Ever a Song

by Karen Toller Whittenburg

  “Special?” She tapped his chest lightly. “You might at least have told me that before.”

  “Before what? You’ve always known you could wrap my heart around your finger.”

  A melancholy smile tipped her lips for a moment. She had known; she just hadn’t realized what a fragile thing a heart could be.

  She moved to kiss him in belated apology. “I’ll admit I never thought anything could change your feelings for me ... until the day I came home and you mentioned Marilynda.”

  “Marilynda.” The name still rolled lyrically from his tongue, but it no longer sounded secret or special. “I wanted you to think I was interested in her. I wanted to be interested in her, but even before you returned I knew nothing like that was going to happen. Marilynda and I met at the wrong time to be any more than friends. It’s too soon after her husband’s death for her and for me it was too late the minute I saw you standing on the dock, looking so elegantly out of place. I didn’t believe you’d come back, Autumn. Ever.”

  “I had to look for my life, Cade. It took a long time before I realized that home is where I really wanted to be. And it took even longer to realize why. When I thought you’d found someone else, I knew you were the reason for my restlessness; you were the reason I came back.”

  “Richard.” Cade said the name as if it were the key that solved a mystery. “You said just enough about him to make me believe you’d come home to patch a broken heart. The day he appeared on the doorstep of the shop, it was a toss-up as to whether I should shake his hand before or after I decked him flat out on the pavement.”

  She couldn’t help the laugh that winged past her lips. “Oh, I’m so glad you thought better of the idea. He’s such a baby about bruises.”

  “You sound as if you know.”

  At the hint of stiffness in his voice, she raised her head and leaned against her palm. Cade was not quite smiling, although he wasn’t exactly frowning either. She bent forward and let him taste the reassurance of her lips. With a soft touch his arms encircled her more fully, insisting that she stay. The more subtle insistence of his mouth beneath hers was beautifully persuasive and she thought she’d never known anything as achingly sweet as loving him. The kiss became hungry, gentled, then crescendoed again before Autumn finally pulled away with a low, throaty hum.

  She looked into his eyes and saw a remnant of question still there. “Cade, I never loved Richard. I only loved the idea of loving him.”

  Against her breasts she felt the vibrating deepness of the breath he drew. “Are you sure?”

  “Of course. How can you even ask?”

  “So much has happened to you, Autumn. Things I know nothing of. You left Eastport behind on your way to some far-off destiny. You left your family and you left me. I accepted that. I knew I couldn’t tell you I was in love with you and not ask you to stay. And I loved you too much to ask that.” His head moved against the pillow and he resumed the pensive massage of her shoulders and back. “On a purely selfish level, I suppose I knew you would leave no matter what I said. So I wished you good luck and told myself I’d soon forget you’d ever meant anything more to me than a precocious child who thought I was a real-life hero.”

  She watched him, loving him as he tried to frame his thoughts and feelings into understanding.

  “And then,” he continued in a voice husky with remembrance, “all of a sudden you were home, full of new plans and new dreams. You were different, mature, self-assured, and determined to challenge me, to force me to see you in a new role. I didn’t know how to react. For all I could tell, you’d come home with a heart in need of repair and I was the bandage that would hold your world together. It had happened before and I had to consider the possibility that it was happening again. But I wasn’t strong enough to resist taking advantage of the situation. Not this time. When I made love to you that night on the boat, I was sure I’d shattered your illusions ... and a few of my own.”

  Her heart heard the uncertainty hidden in his words and interpreted the hesitancy she felt in him. Dawning comprehension grew into a knot of emotion in her throat. The doubts, the reservations she had sensed in him ever since that night, suddenly shifted into a pattern of clarity. The problem wasn’t that Cade perceived her as a child. It was in the way he saw her perception of him. He had always been everything she needed him to be, and more. He’d been her hero and he was afraid of being less than that to her.

  Her fingers whispered against the hair on his chest as she wondered how to explain that she didn’t need a hero anymore. She couldn’t say that to him, not when a part of her would always see him in that special, innocent way. And how could she tell him she realized he was an ordinary man with needs of his own when nothing about him could ever be ordinary?

  “I love you,” she said, hoping he would know all the emotions, all the memories, all the dreams borne by the words.

