The Naughty Sins Of A Saint

by Tiana Laveen

  Xenia was glued to her seat so much that she didn’t hear Saint come back home and walk through the front door. He stood in the foyer with his hands in his pockets as he watched her watching him on television. He smirked as minutes passed with her still being none the wiser.

  “Black women are loyal. Their loyalty will be your worst enemy until it’s turned onto you. Once you get that transferred to you instead, be prepared for one of the most fulfilling relationships of your life. They still refuse to leave their Black male counterpart regardless of how he treats her. She’s down for the cause at the expense of her own well-being and happiness. How do we turn this around, Gentlemen? We have to demonstrate and prove. Stop being so damn shy. Yes, you could be rejected, but you’re rejected by women of your own races as well, and that never stops you completely. Black women are intimidating. I get told that a lot. Yeah, they can be. We haven’t earned the pedestal she put the Black man on. We didn’t go through slavery with her. We didn’t go through the civil rights movement with her. The Black man earned that spot, so there is no need for you to try to convince her otherwise. We have to deal with the here and now. Right now, she’s enslaved by her own partner. She’s abused and neglected by her own partner. Lucky for you, some of them are starting to see that. Even the ones racing around screaming ‘Black love’ and ‘only chocolate thunder for me’ know the gig is almost up, and it’s a bunch of shit. She’s going to be alone if she keeps this up, and she’s realizing that slowly but surely. You have to approach her because deep down, she does want a good man even if he isn’t the same color as her. We have to be persistent. We can’t let racism stop us. We can’t let disapproving families and friends stop us. We have to go after what we like, what we want, and what we need. Go ahead and fight for your future little half-breed offspring! I’m a half-breed and damn happy about it.”

  The audience laughed.

  “I’m not politically correct, and never professed to be,” Saint said as he crossed the stage. “Take care of them. They have power in their DNA and your love and fortitude. My book, ‘Black Pussy,’ isn’t about sex. It’s about connecting to that from which you came. You’re drawn to her because of her dark skin; her full, juicy lips; those baby-making hips; and that unbelievable ass, but it’s so much deeper than that for most of us. We just didn’t know how to articulate it until now. We just wanna go home, and she, the Black woman, is our residence. You’re just homesick.”

  Applause exploded from the crowd.

  “Whew!” Xenia said as she sat back onto the couch. “Wow!”

  “Wow good, or wow bad?” Saint asked as he walked up to her. Xenia turned around, surprised. Her eyes grew as she sat up.

  “I’m sorry, Saint. I was just curious and it was sitting right there by the…”

  He held his hand up, “That’s OK, Baby. You wanted to see what I do. I understand.” He sat next to her and gently kissed her lips. She felt herself becoming aroused. She wanted to drag him onto the floor but fought the urge.

  “I forgot my gym bag, so after my interview, I had to come back here. The gym is right downstairs on the second floor. I’m going to change clothes and work out for about forty-five minutes. Is that OK?” he asked as he kissed her again.

  “That’s fine, Honey,” Xenia said, looking up at him dreamily.

  “OK, go ahead and finish watching, I suppose. I’m going to grab my bag and make a quick phone call.” He smiled as he got up and walked into the bedroom. Xenia finished watching the DVD. She thought about what she had seen, then rose and went to Saint’s bookshelf. There she perused his books, flipping through several that he had written. On the right side of the bookshelf were five DVDs with plain black covers. Once again, Xenia’s curiosity was piqued. She slid the DVD into the player and gasped.

  “So you teach them this too, huh?” Saint was standing off to the side, at what appeared to be a gym. He had two nude models with him, an attractive white man in his mid-twenties and a beautiful Black woman of the same age. Saint stood back and explained the techniques he had taught for lovemaking. Xenia listened carefully.

