by Claire Adams
It was late afternoon, and there were several other people at the playground with their children. I wanted us to get home before it was dark. I scanned the area. A man walking towards us caught my eye. It was a second before I realized who it was.
For the love of God. It just had to be him. How did I just know that he wasn't here to try to follow a story? He didn't live in L.A. so he would have had to work to find out where this park was and that I would be here. Second, he was a lone man without a child; coming to a children's playground would look suspicious, and that was putting it lightly. Didn't he have anything better to do on a Sunday afternoon? I don't know, like maybe catching a plane back to New York?
"Look who it is, Damien," I said softly to him. "World's number one dad." He was walking towards us. I tried not to pay attention. I went around the swing and squatted down so I faced Damien as I pushed him. He squealed laughing as the swing came towards me and I pretended to be scared of it.
"Shelby," I heard behind me. I rolled my eyes and rose slowly.
"Honestly, I had thought that moving across the country had been enough."
"What?"
"I'm running out of places to be safe from you, Jason," I said sharply. "How did you know where to find me? Are you stalking me?"
"Relax, Shel. If you're mad, then make yourself a little harder to find."
"God, you're impossible. Why the hell are you still in L.A.?"
"You know what? I kind of like it here. It's hot; there are palm trees everywhere... you live here. I think I might take my time," he said. I reached into the swing and pulled Damien up, holding him against my hip.
"Awesome. You have fun with that. L.A.'s a big city. How about you leave me alone while you're at it?"
"You're the only person I know here, Shel," he said, taking a step forward. I responded by taking one back. First of all, lie. This was a new city for him, sure, but I wasn't buying that for a second. Loneliness was not on Jason Bowman's list of problems.
"Unfortunately. How about using all the free time you apparently have to make new friends?" He took another step towards me, and I took another back, shielding Damien as a reflex. He noticed my movement, and I thought for a terrible second that he would try to make a grab for him.
"Can you tell me what the fuck it was I did to you to make you hate me so much?" he spat.
"Should we start with today or with the year we worked together?" I challenged. "People already love to be around you and fall at your feet. It shouldn't matter that I'm not one of them."
"I don't care about other people."
"Try to extend me the same courtesy. You have no right, not a single one, to still be bothering me, Jason." He shook his head.
"What happened between us—"
"What happened between us was in the past and clearly a mistake if you haven't been able to let go of it till now." His eyes narrowed.
"Whatever you need to tell yourself to help you sleep at night," he said bitterly. "I think the real question is what you have to hide after all this time."
"Oh, god. Shut up," I snapped, turning and depositing Damien in his stroller. I hadn't planned on leaving the park yet, but the only way we'd be able to get away from Jason was by getting out of there: the thing I had tried to do a year ago by leaving New York. It hadn't worked out that time, but it was worth a try now.
"I'm going to ask until you tell me."
"Is that what you're going to do? Is that the strategy you're using? Let me know how that works out for you." I made sure Damien was secure before I pushed the stroller and started walking away. I cast looks over my shoulder all the way to the car to make sure he wasn't coming after us. Was he above that, I wondered. There seemed to be little he wouldn't do so I was going to say no. Expect the worst when it came to Jason Bowman so he had a chance to impress.
What kind of psycho came after a woman and her kid in a public park? Who the hell had told him where to find me? He knew now, so it didn't matter how he had found out. That information would only be useful to him as long as he was still in L.A. and I kept using the park. I toyed with the thought as I started the car. Would I really let him run me out of this park because he wouldn't leave me alone? I had thought that he would leave me alone when I was no longer in New York and look where that had gotten us.
We got home. Damien was already dozing in his car seat, so I put him down for a nap when we got inside. I did the dishes and got my stuff ready for work the next day while he slept. Jason's sudden appearance at the park had thrown me off. What was next? Here? I wouldn't put it past him. I wouldn't put anything past him. The list of reasons why I didn't want him to know about Damien was growing. What the hell kind of example would he set? I didn't want Damien growing up thinking that being like Jason Bowman was okay. At the same time, how long could I hold out with the information?
He knew something, even if he didn't realize what it was. We both knew what he was doing: wearing me down. It was the journalist in him; when he had a lead, he followed it. When he eventually found out what he wanted to know, I couldn't imagine what would happen. Would he go back to New York? Would he want anything to do with Damien or would he never acknowledge him again? And what about me? How long before what happened at his hotel happened again? If he stuck around, it wasn't a matter of if, but when.
My feelings for him had complicated since I had left New York. The son we had together bonded us and as much as I said I didn't want him... it had happened twice already, and I'd be a liar if I said I didn't want it to happen again. There was something there when we were together, something neither of us could deny. It hadn't let either of us forget for the past year, and it had just gotten stronger since I had seen him again.
Rattled, I looked for my phone. I didn't know what Jason's next move was and it didn't matter anyway since mine was the only one I could control. I looked for Davis' number and called him. We weren't committed. He had never asked me for anything more than I had been willing to give and it had been a good, comfortable set up; until Jason had gotten back. He picked up on the third ring.
