Breathe

by Amber Lacie

I can’t hide the smile he has put on my face, as I watch him walk down the stairs ahead of me. I love this man. When I reach the bottom stair, he lifts me in his arms and carries me to the truck. I nuzzle my head against his chest, breathing in his intoxicating scent. Holden places me in my seat and kisses my forehead, before buckling my seatbelt for me. I didn’t need him to help me, but I let him do it just so I can feel my heart flutter when he is close to me.

  Worried. Nervous. Scared. I wipe my hands on my dress. I have no idea what word would describe the way I feel right now, but those three come close. The parking lot at the studio is vacant, minus Janel’s car and my truck. It is just before six o’clock. Holden helps me down from the truck and I follow him inside on my tiptoes.

  “Babe, I could really use my shoes now.”

  “I’ll help you with them in the back.”

  “Um, okay.” There are chairs set up throughout the gallery with mini tables of flowers and bidding forms on them. Why can’t he just help me here? I follow Holden into his office. The broken pieces of the mug have already been swept up. How is that possible?

  He is searching through his desk drawers, opening and slamming each one. “Janel must have grabbed it already.”

  “Grabbed what, exactly?” He is hiding something. I knew it. My “ah-ha moment” goes unnoticed by him.

  “Nothing, I just thought I left something in here for the opening. I guess not. It’s fine. I’ll ask her later.” His eyes look everywhere, but at me. I swallow, pushing down my nerves once again. He wouldn’t hurt me. He loves me.

  Sitting down in his leather chair, I set my shoes on his desk. The realization of how short my dress is, is greatly magnified by my inability to put my shoes on without showing off more of my legs. I can feel Holden watching me, as I slip my foot into the heel, securing the strap around my ankle. Our eyes lock as he moves around the desk.

  “Baby, let me help you.” He gently grasps my ankle and buckles the strap of my other heel. His hands rub up my bare leg, almost reaching the center of my thighs. His fingers still against my hot skin, causing me to stir in my seat. I am going to combust by the end of the night if he keeps this up. Kissing the inside of my ankle he sets my foot down. “All done.”

  Desire is pooling inside of me. If his hands would have gone up my legs a little further he would have felt how much my body needs him. I clench my thighs together as he stands. He chuckles, as he pulls me up from the chair. “Torturing me isn’t very fair.”

  “Carsten, it is you who is torturing me. Let’s get this over with. I want to spend the night with you.”

  “You always spend the night with me.”

  “True, but this night will be better than the others.” A devilish grin is accompanied by a wink. I know that look and I am up for whatever he has planned.

  *****

  Everything runs smoothly, following Janel’s schedule for the night. We have eight official offers, along with six potential buyers by the end of the night. The one that catches my eye is one of the lead professors at the New York Academy of Art. He followed me around for most of the night, asking me a barrage of questions. His concern was mostly where I studied art and how I had become a business partner of a leading gallery at the age of twenty-one. We were a gallery, but a leading one? It didn’t seem possible to me, and yet he insisted how amazing our collection was.

  Janel locked the door behind the very last guest. She leaned with her back against the large glass door with the biggest grin on her face. “So, I’m going to go. I will run the numbers in the morning. I just…I just really love you two.” She squeezes me in an awkward hug and pats Holden on the back, before heading into the back.

  Holden grabs my hands in his. He doesn’t speak one word until we hear the clank of the back-entry door closing behind her. “Good. I think she’s gone. Can I show you something?”

  Swallowing, I nod my head. My nerves cannot take much more of this. I follow Holden into the main gallery. He stops next to one of my paintings where a purple tulip is lying next to a very small black box on one of the white chairs. Thump. Thump. My heartbeat is erratic. I think it might explode. Holden softly kisses my forehead, before dropping to one knee. Oh, my God. Giving me one of his killer smiles, he rubs his thumb across my knuckles.

