Letters Home

by Rebecca Brooke

“Dani, come sit down.”

  I allowed him to pull me over to the bed, the springs creaking as I took my seat next to him. “Nate, what’s going on? I thought you’d be excited about finally making a decision.”

  He smiled. “I’m very happy about my choice…I just hope you’ll be happy with it too.”

  “Of course I’ll be happy with it. Anything that makes you happy, makes me happy.”

  “I hope you really mean that,” he mumbled. He took a deep breath. “Okay, here goes…I joined the army.”

  “What?” I whispered, unable to raise my voice because it felt as if all the air had been forced from my lungs.

  “Dani?”

  The room began to spin and I started to feel lightheaded. He couldn’t be serious? In all the time we’d spent together he’d never once mentioned wanting to follow in his father’s footsteps. In fact, he had always been against it. That’s why we were here: to find our own way instead of following our parents’ paths. Why would he change his mind?

  My breath was now coming in rapid pants. Unable to pull enough air into my lungs I began to hyperventilate, my vision starting to fade out. Hands on my shoulders gave me a good shake. “Breathe, Dani!”

  My head snapped up and I was finally able to suck in a deep breath. This all had to be a bad dream. He’d said he wouldn’t leave me. The back of my throat started to burn again, trying to keep the tears at bay. What was going to happen to him? When his dad had joined the army things were different. Today’s world left soldiers in the military unsure of who the enemy actually was. Even if the war was over, our soldiers were still dying overseas. Nate knelt down in front of me, his hand resting on my thigh.

  “Danielle, look at me.”

  Nate never called me Danielle. Slowly my gaze moved to his, but I was no longer interested in hiding the hurt and fear. I let the tears slide down my face. “Why?”

  Reaching up, he used his thumbs to wipe the moisture from my face. “Dani, everything is going to be all right. I’ll only be gone a few months for basic training. And the rest we can deal with later.

  “But I still don’t understand why? I thought you were happy here.”

  Strong arms wrapped around me and warm lips pressed against my temple. After a few seconds, Nate pulled back to look in me the eye.

  “I know I always said that I never wanted to follow in my father’s footsteps, but over the last few years I’ve felt lost, like something was missing. At first I thought maybe I just wasn’t in the right major. But when I really took the time to think about t, I knew that wasn’t it. Somewhere, deep down, I know this is the right decision for me.”

  The thought of him leaving broke my heart. There hadn’t been a moment since junior year of high school that we’d been separated for any length of time. I really wasn’t sure how I would handle it, but I knew deep down, even if it hurt to admit it, I needed to support him. My chin quivered as I tried to rein in my emotions.

  “It’ll be hard, but I’ll be here for you no matter what.”

  In a flash I was wrapped in his arms, the smell of everything that was him making my eyes water. “Thank you, Dani. I promise everything will be fine…”

  “Dani, is everything okay?”

  Nate was standing in front of me with his hand on my shoulder, concern creasing his brow. How had I missed him move into the room? Shaking my head, I attempted to overcome the memories that held me tight in their grip.

  “It’s nothing, really. I was just remembering the day you told me you’d joined the army.”

  The mattress next to me sunk down with his weight. “Well that explains the long face. But you have to admit, things turned out okay.”

  Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t deny the truth in his words. Things had turned out more than just “okay.” After Nate finished boot camp he went to Airborne Training, which eventually led him to the Army Rangers. Since he was part of their specialized regiment, he was able to stay in Georgia—close to me. It made it easier to spend time with each other while I was going to school. The unit he was part of were mostly deployed for specialized missions, his time away from home usually varied. The most time he’d ever spent away was three months. Although being apart was hard, I learned to appreciate his time home that much more, especially since that had been our lives for the last four years. But I loved him, and every sacrifice was worth it.

  I finished law school the previous month, and we were finally able to move into our own apartment. Nate had to get special permission to move off base, but since we weren’t married there were rules against us living together. I’d half expected that to prompt some kind of proposal, but that was a question I was still waiting for Nate to ask.

  “Yeah, it hasn’t been all that bad.”

  I jumped when Nate pinched my side, something he frequently did because he knew I was super ticklish. Taking advantage, he pushed me down onto my back, tickling me until I was begging for mercy between labored breaths.

  “All right, All right I surrender,” I panted. “Things have been looking pretty good lately.” I gestured around the apartment with a smile.

  Leaning over, he kissed me on the top of my head. “I’m so glad they gave me permission to live off base with you.”

  “Me too.”

  I snuggled into his embrace and we sat in comfortable silence while I wondered if I would always just be Nate’s girlfriend when, more than anything, I wanted to be his wife. At least getting an apartment of our own was a step in the right direction. After a few more moments, Nate got up and moved toward the door.

  “I’m going to go order a pizza for dinner. What time is your interview tomorrow?”

  “Eleven. I’m trying not to think about it. Every time I do, I feel like I want to throw up.” This was my first real job interview and I was so nervous about whether or not I was going to get it.

  “You’re going to be fine, how they could not want to hire you. You just need to show them the confident, self-assured Dani that I know.”