  “You want to vary your movements, like this. Don’t stay in the same spot too long. Lift your hips up in the air, then come down and twist every time you re-enter her. Do the same on the other side, left to right, left to right, then reverse until the movements become natural. Don’t hit the same area over and over, hit all her walls and mix it up. Vary your speed too. You see how he’s hovering over her, then moving down? You don’t want to put all of your weight on her for too long and you don’t want to be so far away, that your penis keeps slipping out. This should last approximately ten to fifteen minutes. Move your pelvis upward, hitting her clitoris. If you don’t make upward movements, her clitoris won’t be stimulated during intercourse, and she can’t cum as well. The goal is to give her a vaginal and clitoral orgasm all at once. Vaginal orgasms are usually not as intense. It’s the clitoral ones you want, so if you can get them both to happen at the same time during intercourse, you’ve made it. You have to brush up against her clit over and over. Don’t bang it, just brush up with each thrust. You’ll find, especially if you aren’t in shape, that you’ll get winded quickly doing this. That’s another reason why it’s important to stay in shape – it makes your sex life a hell of a lot better. You don’t want to get worn out. It should be enjoyable for both of you, and this technique is almost foolproof to give her an orgasm.” Xenia stood there and clenched her thighs. “Always be in motion. That in and out, in and out is fine, but you need to vary it. Don’t do it for too long.”

  “Yup, that’s what he does to me every time,” Xenia giggled. She slumped back down on the couch. Saint came out and said “goodbye” as he walked out the front door. She immediately grabbed her cell phone and dialed.

  “You have no idea who I married,” Xenia said to her friend, Stacy.

  “And what’s that supposed to mean? Is he a killa?” Stacy asked.

  “No, but he’s like the Malcolm X, Dr. Oz, Dr. Drew, and Hugh Hefner of sex and interracial dating all rolled into one person. He’s very important, more so than I even thought. I’m with him because of what he’s been for me personally, but his professional life is a new world for me.”

  “I see. I thought he was like a speaker, right?” Stacy asked.

  “Girl, it’s way deeper than that! He has droves of white men, Asian men, all kinds of men, followin’ him around the country for advice. You should’ve seen this tape I just saw. OK, let me explain it another way. I married him because I love him. He let me see his heart, but he’s more raw in his profession. He’s less edgy with me than his professional persona suggests. He treats me differently. Do you understand now?” Xenia asked.

  “I bet he does. I read up on his escapades,” Stacy said snidely. “He refuses to confirm anything, but everyone heard about that lawsuit. Dude’s dick is addictive apparently, like the shit has cocaine on it. You better watch out, Xenia. How do you know he’ll be faithful?”

  “Because I just know. I don’t expect anyone to understand us. I didn’t call for you to talk badly about my husband,” Xenia said.

  “Well, I’m goin’ to talk about him!” Stacy said.

  “I don’t need your approval, my mama’s, or Porsche’s. I get hell at work, and I don’t need this shit from you. You’re supposed to be my friend. What about all those low life mothafuckas you deal with? Those five-cent mothafuckas ain’t worth shit and have a million women. My man, who’s very sincere, loving, kind and generous, treats me like a queen. And yes – he puts in work and dicks me down proper. He’s also well taken care of! His ass isn’t goin’ any damn where. He’s on lockdown and happily so. Of that, I’m completely sure.”

  “Girl, please!” Stacy said. “Someone with his sex appeal and confidence isn’t gonna be faithful. Some woman tried to break into his hotel room! She was completely whipped, dick whipped, that is, and he totally dissed her and wouldn’t let her back in. He even called Security after he turned her out.
I work in the news room. I went through all kinds of research on this guy and he…”

  “Uh, you can stop talkin’ about my husband’s dick. Don’t let that come out your mouth again. I let it go the first time, and now you’re just goin’ crazy with it. You keep crossin’ the line,” Xenia said.

  “That’s the whole damn point! I shouldn’t even know about your husband’s dick, but he gave it out like candy, so now everyone knows about it!”

  “I know what he did in the past, Stacy! At least I actually know. The hos you dealin’ with, you don’t know what the hell they’ve been up to! I take solace in knowing my man likes to fuck, he did it a lot, and he did it well, and now he’s only doin’ it with me! If I didn’t know any better, I’d think your ass was jealous.”

  “What?”