"Shel? Hey," he said.
"Hi, uh, is this a bad time?" I asked.
"Nope. What's up?" he asked. We had just seen each other yesterday. I had called Paula, my sitter, and we had gone out to dinner. He had asked me several times throughout the night whether I was okay. Even he could tell. I sighed, hoping this went well.
"I needed to talk to you," I said. He was quiet for a few seconds.
"I was hoping you wanted to meet up tonight. This isn't that kind of call, is it?"
"No... Davis," I sighed again. "You're one of the sweetest, most patient, understanding men I've ever met."
"If that's true, then what's the problem?"
"I don't feel comfortable continuing our relationship."
"I had a feeling something was up."
"You did?"
"I had been hoping that I was wrong but," he paused that time, "but I understand. Things have changed since Jason showed up." I closed my eyes, running a hand through my hair.
"Davis, I'm so sorry if I ever put you in a weird position."
"Don't apologize. I can tell there's something there. I understand if you want to explore it." Fuck, had I really been that obvious?
"Thanks, for understanding, I mean."
"Don't worry about it. Hey, can I ask you something?"
"What?"
"Is it him? Jason? Is he Damien's father?" he asked. I nodded like he was there to see me.
"He is."
"Is that why you never said anything?"
"It's complicated between us, but yeah, I guess. There was also the thing between you guys. I thought it might be weird if I talked about him when we were together."
"It's not that deep between him and me. I wish you had felt like you could have said something to me." Davis and I weren't together like that, I knew that, but why did it feel so awful breaking things off with him? It wasn't even a breakup; we would have had to actually be toge
ther to break up. What are you doing, Shelby? That's a good man you're kicking to the curb. Davis was the man who every parent hoped their daughter would bring home. Kind, handsome, patient, accomplished; and he could be all those things to someone else.
"Yeah. I should have said something. It wasn't you; it was just me and my... stuff."
"Good luck," he said affably. "I hope everything works out."
"Thanks. You too."
"See you tomorrow at work?" he said. I told him I'd see him and we hung up.
Damien would be up from his nap soon. After an hour or two with him, it would be bath time. I looked at the phone in my hand. If I hadn't done it now, it would have come later. Davis and I had been on and off anyway, but this time, I felt like we were going to stay off. He had been good about it, but we still had to work together. Had that been the right decision? I guess I'd find out.
"Is that everything?"
"Looks like it is. Unless you had something you wanted to change," I said. Davis stood.
"Nope. Looks good," he said, smiling at me. We left the meeting room, and he went to get ready for taping. I had been dreading seeing him at work today, but everything had been great. He hadn't brought up anything we had talked about yesterday: just been his usual professional self.
Even when we had been hooking up, we had had an understanding when it had come to work. He was great to work with, and I hadn't wanted things to be awkward between us. I should have given him more credit, of course; he was above all that. I stopped at my desk before going to the control room. The day went by smoothly after that, no awkwardness with Davis and no sign of Jason.
Heading down at the end of the day to get Damien, I felt better than I had in the days since Jason had shown up, more peaceful. I had liked Davis, but maybe I was better off on my own, concentrating on Damien. And myself too, I guess. Damien wouldn't always need all my attention. While he did, I was more than happy to give it to him. I melted whenever he smiled his little gummy smile at me. I cuddled him, taking him from Karla at the daycare.
"What do you want to do tonight, bub?" I asked him as I cut the engine off, parking when we got home. He was babbling to himself in the backseat. I got out and went around the car to get him. We had a routine. We'd play, and I'd read to him before bath time. Maybe it was just that the day in general had gone so well but I felt like Damien had been extra good today, not a grump like he could be sometimes.
I climbed the steps to the porch and noticed something on the ground. I held Damien steady and picked it off the ground. Flowers: a bouquet of red roses.
“Someone left us a package, bub; look at that,” I said, trying to search the flowers for a note or something. I put them down and unlocked the front door, deposited Damien inside then went back out to get them. There was a note; all it said was four words. For you, from Jason.
Chapter Fifteen
Jason
"Did you hear me, Jason?"
"What?" I asked, absentmindedly. My phone was on the bed; I had Victoria on speaker, and the connection wasn't that great for some reason. I was getting changed to head out but had decided to get the phone call out of the way before I did. Might as well; I had been putting it off since the weekend.
"I said, it's almost been a week. Christmas is in two days. We need you back for the holiday broadcasts." Had it been that long already? I hadn't noticed. I didn't really care how long it had been anyway: one week or one month. I had come to L.A. for a reason, and it hadn't been to shoot striking port workers.
"I don't know, Victoria," I said. "I don't think I'm going to make it back before Christmas."
"What do you mean you don't think you're going to make it back? What are you still working on?" If she wanted to know, I was trying to get her former employee, Shelby Aster, back. She had nothing to do with this. Nobody but Shelby and I had anything to do with this and everything but getting her back had more or less faded into irrelevance.