  “You’re right. It’s just…this is what I’m supposed to do for the rest of my life. I want to make sure this is the right place for me.”

  “Trust me, you’ll know if it’s right.”

  “Easy for you to say, you’ve already made that decision.”

  He laughed and walked back over to stand in front of me. My hands were shaking, but Nate steadied them with his own and helped me to my feet. “Yes, I did. Remember how nervous I was right before I left for boot camp? But when I got there I just knew I’d made the right decision, and so will you.”

  Like always, Nate knew what to say to make me feel better. “Now go finish unpacking this room, and I’ll get that pizza.”

  He’d made it to the door when I called his name. Turning, he faced me with a smile.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  “Always, sweetheart,” he replied, heading through the door and out of the room.

  Another quick glance at the picture on the nightstand and I went back to unpacking. Things had finally gotten close to the place I’d hoped for when we’d left for college. We were both working on our careers, living together in this army life with Nate, and I couldn’t love him anymore than I already did.

  Hopefully, we’d be able to take the next in our relationship.

  Sooner rather than later.

  A best friend is the one person who knows all your secrets. They always know what to say, and when to say it.

  My muscles felt like they’d been through hours with a personal trainer, not just sixty minutes of routine stretches like in a yoga class. Not that I was opposed to daily exercise, but yoga and moving all of our stuff was not the same thing. Who knew that moving could take so much out of you? Of course none of it bothered Nate—he was up at the crack of dawn for PT, always with a smile on his face. Then again maybe it was all better than the self-defense lessons Nate was always giving me.

  Kissing me goodbye, he promised to take me to dinner when he got done work. It seemed weird to consider be
ing in the Army as a “normal” job, but when he wasn’t deployed that’s exactly what it was like. He left early in the morning and came home before dinner. I was still amazed how quickly I’d settled into this life he’d chosen for us, which sounded ridiculous because I could have walked away at any time. There was a small part of me that thought about it for less than a second when he told me. Just the thought of leaving him hurt worse than my fear for him and the unknown. Nate was my other half, the one person I couldn’t live without. I loved him, and so I stayed.

  With great effort, I slipped my legs over the side of the bed and stretched my sore muscles. The clock on the nightstand showed that it was ten.

  Crap. Less than an hour to get to my interview.

  With no time for yoga, I decided that a hot shower would have to do to loosen up my body. I could only imagine what Nate would say if he found out how late I’d slept after only one day of moving. Shaking my head, I made my way to the bathroom, hearing his voice in my head saying, “See, you wouldn’t be so tired if you’d run with me in the morning.” Since high school, he’d been trying to convince me, without success, to get up early and join him on his morning runs. I hated losing his warmth when he left early, but the benefits—firmly sculpted abs, the hard defined muscles of his thighs, and strong arms that have held me at night, making me feel safe and loved—were a nice buffer.

  The adrenaline caused by stressing about my interview had me dressed and ready to go with time to spare, so I took a seat on the couch and I pulled out my phone to call Marissa. Once again, I was letting my nerves get the better of me. She’d called yesterday but I’d been too busy to answer and hadn’t had a chance to call her back. Somehow she always knew when I needed her. After a few rings she answered.

  “Hey, honey. You’ve been avoiding me.”

  This was exactly what I needed today. The familiarity and comfort of hearing Marissa’s voice helped me to relax. The way she answered the phone made me appreciate the fact that the years hadn’t changed her.

  “My first interview is today and I’m starting to freak out.”

  “Don’t. You’re going to be wonderful.”

  Marissa finished school years ago. Even though she’d not long ago achieved her master’s in business administration, she was able to look for jobs after completing her bachelor’s degree. Like both Nate and I, Marissa had tired of small town life and moved away from our hometown as soon as she graduated. The best part was that she both worked and lived about fifteen minutes from mine and Nate’s new apartment.

  “I guess. It’s just that on paper, this law firm is the perfect place for me and I don’t know what I’ll do if they don’t live up to it…or if they do but I don’t live up to their expectations.” I knew I was rambling. It was one of my nervous habits.

  “Danielle, you need to listen to me.”

  “I am listening to you.”

  “Are you sure? Because you have a habit of hearing but not actually listening. I’m sure Nate had this same conversation with you last night and you still didn’t listen. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be calling me all stressed out.”

  “All right, all right. I’m really listening this time.”

  “Good. Danielle, you’ve worked your ass off the last three years and there is no reason, and I mean no reason, they wouldn’t want to hire you. You need to go in there with your head held high and show them exactly how amazing you are.”

  That brought a smile to my face. Marissa always knew how to make me feel better. Nate did as well but like Marissa said, sometimes he forgot to make me stop and truly internalize what he was saying. It was one of my bigger flaws, but I was working on it.

  “Thanks, Marissa. That’s exactly what I needed to hear.”

  “I know. Since I’m so wonderful, how about you meet me for lunch after your interview.”

  “My appointment is at eleven, so how about I meet you at your office at noon?”

  “That sounds perfect, and then when you tell me you got the job, you can buy me lunch.”

  “Okay,” I said with a laugh. “I’ll meet you then, but I’ve got to go so I’m not late.”