  “You heard me. I think you’re jealous that my sexy-ass husband, who’s also smart as hell and famous, is good to me. And by that I mean, I get good lovin’. He doesn’t just fuck, he’s romantic. I’m treated like a princess, I get jewelry, coats, shoes, expensive hand bags – all kinds of shit, just because. I don’t ask for a goddamn thing, he just gives me the shit – has it mailed to me when we aren’t together. You’ve seen some of the shit, and I’ve noticed how you look when I get yet another package! I get flowers sent to my damn job, and bitches there give me the gas face. I’m sick of you women actin’ envious over some dick that doesn’t belong to you. He’s mine! I think you’re all jealous. Stacy, this whole conversation is fucked up.”

  “I see he’s turned your ass out too. You sound like a dope fiend, and no one can say anythin’ bad about your dealer. I see how it is.”

  “You’re goin’ behind my back checkin’ up on my man like you’re a private investigator or somethin’. Go do a check on some of the mofos you roll with. I bet you’ll find some shady shit.” Xenia felt her whole body heating up as she yelled on the phone. She felt so protective of her husband. Now she knew what it meant to be a ride-or-die chick. She had never felt so violent when it came to a man she loved. She didn’t even like other women looking at him for too long. It would make her blood boil.

  “Xenia, calm down,” Stacy said softly. “I’m sorry. I see you think it was rude for me to talk to you about your husband.”

  “You’re damn right it was rude! All you need to care about is how he treats me. He treats me good, damn good. I’ve been tellin’ you that practically every day. I wasn’t tryin’ to brag. I was just so happy. I’ve never been treated like this before. He’s probably had more sexual liaisons than anyone I’ve ever dated, but what’s so funny is that he’s also probably the most faithful. As a matter of fact, I know he is. This man came after me with the explicit intent to marry me. Not to impregnate me and leave, not to hit it and quit it, none of that. He opened himself up to me on the first night and laid his cards on the table, and he’s been consistent. He calls me all the time, even when he’s at his conferences. Between breaks he’ll call or text me. He emails me. He asks me about my day. He actually gives a damn about me!” Xenia’s voice shook. “When we’re together, I can’t even explain to you how the most mundane activities of domestic life are interesting and filled with excitement and love. He’s intense but warm and loving. I don’t care that it’s been a short time, everything he says and does adds up. At this point, there are no red flags or that strange gut feeling we have when we know a man is playin’ us. Just because someone was promiscuous doesn’t mean he can’t change and ever settle down. He loves me, and you bitches can’t stand it!” Xenia cried.

  “OK, Xenia. I said I apologize. I’m glad you’re happy, I really am. Now, you said you needed to talk to me about makin’ an appointment of some sort. What was that about?” Stacy changed the topic, not wanting to upset her best friend any further.

  Xenia rolled her eyes. “The place was huge, and there wasn’t one empty seat in this DVD I just watched. It wasn’t an audience, it was a congregation. They love this man. I’ve got to get us some airtime. People have wanted to interview us as a couple ever since the news of the marriage broke. I knew what he did, but not to this extent. I thought you’d love to have first dibs at gettin’ us on your station. I was callin’ to help you, but I see…”

  “No, no! I’d love to! I’m sincerely sorry, Xenia. Thank you for this. I feel honored.”

  “Can you get a joint interview scheduled soon? He and I need to address the public. It’s time we set the record straight.”

  * * *

  CHAPTER 7

  Two weeks later…

  Saint sat back in the limousine, his long leg extended as he played with his cell phone. The slight grimace on his face let Xenia know that this may be easier said than done.

  “Why are you sitting over there with an attitude? Look, you agreed that we need to do this. Both of us keep being bombarded, and there are so many false stories out here swirling about you – about us,” Xenia said as she stared at him, flipping her long braids over one shoulder. Saint refused to look up. Instead, he kept playing with his Blackberry as his eyebrows dipped even further. Xenia waved her hand and sighed in anger. “You’re so difficult at times.”

  Saint continued in his silence until they arrived at their destination. They were let out of the car and entered the San Diego television studio. Before they were microphoned and sat down, Saint pulled Xenia to the side.

