A Change of Heart (Perfect Indiana#3)

by Barbara Longley

  “Humph, an optimist.” He chuckled and almost reached for her hand.

  “No, just determined.” She hiccupped again and sucked in a huge breath, holding it for a few seconds before letting it go.

  “Does that get rid of hiccups?” He opened the passenger door for her and walked around to the driver’s side, a wide smile on his face.

  “I guess we’ll find out.”

  He settled himself behind the wheel. “When we get back to your place, do you want to go down by the river to look at the stars for a few minutes? It’s a clear night.”

  “Sure. There’s too much light pollution at my mom’s place. We can’t really see the stars in the city.”

  “Buckle your seat belt, Cory,” he said, putting his own on. “Stargazing coming right up.” The evening had gone far better than he expected, and his blood thrummed with the thrill of triumph. He reminded himself to continue taking it easy and going slow. “I don’t know if you noticed, but I installed a new HD sound system. Go ahead and try it out.”

  “Cool.” Cory leaned forward and turned on the radio. “There’s even a jack for my iPod. You thought of everything.”

  “I have to be honest, I didn’t put the sound system in for you. I hadn’t considered selling this truck until we talked. I have a lot of sentimental feelings for this old girl, and I still enjoy driving her. I was going to do some bodywork next. If you want, I still can.”

  “You mean him, and no. I kind of like Freddy the way he is. The dents and rusty spots are part of this truck’s personality.”

  She ran her hand over the dashboard, and he imagined her warm palm skimming over his heated flesh in much the same way. His mouth lost all moisture, and his pulse kicked up a few notches. Struggling to bring himself under control, he thought about cutting hay, mucking out the hog barn, anything that would take his mind off sex.

  Cory found a radio station she liked and sang along softly with the tune. Her slightly husky, feminine voice washed over him in a sensuous caress, setting off another wave of heat. Not helping. He gritted his teeth and exhaled slowly through his nose. Baby steps. Patience and…more patience, followed by many cold showers. Maybe he’d take a dip in the Ohio tonight—right after he saw Cory safely behind her locked door.

  “Paige told me there’s a poker group in Perfect that meets once a month. How come you never go?”

  The reminder did wonders to squelch his raging lust. “I used to have a thing for Paige. After she and Ryan paired up, hanging out with them just got awkward.” He cast her a quick look. “I got over it long ago, but I’ve never gotten around to joining the group.”

  “Are you sure you’re over her?”

  “I was very young, and what I felt for Paige was infatuation. And yeah, I’m sure, but working with the two of them is a constant reminder that I don’t measure up.” Oh, man. He should not have said that. There was just something about Cory that drew these embarrassing confessions out of him at the oddest moments.

  “What are you talking about, Ted? In what universe do you not measure up?”

  Her indignation on his behalf went a long way to improving his mood. He chuckled low in his throat. “It’s nice to have you as my own personal cheerleader.”

  “That’s right, and don’t you forget it.” She shoved his shoulder. “I’ve got your six, bro, just like you have mine.”

  Bro? There was nothing brotherly about the way he felt about her. “My six?” One side of his mouth quirked up.

  “Yeah, it’s a military term meaning we’ve got each other’s backs. If you’re facing twelve o’clock, you can’t see the six behind you.”

  “I know what it means. I’ve been surrounded by military-speak for the past five years.” They’d come to the Langfords’ drive, and he drove up to park next to the big house. “When you drive a stick shift, you have to use the parking brake, or you can leave the truck in first gear so it doesn’t coast.” He pulled up on the brake and shut off the engine. “Stars. Let’s go see if we can pull a couple of them down tonight.”

  Jamming his lusting hands into his front pockets, he walked along behind her. “I love that old willow by the bank. It’s got to be over a hundred years old. I imagine the generations of Lovejoys picnicking under its shade.” They reached the edge of the Ohio, and he remained a few steps away from her, enjoying the view of her enticing backside.

  “Wow.” Cory stared up into the canopy of stars, a whisper-soft breeze playing with her silken hair.