  “Then get going.”

  Hanging up the phone, I took a deep breath and repeated Melissa’s words in the form of a pep talk before walking out the door.

  The ride to the law offices had been quick, which was a good thing because it had given me less time to panic. Especially since the partners were already waiting for me when I arrived. It had been the best interview of my life. Even as I’d heard myself speak I knew I sounded calm and self-assured, and they must have heard it too because they offered me the job on the spot, drawing up the necessary paperwork right away. That meant the interview ran late and when I realized lunch was out of the question I sent a quick text to Marissa, and she agreed to meet up another time since I already had dinner plans with Nate.

  From there things happened in a whirlwind, and before I knew it I was all set up to start the following week. It was a small setup, but I still got an office of my own—something I definitely wouldn’t have gotten with a larger firm. I felt like a kid in a candy store, and I couldn’t wait to see Nate. Even though he took his phone to work it was very rare that he was able to answer it, which left us with plenty to talk about at night.

  I sent him a text with the good news anyway and when I got home, I ditched the business suit, and pulled on a pair of jeans. Dressing up would be my least favorite part of the job, but it came with the territory and I was willing to do it if it meant I could help people.

  When I originally enrolled at law school, my friends and family had thought me crazy. They were concerned that I didn’t have it in me to attack someone during a cross-examination. Like most people they assumed a lot about lawyers based on the stereotypes, and while my job did require me to go to court, my specialty was in family law. Adoptions and custody hearings were how I wanted to spend my days, but if I had to deal with a divorce every once in a while…well, it was a part of the job.

  Since they retired last year, they’d spent a ton of time on the road. Their jobs had left them very little time for traveling—Mom had been a nurse and Dad a cop— and so they were trying to make up for it now.

  Last time I’d talked to them, they were on their way to Williamsburg. Dad always dreamed of seeing the colonial city. That was only last week, and they’d promised to come home next weekend so that they could see the new apartment.

  Mom answered on the second ring. “Hey, baby girl, how are you doing?”

  “Hi, Mom. I just called to tell you I got the job!”

  “That’s fantastic, honey! I’m so proud of you.”

  “Thanks, I’m so excited.”

  “Sean,” she called out. “Danielle got the job at the law firm.” I could hear my dad talking in the background, but it was hard to understand what he was saying. “You father says good job, and he knew you could do it.”

  “Tell him I said thanks for the vote of confidence.”

  “I will. Tell me about the job.”

  “Well, I get my own office. It’s small, but the plus side is that I don’t have to share it with anyone.”

  “Wow! Your own office. What about the cases? Are you strictly going to be family law?”

  “Yep. They said I may have to handle a divorce every once in a while if they get overwhelmed, but the bulk of the family cases will be handled by me and one of the partners.”

  “What about the pay?”

  “That’s the best part—it’s more than I expected.”

  “Oh, honey, I’m so happy everything is working out for you. How’s the apartment?”

  “Moving was exhausting, but the apartment is exactly what we were looking for and the fact that Nate is allowed to live off base with me makes it pretty perfect. The only thing that would make it better would be if we were officially taking the next step.”

  “I know, but give him time. When he’s ready, he’ll let you know.”

  “You’re right. He ju
st means so much to me. I can’t imagine my life without him.”

  “I’m sure he’s just waiting for the right moment. Nate loves you, honey, don’t ever doubt that.”

  “As much as I love him. You’re right I just need to be patient. Are you guys still coming next weekend?”

  “We’ll be there. It’ll be nice to stay home for a bit. I love traveling, but for a few weeks I just want to sleep in my own bed.”

  “Alright, Mom. I’m going get some more stuff done around the apartment. I’ll see you next weekend.”

  “Love you.”

  “Love you too, Mom.”

  After hanging up, I spent time organizing the kitchen. It was a great feeling to look around and know that this space was mine and Nate’s—something we shared together. With the volume on my iPod docking station up nice and loud it was easy to get into a rhythm, and I was surprised to hear my phone beep over the music. I put the bowls down and saw that it was Nate calling.

  “Hey, what’s up?”

  “Cleaning again?” he chuckled.

  “Yeah, hold on.” I moved over to the iPod and hit pause. “Sorry about that.”

  “I’m so proud of you. I knew you’d get the job.”

  “I’m so excited, and I start on Monday.”

  “You’re going to be amazing. Look, I have some bad news.” Whenever Nate said that, I got an empty feeling in the pit of my stomach. Part of his job meant we were always waiting for news that he was being deployed again.

  “Okay.”

  “Relax, Dani, I know what you’re thinking and I’m not shipping out. I just have to work late so we’ll have to celebrate another night.”

  “It’s okay. We can go out this weekend instead.”

  Yes, I was disappointed, but I didn’t want to let Nate know that because I knew he never stayed late unless he absolutely had to get something done. Besides, now that we were living together, I would still get to see him when he was done.

  “I’m sorry. I really wanted to celebrate with you.”

  “I know. Really, it’s okay. I’ll see you tonight when you get home.” I heard yelling in the background and I knew exactly whose voice that was.