  “Don’t let them manipulate us,” he said as he looked her closely in the eyes. He put his finger up over her lips. “I know that this is your expertise. I know you think you know what you’re doing, but please, trust me on this. Please promise me that you won’t fall into their traps. We’re being interviewed by a woman I’ve never even heard of, and that pisses me off. It’s like we aren’t even important enough to have a seasoned journalist interview us, yet we’re important enough to get a prime time slot. It’s a diss!”

  “Saint, what are you talking about? We don’t have to answer anything we deem inappropriate,” Xenia assured, “and I’m sure Stacy chose someone she thought would do a good job tonight. You’re being paranoid.”

  Saint rolled his eyes. “It isn’t that easy all the time.” He took her by the hand and led her to the set.

  “Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Aknaten,” the reporter said as she sat down in a chair beside them. I’m JoAnn Daniels.”

  “Hello,” Xenia said cheerfully.

  “Thank you for accepting our invitation to interview you both. Your friend, Stacy, gave us a call on your behalf, and we’re so glad she did.”

  Saint looked at the woman and sighed. He leaned back in his chair like he was a sixteen-year-old showing off in a new Cadillac. He had let his hair grow out a bit, flaunting thick, black luscious waves. His long, keen nose; full, soft lips; and haunting hazel eyes made him a source of stares from various women and gay men working on the set. Xenia looked over at him after the reporter stepped away. In clenched teeth and narrowed eyes she said, “Saint! Sit up straight! Now!”

  He looked at her and sucked his teeth. Cutting his eyes to the other side of the room, he nonchalantly surveyed their surroundings.

  “Saint, you’re pissing me off to no end!” She grabbed the arm rests of her chair tightly.

  “Good, and you need to lower your damn voice. Don’t talk to me like that. I’m not your fuckin’ child,” Saint said as he now played with his fingernails, inspecting his cuticles closely. “Maybe after this we’ll have some good make-up sex, because there is about to be a fight of epic proportions if you don’t stop trying to pull rank on me. You know better than that.”

  Xenia’s eyes grew. “Boy, I don’t who the hell you think you’re talkin’ to! Make-up sex? Not on your life. You’re not touching this again until you get an attitude adjustment,” she threatened, knowing her heart wasn’t really in it. She would surely cave before he did.

  “Fine. I’m sorry, if that’s what you want to hear,” Saint said flippantly. “Just don’t talk to me like that, and we’ll be cool. I don’t know if you’re nervous or what your p
roblem is, but cut that shit out. It’s annoying.” Saint slowly sat up. Xenia rolled her eyes. Just then JoAnn Daniels returned.

  “OK, we’re going on the air in two minutes!” she said with a wide grin as she sat down with the couple.

  “Who the hell are you, and why did Stacy think you were the best choice?” Saint asked angrily as he stared the woman down.

  Xenia hit his arm. “Stop it!” she warned. “I’m so serious.” Saint looked at Xenia, rolled his eyes, and shrugged. JoAnn smiled nervously as she looked over her notes, ignoring Saint’s question.

  “Good evening, everyone. Thank you for tuning in for our live interview with Dr. and Mrs. Aknaten. Dr. Saint Aknaten is best known for his books, private conventions, and videos concerning interracial relationships between non-Black men and Black women. His educational and professional background is in psychology, sexology, and biology. He’s a licensed sex therapist in the state of New York. His wife, Mrs. Xenia Aknaten, formerly Donnellson, is a nationwide, syndicated radio personality out of the Los Angeles area. I want to thank you both for joining us tonight,” JoAnn stated.

  Xenia nodded politely.

  “In the local celebrity news, it’s been stated that this union was quick. Some even suggest it’s for publicity. Can you address this speculation?”

  “My husband and I met not too long ago. I’ve known about him, however, for years. He was difficult to get an interview with due to his schedule. When we did meet, we got to know each other well in a short time span. I really can’t explain it, but I assure you, this isn’t a publicity stunt. We’re very much in love,” Xenia said.

  “Mrs. Aknaten,” JoAnn said.

  “Please call me ‘Xenia.’”

  “Xenia, you’re known for pointing out racial disparities, calling people on the carpet for their ill treatment of African-Americans, and you’ve been very outspoken regarding what’s termed ‘Black love’ up until this point. Can you explain your sudden turnabout?”