  He lifted a hand to stroke her hair, her forehead, her cheek. “I love you. So much that it frightens me a little. I know you so well, and yet I’m not sure I know you at all.”

  The phone rang, a shrill intrusion, and Autumn looked to the bedside table with a discouraging frown, but Cade had the receiver to his ear before she had time to say, Let it ring. With a soft resentful sigh she laid her head on his chest and listened to the deep vibrations of his voice. Although he continued caressing her hair, she was aware of the exact instant his attention was drawn away from her.

  “Yes, you’re probably right.” His tone conveyed a reluctant resignation. “Yes, well, I’ll take care of it.” He replaced the telephone receiver with a clatter and tightened his arm around Autumn for a moment before he began moving away from her. “The alarm’s been set off at the store. It’s probably because of the storm, but I’ll have to go down and check it out.”

  “But, Cade....” She didn’t know what she intended to say or why she felt apprehensive. She watched him enter the walk-in closet and waited for him to come back to her side.

  “You know how easily that can happen, Autumn.” He tossed a shirt onto the bed and pulled on a pair of jeans. “And you know I have to go.”

  Yes, she knew. The accidental setting off of that alarm had never meant any great catastrophe in the past. There was no reason to worry now, simply because she didn’t want him to leave. “I’ll fix something to eat while you’re gone,” she offered with a smile. “I might even start a fire.”

  His grin was slow as he leaned over the bed to kiss her. “Make sure it’s in the fireplace, okay?”

  “You certainly have no daring spirit of adventure.”

  “Leaving you, looking as beautiful as you look right now, is damn daring, if you ask me.”

  “Then let the alarm go to blazes,” she suggested.

  “And who would take care of protecting your one-fourth of the store?” He finished buttoning the shirt as he teased her. “It’s a dirty job, but someone has to do it.”

  “Well, please do it quickly then.” She tried not to look wistful as he put on his shoes and started toward the door. “And promise you won’t do anything heroic.”

  He stopped with a low chuckle, turned, and came back to her. “I can’t promise that, Autumn. Right now I think it will take an act of heroism to save that damned alarm from being smashed to smithereens.” His lips claimed her answering smile for a too-brief moment. “Hmmm,” he murmured. “Save my place.”

  Then he was striding from the room, confident and purposeful, and Autumn missed him long before she heard the closing of the downstairs door. She sat for a while in the middle of his bed with the rumpled covers gathered around her. Her gaze traveled the room, savoring the knowledge that she belonged in it.

  With a sense of discovery she noticed the dozens of intimate details that made this room distinctly his. A partially opened drawer with one sock half in and half out. The hairbrush, the bottle of cologne, the Softball trophy, the picture of her—a snapshot taken on the day before she’d left for New York and the coveted job with Mrs. Colburn
. Autumn left the bed to investigate it from a better perspective. The frame felt cool in her hand and the girl who laughed up at her looked happy and carefree, excited and just a bit uncertain. And so very, very young.

  Autumn didn’t understand why that made her vaguely sad, but she dispelled the feeling by walking into Cade’s closet and slipping into one of his shirts. It enveloped her in warm, flannel folds and she smiled with the purely feminine pleasure that came from wearing his shirt.

  As she gathered their damp clothing from the floor and started for the doorway, she cast a glance at the girl in the photograph. As soon as she could manage, Autumn decided, she would put another snapshot on his dresser. One that would give a clearer image of the woman who loved him. Maybe someday in the not too distant future there would be other snapshots of herself and Cade. And perhaps one day snapshots of a son or a daughter ... or both.

  With an irrepressible bubble of laughter Autumn wrapped herself in the magic of such thoughts. She hummed assorted melodies of domestic contentment as she put the clothes—his and hers together, what a perfectly wonderful combination—into the dryer. She prepared a simple meal, set the table with candles and crystal, and built a blazing fire in the fireplace. By the time everything was ready she was glancing at the clock, listening for the sound of the car through the persistent beat of the rain outside.

  When at last he came through the front door the fire had died to a few worried flames. Autumn stood, hands clasped, while he removed his coat. A quick perusal revealed a tired expression in his eyes and another set of wet clothing. Without asking even one of the questions she wanted to ask, she retrieved the shirt and jeans she’d dried earlier and brought them to him. Cade smiled a thank-you, said everything was fine at the store, that he’d be right back, and went upstairs to change.