  “Carsten, you know I love you. I have told you every day since the day we met. You were the prettiest girl I had ever seen. I was telling a joke and when I got to the punch line no one laughed. Then you walked over and laughed so hard. Your head leaned back and golden curls bounced around your face. I instantly fell head over heels in love with you. I wanted to make your dreams come true from that very moment. You’re my best friend and I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. Will you marry me?” He looks so worried, as if I would say no. He runs one hand through his hair, causing it to fall around his eyes.

  Tears fall from my eyes, as I look down at the love of my life, the man I was meant to be with. “Of course, I will. I could never tell you no. I love you.”

  Holden’s face lights up as he jumps to his feet, grabs my waist, and spins us around until we are dizzy. My hands are linked tightly around his neck and I laugh. It is not just any laugh. This one belongs to him. It is honest and heartfelt. I feel lighter than air in his arms. His mouth meets mine, as he holds me up above him. My body slides down his front, as he lowers me to the ground. My feet meet his and that is where they stop. Putting one arm around my waist, he begins to sing a Bon Jovi song. He sways us back and forth to the imaginary music accompanying his words. His voice is awful. It is incredibly off key. It’s perfect, and I love it.

  Eventually, he slows our movements. Grabbing the small black box off of the chair, he opens it, exposing a small, gold band with a single solitary diamond in the center. Holden slides it onto my finger, then he kisses it, sealing it into place.

  “I love you so much.”

  “I know, Holden. I love you too, so very much.”

  “Forever?”

  “Forever and always, until the last star burns out.”

  This man owns me. He owns every piece of my heart and I can’t wait to get him home to show him how much.

  “Baby, can we go home now? We can come back for your truck tomorrow. I just really want to be with you.”

  “Okay.” As if I could tell him no. I link my arms in his and follow him once again back to his truck.

  *****

  I yell at him twice to slow down. He has barely stopped at any of the stop signs. We make it back to our apartment in record time. His excitement is contagious. I am laughing and jumping into his arms, as he opens my door. Holden refuses to put me down until we reach the stairs. I had to convince him how badly we would be injured if we fell.

  He barely gets the key in the door, before we are pulling at each other like sex-depraved lunatics. We trip over everything, as we make our way to the bedroom, shedding clothes as we go. Holden tosses me onto the bed. I laugh, as I bounce up in the air when he bounds onto the bed. Crawling over to me, he places a kiss on my forehead. Then he kisses my lips, before moving slowly along my jaw to my neck. My flesh is burning from his touch.

  “I love you so fucking much.”

  “Holden.”

  “Carsten.”

  “Make love to me.”

  “I always do, baby. I’ll never do anything, but love you.” His lips crash into mine. I lose myself, as his hands work their way across my body. He slips one finger into my hot, wet pussy. My back arches under his touch, while soft moans fall from my lips. My eyes meet his. He pulls his hand from my body and sucks his finger into his mouth. Holy Shit. Giving me a smile, he crawls back up my stomach, kissing every inch of me as he goes.

  I can feel his hard cock right where I need it. I tilt my hips up and he thrusts into me, filling me completely. His mouth lands on the side of my neck, with his teeth nipping at me between kisses. The familiar pull begins. I bite my lip, trying to hold back, but I can’t. I let go and I find myself lost amongst the stars.
>
  “Carsten.” My name falls from his lips as a prayer, as he lowers his head against mine. I watch his dark chocolate eyes swirl, as he lets go, completely coming undone inside of me and crashing down on me. My fingers run up and down his damp back. He nuzzles his head against my breast and I fall asleep holding the man of my dreams in my arms. I am so in love with him. I don’t want this to ever end.

  Chapter 18

  I woke up the next morning and immediately called Rebecca with the news of our engagement. The sound of her scream piercing my ear over the phone, told me how happy she was for me. Holden called his parents and his mom cried. His dad’s response of, “I’m surprised you waited this long,” made me laugh. According to him, Holden had it bad and it was all my fault. He also said I was worth wanting and then I cried.

  I tried to call my dad twice, but he never answered. Holden said we could visit his parents and take a drive over to my dad’s, but I didn’t want to tarnish our beautiful moment with drunken slurs. I could tell Holden was disappointed in my response, but I needed to forgive my dad on my own time and Holden understood. He never pushed the issue.