  He gazed at her, taking her in, memorizing every tiny detail. “I have an idea.”

  “Of course you do.” She smiled at him over her shoulder.

  A riot of sensations stampeded through him. “What if you were to kiss me again, only this time, we’ll end it before things go bad?”

  She turned to study him, her silhouette against the horizon limned with thousands of sparkling sky diamonds. The image would remain with him for the rest of his life, of that he had no doubt. “What if I put my arms around you for a few seconds? When you were upset earlier, I wanted to comfort you. What if you let me do that now?”

  “I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.” She worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

  “I’m still convinced that replacing the bad memories with good ones will help.” He took a step closer. “I’ve got your six, Cory. I won’t let any harm come to you.” Miracle of miracles, she stepped closer to him. They both stood perfectly still, no more than six inches separating them. His breath got stuck somewhere between his heart and his throat.

  Tilting her head, she scrutinized him. “Only for a few seconds, right?” She placed her hands on his shoulders. “I’ll back away when I start to feel…when things…”

  “Exactly.” Slowly, and ever so tenderly, he drew her close, wrapping her up in his arms. She sighed, and the warm stir of air against his lips nearly undid him. He waited, holding his breath—seconds turning to centuries. At long last, she closed the gap. When he was sure he couldn’t take the tension another second, she pressed her sweet lips against his, opening to him when he deepened their kiss.

  Cory leaned into him, letting herself rest against his fevered body so they touched from shoulders to knees. Her arms came up to circle his neck, and a feminine groan left her mouth to settle into his. Unable to stop himself, he tightened his hold and poured all of the love and longing he felt for her into the best kiss of his life.

  All too soon, she backed away, leaving him bereft. The sounds of their breathing filled the space between them. Her chest rose and fell. His arms ached to draw her back against him and never let her go. “You OK?”

  She pondered his question for a few moments before nodding. “I am. Thanks for a lovely evening. I had fun.”

  “Me too.” He walked beside her to the carriage house. “Tomorrow we’ll finish your driving lesson, and if everything goes well, you can give me a ride home.”

  Her smile came quickly. “I’ll have that first check ready. You’ll have to tell me where to go to transfer the title.”

  “I will. I’ll keep it on my insurance until you have it covered.”

  “I already talked to my mom’s agent. I’ll call him on Monday and get it started.” She stood at her door and drew her keys out of her purse. “Tomorrow at two?”

  “Right.” He backed away, keeping her in his sights until she was inside and he heard the deadbolt turn. How undignified would it be to run around the Langfords’ yard with his arms pumping the air? He managed to keep it together until he was near his truck, then he threw up his fists and jumped for the stars. Damn, he felt good.

  CHAPTER NINE

  CORY POURED HERSELF A CUP of coffee. Her hand shook so badly, some of it spilled onto the counter. The nightmares that had awakened her had been the worst ever, and she hurt inside and out—in every possible way, shape and form. She’d been selfish and naive, wanting desperately to believe in Ted’s crazy theory that bad memories could be wiped out by good ones. Not so. Just when she thought things h
ad improved, her PTSD took on a new twist. Her flashbacks weren’t just about the rape anymore.

  She closed her mind against the fresh assault on her psyche, pushing back the memories of things she’d seen while traveling with supply units. No use dwelling on them now. The clock on the small stove showed four a.m. No chance of catching any more sleep now, and she didn’t want to risk it anyhow. She’d had more than her quota of hellish dreams, thank you very much.

  Her eyes felt as if they had desert sand under the lids. Exhausted, she leaned against the counter and tried to rub away the grittiness. The hollow ache of hopelessness dragged her back to the dark place she’d been before Brenda and her mom had forced her into the land of the living. She wanted to crawl back into bed, pull the covers over her head and hide from the stark reality she couldn’t escape. How the hell was she supposed to face Ted today? For that matter, how the hell was she supposed to face the rest of the day?

