice, for the reassurances that all was not lost. But the expression she had seen on his face kept coming back to her, especially when she closed her eyes. Terror.

  And she knew he was never coming back.

  ✽✽✽

  Jason sat at his table and stared at his laptop. The ergonomics was terrible, the table too high. If he worked like this, he would have carpel tunnel problems in no time. Maybe he should move it to the coffee table. Low was better than high, right?