  Carol was so excited, she started sending me every bridal magazine she could get her hands on. Initially, we didn’t have a date picked out, but Carol was relentless. Holden and I decided on a May wedding, but we would wait a year. Carol, of course, was elated. She immediately called everyone she knew. Two weeks later, when I was opening the mail, I found a card with our engagement announcement inside. It had been clipped from one of the local newspapers. Holden was upset that his mom did it without asking, but I couldn’t have cared less. I was going to marry my best friend and nothing could bring me down from the high I was on.

  The professor from the New York Academy of Art was right. Our gallery took off. Buyers were putting in bids on my paintings and purchasing Holden’s photographs faster than we could supply them. Janel started pushing the other artists we were displaying for consignments to buyers. They ate it up. Janel was made for business. She had a mental picture of how things should be run and she ran with it. Neither one of us stopped her. We supplied the art and she sold it. It was a foolproof business plan.

  Seasons came and went, as we planned our wedding. Rebecca oversaw the bridesmaid dresses and bachelorette party. I am not sure what she was planning, but Holden kept turning her down whenever she asked him for approval. By October, she had everything fine-tuned and Holden reluctantly agreed to whatever she was planning.

  Fall faded into winter and I had finally found my dress. I didn’t want to buy it until I could show Carol. Since I no longer had my mom, I needed someone to share these moments with. She indulged my every whim. I was planning on asking her during Christmas dinner.

  I can hear Holden throwing expletives around outside. I am laughing, as I watch him from the window. Frost covers the windshield of Holden’s truck. He is trying all sorts of tricks to get his window scraped clean. Neither of us thought about grabbing a window scraper. I can officially say our oversight has now backfired on us. Some things in life you shouldn’t put off. Buying a window scraper before winter would be one of those things. Eventually, he gives up and comes back inside. Leaning against the door, he rubs his hands, trying to warm them up.

  I peer at him over my mug of hot coffee. “I told you, you should have worn gloves.”

  “I’m fine. It’s just colder than I thought.”

  “Normally, when things are frozen outside it means that it’s freezing out. I think that’s why they call it that.”

  Holden takes a step towards me with a menacing grin, “Carsten. Come here.”

  I set my coffee down and take a few steps back. “No way. You stay over there.”

  “If you don’t come to me, then I guess I’ll have to come to you.”

  “Holden.” I squeal, as he takes another step towards me. Running into the living room, I use the couch to separate us. He takes another step. I quickly look around, trying to figure out my next move. “No. Holden. Don’t do it.” He raises his eyebrow, taking my plea as a challenge. We circle around the couch, neither one of us close enough to reach the other person. My back is facing the bedroom and I take off in a sprint towards it. A high-pitched laugh escapes my lungs, as I hear him run up behind me. I barely make it into the room, before he sweeps me off of my feet and tosses me onto the bed.

  “I believe you were telling me I told you so in the kitchen, were you not?”

  I shake my head back and forth, clamping my mouth shut, as I try not to laugh.

  “Oh, but you did. Do you want to know how cold it is?” Holden straddles my waist, pulling my sweater up just enough to expose my bare stomach. He hovers his hands just above my stomach.

  “No…you wouldn’t dare.” I wiggle underneath him and try to push him off, but he is relentless in his mission. His ice-cold hands slide across my stomach and underneath my bra. I half scream, half laugh as I try to stop his hands with mine. “Your hands are so cold.”

  “Not anymore. Now they are nice and warm.” Leaning down, he presses a kiss to my forehead. “I would love to stay here and show you how hot you make me, but we have to go. If there’s ice on the truck, then there’s ice on the roads.”

  “But we are already here. Couldn’t we be just a little late? I’ll take the blame.”

  “No, baby. Come on. They want to see you, too.”