  More out of habit than hope, she headed for her laptop to check for word from the law clinic. Setting her coffee mug on the end table, she perched on the edge of the couch and opened it up. She brought up her e-mail and scanned for the law clinic. Nothing. Of course there was nothing. A tear trickled down her cheek, then another.

  Maybe she should text Ted to cancel their driving lesson. No. Cowardice had never been her MO, and besides, it wouldn’t be fair. Best to have the conversation with him that was long overdue. They had to stop pretending they were a normal couple getting to know each other. Nothing about her could be referred to as “normal.” She’d kept putting the talk off because she loved being with him, loved the way he made her forget. Too bad Sergeant Dickhead wouldn’t allow Ted’s sweet kisses to wipe out the violence of his assault. Her heart wrenched painfully in her chest.

  The birds outside filled the early morning with their calls, offering a welcome distraction. She focused on the sound for a few minutes. Drawn by their song, Cory rose from the couch and walked out the door with her coffee mug in hand. The dew-covered grass tickled her bare feet, offering another welcome distraction. She made her way to the large willow growing on the river’s edge. Ducking under the veil of hanging, leaf-filled branches, she made her way to the center of the clearing beneath. She sank to the ground, leaning back against the broad, gnarled old trunk.

  The Langfords’ property was situated on a bend in the river, and she watched the dark water wend and swirl its way around the slight protrusion of land. Dawn lightened the eastern horizon, and the water’s movement mesmerized her. She settled. Her mind went blessedly blank and still. Grabbing onto the respite with both hands, she decided to spend the entire day right here in the midst of the birds and critters making so much noise. Watching the day grow brighter in increments, she remained in the stillness. Time slid by like the river currents in front of her…

  “Morning, Cory.”

  Cory jerked, and some of her coffee sloshed out over the side of her mug. She set it down beside her and shook the drips from her hand. “You startled me, Noah. I didn’t expect to run into anyone this early.”

  “Sorry.” He moved to stand on the river’s sloping shoreline. “I come here a lot. It’s calming.”

  “It is.” Or, it was. He’d destroyed her small slice of peace, and she couldn’t prevent a tiny bit of resentment from creeping into her voice. Noah peered at her, and she studied the ground by her feet, ashamed of her pettiness.

  “I don’t have nightmares so much anymore,” he said, moving under the willow branches. “You never forget, though.” Lowering himself to the damp ground beside her, he stretched his prosthetic out before him. “I like to check in with the river now and then. There’s something about watching the Ohio flow by that takes you out of yourself. It’s hypnotic.”

  “Like watching a campfire.” Her gaze drifted back to the water. Didn’t he get that she wanted to be alone? “Yeah, I just now discovered that this morning.”

  “I imagine it’s all still pretty raw for you.” He tucked his chin down to meet her eyes. “Nightmares keeping you up?”

  The sudden sting of tears made answering impossible. She nodded.

  “I know you’ve heard this before, but—”

  “Don’t say it’ll get better, because it won’t,” she snapped. “Not without meds and therapy, and lately, things have gotten worse. I’m afraid to sleep at night, and these days, even looking at a shadow sends me into a tailspin.”

  “Wesley can’t sleep at night either. If you think it would help, you can switch to the night crew. Try sleeping during the day.”

  “I’ll…I’ll think about that.” Guilt swamped her. He didn’t deserve to be snapped at, and she owed him everything. “Why do you do it, Noah?”

  “Do what?” His eyes widened in question.

  “Why do you help perfect strangers like me?”

  “Hmm.” His expression grew pensive, and he too looked out over the river. “I lost five men the day we were hit in Iraq. One of them was Ryan’s best friend. All of them were my responsibility.” His mouth tightened into a straight line. “I survived.” A shudder racked through him. “Physically, anyway. I was in pretty bad shape when I landed in Perfect. Flashbacks, nightmares, a parade of ghosts…the guilt I carried for surviving while so many hadn’t nearly destroyed me.”

  “It sucks, doesn’t it?”