"Nothing. Not at the moment at least. I called to tell you that I'm going to be taking a leave of absence." There was silence down the line for a few moments. "Victoria?"
"Jason... is something wrong?" she asked.
"What? No, why do you ask?"
"Because you just asked me for a leave of absence. A week ago, you asked me out of the blue to fly out to Los Angeles. Did something happen?" I wanted to tell her, yeah, something had happened. Something big enough that I didn't care that I was missing work or that I was going to continue doing so. Something so big, my life as I knew it was probably going to change completely, but she wasn't someone who needed to know that.
Vic had the reputation of being kind of icy, but ultimately a fair boss. I didn't think she liked me that much and probably liked me even less after Shelby had quit but we had an understanding. She was professional before she was anything else. She was asking me what was wrong out of genuine concern, sure, but she did have a station to run and losing her head anchor for an extended period of time was going to throw things off for her.
"Nothing happened, Victoria," I said. She probably thought I wanted the time off to deal with a death in the family or something like that. Depending on whether or not Shelby was being truthful with me, it could have been a family emergency of a sort, but she didn't need to know all that. "It's a... a personal matter."
"What? Are you sick or something?" she probed.
"There's something going on that I have to take care of. It came up unexpectedly and that's why the timing's so bad. I'm sorry I couldn't give you more notice. It's not something I have control over."
"How long would you want to take off?" she asked.
"I can't give you a specific time frame."
"You know the rules, Jason," she warned. Yep, I knew them just fine. I knew what I was asking her for; she didn't need to spell it out for me. Any more than six weeks and there was no guarantee that I would be able to go back and I would take the time off without pay. I understood that. The request was sudden for her, but I had been thinking about making it for days now.
Work had been my biggest priority for years. Advancing my career had been the only thing I cared about, sometimes even when I should have let it come second or third to things like personal relationships and family. I had taken those losses because my work had been more important. It fed me in ways nothing else did. It was me, my identity. I could have seen this day coming as much as she could have.
Over the past few days, any doubts I had had about Shelby had all but faded. The thing with her kid was still kind of murky, and there was the other thing with her and Davis, but leaving without getting through to her was unthinkable to me. I wanted her, so much I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't even know how I was going to do it, just that I wanted to and that I had to before I could do anything else.
"I understand," I told her. "I wouldn't ask for the time off unless I needed it."
"You're entitled to it, absolutely, but the rules apply to everyone, even you." I told her again that I got it, that I was sorry I couldn't be back and that I could tell her whether anything changed. I was sorry, I knew the holidays were an important time, and I did understand that if I stayed out too long, she'd have no choice but to replace me. I needed to figure this thing with Shelby out. I wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else till I did.
We hung up, and I picked my phone up off the bed, using it to get a taxi. Davis wasn't the only one of my old classmates who had ended up in L.A. There had probably been a good number of them, but I had lost track of most. Lake had started as a communications major, then switched to journalism, then had ended up getting his degree in English when we had been in college. He had gotten himself to L.A. and had had some success producing for film and television.
Between his schedule and mine, we didn't get that much time to talk, but when we got together, it was like no time had passed at all. I guess I should have had more in common with Davis since we literally had the same job, but Lake and I had roomed together while I lived in the dor
ms at Cornell. You got to know a person well, maybe too well when you had to share space with them. He had witnessed the fallout of my worst breakups and best mushroom trips.
I was heading to a restaurant where he had invited me to meet him. A spot in Hollywood, of course, his neck of the woods. Fucking hotshot. I was happy for him. He seemed to be enjoying it from what he had told me when we would talk. I wanted to see him in his element.
He was sitting out on the restaurant terrace when I finally got there. It was a pretty upscale Japanese fusion place. He was in a crisp white shirt and slacks with Ray Bans over his eyes, tapping through his phone. There was already food on the table.
“You ordered without me?” I said. He looked up.
"It's about time," he said, grinning. I shook his hand, clapping him on the shoulder.
"You know L.A. traffic," I said jokingly.
"I sure do. What brings you here?" he asked. We talked for a little while, catching up. He told me about his work, some independent movie he wanted to produce, what he had been up to since we had talked last. He had had salt and pepper hair since I had met him in college, but he had used to dye it back then. It didn't age him too much since he took care of himself. He was just under six feet but he was fit, and when you had enough money, almost any shortcoming could be forgiven.
"You never told me how long this trip of yours was going to last," he said as we got the rest of our order.
"If I knew, I'd tell you." He raised an eyebrow.
"Are you moving or something?"
"No. It's complicated is all."
"What is? I thought you came here for work."
"I did, I mean, I had to so I could justify the trip to my boss. I asked her for a leave of absence today."
"Yeah? What's up?" he asked.
"Do you remember me ever telling you about a woman I used to work with? Shelby Aster?" I asked.