  Sighing, I give in. I love spending the holidays with his family. I still haven’t spoken to my dad since last year when Holden and I stopped at the house to pick up my clothes. Holden’s dad has been keeping an eye on him for me. He says my dad is attending meetings now. I think about him a lot. I miss him, but I don’t know what to say to him. It feels like too much time has gone by. Holden keeps telling me to call him and the words will work themselves out. He is sweet, but I am not sure how well it would work.

  Holden grabs the presents we have wrapped under our makeshift Christmas tree. Charlie Brown would be proud of our small pine sapling. There are more pine tree needles on the floor than there are on the tree. Holden laughed when I picked this tree out, but I loved it. All it needed was a little love. Now, it seems it needed love well before I found it. It won’t last but a few more days.

  “Time to go, baby.” Holden holds out my brown leather jacket. It is really his, but I have taken full ownership of it now. Sliding my arms into my jacket, I shut the door behind me and follow him down the stairs. Careful not to trip on the icy sidewalk, I slowly walk over to his truck. It is already warm inside and the last of the ice is melting off.

  “Are you ready? My mom is excited. I can’t guarantee you that she doesn’t have any games planned for all of us.”

  “I love your mom. I don’t see the big deal if she wants to play a game with us.”

  “I want you to remember that when you’re ready for bed tonight, but it’s your turn to roll the dice.” Pulling out of the parking lot, we turn down our first of many icy streets.

  *****

  It takes longer than normal to reach his parents’ house, but at least we get there safely. Green garland with bright white lights are wrapped around the banisters on their front porch. A deep green wreath with candy canes on it hangs from the door. The door flies open before either of us can knock. His mom has on a Santa apron and there is a smudge of flour on her cheek. She is the epitome of a Hallmark greeting card. She is extremely cheerful and always knows what to say.

  “Walt, our kids are home.” Carol yells over her shoulder into the house, as she ushers us inside. “Did you hear me? Come and say ‘hi’.”

  “Yes, I heard you. You act like they live so far away. We just saw them last week.” Walt yells back from the chair he is anchored in. Swirling a small glass tumbler in his hand, he takes a drink of the amber liquid, while giving us a nod of his head and goes right back to reading the newspaper.

  “Don’t mind him. He’s in a scrooge mood.”

  “No, I’m not. You won’t stop fussing with crap. Walt, what do you think? Wal
t, do this. Walt, do that. Walt, the tree isn’t straight. Walt, did you plug in the lights?” Flicking the newspaper in his hand, he continues to mumble about being a test dummy.

  Laughing at their banter, I walk over and give Walter a small kiss on his cheek. “You’re a fantastic test dummy.”

  “You hear that Carol? I’m appreciated.”

  “Sure, you go on ahead and believe that, dear. I’m going to check the turkey, while the children inflate your ego with lies.”

  Holden takes my coat and hangs it with his in the closet. It is a mundane task, however, I can’t peel my eyes from him. I can feel my cheeks warm, as I watch him walk over to the couch and prop his feet up on the table. He turns on the television. His dad sets down his paper, as they begin to watch whatever football game is on. I don’t know who is playing or the score, but I know Walter and Holden are rooting against each other. The little side jabs they take at each other are amusing.

  I feel so at peace with everything in my life right now. There is no stress from other people bringing me down. There are no worries over how I am going to face tomorrow. Everything is perfect and it is all because of the floppy brown haired boy across the room.

  “If you stare at him too long, you’ll see his flaws.”

  I turn to see Carol in the doorway of the kitchen. Giving her my best smile, I wrap my arms around her. “Thank you so much for all of this. I just…this…I love it.”

  “This is nothing. He loves you and so do we. Now, come help me set the table before I start crying and end up burning something.”

  I follow her into the kitchen. She hands me clear glass plates with little leaves of holly etched into the center. I set the table as asked, and call the boys into eat when everything is ready. I am not one for religion, but Carol is. When we are asked to bow our heads and pray I fold my hands neatly in front of me. Walter says a blessing over our meal and everyone sitting at the table. Holden’s hand softly slides onto my knee when his dad mentions my name. I give his hand a squeeze and our eyes meet for just a brief second.