  He chuckled. “Yeah. Definitely. The Lovejoys helped me a lot. Being here helped. Once I came through the worst, my thinking changed. I figured I must’ve survived for a reason. There are a lot of veterans out there who aren’t as lucky and don’t have a safe place to land.” He shrugged his broad shoulders. “New mission. I’m a mission kind of guy, I guess.”

  “Good thing for me. Words aren’t enough to express how grateful I am.”

  “Not necessary. You’re doing a great job at L&L, and we’re glad to have you.” He paused, going pensive again. “Ceejay and I…” He rubbed the back of his neck. “We had a pretty rough start, believe me. We both had issues to work through before finding our way together.” He glanced sideways at her. “It was worth it, though. Every struggle we went through was worth it in the end.”

  Cory pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them. “I’m happy for you.”

  “Ted played a huge part in my recovery.” He shook his head and grinned. “The guy would not leave me alone, always pestering me about what I was going to do with my life and asking if we could partner up in one business venture or another.” He chuffed out a laugh. “At one time, we even considered the house-painting business. I owe him. Ted means a lot to me and my wife. He’s more like a younger brother than a cousin.”

  A wave of misery washed over her, and she rested her forehead on her arms. “Is this the part where you warn me not to hurt him, ’cause I’ve already heard it.” Tears pricked at the back of her eyes.

  “No.” Noah was quiet for few seconds. “This is the part where I tell you not to give up. He’s a good man, and—”

  “And the more I feel for him, the worse the nightmares get.” Her muscles knotted, and anger exploded in her chest. “I can’t keep doing this to myself or to him. I’m exhausted.” Several moments of silence stretched between them, and she made a desperate effort to pull herself together.

  “No word from the law clinic?”

  She rolled her forehead back and forth against her forearms. “Nope. Still unfit to serve. Still…personality disordered.” The ultimate burn, worse than any night terrors could ever be.

  “Listen, it’s good to talk about this stuff. If you want, I can ask around at the VA and see if there’s a women’s group that gets together outside of the center. I meet with my group at the VFW on a regular basis.”

  She raised her head. “The fact that I’m on the outside is what gets to me the most.” She picked up a twig near her feet and snapped it in half. “I appreciate that you’re trying to help. I’m just having a bad morning, no doubt caused by a very bad night. I’m sure things will get better.” She snorted in disbelief a
t her own words. Grabbing her coffee mug, she rose to her feet. “Thanks, Noah. I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”

  “If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”

  Nodding mutely again, she walked away. She’d force herself to be productive today, soldier on through the heartache. Once she was behind her door, she gathered her laundry, determined to throw herself into chores. By sheer force of will, Cory kept herself busy, watching the clock the entire day.

  She plugged in her new Crock-Pot, starting the chili that would feed her for the next few days. By two o’clock, a horde of butterflies ran rampant through her midriff. She grabbed her purse and headed out the door into a bright sunny day. The thought of seeing Ted’s face filled with hurt and confusion sent her heart plummeting. Each step she took grew more and more difficult, until it seemed she were slogging knee-deep through mud.

  Rounding the corner of the veranda, she found him leaning against his old truck and chatting with Ceejay. Her pulse surged. His smile pierced her heart, and it took every ounce of strength she had not to burst into tears.

  “There you are.” He pushed himself off the truck and opened the passenger door. “Ready to go?”

  “Sure.” She slid her hands into her pockets to hide how they trembled. “Hey, Ceejay. How are you?”

  “I’m great. Noah said he found you by the river early this morning. It’s nice there, isn’t it? Especially at the beginning or the end of the day.” She smiled warmly. “Once the kids are a little older, we’re going to put a patio and some benches down by that old willow tree. Then we’ll have a comfortable place to sit while we watch the sun rise and set.”

  “Sounds nice.” Being so near Ted made it hard to breathe, and her legs went from weighted to rubberized. She climbed into the truck. “See you later.”

  “Later.” Ceejay lifted a hand to wave and turned to walk up the veranda stairs.

  Cory fumbled with her seat belt. She tried to swallow, but the inside of her mouth had turned to dryer lint. “How’re your folks?”