  Autumn busied herself with fueling the fire and wondering why it had taken so long to shut off the alarm. Sinking onto the sofa, she clasped a pillow in her arms and waited.

  “I love you.” His endearment feathered across her neck and she turned her head to meet his lips. He tasted of wind and rain and she drew the coolness into herself and warmed him with the tempting play of her tongue against his. Cade moved so that he could be next to her, and his arms came about her in a tight, tender embrace as Autumn melted into his kiss. She felt his tension and knew in that moment that he needed her. When he put a small distance between them, she smiled into his eyes and tucked her hand in his.

  “The storm caused the alarm to malfunction,” he said without preamble, “but it was a good thing that 1 went to the store. There’s flooding. I don’t know yet what blocked the outside drain, but the stockroom’s standing in water.”

  “Well, at least everything in the stockroom is kept off—” The thought broke as she realized that the shipment of spring and summer merchandise for the boutique had arrived the day before and been placed on the floor.

  “Oh, Cade. All the new merchandise?”

  “I’m sorry, Autumn. I moved them as quickly as I could, got things out of the boxes, but there’s quite a bit of water damage. You’ll have to sort it out tomorrow. I don’t know how this is going to affect Monday’s opening, but I don’t think it will—” His fingers closed resolutely around hers and he drew a deep breath. “I’m so sorry. I did everything I could.”

  “I know that.” She swallowed her anxious thoughts in the face of his genuine distress. After all, even if the whole shipment were ruined, the storm had shared an intangible, but wildly beautiful moment in her life. How could she worry about losing some of the stock when she possessed Cade’s love?

  “Maybe it won’t be all that bad. It could turn out to be a simple matter of replacing the damaged merchandise.” She lifted her shoulders in a shrug of resolution. “If necessary, I’ll simply start over from the beginning.”

  “You’re staying then?”

  It was a quiet statement of relief, and Autumn swung her surprised look to his face. “Did you think for one second that I wouldn’t?”

  His brows formed a line of self-defense. “It’s crossed my mind more than once in the past couple of hours. I kept thinking about how you used to stand in the store staring out the window as if you couldn’t bear being trapped inside. This afternoon I saw you with that same wistful look in your eyes, Autumn. If you had any plans to leave, the flooding today makes as good an excuse as any.”

  “Cade,” she whispered in disbelief. “You’re serious, aren’t you?” He didn’t answer, but she knew he was. “How could I leave now? Now, when I’ve finally found what it means to be home? When I’ve found you.”

  His hand came to her cheek in a yearning caress, but still she saw the hesitancy in his eyes. The doubts, the concern for her, as if in some way he were responsible for her disappointment. And with a rush of tenderness Autumn knew he had resumed the role he thought she expected. “I’m not leaving, Cade. No matter what happens, I’m staying here with you. For always. I love you. You’re going to have to accept that I am grown-up now. I know the difference between adoring you as a child and loving you as a woman. I don’t need you to save me from life’s disappointments. I don’t want a hero who can move mountains or sail around the stars. I want you. I need you to share my dreams and my disappointments and I want you to need me in the same way.”

  Her eyes were sincere and rich with the color of truth. His love for her strained against the careful boundaries and self-imposed rules he’d observed for so long. She was saying words he’d wanted to hear, promising him a future for which he’d been afraid to hope. He leaned down to accept her kiss and the new relationship she offered. As she responded with such sweetness to his touch, he knew his love for her would change and grow with the changing seasons, bringing new discoveries to blend with the rich knowledge of their past.

  Autumn felt the understanding, the sharing promise, in his kiss and she nestled into the shelter of his arms.

  Welcome home, Autumn, her heart sang. At long last, welcome home.

  Copyright © 1984 by Karen Toller Whittenburg

  Originally published by Dell (0440123895)

  Electronically published in 2012 by Belgrave House

  ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

  No portion of this book may be reprinted in whole or in part, by printing, faxing, E-mail, copying electronically or by any other means without permission of the publisher. For more information, contact Belgrave House, 190 Belgrave Avenue, San Francisco, CA 94117-4228

  http://www.BelgraveHouse.com

  Electronic sales: ebooks@belgravehouse.com

  This is a work of fiction. All names in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to any person living or dead is coincidental.